


The Curse of Being Alone

by professorriversong



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 121,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professorriversong/pseuds/professorriversong
Summary: Post season 3 finale. Regina has lost everyone and everything she holds dear, and walking away from the diner the world seems so much darker than it did before. She can't take it any more. Henry can see his mother falling apart, but Regina pushes him away. Can she pull herself back before it's too late, or has this pushed her over the edge? Slow burn Outlaw Queen - Now complete!





	1. Chapter 1

Regina turned away from Emma, unable to stand the sight of her any longer. She knew that she had to leave, find somewhere away from the judging, pitying eyes where she could release the well of emotion currently tightening its grasp around her neck; yet she didn’t go straight away. She lingered for a moment, her gaze captured by the sight before her. 

Robin had his arms around his wife and son, a look of pure joy on his face the likes of which she knew her own embrace had never been able to provide. Roland, normally such a quiet little boy, was giggling as Marian whispered in his ear. He clung to his mother’s dress, as though he feared she would leave him again if he let her go. It had taken a mere moment for her to be forgotten, discarded as if she had just been a distraction from what he had lost. Now…now Robin had it all back. She wasn’t needed anymore.

And it hurt. It hurt so badly that she wanted to cry out, scream until the dull ache in her chest subsided and her broken heart reformed; but it wasn’t that simple. Regina tore herself away, feeling her eyes burning with tears at the knowledge that he wouldn’t try to stop her. She heard vague sounds of someone calling to her, but everything around her seemed muffled as if her head had been pushed into a bucket of ice cold water. 

She could still feel the tingling on her lips, the ghost of a kiss they had shared moments before turning what had been a happy moment as bitter as her poisoned apples. As the door slammed shut behind her, the bell adorning it twinkling as if to mock her, she felt her eyes finally betray her as droplets caressed her cheek. Regina heard her mother’s words in her ear once more – love is weakness Regina.  
‘You were right mother,’ she whispered, her lower lip trembling despite her best efforts to stop it. She had opened her heart, finally taking down the walls that had prevented her from feeling what she had dared to hope could be love, and with a single embrace he had broken it. And Regina knew, without doubt, that she simply wasn’t strong enough to survive that pain again.

Xxx

Emma watched Regina as she took one final look at the reunited family before almost running from the diner.  
‘Regina-‘ she tried, but her words didn’t even register with the brunette before she disappeared from sight. 

Emma didn’t know what to say. She had only done what she had thought to be best, to save a life; she had never meant for any of this to happen. But looking at how the young boy gazed up at the mother he thought he had lost, Emma couldn’t say that she had done the wrong thing in bringing her back. 

‘What’s going on?’ asked Henry, approaching Emma for answers as he tried to make sense of the scene unfolding around him.  
‘It’s complicated kid,’ Emma sighed, shaking her head.  
‘Why is my Mom so upset?’ he insisted. Emma almost felt a flicker of jealousy rise at his protective tone.  
‘I brought someone back from the past,’ she explained, nodding towards Robin and Marian, ‘and I…I didn’t know who she was.’

Henry looked at Robin, the realisation setting in, and he felt his heart sink for his mother. The change in her these past few weeks had been clear to see; the added brightness in her smile, the way she would brush her hair behind her ear whenever Robin looked at her – she had finally seemed to find some happiness. After everything she had been through and how hard she had tried to change, Henry knew that she deserved it. And he knew how much it would hurt her to have it taken away so mercilessly. 

‘I need to talk to her,’ he said at once.  
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, kid. She seems pretty mad.’  
‘She needs me,’ Henry pushed, frustrated that they didn’t understand, ‘she…she hasn’t got anyone else.’  
Emma felt her heart melting a little at his sincerity, and she hated to admit it but it was true. No matter how venomous her threats had been, Regina hadn’t been able to hide the look of pure despair in her eyes; she was in pain, and she needed help.  
‘Okay, fine,’ she relented, ‘but try and get her to come back here. I think we need to attempt to discuss this like adults before it gets out of hand.’  
Henry smiled before running past her, hoping that he wasn’t already too late.

Xxx

Her legs seemed to carry her without her mind having to process the thought, as all she could think about was the glistening of happiness in Robin’s eyes at the sight of his true love. Regina wanted to hate him, to curse him with the dark magic she had done her best to bottle away within herself, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Just seeing Marian again had made him happier than she had ever been able to and although that killed her, deep down she had always known that finding love was too good to be true. It was her own fault. No matter what she did or how hard she tried for redemption she would always be the Evil Queen, and villains didn’t get happy endings.

Regina turned out of Granny’s, but only made it a few metres before she felt her legs wobble. She grabbed onto the green fence, stumbling to a stop as a wave of dizziness came over her. Reaching a hand to her aching forehead, she cursed the tears that continued to mark her cheeks with the evidence of her brokenness and tried to stop the Earth from spinning quite so fast. This was what she had become, a shadow of her former self left clinging to a flimsy stronghold to keep herself from falling. Despite the light from the diner and the streetlamps surrounding her, the world had never seemed so dark.

‘Mom?’  
Her aching heart quickened at the sound of her son’s voice and she forced herself to straighten, fiercely wiping her sodden cheeks. He was by her side in an instant, his expression a picture of concern.  
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, gently putting a hand on the arm that was still gripping the fence dependently.  
‘I’m fine Henry,’ she lied, less than convincingly, before trying to attempt a smile which she knew would never fool her intelligent son.  
‘No, you’re not,’ he said gently. ‘Emma didn’t mean to, I mean…she didn’t know…’  
‘It’s cold out here, you should go back inside,’ Regina cut him off, stroking his hair with her free hand and wishing that it made her feel better.  
‘Come with me,’ he begged.  
‘I can’t.’  
‘It’s okay to be sad, and scared, and I know that you won’t admit it but you are not fine Mom. If you just talk to him, you’ll see he still loves you.’

The words were like a dagger to her heart. Love. A word that had so far evaded both of their lips, and now would always go unsaid. It had only been a few weeks since their first kiss in the forest, but it was long enough for her to know that she had fallen head over heels in love with the man. It was long enough for her to get too involved, for this to hurt that much more. Regina shook her head.  
‘He doesn’t love me, Henry. We hardly knew each other really, and now his w-wife has come back.’ Regina swallowed thickly, trying to keep her voice from breaking.  
‘It’s unfortunate, and yes it…it hurts…but maybe it is for the best.’  
‘You don’t mean that,’ said Henry disbelievingly.  
‘Roland has his mother back,’ she reminded him, feeling a little stab of pain in her chest at the mention of the child’s name. It hadn’t taken her long to become attached to the boy, and she had never learned her lesson on getting too close to what wasn’t hers.  
‘They are a family, Henry, they should be together.’

‘But you deserve happiness too,’ he insisted. ‘Please, Mom, come back inside with me.’  
‘I can’t Henry, I…I can’t face him,’ she answered honestly.  
‘I don’t think you should be alone right now.’  
Regina smiled sadly, her eyes glistening with such despondency that it brought a lump to Henry’s throat. She placed a light kiss on his forehead, and he surprised her by wrapping his arms around her middle like he had done when he was younger and hugging her tightly. Resting her chin on his head, another tear slipped down her cheek and Henry hardly heard her whisper;  
‘I am always alone.’

‘Mom-‘ he started.  
‘I’ll be fine, Henry, I just need some time to try and deal with all of this. You go back and I’ll see you very soon, okay?’  
‘Okay, but-‘  
‘Just give me some time,’ she repeated slowly. ‘I love you Henry.’  
He didn’t have time to reply before she disappeared in a whirl of purple smoke.  
‘I love you too,’ he muttered to the air, hanging his head. 

He walked back into the diner, his eyes going first to Robin who was sat in a booth watching Marian playing with Roland who was sat on her lap. Henry scowled; did he have any idea how much he had hurt his mother? Did he even care what he had done? He had never seen her so pale, so broken. She was hardly able to keep it together even for him, and thinking of her alone in the house without anyone to even try to be strong for worried Henry. He knew that she wasn’t as strong as she liked everyone to believe.

‘I’m guessing it didn’t go quite as planned?’ Emma asked, as Henry sat on a stool beside her at the counter. He shook his head.  
‘She said she needed some space.’  
‘Maybe that’s for the best,’ she offered.  
‘I’ve never seen her like that before,’ Henry said quietly. ‘She was crying, barely able to stand up; she looked as if she’d given up. I’m worried about her. I didn’t want to leave her but she used her magic to get home.’  
Emma felt guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders. This was all her fault, and even if her intentions had been good she knew that she should have found out who exactly she was bringing back when she saved the woman’s life. It might not have changed the end result, but it could have allowed her to at least try and find a way to make this less painful than it had proven to be for all involved.

Before she could try to reassure Henry, Robin came over looking somewhat overwhelmed.  
‘Do you know where Regina is?’  
‘Gone,’ Henry answered sourly, in a tone that surprised both his mother and himself.  
‘Is she alright?’  
‘What do you think?’ he spat.  
‘Henry!’ Emma warned him. ’She…she hasn’t taken the current situation all too well.’  
‘I’m such a fool,’ Robin shook his head, running a hand through his hair. ‘When I saw Marian I…I didn’t think about it. It was all such a shock that I forgot that she was there; oh God what must she think of me. Is she angry?’  
‘I don’t think so, not with you anyway,’ she explained. ‘I think she’s just upset.’

Robin closed his eyes for a moment, cursing his thoughtlessness. He knew that he should have handled everything better, and now he had hurt Regina. It had just been so unexpected, and he hadn’t known quite how to handle something so impossible. He would rather she hated him; thinking of her crying because of how he had acted caused his heart to sink heavily in his chest.

‘I should go and talk to her,’ he started, but Emma caught his arm to prevent him from leaving.  
‘If she won’t see Henry, she won’t see you,’ she said simply. ‘You need to figure out what you’re going to do before you see her, otherwise you’re just going to end up hurting her more.’  
‘Yes…yes you’re probably right,’ sighed Robin, looking back over at his family and feeling the strain of being pulled in two directions as if he were the object of a tug of war. 

Xxx

Her head pounded as she tried to open her eyes, every beat of her heart echoing harshly with a pulsing headache. For a moment Regina couldn’t tell if her eyes were open, as her surroundings were as dark as the blackness that had enveloped her after she had teleported from Granny’s. Blurred outlines began to become clearer as she strained to see, and she felt the cold wood of her own laminate flooring beneath her cheek. 

Drawing what strength she could muster, Regina pushed herself up from the ground and rested her weight on her elbows. Her head felt so heavy, but she forced herself to lift it and look around. She didn’t know how long she had been there, and she supposed it didn’t matter. The memories of everything that had happened seemed to hit her squarely in the chest, destroying that brief but beautiful moment just after waking when she hadn’t remembered; she felt fresh tears forming in her eyes. But now wasn’t the time to fall apart. She had to concentrate on getting up, which she guessed would be a formidable task in itself. 

As Regina grasped at the wall to try and pull herself into a standing position, she tried to work out what had happened. Her magic had turned on her, still transporting her to where she wished to go but almost punishing her for the effort. It wasn’t something that she was familiar with, but she could guess its root cause. 

On her feet she was unsteady, still needing to hold onto the wall to prevent her body from reacquainting with the floor, but after a moment to recover herself she started to move towards the kitchen. Regina flicked on the light, and even though she knew what she was going to see it still felt as if her heart was being crushed to powder in her chest all over again. 

Tears escaped, flooding the barriers that had been holding them back, and she let them fall. She was alone now, alone and standing, so she could crumble. It didn’t take much.

They had planned to spend the night, with Regina even making a room up for Roland to sleep in. They wanted to do it properly, wake up and have breakfast together like a normal couple. Normal. She almost smiled at the irony. Normality was a reward for those who led quiet lives, not for evil fairy-tale queens. I should have known better, she cursed herself I am not worthy of normal.

On the counter before her were the remnants of the picnic they had shared, two empty glasses standing side by side as if they were meant to be together. Regina let a choked sob escape from her lips as she leaned back against the wall. She waved her hand to try and clear the mess, not able to stand the sight any longer, but felt the magic reverberate back up her arm and it caused her to cry out in pain.

Fighting to stay conscious, Regina slid slowly down to the floor. She knew now that she couldn’t use her magic, not if she wanted to stay awake for the next eight months. Placing a hand gently over her abdomen, she closed her eyes; she sighed with relief as she felt the little pulse of energy within her. Another sob escaped her lips. She couldn’t even think about what that meant for her future, she didn’t have the strength to think ahead.

All she knew was that she was weak, she was alone, and she was pregnant with the child of a man who didn’t love her. How far the queen had fallen.


	2. Chapter 2

Regina had planned to tell him that evening, after the party. She had tried - started that simple sentence so many times and left it hanging, never quite managing to find that crucial second word. Pregnant. 

It hadn’t taken her long to figure it out. It wasn’t even a baby yet, just a bundle of cells perhaps 2 millimetres long; but she could feel it. She had been able to for a few days now. When she closed her eyes she could sense it, a tiny source of energy foreign to her own resting deep within her. The child would have magic, Regina knew that already. If it was strong enough to be felt after just a few weeks, to interfere with the workings of her own powerful magic, then she was sure it would only grow stronger.

An image flashed through her mind, a tiny baby girl in a crib with a mop of dark hair reaching up towards the animals on her mobile far out of her reach and giggling gleefully as they spun at her command. 

No, Regina scolded herself, she couldn’t think about that now. She couldn’t think of a baby before she had even got to grips with being pregnant, no matter how dangerously enticing the thought. There were more important things that still needed to do.

Xxx

Four days previously

Regina stepped out of the shower and wobbled slightly, gripping the wall to steady herself; she could feel it again. She wasn’t even sure what it was but it was the oddest sensation, a feeling of lightness and warmth within her that was often followed with a prickling of magic at her fingertips. At first she had dismissed it offhand, an aftershock of the powerful magic she had used to fight Zelena perhaps, but now it was happening every few hours and she couldn’t ignore it any longer.

‘Regina, love, are you okay?’   
She dried herself quickly and wrapped her silk robe around her body, emerging from the bathroom with a false smile to hide her fear.   
‘Fine,’ she said quickly, pulling Robin into a deep and passionate kiss to silence him. She didn’t want to worry him before she could figure out if anything was actually wrong with her. His lips were so soft that it felt as if all of her troubles were melting away at his touch. With his arms around her, gentle yet protective, Regina felt safe and for now that was all that she needed. 

‘Was that meant to shut me up,’ he breathed when they finally broke apart ‘because you don’t seem fine to me.’  
She scowled; there weren’t many people who could tell when she was out of sorts, but Robin was proving to be an exception to the rule. His brow wrinkled slightly, and he brushed a strand of hair from her eyes.  
‘What is it?’  
‘I’m fine, really,’ she tried, less than convincingly.  
‘You can tell me you know,’ he coaxed, ‘I am on your side.’  
‘I know, it’s just-‘

‘Daddy?’  
They turned to see Roland standing in the doorway.   
‘Hi there,’ Robin grinned, scooping him up into his arms, ‘what is it?’  
‘I’m tired,’ he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.   
Robin glanced at the clock on the bedroom wall and realised how late it was. 

He walked over to Regina with Roland on his hip.  
‘I’m so sorry, but I think that we should go. I have to put him to bed-‘  
Regina shook her head.  
‘No need to apologise, I think time got away from us again. This little knight needs his sleep.’ She touched his nose lightly, and felt her heart lift as the little boy laughed.   
‘We’ll do this properly soon, I promise,’ Robin swore. She gave an unconvinced nod, lowering her eyes as she couldn’t quite hide her disappointment.

‘Hey,’ he lifted her chin to meet his eyes and smiled softly, ‘I keep my promises. Saturday night, I’ll pack a bag for me and Roland and we’ll spend the day together.’  
Robin leaned forwards and kissed her.   
‘And the night,’ he whispered, as he pulled away and Regina couldn’t help the beaming grin that crept across her face. His thumb traced a line down her cheek, his touch so gentle it was entrancing.  
‘Are you sure you’re alright?’  
‘It’s nothing,’ she dismissed, covering his hand with hers. She knew that he wasn’t entirely reassured, but Roland’s eyes were drooping closed and they both knew he couldn’t stay to ask any more about it. 

‘I’ll see you for breakfast at Granny’s?’ he asked as he shifted the child over his shoulder.  
‘Of course,’ she answered, watching him until he had disappeared from view and wishing she had the confidence to say what was in her heart. No, she thought, not yet…too soon…

As she was getting ready for bed, Regina felt a wave of dizziness almost force her to the ground. The now familiar sensation returned again, stronger, and brought with it nausea which burned in her chest. She ran to the bathroom, dropping to her knees as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. 

Her throat burned once the episode had finally passed, and she fell back against the wall breathing heavily. She felt weak, her head spinning faster than she could comprehend, and she almost considered calling Robin. Although her instincts told her never to show such fragility, all she wanted was him to wrap her in her arms and tell her it was alright. The warmth returned, focused now in her abdomen and in her dizzied state a thought crossed her mind. She couldn’t be, could she? She couldn’t be pregnant. 

Regina placed a hand over flat stomach and tried to concentrate, closing her eyes and summoning her magic. The first time she sensed the little pulsation of energy within her, she gasped and her eyes flew open in panic. She remained there for the night, hugging her knees and just staring, trying to convince herself that it could be anything at all and yet knowing that wasn’t the case.

Before breakfast the next morning she went into the pharmacist’s and stole a pregnancy test, wanting to avoid the embarrassment of having to purchase one. She left some coins on the shelf to abate her nagging conscience, and headed swiftly towards Granny’s. Her trembling hands fumbled with the packaging in the diner’s bathroom, and the next two minutes were the longest of her life.

And that was it. A tiny pink plus confirmed it beyond denial; she was pregnant. 

Xxx

Regina had hidden the test in a cabinet upstairs, not wanting to see it but not quite able to bring herself to throw it away. It had taken a while to sink in, the realisation that she was carrying her lover’s child, but somewhere amongst the fear, the apprehension, the doubt…there was also a glimmer of happiness. She couldn’t deny that part of her felt pleased about her pregnancy, or had before everything had gone to hell. 

She had tried to tell Robin a few times over the past few days, but it had never been the right moment. Regina had been so nervous as to how he would react that she always ended up tongue-tied, and that only served to fuel his worries about her. She hadn’t been able to hide her anxiety; when she was around him all of her walls came down, and he could read her like a book. Almost. 

Their conversation earlier that day should have been the end of it. Regina had had another sleepless night, and although she had managed to keep the sickness at bay she felt constantly queasy. And he noticed. All throughout their picnic he had watched as she picked at her food, not drinking her wine and making poor excuses for her behaviour. She had almost fainted as they walked into Granny’s, and he hadn’t been able to remain quiet any longer. 

Whether it was the heat of the day or the fact that her stomach was still unsettled she didn’t know, but whatever it was as soon as she walked into the diner Regina knew what was going to happen before it did. A hand went to her head as her legs buckled beneath her, but Robin’s arms were around her waist in an instant keeping her upright. She didn’t have words to try and form an explanation, spots still dancing before her eyes, and she allowed him to carefully guide her over to a booth.

‘Regina, you’re really starting to scare me,’ Robin mumbled as he sat down next to her, one arm still around her shoulders.  
‘I’m…I’m fine, Robin.’  
‘Don’t say that again when it isn’t true. You look like death sweetheart.’  
‘Thank you, that makes me feel so much better,’ she drawled, though her tone did not hold anywhere near its usual power  
‘I didn’t…you know I think you’re beautiful, I’m just worried about you.’  
‘Don’t be.’  
‘I can’t help it Regina. I want you to be able to trust me.’  
‘I do trust you,’ she insisted fervently. ‘It’s just…difficult. I don’t…I don’t know how to…’  
She felt tears pricking at her eyes and Robin’s face fell when he noticed. He pulled her gently close to him, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder and kissing her forehead.  
‘Whenever you’re ready,’ he whispered.

The truth had been ready to tumble from her lips before she overheard Emma discussing Henry, and plans for them to return to New York. He had given her hand a reassuring squeeze, a silent promise that he wouldn’t let the matter rest – and he always kept his promises. Later, she had assured herself as she went over and interrupted the Charmings’ conversation, tonight…tonight I will tell him. 

Regina didn’t know what she thought would happen when she told him. A part of her hoped that his face would break out into a smile and he would take her in his arms and swing her round until they were both dizzy, before kissing her deeply and whispering the words she so desperately wanted to hear.  
‘I love you.’

Tears ran down Regina’s cheeks. How could she have been so foolish? They had been together hardly any time at all. In all likelihood, he would have been as panicked as she first was when he discovered the truth; they weren’t ready. He would never have professed his love and offered to marry her so they could all be a family and it had been ridiculous to even hope such a thing was possible. This wasn’t a fairy tale, and she was no Snow White. Real life didn’t end with two people falling for each other and driving off into the sunset, at least not for her.

It didn’t matter now. Without saying anything at all she had lost him, lost him to a dead woman. Without a word she had lost everything. 

Xxx

Regina knew that she had to move from the kitchen floor. She had already stayed there too long, and her back was beginning to ache; she was just so tired. It took her twenty minutes to drag herself into standing position and begin the slow walk up to her bedroom. The sound of her heels against the wooden floor echoed through the lonely house, only serving as a reminder of how truly alone she was. Regina was all too aware that she could collapse on the stairs, dead, and no-one would come to her aid. No-one would know.

The house had once been full of life, full of the sound of a little boy’s laughter as he came in from playing in the garden to a plate of home-made cookies and milk. No matter how cruel anyone thought Henry’s upbringing had been at her hands, they didn’t know the truth. Regina knew she had been a good mother, or at least tried her very hardest to be. Henry knew that she loved him, if nothing else he knew that; though that still hadn’t stopped him from leaving her. 

When she finally reached her room, Regina kicked off her heels and fell onto her bed not bothering to change her clothes. Her eyes were already trying to close, exhaustion weighing down on her so heavily it was almost suffocating. If nothing else, today would allow her the first full night’s sleep for several days. 

In her jacket, she felt her phone buzz. Groaning as she pulled it from her pocket, Regina opened the text message.

Mom,

Just wanted to say goodnight. Love you

H xx

She smiled, feeling a small flicker of something that wasn’t pain in her heart. Regina placed the phone on the pillow beside her, wishing she had not pushed her son away when he had offered and yet knowing he could not see her as she was. If nothing else, Henry would keep her going to face another day.


	3. Chapter 3

The next week dragged on slowly, days only differentiated by the text messages Regina received every night from her son. She always looked forward to them, to hearing about his day at school and what he had eaten for dinner. It was a welcome distraction.

The truth was that Regina had not left her house at all, not since it had happened. No-one had come looking for her. Henry, to his credit, always asked to come over, but her answer was the same.  
I’m not ready yet, Henry.  
So far he had not questioned her beyond this, and she was grateful for it. Regina couldn’t deny that she enjoyed knowing that he wanted to see her, almost craved the question every night so that she could be sure he still cared about her, but she wasn’t ready to face the world and she wasn’t sure quite when she would be.

She had heard nothing from Robin. She convinced herself that this was a good thing, knowing that had he tried to call her or come to her door she would have simply ignored him. Yet the fact that he had made no attempt whatsoever somehow made her feel worse. 

Regina had tried to occupy her time working from home, sorting the things no-one else wished to do such as the town accounts and the departmental budgets, but that did little to take her mind of the matters at hand. They were just laborious tasks, something time consuming to prevent her days being spent drowning in her memories.

Whenever she slept she saw his face as he took his wife and son in his arms, rejecting her as if she had never mattered at all. Even now it hurt just as much as it had that night.  
‘You were only ever a replacement. I never loved you. Who could ever love the Evil Queen?’  
They were not his words, Regina knew that, but it didn’t make them any easier to hear. She would wake up crying out, begging him to stop, but every night would be the same and every morning she would have to pull together the broken pieces and drag herself out of bed.

That morning Regina wrapped her hands around a steaming mug of coffee, having managed no sleep at all the previous night. 

Xxx

She had made a lasagne, using her favourite past-time to try and free her mind at least temporarily from her worries. Despite the queasiness which still rested in her stomach she had cut herself a piece and forced herself to eat it. Knowing that without the ability to use magic to supplement herself she would soon lose what little strength she had, Regina put a forkful to her lips. 

But with every bite came another stinging memory, each like a bullet piercing her skin and finding her heart. 

‘What’s for dinner Mom?’ asked six year old Henry as he bounded into the kitchen, mud smudged across his nose from where he had been playing in the garden.  
‘I made your favourite,’ Regina smiled, licking her thumb and wiping the dirt away with ease.  
‘LASAGNE!’ he almost screamed, his eyes brightening.   
‘I know I have been busy lately,’ she explained as she put on oven gloves, ‘and I haven’t had much time to cook. I wanted to make the effort tonight. There’s an apple pie in the fridge for dessert and a bit of ice cream for it if you’re good.’  
‘Thank you thank you thank you,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. Henry watched her take the tray out of the oven, insisting on staying as she cut it into four and laid a perfect square onto his plate.   
Regina was silent as they ate dinner, listening to every word that fell from her son’s lips as he told her the epic tale of his adventures in the garden – pirate ships and evil trolls, the boy had had a treacherous afternoon indeed. He was her son, no-one else’s, and had she realised at the time how these precious days were numbered she would have cherished every single one more closely. 

Regina had pushed the half-finished plate of lasagne away, and the remaining three quarters had found its way into the bin not long afterwards. Her head had found the pillow that night, but sleep would not come. Whenever she closed her eyes she saw Robin, or Henry, or even Daniel; she saw them all leaving her, one way or another. 

Xxx

Regina’s head fell into her hands, and she let out an audible groan when she heard her phone buzzing on the counter. She picked it up, and her thumb traced gently over the name – Henry. For a moment she considered letting it ring through, but Regina craved the sound of his voice and knew that sooner or later she would have to emerge from her bubble of sanctity.   
She answered, holding the phone up to her ear.   
‘Hello?’ she tried to sound strong, but her voice cracked slightly, through misuse if nothing else, and she sighed inwardly.   
‘Mom? Are you okay?’  
‘Fine, Henry, I’m fine,’ she lied automatically, fully aware that he wouldn’t believe her. ‘Was there something you wanted?’  
‘I wanted to wish you a happy birthday Mom.’

Regina let out a heavy sigh. She had forgotten entirely; without a son to wake her up to breakfast in bed, the day seemed no different to any other.  
‘Come on Mom, it’s not every day you’re-‘  
‘Not another word young man,’ she warned, feeling a little of her old self creeping back.   
‘We should do something,’ Henry tried.  
‘Henry, I-‘  
‘Nothing much,’ he interrupted her, ‘just…just something. Lunch at Granny’s?’  
‘I…I don’t…’

She hated sounding weak in front of her son, but having stayed inside for so long the outside world seemed almost intimidating. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to face everyone’s pitying looks, to risk seeing him, them, together as a family.  
‘Please Mom? I miss you.’  
Those words were enough. Regina longed to see her son, and something lit up inside her knowing he wanted to see her too. Hearing him say it gave her a little of the strength she had been so sorely lacking.  
‘Okay, fine,’ she gave in, and a smile twitched in the corner of her mouth when he shouted ‘Yes’ triumphantly.   
‘1 o’clock?’  
‘See you then Mom, love you.’  
‘Love you too.’

Finishing her coffee, the world seemed a little less dark than it had done ten minutes ago.

Xxx

The wait until lunch seemed like one of the longest of her life. Regina went back upstairs to choose an outfit, making sure her hair was immaculate and her makeup hid the dark circles beneath her eyes. She chose a red silk blouse and a black pencil skirt, worrying that they felt a little looser than the last time she had worn them. Regina put a hand over her abdomen, feeling the energy within her which grew stronger every day, and her brow wrinkled. Although all was well for now, she knew that she would have to make more of an effort to keep herself healthy.

Walking over to Granny’s, Regina kept her head down and her coat wrapped tightly around herself. Her heels tapped along the pavement with a sense of foreboding, like a ticking clock. For Henry, she reminded herself. 

He was already there when she arrived, sitting at a booth in the far corner and he broke into a smile when he saw her.   
‘Mom,’ he breathed, running up and almost knocking her over with a powerful hug.  
‘Steady,’ she whispered, kissing the top of his head and wrapping her arms around him, his warmth driving away any feeling of doubt she had over leaving the house. She walked and sat across from him, telling him to order whatever he wanted and choosing a coffee and a salad for herself. 

Henry looked his mother over as he ate his burger. He knew that something was wrong as he watched her play with her salad, and even though she smiled at him it never quite reached her eyes. Thinking of her alone in her house for the past week made him feel sad, and guilty for not trying harder to make her allow him to come over. It wasn’t difficult to see how much she had loved Robin, and Henry hated having to watch how it was tearing her apart.   
‘Mom,’ he started gently. She looked up and smiled at him.  
‘Yes dear?’  
His words faltered. He had never been very good at reassuring people, and his mother had always been so strong he had never needed to try. But her tough exterior was breaking, and he knew he had to say something.  
‘It will be alright.’  
She nodded, but looked down at her lunch and began pushing the leaves around her plate again.  
‘I’m sure you’re right.’  
‘Can I stay over tonight?’   
The question caught her by surprise.  
‘I…I’m not sure…’ she stuttered.  
‘It’s not a school night,’ he reasoned, ‘and I already asked Emma.’ He noticed her flinch ever so slightly at the mention of his birth mother’s name.  
‘Please,’ Henry said quietly, ‘I don’t want you to be alone anymore. I want to go home.’  
A lump rose in Regina’s throat. Home. He hadn’t called the mansion his home in what seemed like an age.  
‘Henry-‘  
‘Look,’ he interrupted her, ‘it’s your surprise.’

Granny brought over a tray of cupcakes, the middle one bearing a sparkler, and offered her best wishes. Regina couldn’t help but smile, truly smile, and Henry beamed with pride at seeing genuine happiness ghost across her face.  
‘Happy birthday Mom.’  
‘Thank you, Henry,’ she laughed, trying to blow out the flame and wondering how her son had grown so good at manipulation. 

The bell on the door twinkled, and without looking somehow Regina just knew who had walked through the door. Her smile faded as quickly as it had arrived, and she felt her heart pounding in her chest. She had her back to the door, but the look on Henrys’ face confirmed her suspicions; he was here. The sparkler slowly fizzled out.

He reached across the table and took her hand without a word.   
‘We should go,’ she croaked, hating the emotion that felt as if it were strangling her induced by his mere presence. She stood up, releasing herself gently from Henry’s touch and trying to keep her legs from buckling beneath her.   
‘Your cakes,’ he reminded her.  
‘We’ll take them back home,’ she said quietly.

‘Regina…’  
His voice pierced her heart like an arrow, and she closed her eyes as if in pain at the sound of it. Tears glistened in her eyes, but she would not let them fall. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Not wanting to wait, Regina waved her hand and boxed the cupcakes up with magic though she immediately regretted her decision. 

A searing pain echoed through her skull, enough to make her cry out in agony and put a hand to her forehead. She reached for the table to steady herself, but couldn’t quite grasp it in time. The world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

‘Mom? Mom, please…’  
Henry’s voice forced her to open her eyes, and she found herself on the ground with a pair of strong arms around her shoulders. As soon as she realised who those arms belonged to, she pulled away in disgust.  
‘Get away from me,’ she hissed, though her eyes betrayed the hurt that rested beneath the anger.  
‘Regina, you should stay lying down for a minute,’ Robin suggested.  
‘No, I’m fine.’  
‘Mom-‘  
‘Let’s go, Henry,’ Regina said as she struggled to get to her feet, the familiar sensation of nausea threatening to bring her back down. The world was spinning, but her determination to put as much distance between herself and the outlaw fought against the will of her body to crumble. She picked up the box that had started all of this before walking towards the door. A hand caught her arm.  
‘Regina please,’ Robin begged, ‘you’re…you’re not well. Let me call Doctor Whale.’  
‘Don’t tell me what to do,’ snapped Regina, pulling her arm away from him. ‘Go back to your family, thief.’ 

She stormed out of the diner, not daring to look back, and heard Henry coming after her.  
‘Mom…Mom slow down.’ She stopped abruptly, cursing as tears rolled down her cheeks.  
‘I’m fine,’ she mumbled, as he caught up to her.  
‘I don’t think you know what that word means,’ he tried to smile. ‘Let me take that.’  
Although it wasn’t heavy, Regina was glad Henry took the box from her. She was already swaying on her heels and when she started walking again it was at a far slower pace.

At her front door, she fumbled with her keys until Henry gently took them from her and opened the door.   
‘You should lie down or something,’ he suggested, but wasn’t surprised as she shook her head.  
‘I…I just need some water.’   
‘I’ll get it,’ Henry said at once, running off to the kitchen glad to be of use. Regina walked into the living room and kicked off her shoes. It was taking everything she had to try and keep her meagre lunch down. She had assumed that such trivial magic would not have such a considerable effect on her, and she had assumed wrongly; this felt worse than both times before. 

A lightning bolt of pain caused her to gasp and double over in shock, gripping the side of the sofa to keep herself upright. When Henry returned she could offer no words of reassurance.  
‘Mom!’ He dropped the glass and ran to her side. ‘What is it? What can I do?’  
‘M-my…my head…’ she breathed.  
‘I’ll get something…wait here…’  
‘No-‘

Henry ran up the stairs two at a time, knowing precisely where his mother kept the aspirin in the bathroom cabinet. In his haste, he opened it and toppled half of the contents to the floor. Reaching down he saw the small bottle of white pills, but before he could run back downstairs something else caught his eye. 

Although still only 13, Henry knew what a pregnancy test looked like. It had fallen out of the box, though it was clear it had been previously opened, and despite his worry for his mother he couldn’t help his curiosity. A hundred questions were running through his mind and he knew the quickest way to answer them. Picking it up and turning it over, he read the small pink plus sign and his mouth fell open. He was going to be a big brother.

Xxx

The pain passed reasonably quickly, for which Regina was thankful, but she was left feeling weak. She was clinging onto the back of the sofa, breathing heavily as she tried to recover from yet another blow to her fragile body. As she heard her son coming down the stairs, Regina cleared her throat and steadied herself as much as she could.   
‘I’m fine now, Henry,’ she assured him, ‘I just…just need a moment.’  
‘You’re pregnant?’

Regina didn’t know what to say. His voice was so small, curious yet almost fearful; he sounded just as he had done when he was a little boy. She forced herself to stand up straight and turned to look at him.   
‘H-how…how did you…’ she started, the question she intended to ask not quite coming together.  
‘I went for some aspirin in your bathroom cabinet,’ he explained quietly, ‘and I found…’   
He didn’t need to say it, for she knew what he meant and nodded slowly. Silence fell for a moment.  
‘So…so you are?’ asked Henry gingerly. ‘You are pregnant?’

‘Yes,’ Regina whispered, tears pooling in her eyes, ‘yes I…I’m…’   
Her bottom lip trembled as she couldn’t bring herself to say the word. She had thought that if she didn’t say it then it wouldn’t be real, but now that Henry knew there was no denying it anymore. 

‘Is that why you fainted today?’   
Regina nodded, trying her best to hold herself together.  
‘It has magic, the…’ She swallowed. She could almost hear the word baby coming from her lips, but she held it back. It wasn’t yet, not really. Just cells, she tried to convince herself. But that wasn’t what it felt like inside her, warm and glowing with the potential of everything it could be.  
‘It has magic,’ Regina tried again, clearing her throat, ‘even at this early stage. Young, pure, untamed magic that doesn’t play well with my own. Whenever I try to use my powers it backfires on me.’

Henry moved closer towards her, until he was standing right in front of her with a confused expression taking hold of his features. He was struggling to know how to feel, caught in a void between sadness and excitement as he considered the situation. He was worried for his mother, for her health and for her happiness. Although Henry could see that a baby would make her happy, giving her something she craved but he couldn’t quite give her anymore, he also knew that right now she couldn’t see that herself.

‘Will you be okay Mom?’  
Regina reached out and gently brushed his hair from his face.   
‘I’m just tired, that’s all. I shouldn’t use magic; it leaves me with such little energy.’  
‘That’s not an answer,’ Henry reminded her gently, putting his hand over hers. 

Regina hadn’t answered, because she couldn’t. She didn’t know whether she was going to be okay, because all she could see was the chasm of darkness which was currently surrounding her. There was pain in her past, her present, and most likely her future and she couldn’t see beyond that pain.   
‘I thought you were dead, I thought I’d never see you again’  
Even the memory of those words still had the power to hurt her.

She opened her mouth, but there was nothing to say. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she finally allowed herself to fall apart, a sob escaping instead of the false reassurances she had prepared for her son. 

Henry hugged her tightly, his own eyes burning as further sobs caused her body to shake. He had never seen her like this, and he suspected very few had before, and he had to admit that it scared him. But Henry knew that he had to be strong. He knew how much his mother needed him, no matter how much she would protest, so he held her in his arms as she cried and rubbed her back to give her comfort. It was all he could do, but it was just what she needed.

He persuaded her to sit down on the sofa, once she had finally managed to stop crying, and he helped her when she stumbled.   
‘Tired,’ she muttered, though her discomfort was plain to see as she rubbed her temples.   
‘Isn’t there something that can make you feel better? I mean, surely people with magic have been pregnant before.’  
‘It’s rare for both mother and child to possess innate magic,’ she explained wearily, ‘but it happens. I can’t risk using magic, even just making potions could set something off; I don’t think I can risk this happening again.’  
‘Can someone else-‘  
‘There’s no-one I can trust, Henry. No-one but you. Besides, if I asked Mr. Gold he would find a way to use it against me, and the last person on Earth I would trust with my welfare is the Blue Fairy.’   
‘What about Tinker Bell?’  
‘No,’ Regina cut him off quickly.  
‘She’s nice, she can-‘  
‘I said no,’ she repeated as calmly as she could. She could almost hear the conversation with the green creature in her head as she tried to persuade her to go after Robin. Regina didn’t need hopeless optimism, and she certainly didn’t want any more advice from the fairy who had led her to the man who broke her heart.

‘You need to let people help you Mom, please,’ Henry begged.  
‘You’ve helped me enough,’ Regina smiled weakly, wishing it was the truth. Her eyes were beginning to droop closed, the weight of the past few days feeling heavier on her shoulders.  
‘At least lie down,’ he bargained, and the brunette didn’t protest as she let her body sag into the sofa, resting her head on Henry’s lap.  
‘What would I do without you,’ she whispered as her eyes closed.   
Henry reached behind him and pulled a throw over them both.  
‘Sweet dreams Mom,’ he whispered, but her breaths had already slowed and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Regina slept undisturbed.


	5. Chapter 5

Regina woke the next morning as sunlight gently streamed through a crack in the curtains and coaxed her out of her thankfully dreamless sleep. It was only the first hours of the morning, but without demons to plague her as soon as she closed her eyes Regina felt fully rested. Lifting her head slowly she adjusted to the sudden onset of consciousness, blinking until her eyes were used to the light. 

She shrugged off the throw that had been placed over her and sat up. Looking down at herself Regina realised that she had slept fully clothed, her coat was even buttoned, and she groaned at the thought of making her way upstairs to change. 

She hadn’t intended on falling asleep, but it had just happened as though she had no control over it at all. As soon as her head had settled on Henry’s lap, she had been out like a light. Regina’s head snapped to look at the sofa where a pillow had replaced her son, and she felt her heart racing.   
‘Henry?’ she called, trying to hide the slight distress in her tone.   
‘I’m here Mom.’  
Regina breathed a steady sigh, and a relieved smile spread across her face as he walked in the room.  
‘What are you doing up so early?’  
‘I made you some tea.’ Henry held the steaming mug towards her and she accepted it gratefully, sitting up straighter and wrapping her fingers around its warmth.

‘How are you feeling?’ he asked gingerly.  
‘Better,’ Regina answered, and for the first time in a while it was the truth. Though still feeling a little weaker than usual, the chance to get a decent night’s sleep had cleared her head.  
‘Do you want me to make you anything to eat?’  
She shook her head and he frowned at her, as though their roles were reversed and he was now the disapproving parent.  
‘Mom, you have to eat,’ he warned her. ‘You hardly touched your salad yesterday and you slept through dinner. Just some toast?’  
Regina chuckled and gave in.  
‘I’ll have some toast, I swear, just…just sit here with me for a minute?’

Henry obliged at once, sitting beside his mother and watching her intently. She took a drink of her tea, the liquid burning pleasantly as it passed down her throat; she needed some fire back in her belly.   
‘I’m sorry, Henry,’ she said eventually, looking down into her cup as if it held all of the answers.   
‘What for?’  
‘I’m supposed to be your mother, and yesterday...well I fell apart. It’s not fair to put that onto you.’

Henry opened his mouth to give the usual garbled reassurances, but paused a moment to think.   
‘Do you remember Bert?’ he asked gently. Regina’s brow furrowed, and she looked up at him waiting for him to elaborate.  
‘He was the bear you got me for Christmas, when I was-‘  
‘Three years old,’ she finished for him, ’yes I remember. You left him on the bus on the way into town; but what does that have to do with anything?’  
‘When I lost Bert, I thought my world had ended,’ explained Henry. ‘I mean, at the time it was a big deal. He was my best friend and he was just…gone.’  
‘You cried for about a week, throwing all of your other toys down the stairs and saying they didn’t matter anymore,’ Regina smiled, reliving the fond memory over in her mind. 

‘You were there for me,’ he pushed on, ‘telling me it was going to be alright and staying with me all night when I couldn’t sleep without him.’  
‘I’m surprised you can remember any of that; you were so small.’  
‘I do, and I remember every time you have been there for me since. You saved me from Greg, Pan, Zelena… it’s my turn. Let me in, Mom, and I can help you.’   
Regina sighed. ‘It’s not quite that simple, Henry. I haven’t lost a teddy bear.’  
‘I know,’ he admitted, ‘but you’re the strongest person I know. It might take time, but you will get through it. And besides, your teddy bear might come back.’

Regina didn’t know what to say, her heart swelling with such pride that it felt as if her chest might burst. She put her cup on the coffee table and pulled her son close to her. She hadn’t the heart to tell him that there was no hope for her and Robin, that she knew she had lost him just as surely as Henry would never see his bear again. Resting her chin on top of his head, she let out a shuddering breath as she held back her tears; she had cried enough in the past few days for a lifetime.

‘You know what,’ she said, kissing his forehead as he straightened up.  
‘What?’  
‘I don’t really feel like toast anymore.’  
Henry opened his mouth to complain, but Regina held up a finger to silence him.  
‘I think, given I slept through most of my actual birthday, that we should have cupcakes for breakfast to celebrate.’  
His face broke into a wide grin.  
‘Chocolate or vanilla?’  
‘Surprise me.’

As he went to fetch their breakfast, Regina stood and stretched the stiffness from her muscles. She heard the familiar melody of her phone as it rang, but as she reached into her coat pockets she couldn’t find it. She checked the sofa where she had spent the night, but it was nowhere to be seen.

‘Henry,’ she called, ‘have you seen my phone?’   
He came in, holding a plate adorned with two cupcakes and looking very sheepish. Regina noticed the ringing getting louder as he entered.   
‘I…er…’ he started as he took her phone from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. The call went unanswered.  
‘Don’t be mad,’ he said quickly.  
‘Why would I be mad?’ Regina cocked an eyebrow, suspicion rising.   
‘Erm…because…’ Henry struggled to find the words, but was saved from an explanation as the doorbell rang.   
‘That,’ he grimaced. She walked towards the hallway, Henry following slowly.

‘Henry…what did you do?’ asked Regina in a tone Henry knew all too well as the ‘you’re in trouble mister’ voice.  
‘I’m going to go and pick up a few things from Emma’s,’ he pecked her on the cheek, handed her the plate taking a cake for himself, and ran to the front door before she had a chance to react. ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’  
‘Henry-‘  
‘Bye Mom.’   
He opened the door and nodded towards the person standing there before racing past her. Regina rolled her eyes once she saw who it was.  
‘Hello Regina,’ Tinker Bell said far too brightly. 

Xxx

Robin sat on a log just outside the Merry Men’s camp, watching the sun rising. It was so peaceful at this time of the morning, before anyone else had started to stir, and he was left alone with his thoughts. His choice. 

Seeing Regina had thrown him completely. As soon as he had walked into the diner and noticed she was there, she had taken his breath away. Her name had spilled from his lips almost involuntarily, and he watched her stiffen, avoiding his gaze. 

When she had fallen fear had coursed through his veins like poison, setting his senses on fire. He wasn’t quick enough to catch her, and as he fell to his knees beside her Robin had said a silent prayer. Not before I get the chance to tell her. He cradled her as Henry screamed at her to wake up, revelling in the feeling of having her in his arms again but hating what it had taken to get her there. 

She was beautiful, pale skin against raven hair and lips the same colour as the apples in her garden. But something was wrong. It was as if he could feel it just in holding her, and it made his skin prickle with worry. Robin knew that he should have trusted his instincts earlier, persuaded her to go to the doctor when she had collapsed that morning in the diner so long ago, but he hadn’t and it had cost her. If he could turn back time…well, he honestly didn’t know what he would do. It was all such a mess.

Go back to your family, thief.  
It had pained him to have to let her go, to not run after her and beg her forgiveness. For a moment their gazes had locked, and despite the anger in her expression her eyes told him everything he needed to know. They were glossed with unshed tears, glistening with fear and the sort of inner pain that no pill could cure. Knowing he had done that to her made Robin feel as if he were two feet tall, and it had kept him awake the previous night.

‘Robin?’   
He turned to see Marian walking towards him, cloak wrapped around her against the morning chill and a weak smile on her face.  
‘What are you doing up so early?’  
‘I just couldn’t get to sleep,’ he answered honestly. Marian reached up and kissed him, but she could feel at once that his heart wasn’t in it.  
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, fearing the answer. When he didn’t reply to her straight away, she knew. She swallowed, trying to fight the emotion threatening to overwhelm her and remain calm.

‘Her again,’ Marian shook her head, ‘have you seen her?’  
‘Yes,’ admitted Robin, seeing no point in lying to his wife.  
‘Robin…I asked you not to.’   
‘It wasn’t planned,’ he said, defending himself. ‘I went into the diner to get some lunch and she was there, I didn’t seek her out.’

The night that Marian had returned, she had told him about her captivity at the hands of the queen. He had in turn told her about his relationship with Regina, though had reduced its importance somewhat to spare her feelings and perhaps his own. It had been understandable when Marian had asked that he didn’t see her again, and he had accepted her terms. She had been shaken by everything that had happened, and Robin hadn’t wanted to upset her further.

It was the coward’s way out and he knew it. He tried to justify such a promise, saying that he would only upset Regina by going after her and she wouldn’t open the door to him anyway, but he knew those were poor excuses. He thought not seeing Regina would make it easier, but in fact the past week had been incredibly difficult. Having Marian back was a blessing, and seeing Roland so happy was more than he could have asked for; but he couldn’t enjoy it, not fully. Not knowing how much hurt he had caused.

‘You know what she did to me, to our family,’ Marian reminded him.  
‘That’s not who she is anymore. The woman who imprisoned you is not the same person as the Regina I know. She’s changed, Marian, I’ve seen it.’  
‘The Evil Queen tried to kill me, or have you forgotten that?’ she argued. ‘She would have, if it weren’t for Emma. I can’t forget what she did, no matter how much you say she has changed.’  
‘The people here have forgiven her. She has a son-‘  
‘Good,’ Marian cut him off gently, ‘then leave her to her own family, and come back to ours. If she has changed as you say, then we can all get on with our lives without disturbance. I will try to forgive her, I promise you that. Just…please, Robin. Let’s forget about Regina and cherish what we have, what we thought we had lost.’

He nodded, and interlaced his fingers with hers as they walked back towards the tent where their son was still sleeping. Robin did love Marian, part of him always had even when he had thought her dead; none of this was her fault.   
He was stuck in the middle, his past and present colliding and offering him a choice of who could be part of his future. It was a choice he knew that he had to make, once and for all, but he feared the finality and the consequences. But every day Robin stayed in the eye of the storm, the more damage the hurricane around him would cause.


	6. Chapter 6

‘Can I come in?’ asked Tinker Bell as she walked through the door, clearly not wanting to wait for an answer.  
‘What are you doing here?’ Regina groaned, putting the plate on a side table and unbuttoning her coat.   
‘Henry called last night,’ she explained, ‘he’s worried about you.’  
‘I’ll be fine; I just need to be left in peace.’   
Regina didn’t even have the strength to argue with her. She hung up her coat in the wardrobe by the door and turned to her unwanted visitor, folding her arms over her chest and waiting for her to leave.

‘I have known you for a long time Regina, and you are not fine.’  
‘I didn’t say I was, I said I will be,’ Regina mumbled.   
‘You look like hell.’  
‘Thank you for that uplifting observation, now will you kindly leave my house?’

Tinker Bell looked her up and down, noticing the tiredness of Regina’s eyes and the waxy pallor of her skin; she certainly was not alright. But then, as realisation dawned on her, her eyes grew wide. She bit her lip, not quite sure how to broach the subject.  
‘Did you know you…er…’  
‘What?’ sighed Regina heavily.  
‘You’re…erm…pregnant…’

Xxx

Henry walked into the apartment to see Emma, David and Mary Margaret drinking coffee around the table. He had texted to say that he was coming over and he suspected that he had woken them up at such an hour, but they were keen to hear his news and insisted they didn’t mind when he apologised.  
‘We were up with Neal anyway,’ Mary Margaret assured him, cradling the sleeping baby in her arms. ‘How is she?’  
‘Not good,’ Henry admitted, taking a seat beside his grandmother, ‘but…it’s complicated.’  
‘Does she still want to kill me?’ Emma mumbled.  
‘Quite probably, but she has a lot of stuff to deal with right now so you’re not in immediate danger. I just wouldn’t go near her for a while, a long while…possibly forever.’  
‘You know that I didn’t mean to hurt Regina, I just-‘  
‘I know,’ Henry said, saving Emma from an explanation. ‘I can understand why you saved Marian but I don’t think you can expect my Mom to, at least not yet. I don’t think she’d even left the house until yesterday, and that didn’t go too well.’

‘What happened?’ Mary Margaret probed.   
‘We went to the diner for lunch and she saw Robin,’ Henry told her. ‘She didn’t react too well to seeing him and, well, like I said, it’s complicated. I think I should stay with her for a while.’  
‘Are you sure? What about school?’ Emma interjected.  
‘I did go to school when I lived with her before, she knows the routine,’ he reminded her.  
‘Of course,’ she blushed, heat rising in her cheeks.  
‘She’s all alone in that house, and I don’t think it’s done her any good. I just want to make sure she’s okay.’  
‘If you think it’s best,’ smiled Mary Margaret.   
‘I’ll grab a bag and keep you posted,’ Henry said as he got up.   
‘You’ll be okay?’ asked Emma.  
‘It’s not me anyone should worry about,’ he answered sadly.

Xxx

Regina stared at Tinker Bell, her mouth falling slightly open.  
‘How did you…’ she started, before looking down at herself self-consciously. She didn’t look any different, not that she could tell, but there was no other way for the fairy to have known.  
‘It’s not that,’ Tink added quickly, not wanting to offend, ‘I mean, you look rough, but not in that way.’  
‘What then?’ asked Regina, her fingernails digging into the skin of her arms subconsciously as she wrapped her arms tighter around her middle.

‘I can sense it,’ the younger woman explained. ‘I could feel the magic before I even got here, but I didn’t know what was causing it until I came in; I’m not that adept at sensing specific magic. Can’t you?’  
‘Yes,’ Regina admitted, ‘I can feel it too, but I didn’t think it was powerful enough to resonate beyond my body. I’m not even…it’s only been a few weeks.’  
‘It has intertwined with your own magic, and the shift of that balance can be felt from far away.’

A dark thought crossed Regina’s mind and she began to panic, running her fingers through her hair.  
‘What is it?’ asked Tinker Bell as she noticed the change in the brunette’s demeanour.  
‘If you can sense it, then surely others can,’ Regina thought aloud. ‘Gold…he’ll know, he’s always been good at picking up magical traces. And Mother Superior, oh God.’  
‘They wouldn’t do anything though, would they?’  
‘I don’t know.’ Regina couldn’t shake the sense of panic growing inside of her. Mother Superior should be harmless, as long as kept quiet and didn’t disturb the peace. She couldn’t trust Mr. Gold, of that she was certain, but unless there was profit in it for him he shouldn’t wish to harm her child. Yet he took advantage of powerful people, and Regina knew that her baby would have power far beyond her own. 

But if they knew, it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the town knew her secret; and that meant Robin. Perhaps that is what she feared most of all. As all of this ran through her mind, Regina began to hyperventilate.   
‘Hey,’ Tink said gently, putting a hand on Regina’s arm and bringing her back, ‘you’ve got to stay calm, okay? They’re not going to hurt you, or your baby; they have no reason to. Shall I make us some coffee?’  
Regina nodded, but her heart was still hammering inside her chest. 

They walked slowly to the kitchen, where Regina sat with her head in her hands trying to control her breathing as Tinker Bell poured hot water into two cups.   
‘It’s such a mess,’ she moaned, as she accepted the coffee.  
‘The pixie dust didn’t lie Regina; Robin is your true love.’  
‘Tell that to his wife,’ she answered sarcastically, but it poorly masked the hurt beneath.  
‘Think about it,’ Tink pondered, sitting beside Regina at the counter, ‘that night at the tavern, it was before he met Marian. You two were destined for each other before she came along.’  
‘They have a son, they’re a family. We were only together for a short time; I don’t compare to her.’  
‘What makes you and your baby any less of a family?’

Regina put a hand protectively over her flat stomach and shook her head.  
‘I missed my chance,’ she said sadly, knowing it was the truth. ‘It’s his wife, not just some ex-girlfriend. They had years together, they built a life; my…this isn’t going to change that. It’s my own fault.’   
Tinker Bell took Regina’s hand and squeezed it.  
‘It’s not over-‘  
‘No, it is,’ the brunette cut her off, a tear slipping down her cheek, ‘and pretending there is any future with him only makes it harder. He didn’t even bother to find me after what happened at the diner. He has what he’s always wanted.’  
‘I’ve never seen the Queen give up so easily,’ Tink, frustrated by Regina’s defeated attitude, ‘you have to fight for what you want.’  
‘I’m no Queen,’ Regina muttered, ‘not anymore.’

Tinker Bell shook her head, not knowing what else to say. She had seen Regina at her lowest - throwing herself from the balcony by accident or, as Tink suspected, not; running away from her chance at happiness; searching for her son in Neverland….but she had always had strength, and proud determination. No matter how scared or lost she was, Regina had always wanted to fight it. Now, it seemed as if all of the fight was gone from her, and that worried the fairy more than anything else.

‘I can talk to him, if you want?’ she offered, but Regina shook her head.  
‘I’m not that much of a coward. I know that I have to tell him eventually; if Gold knows, then he will have told Belle. If Belle knows, then soon Ruby will know and Granny, Mary Margaret…it won’t take long to get around. I don’t want him to hear it from someone else.’  
‘It’ll be difficult, but I think talking to him will be good for you. Maybe he’ll surprise you-‘  
‘And what?’ snapped Regina bitterly. ‘Will he tell me he’s sorry he ignored me, sorry he broke my heart? Beg my forgiveness, perhaps? Hell, maybe he will confess his love and leave his wife to be with me right there and then before I even tell him about the baby.’  
‘He might,’ Tink said quietly. ‘It’s not impossible.’

Regina let out a groan and pulled her hand away. Hope. It twisted like knots in her stomach, making everything feel so much worse. She knew that when she talked to Robin he’d be kind, understanding, say all of the right things; but he would never leave his family, not for her. It was a dream, poisonous in its unattainable beauty, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t banish it from her mind. Yet she knew that holding on to this dream would only make it that much worse when it was taken from her.

Her head began to throb, and she reached a hand to her forehead as if that would take the pain away. Regina closed her eyes, breathing deeply, but it didn’t help. Magic always came with a price, and even using a simple spell had cost her dearly.  
‘Regina, are you alright?’ Tink asked, watching the older woman grimace.  
‘I’ll be okay,’ she insisted, ‘it’ll pass.’  
But the colour had drained from her face, leaving her skin ghostly pale, and she felt her hands beginning to tremble.

‘God you’re stubborn,’ the fairy grumbled, ‘what happened? What did you do?’  
‘I used magic,’ Regina breathed, fighting to open her eyes but finding that she couldn’t tolerate the bright light coming through the window.  
‘Magic? But why would that – Oh…’ Tinker Bell’s eyes flicked to Regina’s abdomen and although there was no physical evidence of change, she could feel the swell of magic growing.  
‘But…that’s not supposed to happen yet. Magical conflict is not usually an issue until just before the baby is born.’  
‘Tell me about it,’ Regina said through gritted teeth. The pain was beginning to subside, though it felt as if the energy had been pulled from her body and her head felt unusually heavy.  
‘It’s gone.’  
‘For now,’ Tink added. ‘Has it been getting worse?’  
Regina’s silence answered the question. She lifted her head and rubbed the back of her neck,  
‘Whenever I use magic, the effects are more severe,’ she explained reluctantly. ‘Even when I don’t…’  
‘Why didn’t you say?’ The blonde smiled, far too perkily, and Regina rolled her eyes.   
‘I may not give the best advice, but this I can help you with.’

Regina creased her brow, and watched as Tinker Bell opened her palm. A small bottle of bright green liquid appeared, and she handed it to the former queen who took it reluctantly.  
‘Fairies are quite good healers; some even dabble in midwifery,’ she explained. ‘Magical conflict can be nasty. If it’s this bad now…well, let’s just not let it get any worse.’  
‘What is it?’ asked Regina, examining the bottle.  
‘Herbs, mostly, with a little pixie dust mixed in. It aims to separate your magic from your baby’s, and stop any adverse effects. Should keep you healthy too, given you still look as if you’re about to collapse. You won’t be able to use magic fully, but a few small spells in an emergency won’t do you any damage. Just put a drop in a glass of water.’

Delicately letting herself down from the counter and steadying herself before starting to move, Regina walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water. She hated asking for help, it was against everything her mother had ever taught her, but she knew that without a way to keep herself physically strong there was no hope for her or her child.   
‘You’re sure this will work?’ she asked, unstopping the bottle with a still trembling hand.  
‘Positive,’ Tink assured her.   
Regina carefully tilted the bottle and a single drop fell into the glass, turning it momentarily a brilliant green before it faded back to its normal clarity.  
For you she thought, as she brought the water to her lips and took a deep drink.

At first, nothing happened. Regina sighed, sure that it hadn’t worked, until she felt something not unlike a breath of wind rush through her. She gasped, dropping the glass which shattered to the floor as she felt a light tingling course through her veins. It only lasted a few seconds, but as she waited to see what had happened those seconds spanned a lifetime. 

And then it was over. Allowing herself to breathe, Regina could already sense the benefits washing over her. She was in no pain, not even the residual hum of the headache which had gripped her only moments earlier, and her body felt stronger.  
‘Well?’ asked Tinker Bell. Regina flexed her fingers and motioned towards the shattered glass on the ground. At her command it lifted, reformed, and placed itself calmly on the counter. No pain. She allowed a small smile to pass over her lips, and placed a hand on her abdomen. She could feel the familiar warmth of her child’s power, but it was settled. 

‘Steady on,’ the fairy warned, ‘you’re not up to full strength yet. That might be all you’re capable of for a few weeks.’  
Regina walked over to Tinker Bell, and placed a hand on her arm.  
‘Thank you,’ she said gratefully, and Tink knew that she meant it.  
‘Any time,’ she smiled back at the brunette.

Xxx

‘Mom?’ Henry called as he opened the door to the mansion.   
‘In the kitchen,’ Regina called, and Henry had to stop himself from running to meet her. He walked in to see her cracking eggs into a bowl, as if she hadn’t another care in the world.  
‘I thought I’d make us a proper breakfast.’  
‘Where’s Tinker Bell?’  
‘She just left a few minutes ago,’ Regina explained.  
‘Are you mad?’ mumbled Henry, preparing himself for a lecture. Regina walked over to him and cupped his cheek, her thumb gently stroking his soft skin. He looked up at her, relieved to see not a hint of anger or disappointment.  
‘No of course not,’ she assured him. ‘You did what you thought was best, and of course you were right. I can’t hide away forever, and Tink actually proved to be of some help.’  
‘With Robin?’ he asked eagerly. Regina’s smile faltered, and she tried to mask it by turning back to whisk the eggs.  
‘She gave me a potion to stop the baby’s magic affecting me. I can do a bit of magic, only if I have to, but it should stop me feeling quite so…under the weather.’

‘Mom?’   
‘Yes dear?’   
‘You called it a baby.’  
Regina froze. She hadn’t even thought about it; the word had just slipped naturally from her lips. Before now she had chosen not to refer to the child growing inside her as anything besides it, at least not out loud. It made it real.  
‘Yes…I suppose I did.’ She couldn’t help the smile spreading across her face. Henry stepped closer, and Regina turned back to face him with glistening eyes – happy tears.  
‘I’m going to have a baby.’

The smile was infectious as Henry beamed at her, and hugged her tightly. Nestling in Henry’s hair Regina felt a surge of joy which, for now at least, banished her demons to the darkness. She had her son, she had her child…she wasn’t alone. But a niggling voice in the back of her mind warned her of the truth she was desperate to deny. 

The more she hoped for a better future, the more she stood to lose. Hope was dangerous, but she had allowed it entry into her heart and Regina prayed she would not have to weather the consequences. She had to tell Robin.


	7. Chapter 7

‘I don’t have to go,’ Henry tried, not for the first time that morning.  
‘It’s school, Henry, of course you have to go.’  
‘I’m thirteen, one day off won’t kill me.’  
‘Henry,’ Regina sighed, passing him the lunch she had made that morning over the kitchen countertop, ‘I’m not going to fall apart if you go to school. I will be perfectly fine, and I’ll have dinner waiting when you get home; I promise.’   
She kissed his forehead ending the argument but Henry still narrowed his eyes, unconvinced.  
‘Are you feeling okay?’ he quizzed. Regina folded her arms across her chest.  
‘Perfectly well.’’  
‘Did you take the potion?’  
‘At 8 on the dot. Satisfied?’  
Henry grumbled, but said no more and Regina smiled with the gratification of a small victory.  
‘You’re not going to work though,’ he ordered her, ‘you need to rest, at least for today.’  
‘No,’ admitted Regina, dropping her gaze, ‘I’m not.’ Henry noticed, but when Regina pointed out the time to him he had to concede defeat; he was already late.  
‘Ugh, I’ll go, just…be okay?’ His voice was vulnerable, as if he were on some level pleading with her to be alright, and Regina’s heart swelled at his concern.  
‘I promised didn’t I? Now go! I love you’  
‘Love you too,’ he called as he ran to the door.

Once she had the house to herself, Regina could let out the breath she had been holding. She paced for a while, wringing her hands and trying to calm herself down. Tinker Bell had been right - she had to talk to him. 

The longer she waited, the more time she would have to wonder and it was the wondering that had kept her awake last night; whether he was sorry, whether he had ever loved her, whether he would be there for their child. Regina had to know. She had to hear it from his lips before she could resign herself to life without him. Part of her still hoped that she wouldn’t have to.

She had started the message a thousand times in her head, but as she took her phone from her pocket Regina still didn’t know what to say. Taking a deep breath, she bit the bullet and started typing deciding to keep it simple and explain the rest face to face; it was only fair that he should hear it from her.  
Robin,  
We need to talk. Meet me at Granny’s in an hour.  
Her thumb hovered over the x but she held back, knowing it would only complicate things. Her heart pounded as she pressed send.

The next minute of her life seemed to drag on for about a week, and although she had been waiting for it the vibration of the phone in her hand caused her to jump and almost drop it. She opened the message and saw the four words it contained.  
Okay. See you then.  
She didn’t know what she had expected, but she was almost disappointed that it gave her no glimpse into what he was thinking. Regina let out a frustrated groan and dropped the phone on the side, as if scolding it for not giving her what she desired. 

She rested her elbows on the counter and dropped her head into her hands. An hour. Part of her wished that it was now, tired of waiting and guessing, but part of her would never be completely ready.   
She started pacing again.

Xxx

Robin had been sat at a booth in Granny’s for twenty minutes, not wanting to be late. Every time the door opened his head shot up expectantly, but so far he had been disappointed. He had left Roland with Marian, claiming to be helping David out at the Sheriff’s office for the morning. Although he hated lying, Robin knew that he had to come. She wanted to see him, she wanted to talk, and that made his heart skip a beat.

Despite preparing several speeches in his mind he still didn’t know what he was going to say, and when he finally looked up to see Regina walking into the diner everything else melted away. She was breathtaking, her simple black dress showing off every curve of her body and her red lips glowing as though in invitation. Robin swallowed thickly, trying to find a word that wasn’t wow to greet her with.

Regina tried to keep an air of confidence as she walked over to the booth where he was waiting for her, but her thoughts were screaming inside her head and she wanted nothing more than to run away. She felt sick, but whether this was from fear or excitement she couldn’t say; perhaps it was a combination of the two. Her eyes locked with his as she sat across from him, so kind and warm that she felt as if she were melting into his gaze. 

They sat for a moment, surrounded by a silence filled with unspoken feelings.  
‘Hi,’ Robin said eventually, shattering the tension between them.  
‘Hi.’  
Regina felt tears rising, and dropped her gaze to where her hands lay clasped together on the table before her. The effect he had on her was profound, even though he was just sitting across the table. He didn’t need to touch her to set her heart racing; a single syllable uttered in his breathy tone was enough.  
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, concern interlaced in his attempt at a casual tone.  
‘Better, thank you.’ She tried to smile, but couldn’t.  
‘I’m glad. You look better.’

The silence settled again, neither knowing how to begin to start talking again. Regina’s eyes flicked up to Robin’s face, and she saw that he was watching her as if asking her permission. She went back to staring at her hands, unable to hold his gaze in fear that it would break her apart.  
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.  
‘Robin, I have to-‘  
‘No,’ he stopped her gently, ‘please…let me say this.’ She pursed her lips, a sign he took as one to continue.

‘I’m sorry for what happened. I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that I did and it has been killing me ever since. When I saw Marian, I was so shocked that I forgot about everything else. It was selfish of me and I wish I could take it back, do things differently…’  
‘Your wife came back from the dead,’ Regina said quietly, ‘it’s not something you can ever be prepared for. I understand.’  
‘You shouldn’t have to,’ Robin muttered, shaking his head. ‘When I turned and you were gone I realised what I had done, what I had said; I should have come after you.’  
‘Why didn’t you?’ asked Regina, hating the vulnerability in such a question but needing to know the answer.  
‘I was a coward,’ he admitted. ‘I didn’t want to face the truth, so I hid from it. I promised Marian that I wouldn’t see you, and I thought I could do it…but I can’t. I’ve never felt so empty than I have without you in my life Regina.’

Her lip wobbled, a tear escaping and caressing her cheek.   
‘I waited,’ she breathed through the lump of emotion growing in her chest, ‘alone in that big, empty house. I waited for you to come and find me, even just to say goodbye.’  
‘I’m sorry,’ he choked, holding back a sob of his own. ‘I wish I could take it back, believe me I do. When I saw you the other day I realised that I had been kidding myself in thinking I could ever even try to forget you. I don’t want to.’  
‘You threw me aside as soon as she came back,’ Regina cried. ‘I deserved better than that.’  
‘I know,’ Robin admitted solemnly. ‘I wish I could make it up to you, but I can’t change the past. But I can say this.’

He took Regina’s trembling hands, enveloping them in his own and brushing a thumb gently across her knuckles. She lifted her head, her watery eyes meeting his, and her heart stopped. This was it.   
‘I…’  
‘What?’  
Robin took a deep breath.

‘I care about you, Regina.’

Regina closed her eyes, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her world fell apart. She had given him the chance, opened her heart reluctantly and invited him to take it back in spite of everything; he had failed. When push came to shove he couldn’t say it. He didn’t love her. 

It was the oddest feeling, having your heart ripped out. Regina had only ever done it to herself, and although it was incredibly painful it was nothing in comparison to this. Her body shook, as she held back the tidal wave building up inside of her. She wanted to scream. That hope she had dared to hang on to, to cultivate, was gone and without it she felt like an empty shell. 

She was aware that he was still holding her hands, still talking to her but she couldn’t hear what he was saying through the fog. It didn’t matter anyway. She had proven the fairy wrong at least, Regina thought with a dark twist of humour that made her want to both laugh and cry. 

‘Regina? Regina are you alright?’  
She opened her eyes, breathing out deeply to try and steady herself. Removing her hands from his reassuring grip, she wiped away the tears from her eyes and felt eerily calm; she knew what she had to do.  
‘I’m fine,’ she smiled falsely. ‘I forgive you. Of course I do, how could I not? It’s not your fault that Marian came back. You were only reacting as anyone would; if it were Daniel I would have done the same.’  
They both knew that wasn’t true.  
‘I…’ he stuttered, confused by her sudden change in demeanour.

‘She’s your wife, Robin, and she is Roland’s mother; this was only ever going to end one way. I’m not going to break up your family.’  
‘Regina-‘  
‘No,’ she interrupted him, ‘no I know what you’re going to say, and there is no need. The facts are quite simple: we were together, yes, for a brief amount of time. And it was special, it was wonderful, but now Marian is back. I can’t compete with your wife, and I won’t. You said it yourself - you would have walked through hell to be with her again; now you have that chance. Don’t throw it away.’  
Regina paused, gathering all of her strength.  
‘Wh-what…what about you?’ Robin asked.  
‘I’ll be alright,’ she said, although she was sure it wasn’t the truth. ‘Not many people get a second chance, dear.’

Regina looked over his face, mapping every feature to memory and taking in his intoxicating forest smell. She knew that this would be the last time they would see each other and she wanted to remember him. She fought the urge to reach out and stroke the stubble of his cheek, wanting so badly to touch him one last time. 

‘I think we can be civil when called for, but it might be better for both of us if we didn’t see each other…at all.’  
‘Regina please don’t do this-‘  
‘Thank you,’ Regina said as she stood up, cutting him off, ‘for everything; for allowing me to say a proper goodbye.’ She turned and started walking, knowing that if she looked back she would be lost. Robin stood clumsily, knocking the table as a tear slipped down his cheek.   
‘Regina,’ he called, but she kept going. He slammed his fist to the table with a frustrated sob. ‘REGINA!’

She walked out of the diner and kept on walking. The wind was icy cold against her skin, feeling like a slap in the face. It was over. It was actually over. She had pushed him away, as she had so many others, and now he was gone. It was for the best, she told herself as if that were of any comfort, he didn’t love you.

The familiarity of the route rather than her own co-ordination brought her back to her home. Empty. Once the door slammed closed behind her, Regina stood alone in the hallway and everything hit her at once.

She screamed. It was all she could do.


	8. Chapter 8

Regina screamed, filling the house with the haunting sound of pain and anguish. Tears seemed to burn her skin as they fell, scarring her cheeks. Her hands went to her head, her fingers intertwining with her hair as she clawed at her skull as if that would make the pain go away. Her throat constricted, a choked sob forcing its way from her lips. She couldn’t breathe. It felt like dying.

‘No,’ she whispered, shaking her head as what happened at the diner began to sink in. Closing her eyes she tightened her grip on her head, doubling over as if she had been physically harmed.  
‘NO’ she cried, feeling magic surge involuntarily within her and erupt outwards in a wave which broke every mirror on the first floor. Glass shattered as her heart broke, littering the floor with glistening shards. 

Regina swayed a little where she stood but kept herself standing. She was tired of being strong, of telling everyone that she was fine when it couldn’t be further from the truth. She had lost him. There had been a moment when his hands had held hers with such care, that she had thought it could all be alright again. He had sounded so sincere, so upset that he had hurt her; all he had to do was tell her that he loved her. 

The hope that had given her such a lift now churned uncomfortably within her as it turned to despair. She felt the once familiar sensation of anger pulsing with every beat of her heart. Her mother had been right; love was pointless, a growth that took root inside of you and slowly weakened you. Thinking of her mother only served to fuel her growing rage.

The chance had been laid before him, as clear as day, but he couldn’t do it. Three simple words. Those words could have saved her, but instead he let her fall and Regina had pushed him away as she had done to everyone else. She knew that if he didn’t love her then she had to let him go, to finish whatever it was they had once and for all. 

But it hurt. It hurt so much, with such finality, that she couldn’t draw breath. Knowing it was the right thing to do didn’t make it any easier. Regina had tried to change, to be a better person, and this was where doing the right thing had led her. 

Her anger built inside her chest, and with it came a swell of magic so powerful sparks flew from her fingertips; anger at herself, at her life, and anger with Robin. She had given him her heart and he had crushed it, as she had done to so many others. She wanted to hate him, but even now she knew that she couldn’t and that only made her angrier. He had not done it out of spite and he had not meant to cause her harm, he was too kind for that. Yet still she was hurt, and she needed someone to blame.

But the only blame was on herself. This was her punishment. For years of tormenting others and bringing such unhappiness, she had cursed herself to be miserable. Her anger slowly waned, her magic retreating back. Anger had brought her this life, and Regina vowed that she would not let it take her over again. But without anger there was only sadness, and a silence that surrounded her in a suffocating embrace. 

She brought her arms down, encircling her torso, and began to cry. There were no powerful sobs, no screams of grief, only a steady stream of lonely tears. There was no greatness in her sorrow, and she had lost the will to fight. Regina had been right in what she had told Tinker Bell; she was no queen. The queen was dead. 

Xxx

Tinker Bell was walking into town when she saw Robin coming out of the diner. At first she smiled, offering a friendly wave, but as she came closer to him she could see that he was upset and her face fell.  
‘Hey,’ she offered gently as they met on the pavement.  
‘Hi,’ he mumbled.  
‘You okay?’

Robin looked at her and sighed heavily.  
‘I just saw Regina,’ he said by way of an explanation.   
‘Oh?’ the fairy remarked, feeling her heart sink. ‘I’m guessing that it didn’t go to plan?’  
‘I tried to explain everything, to apologise. We were finally having an honest conversation; she was starting to open up and then she just…changed. She said we couldn’t talk again, couldn’t see each other at all. I don’t understand.’  
‘Why would she do that?’ asked Tink, struggling to comprehend why Regina had pushed her true love aside.   
‘I don’t know,’ Robin shook his head, looking down to the ground. ‘She said I’d been given a second chance and that I should take it, and I know she might be right…but I couldn’t stand a week without her. How am I supposed last a lifetime?’

‘You have to listen to your heart,’ Tinker Bell told him. ‘It will lead you to where you are meant to be, to what you want.’  
‘I don’t know what I want,’ he admitted sheepishly. ‘It’s all so…so messy. Regina deserves better than this, they both do.’  
‘Give yourself time. I’ll talk to Regina, try and make sense of what happened. She’s had a lot on her mind, she may just have overreacted.’  
‘Do you know what was wrong with her?’ asked Robin.   
‘I…’ she started, her suspicions that Regina hadn’t yet told him of her pregnancy being confirmed.  
‘When I saw her in the diner on Saturday she collapsed, and even before all of this I could tell she was hiding something. She looked better this morning but I’m still worried about her, Tink. I need to know that she’s okay.’  
‘I’m sure that Regina is fine,’ Tinker Bell assured him, trying to mask the fact that she knew more than she was willing to tell him.   
‘She tries to hide it, make out she’s indestructible; but she isn’t. If never seeing me again is what she wants then fine, I’ll let her do whatever she needs to to be happy. But if she’s hurt, or ill, or anything…if she needs me I’ll always be here. Can you make sure that she knows that?’ Robin kept his voice from wavering, but his eyes swam with tears.   
‘Of course,’ the fairy smiled sadly, ‘I’ll tell her, I promise.’  
‘Thank you,’ Robin nodded in way of parting and he began walking slowly back to the woods.

Tinker Bell turned on her heel and walked back towards Mifflin Street. She had questions, and Regina had a lot to answer for.

Xxx

Tink didn’t bother to knock as she approached the door, but merely pushed it open with ease. Her eyes widened as she stepped into the hallway, glass crunching beneath her boots.  
‘Regina?’ she called, panic creeping into her tone. ‘Regina, what happened?’   
Tinker Bell walked further into the house, disturbed by the unsettling quiet, and was about to call again when she heard a sniff coming from the living room.

Cautiously, the petite blonde went towards the origin of the sound and saw Regina sitting on the sofa.   
‘Regina?’  
‘You again,’ she said flatly, without even a hint of emotion in her tone. As Tinker Bell came closer she saw that Regina was coiled with her feet beneath her, holding a glass of water which had the subtle shimmer the fairy could recognise as the potion she had gifted her the day before. Her hands were shaking.

She had never realised how small the other woman was. Her personality had always given the illusion that she stood above everyone else, but curled in on herself with the tear tracks on her cheeks glinting in the dim light she seemed lost, almost childlike.  
‘I saw Robin,’ Tink explained. Regina closed her eyes, his name stabbing into her already battered heart, and she gripped the glass in her hand tighter.   
‘He looked upset,’ she continued when Regina stayed silent. ‘He told me what you said, that you can’t see each other anymore.’  
‘We can’t,’ Regina rasped, her voice cracking. She took a sip of the water, and opened her eyes once again to look up at the fairy. A small part of her found comfort in the fact that Robin wasn’t rejoicing in their parting, but it wasn’t enough to draw her out of the void which seemed to have swallowed her whole.

‘Why not?’ asked Tink. ‘He was a mess after what you said to him; clearly he cares enough about you that the thought of not seeing you hurt him.’  
Fresh tears graced Regina’s cheeks as a melancholy smile spread across her face.   
‘That’s the problem,’ she whispered.  
‘What is?’  
‘He cares,’ she said bitterly, ‘that’s what he told me.’  
‘And why is that so offensive to hear?’ Tinker Bell questioned. She was growing frustrated; to her, none of this made sense.   
‘It’s not love,’ Regina clarified, her breath catching. ‘He was supposed to say I love you.’ She dropped her head into her free hand as sobs wracked her thin frame.

Tinker Bell’s expression softened at seeing her crumble. She understood. Robin had said the wrong thing when it had mattered most, and it had cost them both. For someone already on the edge, it could only take a little push.  
‘That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you,’ Tink assured her, putting a hand on her shaking shoulder. ‘He’s just scared, that’s all. He thought he’d lost you after what happened, and he didn’t know what to say. He does love you, Regina, of course he does.’  
She shook her head as she lifted it, matching Tinker Bell’s reassuring gaze with one of pure hopelessness.  
‘You weren’t there, you don’t know. I gave him the chance, one last chance, but he couldn’t do it. There was nothing holding him back.’  
‘He wasn’t thinking straight,’ fought Tink,’ you just need to give him time-‘  
‘I don’t have time,’ Regina stopped her. ‘I won’t wait around and hope that he might love me. And even if he does…if he can’t tell me how he feels, then how can he ever love me enough to leave his wife? No. I can’t live like that. I didn’t have a choice, I had to tell him to go; otherwise I’d just keep getting hurt.’

Tinker Bell flopped on the couch beside Regina, sighing deeply.   
‘Okay,’ she said finally, ‘okay I get it, I do. But look at what this is doing to you. You deserve to be happy.’  
‘I’ll live,’ Regina muttered unconvincingly, in a tone which worried Tink to no end.  
‘And what about the baby?’  
Regina visibly tensed, her free hand curling into a fist.   
‘Why didn’t you tell him?’  
‘I…I couldn’t,’ stuttered the brunette, looking down into her lap.  
‘You’re going to have to tell him sooner or later,’ reasoned Tinker Bell, ‘you can’t hide in here forever.’  
Regina gave a small shake of her head.   
‘I won’t tell him,’ she breathed, her voice so quiet and broken Tink could hardly make out the words, ‘because he doesn’t need to know.’  
‘What do you mean?’ asked the fairy, fear knotting in her chest as she awaited the answer she suspected she already knew.

Regina took a deep breath and looked Tinker Bell in the eye.  
‘I can’t do it.’  
‘What?’ gasped the fairy. ‘Of course you can.’  
‘No,’ she insisted, her tone tremulous, ‘I can’t, I really can’t. I’m not strong enough to have his baby on my own. I’ve already ruined Henry’s childhood; I don’t want to ruin hers as well.   
‘It’s a girl?’

Regina’s jaw snapped shut as she realised what she had said. Her tears cascaded freely, more a waterfall than a stream, and she breathed deeply.  
‘It’s just a feeling,’ she mumbled.  
‘Feelings can be powerful,’ Tink reminded her gently. ‘You want this baby, don’t you?’  
‘I…it’s not that simple,’ Regina reasoned.  
‘Not everything is as complex as it seems. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness, surely you can see that. You’re just scared, and that’s perfectly normal. Henry grew up to be a smart, kind and brave young man, and you raised him to that; and even since then you’ve grown, changed for the better. You have nothing to fear from this child.’

‘I just don’t want to end up on my own,’ sniffled Regina, voicing her greatest fear aloud.  
‘You will never be alone, not as long as you let people in,’ Tinker Bell assured her, putting an arm around the older woman; she was surprised when Regina didn’t push her away.  
‘If you let this baby go then you will never forgive yourself. You will regret it for the rest of your life. It will leave a hole in your heart that can never be filled; and you know how that feels. Don’t put yourself through that, Regina. Be strong.’  
‘But I’m not strong,’ Regina breathed, ‘not anymore. I’m just…just so tired.’

She put her glass on the coffee table, and as she leaned back she gasped. It felt like butterflies softly fluttering in her abdomen. Regina placed a hand over her torso, her brow wrinkling with worry; but she could still feel the energy within her, stronger than ever before. As her thumb brushed softly over the material covering the place where her child was growing, a wisp of purple smoke left her fingers and seemed to melt through the fabric of her dress. 

Although she didn’t know what it was exactly, Regina knew what it meant. She could never bring herself to do it. She loved this baby too much already. The thought of cradling it, cradling her, in her arms lessened the ache Robin had left in her heart. She let out a shuddering breath. For her child she would find strength, she would dig deeper. She would survive. 

Tinker Bell watched the former queen, knowing that she needed to say nothing more. Regina had been teetering on a precipice, and Tink wondered if she realised how close she might have come…but no. Love had pulled her back, and even if she was still broken she was not lost. She was not alone.

Xxx

‘Mom?’ Henry called as he burst through the door, having half run from where the school bus dropped him off. He threw his backpack aside, his thoughts only for his mother.  
‘In here.’   
He followed her voice into the living room, where he found her taking down the last broken mirror from the wall. Her face brightened when she saw him, but Henry’s heart sank as he saw the red rim to her eyes; he knew she had been crying.   
‘Mom…’  
‘I’m sorry, Henry, I didn’t realise the time. I haven’t even started on dinner yet,’ she said, trying to sound normal.  
‘It’s still early,’ he shrugged, walking towards her.  
‘Looks like I couldn’t quite keep my promise.’ 

Regina didn’t want to cry. She was fed up of feeling as if she were about to fall apart every minute. But when Henry wrapped his arms around her she let one final tear escape, promising it would be her last.   
‘I’m fine,’ she whispered.  
‘You’re not,’ he answered at once.  
‘I will be, though,’ she swore, taking his head in her hands and placing a kiss on his forehead. ‘I will, I promise.’  
‘Did you talk to him?’  
‘Yes,’ answered Regina, seeing no point in lying to her son, ‘but it’s okay. I don’t need him, do I? I have you and the baby; that’s more than enough.’  
‘I’m sorry Mom.’  
‘Me too,’ she admitted. ‘Shall we watch some television? You can tell me about your day.’

Henry started to protest, but he realised what she was asking of him. Regina wanted to forget, to think about anything but Robin. So they turned on the TV and he told her about his day, including every last boring detail he could think of, and slowly he felt her begin to relax against him. 

Xxx

The next morning Regina walked Henry to the bus stop, and he didn’t complain despite being more than old enough to handle the task himself. After waving him off she turned, heading towards Mr. Gold’s shop. 

The bell on the door twinkled as she stepped inside to see her former mentor and his wife at the counter.  
‘Regina,’ he smiled, looking her up and down with his beady eyes, ‘so it is true.’  
‘Can we talk for a minute? Alone?’ she asked, nodding towards Belle. Normally the younger woman would have put up a fight against Regina for being dismissed so out of hand, but she recognised the hint of desperation in Regina’s tone. This wasn’t about her; something wasn’t quite right with the former queen, that much was clear, and she needed a confidant. Belle inclined her head and went through to the back without a word of complaint.

Once she was out of earshot, Regina turned back to Mr. Gold.  
‘So…you are aware of my predicament?’  
‘I could sense it a mile off dearie, but in this case seeing is believing. You’re practically glowing.’  
‘It’s powerful,’ Regina agreed, ‘I’ve learnt that if nothing else.’

Gold looked at her again, and despite everything between them could find no joy in her misery. She looked so fragile that he knew a few well-chosen words could break her; yet he did not feel the need. He was content with what he had, and so long as Regina did not harm Belle then she was no threat to him.

‘That it is,’ he nodded slowly, his voice softening from its usual mocking tone. ‘Are you going to keep it?’  
Regina’s head snapped up to look him in the eye. Somehow he knew she had been contemplating otherwise, and she hated that he had that power over her.  
‘Yes,’ she said hurriedly, not wanting to discuss that matter any further.  
‘Then what is it you need from me?’  
‘I…I need to know that you won’t tell anyone; at least not until it becomes too obvious to ignore.’  
‘You haven’t told him yet,’ Gold worked out quickly and the shift in Regina’s eyes was answer enough. ‘Don’t worry dearie, I’ll keep your secret; it’s not my news to tell. But you know, I’m sure, that it cannot be hidden forever. We are trapped in this town, and it’s not the largest of places – you will have to tell Robin eventually.’  
‘I know,’ sighed Regina, ‘I just can’t quite face that yet.’  
‘You could disguise yourself for a while-‘  
‘I can’t use magic,’ she cut him off, ‘not to that extent.’  
‘Magical conflict? Already?’   
Regina nodded. ‘I told you it was powerful.’  
‘My my…that is quite something. Your mother wasn’t pained until her final months,’ Gold smiled in fond memory.  
‘My mother?’  
‘Oh yes dearie,’ he assured her. ‘She came to me, but there was nothing much I could have done and I wasn’t really in a giving mood with her at the time. You caused her quite the stir.’

Somehow, the story coaxed the corners of Regina’s mouth into a smile. The facts told her that her mother was evil, and it was true; yet still there was a part of Regina’s heart that would always belong to Cora. She wondered, not for the first time, whether if her heart had been returned to her unsullied then they could have started over, tried to build a better relationship. But she would only ever wonder. 

Regina realised that she had drifted into a world of memories, and cleared her throat of the lump which had come to rest there. She was about to leave before she had another thought.  
‘I don’t suppose you have anything to help with dreams,’ she asked him. Robin had plagued her slumber every night since they had parted. Regina did not want to see him in waking or sleep, not until she had some time to pull herself together.  
‘Dreams? I’m very good with dreams,’ he smiled, turning and rummaging in a cabinet filled with drawers of trinkets. He pulled out a small dream catcher, no larger than a coin, and held it up to the light.  
‘This should do the trick,’ he stated confidently, turning and placing it in her open palm. Their skin brushed, and Regina noticed his brow wrinkle slightly.  
‘What is it?’  
‘Nothing, nothing,’ he insisted quickly, ‘just…there’s a lot of power radiating off you, that’s all.’  
Regina looked at him, confused, but simply shook it off.   
‘What do I owe you?’  
‘Nothing.’  
Regina raised a questioning eyebrow.  
‘This one’s on me,’ he smiled, ‘congratulations.’  
‘Thank you,’ she said, wondering if this meant a definitive end to their battle. They hadn’t had much time to talk since he had returned, but Regina felt far safer after speaking with him on such good terms. She turned to go.

‘Regina?’  
‘Yes?’  
He paused for a moment, wondering quite what he meant to say.  
‘I’m so sorry,’ he told her sincerely.


	9. Chapter 9

Henry stayed with Regina for the next week, until he was convinced that she was capable of living at least partially on her own. She treasured that time, seven whole days with her son all to herself. There were moments when things were almost back to how they had been before the curse broke as they fell into their old routine of school, dinner, homework and television; but there was a greater fondness and a mutual respect that made their relationship so much stronger. 

Regina couldn’t deny that it was difficult to let him go back to Emma. For a while she had been able to forget, to lose herself in every precious minute with her son, but the moment he was gone it felt as if she had lost him to her all over again. But fighting to keep Henry with her permanently was only going to end in a war she wasn’t strong enough to wage, at least not now, so she had to make a compromise

She had given her terms through Henry, not wanting to even speak to the woman who had betrayed her. Henry would stay with Emma during the week, and would come home to her after school on Friday. Regina would spend the weekend with him and send him to school on Monday morning, after which he would return to Emma’s apartment. This way, they would never even have to meet through exchange of their son. Emma had never questioned the arrangement, for which Regina was thankful, though they both knew it was a small plaster trying to cover a gaping wound. It wouldn’t last.

A month had passed, slowly but surely, and still Emma and Regina had not spoken. Regina lived for Fridays, always taking the afternoon off to prepare a special dinner for her son and tidy his room. During the week she went to work, mostly remaining reclusive in her office and avoiding anywhere she was likely to bump into Emma, Mary Margaret or Robin.

She had caught glimpses of the outlaw more than once. Several times when she had ventured to Granny’s to collect her lunch order he had been there, and their eyes had met across the room; but that’s all it ever was, all she allowed it to be. Regina never stopped to speak to him, knowing that it would only hurt her more, but so far even the sight of him was enough to break her heart all over again.

Gold, so far, had kept his promise and the rest of the town knew nothing about her pregnancy. She had mostly severed herself from community life in Storybrooke, choosing the safety of isolation. Her knowledge of the town’s workings allowed her to run it in relative silence, with the Charmings taking on the more public side of the job. 

It was in part the fear that someone might discover her secret that caused her to lock herself away, but mostly she simply wasn’t used to being accepted. Everyone in the town had hated her for so long that not being the object of everyone’s anger was a new experience, and she wasn’t sure how to try to start again. Besides, all of those she got close to pushed her aside eventually. 

Regina spoke briefly with Granny whenever she went into the diner, and on occasion met with Tinker Bell, but that was the sum of her contact with the world beside her son. Mostly in the week she spent her evenings alone, reading or practising her magic until she eventually fell asleep. 

With the aid of the fairy’s potion and a little hard work, Regina had managed to increase the threshold of magic she could tolerate; but she was still far from her full strength. Anything complex was beyond her capabilities, as she had learned the hard way. The baby was growing stronger. Whenever she put a hand to her abdomen she could sense its power, its life force, pulsing like a heartbeat. Regina had spent evenings lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and just losing herself in that wonderful sensation. She had cut herself off from the world, but she was never alone. 

Xxx

Today was a Friday, and Regina had decided to take the whole day off so that she could get some groceries and work out how to make the apple tarte tatin she had promised Henry. Pulling herself out of bed, however, proved somewhat more difficult than usual. She had tossed and turned in the night plagued, she knew, by dreams that she could not quite remember when her eyes opened. Water, that was all she could recall. Water and fear. 

Regina sat up with a groan and took the dream catcher from her bedside table and played with the tiny feathers adorning it.  
‘Useless,’ she muttered to herself, tossing it aside, ‘probably why it was free.’   
She made to stand up, but a wave of nausea overtook her and forced her back down into sitting position. Breathing deeply Regina reached over to the glass of water she kept on her bedside table and opened her palm, summoning the bottle from its place in her purse downstairs. She added a drop to the glass and drank it down, sighing in relief as the sickness began to slowly abate. 

This was the third time that this morning routine had played out in the past week, and she had become far better at managing it effectively. Morning sickness had won the first battle, when she had been too worried that something was wrong to summon the potion in time, but now Regina knew its secrets and had managed to fight back. 

She placed a hand over her abdomen to check that everything was in order, and smiled when her worries were put to rest. Despite feeling the overwhelming need to flop back into bed, Regina compelled herself to stand and dress in a black skirt and blue silk blouse. She noticed that the skirt nipped her sides a little more closely than she was used to and smiled. Standing side on in front of a full length mirror, she looked down at her flat stomach and wondered how large it would grow. After years of watching her figure, Regina suddenly couldn’t wait for her belly to bulge.

Her phone buzzed on the side table, and she picked it up to see a message from Henry.

Can’t wait for tonight   
X

Regina smiled and messaged back.

Neither can I. I have high hopes; have you got three good ones?  
Xx

Henry answered, and Regina felt her heart flutter with happiness. 

Best ones yet  
Xx

 

A few weeks previously, Henry had started badgering her about baby names.

Xxx

‘It’s too early to think about that yet’ sighed Regina as she cleared the plates away from their dinner together.  
‘Oh come on Mom, you promised I could help you pick one.’  
‘I know, but I meant a little closer to the time.’  
Henry pouted, gathering the cutlery and placing it in the sink.  
‘But these things need a lot of thought. And I still don’t see why Bruce is out of the question.’  
Regina smiled in spite of herself.  
‘I am not naming my child Bruce. Besides, I told you it’s a girl.’  
‘How do you know?’ asked Henry curiously. Regina didn’t have an honest answer.  
‘I…I can’t explain, but I just know. Like a mother’s instinct,’ she tried to justify it.   
‘That doesn’t sound very definitive to me. I think we should plan for every eventuality and put Bruce as a reserve, in case it’s a boy.’

Regina laughed, her eyes sparkling.  
‘Okay then, what’s a better name?’ he challenged her.  
Her smile faded slightly.  
‘I don’t know, Henry…I don’t want to curse it. They say it’s bad luck.’  
‘Don’t worry Mom, everything will be okay,’ he assured her. ‘Anyway, you can’t cast any curses without your magic at full strength.’  
‘That is certainly true,’ Regina admitted.  
‘Please?’

Regina sighed, relenting as his big brown orbs looked right through her and touched her well hidden soul.  
‘Fine,’ she mumbled, ‘but there are rules.’  
‘Anything,’ Henry agreed excitedly.  
‘You can give me three names for every day that I see you; no texting me with suggestions during the week.’  
‘Done.’  
‘And I can say no to as many as I like.’  
‘But you will pick one eventually?’  
‘Yes,’ Regina smiled, tilting his chin with her hand as she had done for so many years, ‘the first one I think fits I will choose, I promise.’

‘Awesome!’ Henry cheered. For a while he stood in contemplation, taking the wet plates his mother passed him and drying them with a tea towel.   
‘Mom?’ he said after a while.  
‘Yes Henry?’  
‘Can we start with today?’  
Regina chuckled, and nodded her head. ‘I suppose so. Go on then, suggestion number one?’

Henry thought for a moment, his brow wrinkling as his mind processed every name he could think of. His eyes lit up, as if a lightbulb moment had occurred in his mind, and Regina cocked an eyebrow waiting for a response.  
‘Bruce!’  
‘No,’ Regina said at once, but she couldn’t stop smiling. 

Xxx

Henry put his phone back in his pocket and finished his cereal as Emma walked into the kitchen, where Mary Margaret was brewing the coffee.   
‘Have you got everything for going to Regina’s?’ asked Emma, taking a cup as it was offered by her mother and warming her fingers around it.  
‘Of course,’ Henry replied. ‘Are you and she ever actually going to be in the same room together?’  
‘I don’t know kid,’ Emma sighed, ‘I’m not sure I want to risk my life.’

‘Well this can’t go on forever,’ Mary Margaret chipped in. ‘If you want to take Henry to New York, then you’re going to have to-‘  
‘New York?’ Henry interrupted, his eyes widening.   
‘Just for a few days,’ Emma added quickly, ‘in the school holidays. If you want to that is.’  
‘Yes, I would…’ he started eagerly, but his conscience caught up with him, ‘I don’t think my Mom would like it.’  
‘Neither do I,’ agreed Emma, taking a sip of her coffee.  
‘I think it’s time we all had a talk, get everything out in the open. It has to happen sooner or later, and maybe she’ll be more receptive if we’re talking about Henry,’ Mary Margaret suggested.  
‘That’s optimistic,’ scoffed the blonde, but she knew her mother was right. 

‘I haven’t seen her since the diner,’ Mary Margaret said slowly, ‘I…I know it’s been a while, but I want to check that she’s okay. She is still, just about, my stepmother.’ She didn’t say it aloud, but she knew that something was amiss with the former queen. Whenever she asked about Regina, Henry was always very vague and tried to avoid talking about the subject. He insisted she was ‘getting there’ as he put it, but Snow suspected otherwise.  
‘If it’ll get everybody talking again, it might be worth a shot,’ Henry nodded, ‘but…you’ve got to be careful.’  
‘We will be,’ Mary Margaret smiled reassuringly.  
‘She might say she’s strong, but she’s still vulnerable and I don’t want…I…’ Henry grumbled in frustration at not being able to say what he meant, but he would keep his promise to his mother.  
‘We’ll be gentle, promise,’ Emma moved her hand to her chest and crossed her heart, causing Henry to roll his eyes. ‘I’ll grab the car and pick you up after school, and we’ll drive to Regina’s; okay?’  
‘Okay,’ grinned Henry nervously, not quite sure what to expect from this meeting.

‘David has taken Neal for the day, so I’ll come with you,’ Mary Margaret added. ‘I might be needed to keep the peace.’

Xxx

Regina wiped the flour from her hands onto her apron as the oven timer went off. Putting on heatproof gloves she opened the door and pulled the pan from the oven, placing it on the counter. The lack of a burning smell which had been present in the previous attempt was, Regina thought, an encouraging start. This was her fourth tart of the day, and she swore that it would be her last no matter what it looked like.

After waiting for a moment, she covered the pan with a plate and expertly turned it over; she had learned that skill shortly after attempt number one had crashed to the floor. Regina tapped the dish with a wooden spoon and lifted it off, a smile spreading across her face as she revealed a beautiful apple tart tatin wafting scents of cinnamon and caramel around the room. She heard the front door open and put the washing up in the sink, removing her apron.

‘Henry,’ she called, ‘I finally did it. I told you I’d get it eventually.’ She walked out from the kitchen to greet her son, but as she entered the hallway her smile fell and her eyes darkened. Henry threw his backpack in the corner and looked up at her almost apologetically, as he was standing in front of Emma and Mary Margaret. 

'Henry…’ she started, her voice shaking with anger. Her eyes were fixed on the former sheriff and she could feel hatred bubbling away within her.  
‘I just want to talk,’ Emma assured her gently, holding her hands up as if in surrender.  
‘I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You are not welcome here Ms. Swan. Get out of my house,’ spat Regina.   
'Mom,' Henry said timidly, 'please?' The sound of his voice was enough to soften Regina's murderous expression, though she remained caught in a conflict between the two extremes of love and hate. Taking a deep breath she turned her head to look at him.  
'I can't, Henry, I'm sorry. I'm not...' She gave a subtle shake of her head, dropping her gaze to the floor. 

Henry understood what she was trying to say but was too proud to voice; she didn't think she was strong enough.  
'Just five minutes?' he tried.  
Regina looked back to Emma, and tried to fight the darkness threatening to resurface. She would not give into it and return to being the woman she had worked so hard to avoid, not for the sake of the so-called saviour. Breathing slowly, she suppressed the anger she felt until she was sure that she wasn't about to launch herself at Emma's throat and tried to hold on to some sense of calm.  
'What do you want?' She asked, her tone dripping with disdain; she felt no need to be civil with the woman. Folding her arms, she stood as if guarding the rest of the house so as to make it clear they were not invited further than the hall.

'I never meant to hurt you, Regina, honestly-' Emma started but Regina held up a hand to silence her, biting back a cutting remark.  
'If you've come here just to ramble on, then you might as well leave; I don't want to hear it. I have no intention of listening to you stumble over an apology. If you want forgiveness then you have had a wasted trip.'  
Regina tried to keep her voice strong, but there was a waver in her words that she couldn't quite control and she hated what it gave away.  
'Fine,' Emma nodded, keeping her tone gentle, 'fine if that's what you want I'll cut the crap. I just think we should talk about arrangements for Henry, work something out that's a bit more clear cut.'  
'I...I suppose that seems reasonable,' the brunette agreed reluctantly, 'but I see no issue with the current system. Quite frankly you should be grateful with the time I have given you.'  
'I am,' Emma said at once, 'I think what we have is fine for now. It's just that the school holidays are coming up.'  
'And?' Regina snapped, growing impatient.  
'I...I was thinking of taking Henry to New York.'

A heavy silence fell in the wake of those words, and Regina felt her blood run cold. Fear rose within her, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe. She was taking him away.  
'No,' she managed to say, almost choking on the word as her throat constricted in panic.  
'Just for a couple of days,' Emma added quickly, seeing the distress so perfectly clear in the older woman's expression, 'for a holiday, nothing more.'  
But Regina could hardly hear her. She shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears she refused to shed.  
'I won't let you take him from me, not again.'   
'I just thought the kid might need a bit of a break, that's all,' the blonde explained in an attempt at reassurance. Regina shot her a look of pure loathing, her lip almost curling into a snarl.   
Emma saw the heat burning in Regina’s eyes, the fire of rage fuelled by pain, and she felt guilt weigh her down so heavily she wasn’t sure she could move. She had never seen the former queen look so fragile, Regina was the strongest woman she knew, but cracks were forming in her armour and to know that she had caused that made Emma feel so much worse.

'It's okay Mom,' Henry interjected noticing the way his mother was gripping her arms tightly, nails digging into her arms through the fabric of her blouse, 'I don't have to go.'  
'You have already taken Robin from me,' Regina hissed, ignoring her son's attempts at diplomacy, 'I will not let you take my son.'   
'I'm sorry,' Emma insisted, 'I didn't mean...I won't take Henry, I promise.'  
Trying to diffuse the situation, she took a step towards Regina without thinking of the implications. 

Acting on instinct, Regina called her magic to her fingertips and extended her arms towards the younger woman to stop her from coming any closer. Emma stumbled back a few steps, hit by a force not quite strong enough to knock her over, and Mary Margaret held out an arm to steady her. Regina, however, was blown backwards by the power of her own curse and collided roughly with the wall.


	10. Chapter 10

For a moment she was overcome by shock, the impact having knocked the breath from her lungs, but then came the pain. It ripped through her head unlike anything she had ever felt before and she couldn't help the strangled cry that escaped her lips as she doubled over.  
‘MOM,’ Henry shouted, running to Regina and putting his arm around her shoulders just as she lost the last bit of strength keeping her upright. Her legs buckled beneath her, and she held almost desperately onto her son as another flash of agony forced her eyes to close and she let out a feeble whimper. Her body went limp, and unable to support her dead weight Henry gently lowered her to the floor and helped her to sit so she was leaning against the wall.

'What's happening?' asked Mary Margaret, her eyes wide with fear. As soon as she was sure that Emma was stable, she came to kneel at her former stepmother's side. Emma stood behind her, worried that Regina's reaction to her presence when she finally came to might only make matters worse.  
'She's not supposed to use magic,' Henry told them briefly. He was more concerned with how his mother seemed dangerously close to losing consciousness, her eyes fogging over and her breathing becoming more ragged.

For Regina everything seemed fuzzy, her senses betraying her as she fought against her body's wishes in order to remain awake. Henry was talking, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Her head throbbed, every breath only worsening the pain and she was tempted just to give in and let oblivion claim her so that it would end. Yet something felt wrong, as if she were missing something, and the realisation pulled her back into reality.  
‘Mom,’ said Henry insistently, ‘Mom are you okay?’   
She shook her head, which felt as if it were about to explode. Her hand trembled as she pressed it lightly to her abdomen, her world threatening to fall apart around her.  
‘Regina?' Mary Margaret whispered, putting a hand delicately on the woman's back.

‘I…I can’t…’ she stuttered, tears spilling from her eyes, ‘I can’t f-feel anything. The baby…oh God…’  
Regina concentrated as hard as she could but she couldn’t sense a thing, the usual warmth of her child's energy seemingly absent.   
'You're...you're pregnant?' Mary Margaret gasped.   
'I can't...she's n-not there...' Regina sobbed. Her anger was forgotten, melting away as fear burned in her heart, making it even harder to focus.  
Henry took his mother’s hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing gently.  
‘Just breathe,’ he reassured her gently. She tried to do as he instructed but Regina had never been so scared. It felt like drowning, and her mind flashed back to the dream from the previous night.

Regina breathed deeply, closing her eyes and concentrating as hard as she could. When she recognised the familiar pulse, not dissimilar to the feel of a heartbeat, her face broke into a relieved smile and she almost collapsed with the weight of her reprieve.  
‘She’s there,’ she breathed, ‘I can feel her.'  
‘I'm sure that she always was,’ Henry said hugging her carefully, ‘you just had to stay calm.’  
'The baby's alright?' Mary Margaret queried. Regina nodded wearily, wincing as the dull ache in her head spiked at the movement.   
'I'll go and get the bottle,' Henry offered, giving her hand a last squeeze, 'where is it?'  
'In my purse, in the kitchen somewhere,' she murmured, bringing a hand to her forehead as if it would help. 

Once Henry was gone, Emma moved slowly into view.  
'Regina I...I'm really sorry. I never meant-'  
'I know,' the brunette sighed, too exhausted to muster any rage towards the woman.  
'Are you going to be okay?'   
'The baby affects my magic, and so the curse I used backfired. It might hurt for a while, but there's no permanent damage.'   
I hope, Regina added silently.  
'I won't bring Henry to New York,' Emma assured her, 'it was a stupid idea. I wasn’t thinking.’  
Regina gave a small nod, and the blonde knew that it was more than she deserved.

Henry returned with a glass of water laced with Tinker Bell’s potion and knelt beside his mother. He held the glass to her lips as her own hands were too unsteady to hold it. Although the potion took away the pain Regina felt dizzy, so exhausted that it was hard to hold up her head, and her skin was still an unhealthy grey in pallor.  
‘Emma, maybe we should call Doctor Whale,’ Mary Margaret suggested.  
‘No,’ Regina insisted at once.   
‘You don’t look well,’ the school teacher argued gently, ‘I think you need to be checked over.’  
‘No,’ repeated Regina, more firmly. ‘I’ve had the potion, I’ll be fine.’  
‘But it usually works straight away,’ Henry reasoned, voicing his own concerns. ‘You still look ill Mom.’  
‘I just need a moment.’

She placed a hand on her abdomen as she had done before, but felt nothing out of the ordinary; her magic was settled, as was that of her child.   
‘Can you help me up?’ asked Regina eventually. Henry shot a glance at his birth mother who was thinking the same thing – Regina didn’t ask for help. Henry put his arm around her on her left, with Mary Margaret copying his actions on the right, and gently they pulled Regina into a standing position. As slowly as they were able, they guided her into the living room over to the sofa where she half collapsed into the soft cushions with a groan.   
‘Regina, I really think you should see someone-‘Emma started.  
‘Ms. Swan, as touched as I am for your sudden concern about my wellbeing, I think it might be time for you to leave.’  
‘I-‘  
‘Have you not done enough damage already?’ Regina snapped, stopping any form of retort from the blonde.  
‘Okay,’ Emma sighed, sensing that the older woman was starting to regain her composure and with it her anger, ‘I’ll go, if that’s what you want.’  
‘It is,’ Regina muttered.  
‘Then I suppose I’ll see you Monday kid.’  
‘I’ll just be a minute,’ Mary Margaret piped up. ‘Henry, do you think you could walk Emma to the car?’  
Henry’s brow creased at the unusual request but his grandmother gave him a look and he reluctantly complied, leaving the room with Emma so that Mary Margaret was alone with Regina.

Mary Margaret sat beside Regina, and covered her trembling hands with her own.  
‘It’ll pass,’ Regina said in a voice which seemed far too quiet.  
‘You need to see the doctor.’  
Regina shook her head slowly.  
‘Why won’t you let people help you?’ asked Mary Margaret, frustration creeping into her tone.  
‘I just need to be left alone,’ the older woman sighed, though she didn’t pull her hands away.   
‘We’re family Regina, no matter what we’ve said or done in the past. You could have told us what was going on.’  
‘I…wasn’t ready for anyone to know yet.’  
Regina looked down, unable to meet Mary Margaret’s eye and the truth slowly dawned.  
‘He doesn’t know, does he?’  
Regina closed her eyes in admission.  
‘That’s why you don’t want people to know, even Whale; you haven’t told Robin yet.’  
‘Give the girl a medal,’ muttered Regina, but when she opened her eyes Mary Margaret could see that they were glistening.   
‘Don’t you think that he deserves to know?’   
‘No, I don’t,’ Regina said shortly.  
‘But he’s the father,’ Mary Margaret reminded her. ‘He’ll find out eventually; don’t you think it would be better coming from you?’  
‘I …I can’t tell him,’ she answered honestly, putting a hand over her abdomen and sighing as she gently traced patterns over the fabric with her thumb.   
‘I’ve tried to move on, I really have but just seeing him is enough to bring back all of that pain. I know that he has to be told, I know that, but I don’t think I can take his rejection a second time.’  
‘Oh Regina,’ Mary Margaret breathed, her face softening with sympathy, ‘why would he reject you?’  
‘He has his family, a child of his own, a wife he loves…He doesn’t need us. I’ve lost him once, and I can’t go through that again. I can’t put her through that.’  
‘Her?’   
Regina couldn’t help but brighten, her lips curling into a smile as she looked down at her still flat belly.  
‘Yeah, I think so. I can almost see her…is that crazy?’  
‘No,’ Mary Margaret grinned, ‘I think it’s wonderful. Regina, I know you’re scared, but Robin is not the kind of guy who would leave you to do this on your own. And you can’t let that get in the way of you getting help if you need it.’  
‘I’ll be okay,’ Regina assured her, sniffing back her tears, ‘I feel a bit better.’   
It wasn’t a lie, and although she was still exhausted the dizziness was starting to pass. 

‘Emma’s waiting in the car,’ Henry said as he came back into the room. Mary Margaret nodded, smiling at him before turning to Regina.  
‘You should get some rest,’ she warned her stepmother. ‘Anything you need, you know where I am.’  
‘Thank you,’ Regina said sincerely, watching as Mary Margaret hugged Henry before seeing herself out. 

Once she was gone, Regina allowed herself to relax. With only Henry left in the house, she could finally drop any pretence of normality and her son could see her body sag with tiredness.  
‘I think you should lie down,’ Henry told her and Regina didn’t argue, gently lowering herself until she was lying across the sofa. He went upstairs and brought her down a blanket, sitting on the floor beside her as she closed her eyes.  
‘I didn’t finish your dinner,’ she remembered, groaning.  
‘It’s okay Mom, I’ll find something. You finished the tart didn’t you?’  
‘I did,’ Regina smiled, closing her eyes as her eyelids became heavier. ‘Don’t eat all of it.’  
‘I’ll try,’ Henry grinned back.  
‘You promised me three names,’ she reminded him, ‘I’ve been waiting all week.’

‘Hmmm…Poppy?’  
‘Ugh, no,’ Regina dismissed at once.  
‘Carlos?’  
‘I thought you said these were the best yet? I have to say I’m a little disappointed so far.’  
Henry suspected that his final suggestion of Andromeda was not exactly what his mother was looking for, so rested his head back against the arm of the sofa and took a moment to think.  
‘I’ve got it,’ he announced brightly.  
‘Hmm?’ Regina breathed, feeling the haziness of sleep beginning to wash over her.  
‘Rose.’

‘Rose…’ she repeated slowly, enjoying the way it sounded. ‘I like it.’  
Henrys face broke into a winning smile.  
‘Really?’   
He turned to look at his mother, but he could sense from the way her breathing had changed that she was already lost to her dreams. He brushed a strand of hair from her face gently.  
‘Sleep well Mom.’

Xxx

Henry and Regina spent the weekend quietly. Although she insisted that she felt better, she didn’t complain when Henry suggested a movie marathon on Saturday. Her sleep had been troubled, and despite taking Tink’s potion religiously the nausea was becoming more difficult to manage. 

By Sunday lunch time, the feeling had become so strong that Regina couldn’t stomach much more than dry toast. She made Henry an omelette, but the pungent smell of cheese and eggs almost pushed her over the edge.  
‘I’m fine,’ she muttered as she pushed the plate towards her son and took a long drink of tea.   
‘You’re not,’ he argued, taking a bite. ‘Is there nothing Tinker Bell can do?’  
‘I called her yesterday,’ admitted Regina, hating that she had already fallen to the point where she had to ask for help. ‘It’s just morning sickness, nothing to do with magic; that’s why the potion doesn’t help.’  
‘Isn’t there anything you can do?’ asked Henry, looking worriedly at his mother.  
‘Peppermint tea,’ she answered, nodding to the steaming cup in her hands, ‘or ginger…I don’t want to try magical remedies, mixing potions never ends well. The internet said exercise helps, but I’m not really in any state to go jogging.’  
‘We could go for a walk around the park?’ he suggested, finishing his meal and hopping off his seat to wash up his plate.  
‘Is this for my benefit, or are you just after an ice cream?’ Regina teased, smiling.  
‘You’ve blown my cover,’ Henry laughed. 

Xxx

‘So Bruce is a definite no?’ Henry asked as they walked slowly through the park heading, he was happy to note, towards where he knew the ice cream van resided on weekends.  
‘What is it with you and Bruce?’ Regina grinned, linking arms with her son.  
‘Bruce Banner of course.’  
‘The hulk? Really?’   
‘He was a scientist as well as a monster,’ Henry tried, relishing in the sound of his mother’s laughter that had been absent for far too long.   
‘I liked Rose,’ admitted Regina.   
‘Me too,’ Henry agreed, ‘Rose Mills has a nice ring to it.’

‘I was thinking about calling Doctor Whale on Monday,’ Regina said tentatively.   
‘Is it really that bad?’ Henry asked, looking up at her with eyes wide with fear.  
‘No, nothing like that,’ she reassured him with a smile. ‘I just thought I should get a check-up, and maybe try and book a scan for the next couple of weeks.’  
Henry’s face brightened at once.  
‘So we could see her? Like…on a screen?’  
‘Would you like to?’  
‘Yes!’ he exclaimed, trying and failing to contain his obvious excitement. Regina chuckled lightly, squeezing his arm with affection.  
‘But if you tell Whale, won’t other people find out? I mean he’s not the most subtle of people, and then there’s everyone else who works at the hospital…’  
‘I think that maybe it’s time,’ she answered, a tremor of nervousness running through her otherwise calm tone. ‘I can’t hide it forever, can I?’  
‘What about Robin?’ 

Regina sighed, but it was more through a tired acceptance of what had to happen than anything else. She had resigned herself to the fact that she had to tell Robin that he was the father of her child, and although she feared the consequences of her revelation she felt oddly composed. Between Snow, Henry and Tinker Bell’s kind words Regina was no longer feeling the pain of loneliness in her heart. If Robin couldn’t be there for her and her baby, their baby, then it would crush her - of that she was certain. Yet there was a glimmer of hope that should the worse happen, there would still be people around to support her. Regina had never had that before, people that cared, and it felt comforting.

‘He deserves to know before anyone else,’ she explained. ‘I’ll make the appointment with Whale after I’ve told him.’  
Part of her dared to hope that he would want to come with her, but she pushed the thought aside; it was too dangerous.  
‘It’ll be okay Mom,’ Henry promised.  
‘I hope so.’  
That word again.

‘GINA.’  
Regina’s smile faltered as she stopped, turning around to see the source of the sound. Roland was bounding towards her from the playground, arms open wide in expectation of a hug.  
‘Roland,’ she gasped, ‘what are you doing here?’   
He reached her, wrapping his arms around her legs and almost knocking her over. She took her arm from Henry and reached down to gently brush through Roland’s hair.  
‘I came to see you,’ he answered simply, beaming up at her. ‘I missed you Gina.’  
‘I missed you too.’   
‘Carry me?’ he asked, holding up his hands.  
‘Roland, I…where’s your father?’ Regina stuttered, her heart thumping in her chest.  
‘Daddy’s working, Mama’s gone to get juice,’ he explained. ‘Carry me Gina?’

Regina sighed, giving into the pleading of his soft brown eyes and picking him up.   
‘Are you okay Mom?’ Henry questioned, seeing a grimace pass across her face as she settled the child on her hip. She nodded, the discomfort passing as soon as it arose, and turned towards Roland who was playing with her hair.  
‘You shouldn’t run off like that Roland,’ she warned him gently, ‘your…your mother must be wondering-‘

‘Roland?’  
Regina felt her chest constrict as she heard the woman’s voice, but didn’t let it show in her expression.  
‘There you are,’ Marian sighed with relief, ‘I was so worried about you. You can’t just go off with strangers.’  
Regina turned towards her, using every ounce of her strength to remain calm, and she set Roland down so that he could run back to his mother.  
‘Gina’s not a stranger,’ he argued.  
‘Yes, well,’ muttered Marian, looking nervously up at Regina, ‘you still can’t run off.’  
‘Sorry Mama,’ he mumbled sheepishly.

‘I’m sorry,’ Regina said gently, trying her hardest to be pleasant, ‘he just came up to me, and I didn’t know where you were.’  
‘Yes…well…just stay away from my son,’ Marian snapped defensively, picking Roland up despite his moans of defiance.  
‘I wasn’t-‘  
‘Haven’t you done enough damage already? Stay away,’ she repeated vehemently, turning on her heel and walking back towards the playground.

Regina just stood for a moment watching them leave, shock preventing her from doing the same. She could see Roland’s face over his mother’s shoulder as he waved a sad goodbye, but she couldn’t bring herself to return the gesture. She was brought out of her state by a twinge of pain, just above her right hip. It caused her to flinch, although it was gone as quickly as it had arrived.  
‘Mom?’   
Regina put a hand over her abdomen, but felt nothing out of place. She shook it off, suddenly wanting to put as much distance between herself and Marian as possible.  
‘Let’s go,’ she mumbled, taking Henry’s arm again and trying not to feel hurt at the scorn of the woman who had taken her love away. 

When they finally got home, Henry excused himself to finish his homework and Regina sat in the living room, twirling her phone between her fingers. It took her half an hour to find the courage to type the message, but once she had it felt as if a weight was to be lifted from her shoulders.

Robin,  
I need to see you. There’s something that I have to tell you, something important, and I feel it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t say it in person. I’m sorry for what I said at the diner. I’m sorry for everything.   
Call me and we can arrange a time.

She wanted to put so much more in the text, to say everything she was too scared to utter aloud, but Regina knew that he deserved better than that. She wondered for a moment whether she was doing this to hurt Marian. Of course she had planned to tell Robin before meeting the other woman, but was it just seeing her in the park with her son that had encouraged her to take the first step towards a conversation that would certainly have consequences for their marriage?

No. Regina felt no ill will towards Marian, despite everything she had taken from her. None of this was her fault. She had not asked to be brought to Storybrooke, and had she remained behind Regina would certainly have killed her. For once she felt no anger, no resentment; there was no room left in her heart for those emotions. 

Whatever was to happen would affect them both, that could not be helped, but for Regina this was about herself and Robin and nothing more. If Robin ever chose to be with her, then yes Marian would get hurt, but if he did not then it wasn’t the fault of the person he chose in her place. The baby would change things of course, but to what extent Regina didn’t know.

She closed her eyes, leaning her head back and breathing through the nausea that was rising once again in the back of her throat. She held her phone tightly in her hand, waiting for any sign of a response and hating how desperately she wanted it to vibrate against her palm.


	11. Chapter 11

‘Robin?’ Marian called as she entered their tent in search of him, with Roland tagging along behind her.  
‘Mama, can I go and play?’  
‘Not now sweetie,’ she brushed him off, huffing when she found no sign of her husband.  
‘Please Mama? Mary and Michael are just outside…’  
‘I said-‘ she started harshly, but she caught herself before she snapped at her son. He didn’t deserve her frustrations to be taken out on him. Marian sighed, turning to him and crouching down so that their eyes were level. He looked at her with such innocence that it made her heart swell in her chest.  
‘I’m sorry Roland, I’m just tired. You can go and play as long as you’re back before dinner, and you stay where someone can see you. Okay?’

Roland smiled at her and put his arms around her neck in an embrace, before running outside to join the other children. Marian watched where he was going to be sure that he was safe before dipping back into the tent. She was about to go and find Little John and ask him whether Robin was still out working when she heard a phone buzzing on the table.

Although still slightly confused by the contraption, Marian knew the basic function of the device and went over to pick it up. She pressed a button and the screen lit up, much to her surprise, illuminating the message that had been sent to her husband. She read it, her eyes darkening as they moved over the words written by the Evil Queen. 

She felt her chest tighten as she wondered what they meant. Regina had something to tell him, but what could it be? And she had mentioned Granny’s, yet he had sworn to her that he would not seek her out again; it didn’t make sense. Marian could feel her breathing become shallow as she began to panic. She couldn’t lose Robin, not again.   
‘Marian?’  
She turned to see Robin walk into the room, and instinctively she slipped the phone into her pocket out of sight.  
‘You’re back,’ she breathed, a smile trying to hide her nervous expression.  
‘Yeah I just got in,’ he told her calmly. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve seen my phone? I put it down this morning and haven’t been able to find it since.’

‘No,’ Marian answered, a little quickly though Robin did not appear to notice, ‘I haven’t. Are you sure it isn’t in your bag?’  
‘I checked,’ sighed Robin, ‘but thank you. Where’s Roland?’  
‘Playing with the other children,’ she explained, moving towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. ‘We have some time alone.’  
He smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes.  
‘I’m going into town with the others, but I’ll be back for dinner.’  
‘Oh…okay,’ Marian nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. ‘Maybe afterwards we can talk?’  
‘Maybe,’ Robin answered, but they both knew that they wouldn’t. 

Xxx

Regina was peeling potatoes when Henry came into the kitchen.  
‘Want some help?’  
‘I’ve got it covered dear, why don’t you watch some television?’  
‘Surely there’s something I can do,’ Henry asked, taking a potato and holding out his hand until she passed him the peeler. Regina narrowed her eyes and looked at him with suspicion.  
‘Who are you and what have you done with my son?’ she teased.  
‘Nothing! I just wanted to help you with dinner.’

Regina smiled, but shook her head as she took a knife and started chopping onions.  
‘You don’t have to do that Henry, I’m fine really.’  
‘If you say so,’ he agreed, ‘but the fact remains that the food will be done quicker with two people making it, and I am getting rather famished.’  
‘That is true,’ Regina grinned. She looked over to her phone, lying silent on the counter, and then returned to slowly chopping. Tears stung her eyes, but she blamed it on the onions.

They sat down to eat and Regina let Henry do the talking while she smiled and nodded along, picking at her food and hardly eating a bite. Her phone was on the table beside her, and more than once she caught herself staring down at it or playing with it absentmindedly.  
‘Mom?’  
Regina snapped out of her daze and looked up at her son with a guilty smile.  
‘Sorry dear, what did you say?’  
‘I was just saying that I have a maths test tomorrow,’ he repeated. ‘Is my company not good enough for you?’  
‘No of course not,’ she said quickly, but as she saw him smirking at her she relaxed a little.  
‘Chill out Mom, I’m just teasing. He…he will call, you know.’  
‘Yes,’ Regina smiled sadly, ‘I’m sure he will.’   
But she wasn’t sure. The message had been sent hours ago, and Robin never left her waiting. There were many possibilities to explain his silence, but none of them seemed to give her any comfort.

‘Are you finished?’ she asked, pulling the conversation back to a safer area.  
‘Yes,’ he answered, passing her his plate as she stood to take it away and noticing how hers had hardly been touched. ‘You didn’t eat much. Is it… is it getting worse?’  
‘Yes,’ Regina admitted reluctantly, seeing no point in lying to him, ‘but it’s nothing to worried about. I’m just a little sick, that’s all.’  
‘A little?’ Henry raised a disbelieving eyebrow.  
‘Okay, quite a bit,’ she gave in, a tired sigh escaping from her lips.  
‘I can wash up if you want to go and lie down?’  
‘Henry, you have done more than enough for me today. Did you finish your homework?’  
‘Yep,’ he said proudly.  
‘Then go and find something on TV and I’ll join you in a moment.’  
‘But-‘  
‘I’ll have an early night I promise,’ Regina bargained. ‘Now go!’

Henry shrugged, still unconvinced but unwilling to have the same argument with her again and knowing he would lose eventually anyway. Regina took the plates into the kitchen and placed them in the dishwasher, finding herself too tired to wash them by hand. She closed the door to the machine and straightened, but as she did she felt a strange sharp pain in her right side. It was fleeting, hardly lasting a moment, but it was enough. 

Regina was distracted, however, when a wave of dizziness and nausea almost caused her legs to buckle. She gripped onto the counter to steady herself, and it took a few minutes before she felt as if she could stand straight without falling. The baby felt normal to her, and she was still able to sense her using her magic, but her own body felt weak and tired at the constancy of the sickness only growing stronger.

She lasted another hour, unable to focus on whatever odd game show Henry had picked as the swirling sensation in her stomach only worsened. He looked worried when she kissed him goodnight, but she insisted that all she needed was rest though didn’t quite believe it herself. Regina put a hand against the wall to guide her as she made her way up to her bedroom and by the time she had ascended the stairs she was breathing heavily. 

Xxx

Robin looked at his sleeping son and smiled sadly. He placed a gentle kiss on Roland’s forehead before standing up and walking out of the tent, putting his bag on his back. Marian was sitting underneath a tree in the evening light, humming to herself as she sewed. He knew that this wasn’t going to be easy.

She looked up at him, smiling.  
‘Is he asleep?’  
‘Yes, he dropped off half an hour ago; too much excitement for one day. He was telling me about this afternoon at the park.’  
Marian’s smile faded, her eyes ever so slightly darkening.  
‘He shouldn’t have run off. I’ve told him a thousand-‘ She stopped midway through her train of thought as she noticed what he was carrying.  
‘What’s that?’ she asked, confused. ‘Are…are you going somewhere?’

Robin looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and she knew what he was going to say before he did.  
‘Marian-‘  
‘Don’t do this Robin,’ she pleaded, casting her sewing aside as she stood and moved towards him.  
‘I have to,’ he sighed.  
‘You don’t have to do anything. We’re happy here, aren’t we? We have a son, a life together. I know it has been difficult after all of my time away…but we can make it work.’  
‘I don’t think I can,’ Robin said gently, wanting to be honest but hating the hurt that he was causing the woman who had once held his heart.  
‘What is it? What can I do?’ she begged, grabbing his jacket and pulling him closer to her.

‘It’s not you,’ he told her, ‘it’s-‘  
‘Her,’ Marian hissed. ‘You love her? You would choose her over me, the mother of your child?’  
‘It’s not about choosing, not anymore,’ he tried to explain. ‘I know that I can’t be with Regina, she’s said as much herself, but I can’t go on living a lie. I buried you, Marian. Perhaps not in a literal sense, but I had to find a way to go on when my world came crashing down; because you were my world. I grieved, I cried, I fell apart over and over again, but eventually I let you go. I had to take care of our son.’  
‘You think it’s my fault? Do you think that’s what I wanted to happen?’  
‘Of course not,’ Robin said at once. ‘I just…I can’t pretend that things can go back to how they were before. It’s not fair on you or Roland. I’ve tried, really I have, but I can’t be that man anymore.’  
‘It’s her fault. She was the one who was going to kill me. And yet still you have feelings for her,’ Marian spat, anger clouding her judgement as she let everything out.  
‘No-one is to blame here, Marian. The Evil Queen tore us apart yes, but that’s not who Regina is anymore. I’ve seen the good within her, and I know that if she could take it back then she would.’  
‘But she can’t, can she?’ Marian sobbed, clinging desperately to her husband. 

‘Please…please don’t go.’  
‘I will always love you, Marian,’ he whispered, stroking her face gently as tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘You are Roland’s mother, my wife, and that can never be taken away from us. But I won’t go down a path that will only make us both unhappy. I can’t love you in the way you want or deserve to be loved. We could kid ourselves for a while, but eventually it would always have come to this.’  
‘Wh-what about Roland?’ Marian gulped, through a wash of tears.  
‘He can stay with you until I find somewhere permanent and then we can work something out. Just tell him that I love him.’  
‘Go then,’ she screamed, turning away in anger and wrapping her arms around herself, ‘go back to that bitch.’  
‘I’ve told you, this isn’t because of her,’ Robin clarified. ‘Well…maybe if I hadn’t met her, then things would be different; but I did. I fell in love, and I’m sorry if that hurts you but it’s the truth. It took me so long to love after I lost you, I thought I would never feel whole again.’  
‘So you do love her,’ Marian whimpered, the anger falling away and leaving her feeling nothing but emptiness.  
‘Yes,’ he breathed, ‘and I never told her.’

They both fell silent, the only sound to be heard the chirping of the crickets.  
‘Promise me one thing,’ she asked, her voice cracking.  
‘Anything.’  
She turned back to him, her tears glistening in the light of the setting sun.  
‘One day,’ she requested. ‘Just take one day to think about things before…before you do anything that you can’t turn back from. I know that you probably won’t change your mind, and if you want to be with her… I think that I at least deserve some time.’  
‘Of course,’ Robin agreed, taking her hand and kissing it softly. ‘I promise.’  
‘Then go,’ she croaked, her body beginning to tremble as she felt herself crumbling. ‘I love you Robin.’  
‘I love you too.’

Xxx

Closing her bedroom door behind her, Regina felt the surge with just enough time to run to the bathroom. She fell to her knees heavily, knowing with certainty that the nausea was no longer a hollow threat, and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Acid burned her throat, and the nagging pain in her side returned as if in mockery. Clinging to the porcelain so desperately that her knuckles turned white, Regina tried to stop herself from collapsing to the floor. She wondered for a while if she would pass out, and she began to panic thinking of Henry finding her unconscious in the morning. But Regina would not be allowed the luxury of sleep. The heaving persisted through the night, even when there was nothing left to throw up, and although she was exhausted it did not relent.

In a moment of coherence in the early hours, Regina brushed her hair from her face and lifted her throbbing head. She took her phone out from her pocket; no messages, no calls, nothing. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t have the energy to form the tears and she settled instead for throwing the offending device onto the carpeted floor of her bedroom out of sight. She choked out a dry sob before her body betrayed her again, and the rest of the world melted away.

Xxx

The first light of dawn was streaming through her bedroom window, and Regina groaned at the sight of it. She was still on the bathroom floor, her knees sore from her positioning, but her body had at least stopped retching as it realised there was nothing left to bring up. 

Her head was spinning, physical and mental exhaustion weighing her down to the point where her attempts to pull herself up from the floor had only ended with her falling back down. The pain in her side had become persistent and settled above her right hip, though it was more like a constant burning sensation which was just an irritant adding to her problems. As she had learned with her first attempt to stand, however, any movement caused it to flare to the point of agony.

As the sun insisted on rising, Regina realised that she could not stay slumped against the bathroom wall for the rest of the day. Henry would come to find her if she wasn’t up, and she didn’t want him to see her like this. She reached up and grabbed the bowl of the sink, breathing deeply as she readied herself for what she knew would be an unpleasant experience; she wasn’t wrong.

With all of her strength, she pulled her body up until her legs could finally straighten and support her and though she still needed to steady herself on the wall, Regina managed to remain upright. It came at a cost, however. Her head was pounding, feeling unfathomably light, and her side had started to throb dangerously; but she was standing.

Cautiously Regina made her way into her bedroom, collapsing into the armchair with a moan when she realised that she wouldn’t make it to the bed. She exhaled deeply, running her fingers through her hair and brushing it away from her face. Not wanting to attempt getting up again, she waved her hand lazily and changed into a soft cream silk nightdress and dressing gown and was relieved when she felt no repercussions of using magic.

Sitting there, quietly, she gathered her thoughts and allowed her body time to recover. The comfort of the chair helped to smooth some of the ache that had settled in her muscles through the night and the pain in her side settled back to a dull ache. Regina allowed her mind to drift, trying not to concentrate on the fact that she was more terrified than she would ever care to admit.

Xxx

Henry’s alarm woke him up and he groaned at the sound. Half falling out of bed, he dressed without thinking and packed the last of the things in his bag to take to Emma’s before making his way downstairs.   
‘Mom?’ he called when he didn’t find her in the kitchen, but he received no reply. He started to worry. She wasn’t in the living room or the study, and Henry’s heart thumped in his chest as he climbed back up the stairs. Her bedroom door was slightly ajar, and when he heard her coughing he wasn’t quite sure whether to be relieved or frightened.  
Regina looked up as Henry entered her bedroom and smiled, her tired eyes crinkling. 

‘Mom?’   
‘I’m sorry sweetie,’ croaked Regina, her voice still raw from where the acidity had burned her throat, ‘I wanted to come down.’  
‘Did you get any sleep at all last night?’ he asked, as he sat on the bed beside her so that they were level. She shook her head slowly, leaning forwards to brush the hair from his face but retracting as a spasm of fire shot through her side making her noticeably wince. 

‘You look terrible,’ he whispered, his eyes trailing across her features and noticing the waxiness of her complexion and the hollows of her cheeks.  
‘Thank you,’ Regina said dryly, trying to make light of something far too serious for joking.   
‘I’m serious Mom,’ insisted Henry, ‘you should go to the hospital.’   
‘Pregnant women get sick Henry; you know that as well as I do.’  
‘Not like this.’

Regina gently took Henry’s hand and placed it over her abdomen.  
‘Close your eyes,’ she instructed him gently. He did as he was asked, though his brow wrinkled in confusion. Regina did the same, and tentatively coaxed her magic forwards and guided it to Henry’s outstretched hand. She could feel the pulse of her child’s magic, and she gave her son the ability to feel it as well. It was clear that it had worked when Henry opened his eyes abruptly, his face breaking out into a wide grin despite his worries.  
‘Woah!’  
‘Isn’t it something,’ Regina chuckled. ‘She’s fine, Henry. This will pass.’  
‘But what about you? You’re not fine, Mom, and don’t try and lie to me because I can see that you’re not.’  
‘No I…I had a difficult night,’ she said diplomatically. ‘I’ll call Doctor Whale this afternoon and set up an appointment.’  
‘You could call now, I’m sure he’d come over-‘  
‘No,’ Regina cut him off gently, ‘not yet.’  
‘Mom, you can’t risk this getting any worse,’ argued Henry.  
‘I know,’ she sighed, ‘but I’m too exhausted to even think about what to do now. Let me have a couple of hours to sleep, and then if I still feel this bad then I’ll call him as soon as I wake up. Deal?’

Although unconvinced, Henry didn’t want to argue further with his mother who looked so unbelievably worn out that he wondered how she could continue to function.  
‘Okay,’ he breathed, and she gave him a reassuring smile. Regina glanced up at the clock on her wall.  
‘You’ll be late for school,’ she warned.  
‘I don’t have to go,’ Henry insisted.  
‘You do,’ she corrected him, covering his hand with her own and stroking her thumb softly over his skin. ‘You have a test today, don’t you?’  
‘Yes, but-‘  
‘You can stay here and sit around watching me sleep, but I don’t think that would do either of us any good, do you?’  
‘I don’t think you should be on your own,’ he mumbled, eyes looking up at her almost fearfully.

‘I’ll be alright dear, you don’t need to worry about me,’ Regina promised him. ‘And I won’t be alone. I’ll call the doctor, and if I still feel unwell this evening then I’ll ask Tinker Bell to come over.’  
‘I should stay tonight,’ suggested Henry, ‘I don’t have to go to Emma’s.’  
‘You’ve done more than enough for me these past few weeks. I’ll admit that I’m not quite feeling my usual self, but that’s no reason for you not to go and see Emma and have some time away from all of this. Let someone take care of you for a change.’  
‘But I don’t need taking care of,’ her son pointed out, ‘and you do.’  
‘That’s what the doctor is for,’ Regina answered smartly.   
‘But-‘  
‘I promise that I will call you this evening, and if anything happens you’ll be the first to know,’ she said, cutting him off. ‘I can’t be much of a mother if I can’t keep myself standing up, so I suppose I’ll let Ms. Swan take the reins for a while.’

Henry didn’t like the thought of leaving her. Something felt off to him, despite his mother’s reassurances, but he knew that she wasn’t about to back down.  
‘Can I come and see you at least?’  
‘Tomorrow,’ Regina nodded, ‘just…just give me a little time to rest, hmm?’  
‘Okay Mom.’

He leaned over her and hugged her as delicately as he could manage, and Regina relished in the feeling of his warmth. She kissed his forehead, and tried to smile with as much conviction as possible as he moved away from her.  
‘I love you Mom.’  
‘I love you too Henry.’

When she heard the door click shut, Regina let out a shuddering breath and let her head fall into her hands. She was exhausted, her head swimming as she fought to stay awake until she could at least move herself into the bed. Gingerly, she rose from the armchair and slowly walked towards her bed. Her right side seemed to have calmed, for which she was grateful, and she slipped beneath the soft sheets with a sigh of relief. 

As soon as her head hit the pillow, she could feel sleep pulling her down and she didn’t try to fight it. Regina looked across at her bedside table, where the phone she had recovered from her bedroom floor lay irritatingly silent. She picked it up, and without thinking went to Robin’s name in her contacts. The phone was ringing before she even realised that she had selected it.

Pressing the device to her ear, she waited with baited breath for him to answer. He didn’t. But it was ringing, she thought frustratedly, he must not be able to hear it. Or maybe he was ignoring her call.   
‘Robin,’ Regina whispered, once the tone had been given, ‘please…I know that I said I couldn’t see you, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it. I was just scared when you told me you cared about me and I…I suppose I panicked. I need you, Robin. I really need you. I don’t want to have to pretend that I’m strong anymore, because I’m not. And I’m so scared.’   
Tears rolled down her cheeks as words began to fail her, and she knew that she could say no more. Sending the voicemail, she put the phone back on the table and buried her face into the pillow. Sleep came as a welcome relief, pulling her into a restful place where she could recuperate nothing could hurt her.

Almost nothing.

Xxx

Water. Everywhere, stretching as far as the eye could see, there was only water. Swallowed by an ocean of the deepest blue, Regina kicked her legs trying to keep her head above the surface; but she just wasn’t strong enough and every so often her mouth filled with the taste of salt. She felt something brush across her ankle and jerked it away at once, only to be met by a bolt of pain of which she couldn’t quite place the origin.  
A hand grabbed her ankle, its nails digging into her skin, and pulled her down until her head was covered and the light of the sun above her was a distant memory.

Regina struggled, kicking and screaming and wondering why despite the cold water she felt as if she were burning. It pulled her deeper and deeper, and it became darker and darker, until finally it let her go and she was suspended in the ocean, alone once more.

She tried to kick towards the surface, but it never seemed to get any closer. Her lungs were screaming for oxygen that she could not provide them, but still she fought on. There was a stinging pain in her ankle and she looked down to see little droplets of blood dancing in the water. Fascinated, she watched them for a moment as they moved and spread; only they didn’t dissipate. 

The water around her ankle turned crimson, a cloud expanding until as Regina looked around all of the water was tainted as such. She struggled, terror gripping her heart, but she felt the hand upon her leg and once more she was being dragged down into the bright red ocean.

Xxx

Regina woke with a start, breathing heavily as her eyes adjusted to the brightness. She made to sit up, but found that she couldn’t. Everything hurt. She tried to turn onto her side but gasped as a pain so strong that for a moment it blinded her shot through her abdomen. It took her breath away, and she had to remind herself that she had escaped the clutches of the dream. Yet she still felt as if she were drowning, as if her legs were suspended in water. She could almost feel a droplet trickling down her inner thigh.

It felt strange, to be paralysed by pain and fear in this way, but as Regina started to realise that she was now fully returned to the waking world she could sense that something was wrong. Tilting her head she looked down at her body, and brought a trembling hand across herself to take hold of the duvet. It was as if she knew.

Pulling back the bedclothes, Regina felt her world fall apart in the space of a moment. Everything stopped, nothing mattered. She could see nothing else.

Nothing but blood.


	12. Chapter 12

When Henry came out of school, Mary Margaret was there to meet him rocking baby Neal in his pram.   
‘How was your day?’ she asked brightly.  
‘Fine,’ he mumbled, pulling his phone from his pocket as they started the walk back towards the apartment. ‘Where’s Emma?’  
‘Still at the station,’ she explained, her nose wrinkling as her grandson used her daughter’s first name. She could see that something was bothering him. ‘Are you alright Henry?’   
He sighed, putting his phone away and looking up at her.  
‘It’s my Mom,’ he sighed, and Mary Margaret felt her muscles tensing.  
‘Is she okay?  
‘She got really sick last night. She told me that she was fine this morning, but she looked awful.’ His voice trailed off, the last word hardly more than a whisper.  
‘Did she call the doctor?’  
‘She said that she would, but she just wanted to rest first; she didn’t get any sleep. I didn’t want to leave her on her own but I had a stupid maths test and she wouldn’t let me stay at home with her.’

Mary Margaret felt her heart thumping in her chest. Henry was clearly worried about his mother’s health, and by the sound of it he had reason to be.  
‘I’m sure there’s nothing to be concerned about,’ she tried to reassure him, but her tone gave away the fact that she had no conviction in her words.  
‘There is,’ he insisted, taking out his phone again and checking that he still had no messages.   
‘Henry, Regina knows what she’s doing. I think she just doesn’t want you to worry about her. If there’s something wrong, which I’m certain there isn’t, maybe she wants to try and work it out on her own.’  
‘She shouldn’t have to,’ he sighed.  
‘I know, but we have to respect her wishes. Your Mom only wants for you to be happy. I think she’ll talk to you when she’s ready.’  
‘She said she’d call me this evening.’  
‘Okay,’ Mary Margaret nodded, ‘then why don’t we get home, have some dinner and if she hasn’t called by 8 o’clock then we’ll try contacting her.’  
‘And if she doesn’t answer?’   
‘Then we’ll go over there and check on her,’ the brunette agreed.   
‘Alright,’ Henry said, relaxing a little now that a plan was in place. Mary Margaret let him take control of the pram, and he had to admit that he enjoyed the walk back as he convinced himself to let some of his worries go. 

Mary Margaret smiled at Henry, but there was a churning in the pit of her stomach and she started to get the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Xxx

Regina couldn’t breathe. Having ripped back the bedding, her eyes were locked on the horrific sight before her. The cream silk of her nightgown was covered in blood, the original colour lost in a sea of red which also covered the duvet and the sheets. So much blood. It made her want to be sick all over again. It made her want to scream.

She forced herself to sit up, but the pain caused by this movement so severe that she had to bite down hard on her lip to suppress a cry. Resting her head back against the headboard, Regina put one hand over her abdomen and closed her eyes. Nothing. She felt nothing.   
‘Come on,’ she whispered, ‘just like before…come back to me.’  
She banged her head back against the board in frustration, only adding to her pain as she slowly lost her battle to deny the truth. Her hand curled, fisting the material of her nightgown. There was no denying it. Regina could feel an absence, like any empty space within her where her child should have been safe and growing. It felt different to before, and although she waited and calmed herself to try and feel any glimpse of hope, another miracle, she knew there was nothing that she could do. Her baby was gone. 

Tears streamed silently down her cheeks, her breath catching every time she tried to force oxygen into her lungs and only heightening her panic. She wanted to scream, but when she opened her lips only a feeble whimper escaped. Regina turned on her side, curling her body in on itself and just staring at the far wall. The pain didn’t matter to her anymore. Nothing did. 

Xxx

Robin walked back from work as the sun started to set, making his way slowly through the quiet streets. He had been doing different jobs here and there for the past few weeks, and today he had offered to help Marco collect and chop wood from the forest just to get out of his room at Granny’s. 

He reached a fork in the road, knowing that one way would lead straight to Main Street and the other would take him back via Mifflin Street. Robin wanted nothing more than to charge up to Regina’s door and beg her forgiveness, kiss her deeply and tell her how much he truly loved her. But he had made a promise, and no matter how much he wanted to break it he knew that he owed his former love at the respect to honour their agreement. 

Resuming his walk, and choosing to head towards the centre of town rather than endure the pain of going past her house, Robin let out a deep sigh. He couldn’t help but feel that the universe was somehow working against him.

Xxx

Henry hardly touched his burger as he sat with Emma and his grandparents, picking at his meal while staring at his phone and willing it to ring.   
‘It’s still early,’ Mary Margaret said gently, noticing his anxiety.  
‘I know.’  
Emma looked at her mother, her brow creasing as she questioned what she was being kept in the dark about.  
‘Henry, why don’t you go and give her a call,’ suggested Mary Margaret. ‘I know that she’s fine, but I think it’ll put your mind at ease.’  
‘Thanks,’ he muttered quickly, slipping out of the booth and heading outside to call his mother.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Emma.  
‘Regina hasn’t been well,’ Mary Margaret explained, rocking a sleeping Neal in her arms, ‘and I think he’s just worried about her.’  
‘Not well? Is she okay?’  
‘Honestly I don’t know. Henry said she was really sick last night.’  
‘Do you think it had anything to do with what happened on Friday?’ whispered Emma, feeling guilt swirling in the pit of her stomach.  
‘I couldn’t say,’ Mary Margaret sighed. ‘She said she was fine when we left.’  
‘Somehow that doesn’t give me a great deal of reassurance,’ Emma mumbled, running her fingers through her hair.

Xxx

Henry closed his eyes as he listened to the ringing, as though silently praying that she would pick up the phone. As with his previous two attempts, however, he was unsuccessful.  
‘Mom, please,’ he begged as the tone beeped and allowed him to leave a message. He wanted to say so much more, but he couldn’t find the words so he cancelled the call. 

‘Something wrong, Henry?’  
He looked up to see Doctor Whale approaching, heading towards the diner with one of the hospital receptionists on his arm.  
‘Doctor Whale,’ he said urgently, ‘how’s my Mom?’  
‘Regina? I have no idea.’  
‘But…but she was going to call you,’ he stuttered, his heart pounding fearfully in his chest, ‘she wasn’t well last night.’  
‘I’m afraid that I haven’t heard from her,’ Whale explained, looking confused. ‘But if you need me give me a ring by all means.’

Henry ran back into the diner, breathing hard.  
‘We need to go and see my Mom.’  
‘What is it, what’s wrong?’ asked Mary Margaret.  
‘She wouldn’t answer,’ he panted, ‘and she said she’d call Whale but she didn’t…I’ve just got a really bad feeling something’s wrong.’  
Mary Margaret looked to Emma and her husband, who looked just as concerned as she felt. She turned back to Henry whose eyes were pleading with her, and decided to trust his instincts.  
‘Okay,’ she agreed, standing carefully before handing Neal to Emma, ‘David, Emma, can you stay here with the baby? We’ll check back in as soon as we can.’  
‘Of course,’ said Emma, chewing absentmindedly on her bottom lip, ‘just…’  
She didn’t want to say good luck, even though that’s what she meant. Luck had no part in this.   
‘Just let us know,’ David finished delicately, putting a hand on his daughter’s arm. With a weak smile, Mary Margaret followed Henry who was half running out of the door.

Xxx

Regina blinked furiously, unsure whether she had slipped into a daze or simply lost touch with the world. The sky outside was darkened now, and she had no idea how long she had been curled in her bed. Her breathing had become shallow, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t seem to steady it. 

She knew that she needed to get out of the room, feeling suddenly claustrophobic, but her legs were uncooperative when she tried to stand and she fell down hard on her knees bringing a new wave of agony over her entire body. Regina cried out, Henry’s name tumbling from her lips, but there was no-one there to hear her. Her abdomen burned as if she were on fire, her right side in particular throbbing with continuous pain.

Darkness began to encroach her vision, and though she managed to stumble a little further towards the door her weaknesses eventually caught up with her. Regina’s head pounded along with her heart, a cruel reminded that she was still alive and that her child’s own heart would never beat. It hurt, so much, in every way.   
‘Rose,’ was the last word Regina whispered before she collapsed, giving into the pain and praying for it to take her away to her daughter.

Xxx

‘I’m sure she’s fine,’ Mary Margaret assured Henry, and in part herself, as they walked up to Regina’s front door.   
‘Yeah,’ he mumbled.  
‘She’s probably just asleep.’   
She tested the door, finding it locked, and Henry used his key. His hand was shaking so much that it took some time to open. All of the lights were off, and the place seemed almost eerily quiet. Mary Margaret flicked the light switches and put a hand on Henry’s shoulder.  
‘Why don’t you have a look downstairs, and I’ll check her room’ she suggested.  
‘Okay,’ Henry whispered, swallowing thickly as he tried to keep his fear under control.

Taking a deep breath, Mary Margaret climbed the stairs and headed for Regina’s bedroom. It felt in part like an invasion of privacy, but also worryingly like a rescue mission. She’s fine, she told herself as her hand clasped the brass doorknob of her stepmother’s room, she’s fine. Opening the door and turning on the light, she was proven wrong.

Mary Margaret let out a small shriek and covered her mouth with her hand. Regina was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, dark hair covering her features, and there was blood…so much blood. She sank to her knees beside the fallen queen, her heart thumping in her chest.

Brushing the hair from her face, Mary Margaret placed two trembling fingers to Regina’s throat to feel for a pulse. The older woman’s skin was cold, clammy, and a so pale it looked like porcelain ready to shatter at the lightest touch. Her lips were tainted with a bluish hue, and had she not felt a faint thump beneath her fingertips Mary Margaret might have thought her already gone.  
‘Regina?’ she croaked, tears forming in her eyes. She gently placed her hands on Regina’s shoulders, and shook her lightly begging her to wake. ‘Regina please…’

‘What is it?’ Henry called as he bounded up the stairs towards the source of the cry he had heard from his grandmother. Mary Margaret got to her feet at once and met him at his mother’s door, obscuring his view of Regina.  
‘Henry…I don’t think you should come in,’ Mary Margaret said gently, her voice quivering.   
‘What happened? Where’s my Mom?’  
‘I n-need you to stay calm, okay? Your Mom…’ Tears spilled down her cheeks as she struggled to find the words to explain, and when Henry pushed his way past her she was powerless to stop him.

Henry stood, paralysed, eyes fixed on his mother. He saw the blood covering her nightdress, the odd angle of her limbs sprawled where she had fallen; he didn’t know what to do.  
‘Henry,’ Mary Margaret whispered, putting a hand on his arm.  
‘She…sh-she’s…’ stuttered Henry, words sticking in his throat.  
‘I know.’  
‘Mom,’ he whispered his blood running cold in his veins as he begged her for something far out of her control.   
‘I need you to go and call an ambulance,’ she continued slowly, wanting to get him as far away from all of this as possible, ‘can you do that?’  
‘I w-want to stay with h-her,’ he gulped, his breathing shallow as he started to hyperventilate.  
‘You can, sweetheart, but-‘  
‘She…the baby…I should n-never have left her alone.’  
‘Don’t say that,’ Mary Margaret said at once. ‘This isn’t your fault, it’s no-one’s fault it… We just have to do what we can to help her. And right now she needs a doctor.’  
Henry nodded in understanding, though his eyes never left Regina. He stayed for a moment, unable to pull himself away, before his brain finally started working again and he left the room.

‘No…’  
Mary Margaret dropped back to Regina’s side as she heard the soft moan leave the brunette’s lips.   
‘Regina,’ she breathed, ‘don’t try and move. Help is on its way.’  
‘I…d-don’t need help.’  
She ignored Mary Margaret’s words, her glassy eyes fluttering open and struggling to focus her surroundings. Her entire body throbbed with pain, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. As soon as her limbs began to co-operate, she tried to push herself into sitting position with her elbows. Mary Margaret took hold of her forearms, firmly but gently, and helped her to do so while offering her support.  
‘Regina, you’ve-‘  
‘I know what’s happened,’ she snapped, though it was little more than a last defence, ‘but there’s nothing they can do for me.’  
‘You’re shaking,’ Mary Margaret pointed out, ‘and you’ve lost a lot of blood. ’  
‘They can’t bring her back though, can they?’ Regina stated darkly, her expression full of anger as tears fell down her cheeks.   
‘No.’  
‘Then let nature run its course,’ the older woman muttered, pulling away from Mary Margaret’s touch. Her head was pounding, fogging her mind as she tried to think coherently.   
‘The doctor might not be able to save your…your baby,’ Mary Margaret said gently, ‘but they can help you. Henry’s here, Regina, and he’s really scared; he doesn’t know what’s going on. Just let us get you to the hospital, please? He needs reassurance that you’re okay.’  
‘Henry,’ Regina whimpered, her resolve crumbling, ‘I didn’t want…he shouldn’t see this.’  
‘You can’t keep him away, I’ve already tried. He’s too worried about you.’  
‘I…I can’t…’ mumbled Regina, her thoughts becoming more difficult to put together as confusion took hold.  
‘What?’  
‘I came so close,’ she rambled, more to herself than Mary Margaret.   
‘Close? Close to what?’  
‘Happiness,’ breathed Regina, a sob causing her whole body to shake.  
Mary Margaret felt her heart breaking, tears clouding her vision as she beheld the broken woman. Regina closed her eyes, feeling her head becoming lighter; she just wanted it to go away.

‘Regina,’ Mary Margaret warned, trying to keep the older woman from slipping back into unconsciousness, ‘you have to stay awake. Can you open your eyes for me?’   
‘I-‘ Regina started, but a wave of pain coursed through her body and she felt as if every nerve ending was on fire. She screamed, putting one hand across her burning torso and using the other to steady herself on the floor. When Mary Margaret held her once more, she didn’t pull away. It was awful, a knife twisting in an already painful wound; everything around her became fuzzy.  
‘Regina?’ Mary Margaret tried. ‘Regina, what can I do?’  
‘R-‘ she stuttered, trying through choked sobs to get the word out.  
‘I’m sorry I can’t…what are you trying to say?’  
‘R-Robin,’ Regina forced herself to say, ‘I…I n-need…’ Another bolt of agony caused her to double over and scream again. Henry ran into the room to the sound of his mother’s cries, and he went to her at once, wrapping his arms around her protectively and taking over from his grandmother. It wasn’t long before she lost her fight with consciousness, and slumped into his embrace.

He held her delicately in his arms, cradling her as gently as he could.  
‘They’re on their way,’ he said quietly. He looked up with wide eyes at Mary Margaret who was standing over him, arms wrapped around herself. ‘What do I do?’  
For a moment she couldn’t answer him, her mind a blank page begging for the written word. She knew that she was supposed to have all of the answers, but she could only stare in shock and horror as a son clung desperately to his unconscious mother. His dying mother. That thought was so unbearable that it spurred her into action.

‘Keep her still,’ Mary Margaret instructed, wiping the tears from her eyes, ‘and talk to her, try and bring her round.’  
‘She’s so cold.’  
Mary Margaret went to wardrobe and found a thick cashmere blanket, draping it over Regina’s body.  
‘It’ll be alright Mom,’ Henry promised, kissing her forehead, ‘you’ll be alright.’   
She shivered in his arms, and as much as it frightened him he couldn’t help but be glad that she was still moving. He pulled the blanket higher to cover her shoulders.

Finding Regina’s phone on the bedside table, Mary Margaret picked it up and found Robin’s name. She dialled the number, but grew frustrated as it kept being left to ring. After four failed attempts, she called Emma who picked up almost at once.

‘Mom?’  
‘Emma,’ Mary Margaret sighed, finding some small relief in her daughter’s voice.  
‘What is it? What happened? We heard sirens outside and Whale ran to the hospital for some emergency. Tell me…tell me it’s not…’  
‘I wish I could,’ she whispered sadly.  
‘Is she…oh God, is the baby okay?’  
Mary Margaret paused for a moment, biting her trembling lower lip. ‘No.’  
Emma’s shocked silence said all that needed to be said. For something so empty, it was filled with both horror and despair.  
‘Emma…she asked for Robin, but he’s not picking up his phone. I think she really needs him right now. She…it’s not good, Emma.’  
‘I’ll drive out and find him, bring him to the hospital.’  
‘Thank you.’  
‘Mom?’  
‘Yes?’  
‘I love you.’  
Mary Margaret felt herself crumbling, and forced herself to take a deep shuddering breath.  
‘I love you too honey.’  
Somehow those words meant so much more now.

Xxx

Emma turned to David, eyes sparkling with tears. He gathered her into his arms, not needing to ask. When she pulled away she had sniffed back her tears, though the emotion was still raw beneath the flimsy surface and threatened to bubble over.  
‘I have to find Robin,’ she explained briefly, grabbing her car keys from the table and bending down to kiss baby Neal on the forehead where he was sleeping in his car seat.  
‘I’ll find someone to watch the baby and meet you at the hospital.’  
Emma nodded, before running out of the diner doors and starting the bug.

Xxx

‘The ambulance is here,’ Mary Margaret announced as she peered through the window at the flashing lights.  
‘See? I told you it’d only be a minute,’ Henry reassured his mother, brushing a hand gently through her hair. She let out a soft whimper, and the sound of it brought new tears to his eyes. 

Two paramedics came up the stairs, carrying a bag and a spinal board. One went over to Mary Margaret to ask what had happened while the other crouched beside Regina.  
‘We’re going to need you stand back kid,’ a woman with fiery ginger hair said gently.   
‘Sh-she’s my Mom,’ he stammered.  
‘I know,’ she reassured him, ‘but we’re just trying to help her, and to do that we need a bit of space.’  
Henry swallowed nervously, but complied as the woman, who named herself as Merida, instructed him to lay Regina delicately on the floor. He then stood and backed away, still able to see but unable to hinder their work.

Merida tried to stir Regina, but only managed to elicit a dull moan. She placed an oxygen mask over her face and pulled the blanket aside; Henry saw how it too was stained red and felt his heart hammer his ribs. Merida felt Regina’s forehead with the back of her hand and turned to her colleague.  
‘I think she’s going into hypovolemic shock,’ she stated, trying not to sound grim in front of the queen’s son. ‘She has tachycardia, increase resp rate…we have to move her now.’  
‘Wh-what does that mean?’ asked Henry. Mary Margaret moved beside Henry and put her arms around his shoulders. He leaned on her heavily, feeling the last of his strength slowly waning as both paramedics moved his mother onto the board and lifted her into the air.  
‘It means that she’s lost a lot of blood,’ Merida explained, ‘and because of this her body isn’t getting enough oxygen. She needs to go to the hospital right away.’

They carried Regina down the stairs and into the ambulance with a speed that suggested desperation, and Henry climbed in the back as they settled her on the gurney. Despite Merida’s protests, he made it clear that he wasn’t moving and she reluctantly agreed.  
‘Only one though,’ she told Mary Margaret sympathetically.  
‘I’ll follow behind.’  
‘Good, then let’s go.’

Xxx

The bug screeched to a halt just outside the camp in the woods, and Emma left it running as she sprinted out into the forest towards where the Merry Men had made their home. She found what she knew to be Robin’s tent and without waiting for any invitation, ducked her head inside to see Marian sitting reading a book. 

‘Where’s…Robin…?’ she asked, breathing hard from the run.  
‘I have no idea,’ Marian answered, putting her book aside and standing to face Emma. ‘Is something wrong?’  
‘Regina,’ Emma breathed, noticing how Marian tensed at her name.  
‘Her.’  
‘Look, I know you think she’s still the Evil Queen, but I’ve seen her change; that’s not her anymore. She tried to kill me too, not that long ago actually, but I have seen her face the worst odds and manage to redeem herself. She’s trying to be good.’  
‘Why are you telling me this?’ Marian asked, confused.  
‘Because I need you to help me find Robin.’

Marian looked at her with a wrinkled brow.  
‘Why would I help you bring him back to her? He left me, left our family…’  
‘I’m sorry, I really am, but this isn’t about that anymore.’ Emma paused for a moment, not wanting to betray Regina’s privacy but also knowing that she didn’t have the time to skirt around the facts. ‘Regina…she was pregnant, with his child, and she never told him.’  
‘Was…’ Marian gasped, her heart aching a little as her anger slowly melted away.   
‘She’s been rushed to hospital, and she asked for him. Don’t you think he has a right to know, to be there?’

Marian was lost for words. Her hatred for the woman who had stolen everything from her seemed so unimportant, so petty in the light of what was happening. It wasn’t Regina’s fault that Robin had left her, not really. They could have tried to make it work but it was no longer love between them. And if she had been carrying his child…  
‘Yes,’ she admitted slowly, ‘yes he should be with her.’  
‘We tried calling him, but he wouldn’t pick up.’  
‘I…I have his phone,’ Marian shook her head, feeling guilt weighing heavily on her heart. ‘I didn’t…I wasn’t thinking…’  
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Emma reassured her, ‘but we have to find him. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?’  
‘He took a room at Granny’s. I told him to go and think everything over, but I…I never meant…’  
Emma put a hand on her shoulder. ‘This isn’t your fault. Look, I’m really sorry but I have to go.’  
‘Go,’ Marian nodded, ‘and…tell him, tell them both, that I’m sorry?’  
‘I will,’ Emma promised, before turning and running back to her car.

Xxx

‘Henry…’ Regina breathed through the mask giving her oxygen. She reached up and pulled it away from her mouth, allowing her to speak, though her eyes remained closed. Henry gave her hand a squeeze, having intertwined their fingers as soon as he sat down beside her in the ambulance.  
‘I’m here,’ he assured her.  
‘I…I’m sorry baby.’  
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said, his expression crumpling, ‘you have nothing to be sorry for.’  
‘I…didn’t listen…’

‘Regina, you need to keep calm okay? We’re almost at the hospital,’ Merida told her, monitoring how her heart rate had started to climb.  
‘Robin,’ she whispered, as the mask was pulled back over her face.  
‘He’s coming, I promise,’ Henry took her hand and kissed it, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles. ‘It’ll be okay.’  
She looked so small, so weak, that he had to hold back tears. Henry felt her hand tightening as her face wrinkled from the pain.  
‘Can’t you do something?’  
‘I’ve given her morphine,’ Merida said apologetically, ‘there’s not much else I can do until we get there.’  
Regina gasped, her body going into spasm for a moment as pain ricocheted down her spine, and then her body went limp as unconsciousness took hold once more.  
‘Mom?’  
Henry looked up at Merida who was taking his mother’s pulse again.  
‘Dammit,’ she breathed.  
‘What? What is it?’ he asked, but before he could get an answer the vehicle stopped and the back doors were thrown open.

Everything was a blur; Regina was wheeled into the building with Henry running alongside to keep up. An IV line had been inserted into the back of her hand to try and keep her hydrated, and as they stopped her in a bay Doctor Whale appeared and ordered the nurse to start transfusing blood.

Mary Margaret, who had followed the ambulance closely, came in and took Henry to the side holding him closely as the doctors worked on Regina. 

‘BP dropping’  
‘Need type and cross match’  
‘Regina, can you hear me?’

Doctor Whale picked up an ultrasound device and quickly scanned across Regina’s abdomen, his expression darkening.  
‘We’ve got a ruptured tube,’ he called, ‘she’s bleeding internally. Let’s get her to theatre.’ 

‘What’s happening?’ asked Henry, the medical jargon washing over him with unease.  
‘We’re going to have to take Regina for emergency surgery,’ Whale explained briefly, grabbing the rails of the gurney and pushing the bed along the corridor in a half run. Henry wriggled away from Mary Margaret and followed them outside, until Merida grabbed his arm and pulled him back.  
‘That’s my Mom,’ he shouted, trying to break free.  
‘Yes, but you can’t go with her,’ Merida told him frankly. ‘She’s in good hands, just let them take care of her now.’

Henry looked past her and watched Regina until she was out of sight, and he let out a sob as he collapsed into the paramedic’s arms.

‘REGINA,’ Robin thundered as he burst through the doors, Emma running alongside him.  
‘She’s gone,’ spat Henry, standing up straight and squaring with the outlaw as his terror turned to anger in the pit of his stomach.  
‘Gone…’  
‘Into surgery,’ Mary Margaret added quickly, catching up with her grandson.  
‘What happened?’ asked Robin, his eyes wide with confusion and fear.  
‘You don’t know?’ breathed Mary Margaret.  
‘I just grabbed him and said Regina was in the hospital,’ Emma explained, ‘I didn’t have time to go any further before he set off running.’

‘Will someone just tell me?’ he growled.  
‘You…you might want to sit down,’ Mary Margaret told him, tears sparkling in her eyes.  
‘No,’ he insisted, ‘tell me. Was she hurt? Did someone attack her?’  
‘N-no, nothing like that.’  
‘Then what?’ he shouted, his fears and frustrations fuelling his untempered anger. Robin watched as tears slipped down Mary Margaret’s cheeks and he felt a knot twisting inside of him.  
‘Regina had a miscarriage,’ she said quietly.


	13. Chapter 13

Robin felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. He didn’t need to ask if it had been his, for it was clear on the young woman’s face what her answer would be. For a moment he forgot how to breathe, simply staring and waiting as if he hoped the world would correct itself. He wished he had sat down.   
‘No…’ he breathed, refusing to believe the terrible truth.  
‘I’m sorry Robin,’ Mary Margaret cried, unable to hide her distress. Emma came to stand next to her, slipping a hand into her mother’s.

He ran his fingers through his hair, unsure whether to scream or cry or just fall to the ground. Most of all he wanted to burst through the doors and gather Regina into his arms, cradling her close to his chest as he told her that it would all be alright. He needed to see her, and being kept away from her felt like a punishment for not being where he should have; by her side.

‘She…she didn’t tell me,’ he mumbled, shaking his head, ‘why didn’t she tell me?’  
‘Because you didn’t deserve to know,’ Henry piped up, his eyes narrowing with anger. Robin looked at him, confused.   
‘I don’t understand.’  
‘Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?’ Henry yelled at him. ‘For weeks she couldn’t even say your name without bursting into tears. She tried to hide it from me, because she’s that kind of person, but I still saw what it did to her. I had to pick up the pieces.’  
‘I never meant to cause her pain,’ Robin said honestly. ‘She pushed me away, she told me that we couldn’t-‘  
‘Do you think that makes what you did okay?’ roared Henry.  
‘No,’ Robin swallowed, knowing that it was no justification for how he had acted. ‘I…Marian came back, and I…I panicked.’

‘Where were you that night? With your wife? Because my Mom was alone in her house; she even pushed me away, and you know what she said? She said that she was always alone.’  
The words cut into Robin’s heart like a dagger. Henry’s eyes were burning with fury, his teeth clenched, but there were tears gracing his cheeks.  
‘You made her feel like that,’ Henry continued, ‘you made her feel alone. And after everything she’s been through, that is the worst thing you could do.’ 

Before Robin could answer, Henry stormed out into the cool night air and Emma put a hand on his arm to stop him following.  
‘Give him some time to cool off,’ she suggested. ‘He’s just worried about Regina.’  
‘He was right though, everything he said was right. She deserved so much better from me, and I let her down. I was a coward when I should have been strong, and I let her tell me to go because then I could try and convince myself that I hadn’t hurt her.’  
‘If you tell her that, then maybe she’ll understand,’ Emma tried, though she wasn’t sure she could offer the man any comfort.  
‘What if I don’t get to tell her?’ he whispered, lowering his head.  
‘Don’t say that,’ Mary Margaret cut in with a warning, ‘don’t you dare.’

Robin walked towards the wall and hit it with a closed fist, achieving little more than a dull throbbing in his knuckles. It did nothing to distract from the pain in his heart. 

Xxx

Henry looked up at the bright orb of the moon, staring down watchfully over a sleeping world. The wind was verging on cold, drying his tears as it whistled past, but it was refreshing. Out here, silent but for the wind, it was almost as if everything wasn’t crumbling to dust around him. He didn’t turn around when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
‘Hey,’ Mary Margaret said quietly.  
‘Hey.’  
‘How are you holding up?’  
Henry let out a long, deep sigh in response. His mother was fighting for her life; they both knew he wasn’t holding up all too well.

‘I’ve known Regina for a very long time Henry, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that she is a fighter. She won’t let this beat her.’  
‘This is different,’ reasoned Henry. ‘This isn’t about curses or magic or quests. This is real life, the sort of stuff that happens no matter what world you’re from. There’s no mystical solution.’   
‘But there are doctors, and the medical knowledge is far better here than back in the Enchanted Forest. She’s in good hands.’

With that, at least, Henry agreed with his grandmother. He looked up at the sky, searching the stars for the constellations Regina had taught him when he was younger. They had sat on the grass in the garden, both with a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and he had pointed eagerly and asked each star’s name; his mother had not faltered once. 

She had told him years later that the stars were the same in every realm, one of the few constants spanning their worlds. In the year Regina had spent alone in the Enchanted Forest, she revealed to Henry that she would often spend her nights looking up at the sky and finding comfort in knowing he could see what she saw. 

‘She’s not a fighter,’ he said after a while.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘She fights because she has to, to try and protect herself, but I don’t think that’s who she is.’  
‘I know what you mean,’ Mary Margaret agreed. ‘Before everything, in the time that I knew the young Regina, I didn’t see a ruthless warrior.’  
‘My Mom likes everyone to think that she’s strong, especially when she’s hurt. But these last few weeks…it’s like she can’t even pretend,’ Henry tried to explain. ‘That’s why I’m so angry at Robin.’  
‘It’s not his fault,’ Mary Margaret defended him.  
‘What happened today isn’t, no,’ he admitted, ‘but you haven’t been there. She’s been a totally different person, like someone took away that makes her…you know…Regina. He hurt her, and I think after everything that happened it was just the last straw. He took away her strength.’  
‘He didn’t mean to,’ the brunette said quietly. ‘We’ve all made a lot of mistakes Henry.’  
‘I just want her to be happy,’ he mumbled. ‘She doesn’t deserve any of this; she was trying to be good. I thought good was always supposed to win?’  
‘In the end, yes, but there are always things along the way that hurt us.’

‘She already loved it…the baby,’ Henry said after a while, feeling his throat constricting with emotion. ‘Whenever she talked about her, you could see it in her eyes.’  
‘Henry,’ Mary Margaret breathed, tears falling down her cheeks.  
‘I even helped her pick out a name.’  
She gathered her grandson into her arms, and he clung onto her tightly as he began to sob.  
‘It’s okay,’ Mary Margaret soothed, rubbing his back. ‘It’ll be okay.’  
She wished she had any confidence in her words.

Xxx

Regina fell back against the pillows, chuckling as she heard Robin breathing heavily.  
‘Did I tire you out, thief?’  
‘Hardly,’ he panted, betraying the truth. He turned his head to look at her, finding himself stunned in light of her radiance. It was as if she were glowing, her skin shimmering in the light the moon cast through the windows.  
‘God you’re beautiful.’  
Regina felt heat rising in her cheeks and smiled.  
‘You’re not so bad yourself.’  
He brought his hand up to her cheek and ran his thumb across the soft skin.  
‘Do you have any idea how happy you’ve made me?’ he whispered.  
She reached over and caught his lips in a slow, meaningful kiss and rested her forehead against his when they parted.  
‘If it’s anything close to how happy you’ve made me, then I’m glad.’

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and she rested her head on his bare chest.  
‘Can we just stay here like this forever?’ Regina murmured, the warmth and comfort of another’s embrace enticing her slowly into sleep.  
‘I’m game if you are,’ Robin grinned. He watched her breathing slow, and felt her grip on him loosen as she finally drifted off. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered to her.  
‘I will never let you go.’

Xxx

‘Robin?’  
He was pulled from his memories as Emma handed him a scorching cup of coffee, and he nodded at her in thanks.  
‘How’s your hand?’  
‘Sore,’ he admitted, looking down at his bruised knuckles.  
‘Did it help?’  
‘No.’  
‘Then you need to hit something harder,’ she said, trying to coax Robin into a smile he was unwilling to give. They sat in silence for a while, and Emma noticed his eyes flicking to look at the doors that led to the operating theatres at least once every thirty seconds.

‘She’s going to be okay,’ Emma assured him.  
‘How can you know that?’ Robin asked, and Emma shrugged.  
‘I just know.’  
‘I should have been there for her,’ he grumbled, the anger at himself so strong her clenched his bruised hand into a fist and winced at the pain.  
‘It wouldn’t have changed anything,’ she stated truthfully.   
‘But I’d have been there,’ sighed Robin, and Emma couldn’t argue with that.

‘I saw Marian,’ she said, the painful silence of impatience too much to bear. ‘She said you left.’  
‘I couldn’t keep lying to her anymore,’ Robin told her. ‘We both knew it wasn’t working; we aren’t the same people we used to be. I’ve known for weeks that things weren’t right, but I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt and when Regina told me to go…’  
He shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee and relishing its bitterness.  
‘She was going to have a baby.’  
‘Robin…I’m so sorry.’  
‘You know, Regina didn’t think she would ever have a child of her own; she wasn’t sure if she could. She only mentioned it in passing but I could see how upset it made her. She loves Henry more than anything in the world, but I think that it kills her that he will never be her own blood.’

‘Henry will always be her son,’ Emma said definitively. ‘He might have my DNA, but he’s the person she raised him to be; that’s all her.’  
‘She’s a wonderful mother,’ Robin agreed sadly. ‘I always wanted us to be a family. We were only together for a few weeks, but the connection was so strong that I think I knew right away that it was never going to be just a casual relationship. When Regina told me that Tinker Bell had said we were soul mates, it wasn’t a stretch to believe her.’  
‘I never should have saved Marian,’ Emma sighed.   
‘You should,’ he countered. ‘It should never be right to leave someone to die who might otherwise be saved. And if nothing else, you gave Roland his mother back. If I had just been honest with everyone in the first place, then it didn’t have to change everything as much as it did.’

‘Everyone is blaming themselves for what has happened, but it’s my fault.’  
‘What do you mean? Robin asked her.  
‘On Friday night I went to see her to try and sort some things out about Henry. I wanted to explain why I did what I did, but she wasn’t ready to hear it and I said some things…things I didn’t think about before I said them. I should have seen how vulnerable she was, but I didn’t pay attention. Regina tried to use magic to push me away but it backfired, and she got hurt. She said she was fine, but what if that’s what caused this? What if this happened because of me?’  
Emma shook her head, trying to keep the tears from her eyes. She had caused Regina so much pain already, and the thought the she might have contributed to this was almost too much. 

‘We may never know,’ Robin mumbled, not sure what else to say. He looked back up at the doors, praying for a miracle, and Emma didn’t question it. As time crawled on, she found herself doing the same.

Xxx

Wherever she was, it was dark. Flashes of what had happened kept coming through; images of Mary Margaret shaking her to try and wake her up, of a woman with ginger hair sticking a needle into the back of her hand and the sound of Henry’s voice trying to soothe her as she shivered in his arms.

‘Please, Mom, please come back to me.’

She tried several times to break through the barrier that seemed to be keeping her away from the waking world, but something kept pushing her back and in the end she stopped trying to fight it. 

Her thoughts were a muddle. One moment she would forget who she was, what had happened and why she was in this terrible dark place and then everything would come rushing back. She knew that she was close to dying. It felt as if a choice were being offered to her, the chance to stay with her son or go with her daughter; all she wanted was to be out of this purgatory. 

Xxx

A nurse had coaxed them all into the waiting room, and they were all sitting in silence like mourners at a wake. Well, almost all. Robin had taken to pacing the room like a caged lion, and although it was irritating no-one said a word because they all knew exactly how he felt. 

After an hour or so, David was shown into the room and without a word Mary Margaret stood and embraced him, holding on as if for dear life. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she buried her face into his neck, crying softly.  
‘Have you heard anything?’ he asked Emma over Mary Margaret’s shoulder.  
‘Nothing yet,’ she sighed. Emma was sitting with her arm around Henry, who was trying his hardest not to fall asleep. She had tried to convince him to go home and get some rest, but he hadn’t even needed to come up with an argument against her suggestion to show that it was not going to happen; one look had kept her quiet.

‘Where’s Neal?’ Mary Margaret breathed as she stood up straight, her arms still around her husband’s neck.  
‘Ruby and Granny have him for the night, but they said there was no rush. I didn’t want to leave him but I knew that I was needed here, at least for now.’  
His wife nodded, kissing him lightly on the lips and hugging him again. She needed him now more than words could describe.

Xxx

The waiting became more than unbearable. Minutes passed, turning slowly into hours, and no-one said a word. The sun was beginning to rise outside when the door finally opened, and every head in the room snapped up in synchrony to see Doctor Whale.

Henry was first up, scrambling to his feet and out of his mother’s arms despite the aching tiredness of his limbs.  
‘Is she okay? What happened?’  
‘I-‘  
‘Can I see her?’ Henry said, bombarding him with questions yet fearful of the responses. He was trying to ignore the grave look on the doctor’s face.  
‘I’m sorry, Henry.’

‘NO,’ Henry screamed, his world falling apart, ‘no she…she’s not…she can’t be….’  
‘She’s still alive,’ Whale added quickly, ‘but there were complications.’  
‘What do you mean?’ asked Emma.  
‘Regina had what is called an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo implants in the fallopian tube rather than the uterus. It can grow, to a point, but unless it is caught early then the tube will rupture.’  
‘That’s what happened?’ gasped Mary Margaret.  
‘Yes,’ Whale nodded. ‘I removed the tube and repaired what I could, but I’m afraid there’s nothing more that I can do for her now.’   
‘I want to see her,’ Henry insisted.  
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’  
‘LET ME SEE MY MOM!’

‘You let the boy in,’ Robin snarled, standing behind Henry in support, ‘or you’ll have me to answer to, and I don’t see you coming out of that encounter too well. Do you?’  
The doctor shook his head, and sighed with acceptance.  
‘They’ve moved her to a side room,’ he explained. ‘I can take you all there, but only Henry can go in for now and not for too long. Is that clear?’  
‘Yes,’ Henry agreed at once, ‘just show me to my Mom.’

Whale turned and led them down the corridor to the room where the curse had been broken what seemed like an age ago. The other beds had been removed to form a makeshift intensive care unit, leaving only Regina’s visible through the glass partition. After a nod from Whale, a nurse put a hand around Henry and opened the door to take him to his mother and the rest of the group were left to wait outside, staring in and watching helplessly.

Henry felt his heart thumping hard in his chest as he walked up to Regina’s bedside. Had he not known that it was her, she would have been impossible to recognise. Her skin was as pale as the bed sheets, and a variety of wires were snaked across her body attaching her to several different machines. There was a tube down her throat connected to a ventilator, which hissed softly every time it forced air into her lungs. 

An idea began to form in his mind, and he moved in closer to Regina - true love’s kiss. It had saved him from death, broken curses; surely it could bring her back to him. Closing his eyes, Henry concentrated as hard as he could on the love he had for his mother and gently brought his lips to her forehead. 

Nothing happened. It felt as if he had failed her.

Henry took her cold hand gently, tears falling from his eyes.   
‘I’m sorry Mom,’ he whispered.

Xxx

‘What did you mean when you said there was nothing more you could do?’ Emma asked, as she stood with Robin and her parents watching Henry and Regina through the glass.  
‘Exactly that,’ Whale sighed. ‘I did everything I could think of, but her body just isn’t strong enough to cope with that level of damage.’  
‘So…so she’ll…’ Mary Margaret stuttered, holding desperately onto David’s hand.  
‘Yes, Regina will die,’ he confirmed. ‘She should have died in theatre. Her heart began to fail and it took us half an hour, somehow we brought her back but it’s not enough. She lost so much blood and her heart is too weak. I’m sorry but it will fail again.’  
‘We should have gotten to her sooner,’ Mary Margaret said, shaking her head.  
‘Don’t say that like you’re to blame for this,’ David told her, squeezing her hand.  
‘Henry knew something was wrong, if I’d just listened to him-‘ She broke off, tears spilling down her cheeks.  
‘Regina is lucky that you found her, Mary Margaret,’ Whale reassured her. ‘The fact of it is that ectopic pregnancies cannot survive. This would have happened sooner or later, as tragic as that is; her baby wasn’t meant to survive, and perhaps she wasn’t either. This way at least her son can get a chance to say goodbye.’

‘There has to be something we can do,’ David said almost pleading.   
‘I think the only reason she has held on this long is because of her magic,’ the doctor thought aloud, ‘but for some reason, it cannot sustain her.’  
‘I am not losing her,’ Robin shook his head defiantly, ‘not after everything. I won’t lose her again.’  
‘Is there no other magic that can help her?’ Emma tried.  
‘I couldn’t say,’ answered Whale, ‘but it would take nothing short of a miracle.’  
‘If she needs a miracle I’ll bring her one,’ Robin muttered, taking one last lingering look at Regina before tearing himself away and storming out of the hospital.

Xxx

Mr. Gold was in his shop, weighing a strange blue powder carefully on brass scales when Robin burst through the door.   
‘Rumplestiltskin,’ he breathed, walking up to the counter.  
‘Robin Hood,’ he replied calmly, ‘what can I do for you?’  
‘Help her.’  
Gold had known the second Robin had entered the shop what was wrong, and when he looked up at the man he knew so little his blackened heart did threaten to crack. The once proud man was gripping the glass of the counter desperately, his eyes red and bloodshot as he didn’t even try to hide the fact he had been crying. His emotions were so strong that Gold could feel anger and fear radiating from him like heat, burning in the wake of his tragedy.

‘And what makes you think that I can?’  
‘Please,’ Robin begged, ‘I’ll do anything, anything you want. Just…just try?’  
‘Rumple?’ Belle called as she came through from the office, confusion furrowing her brow. ‘What happened?’  
‘Regina,’ he answered simply.   
‘What has she done?’  
Robin gave Belle a look that could only be described as murderous, but Gold held his hand up to silence him and turned to his wife.  
‘Regina has become…quite unwell.’  
‘She’s dying,’ Robin corrected him, tears glistening in his eyes.  
‘Can you help her?’ Belle asked nervously, feeling guilty that her first thought had been that Regina herself was at fault.   
‘I don’t know,’ Gold said honestly, ‘but I can try.’  
‘Thank you,’ breathed Robin, his heart daring to hope.  
‘I make no promises, and if by chance there is something I can do then you know how it goes; all magic comes with a price.’  
‘Whatever it is I shall pay it, I swear,’ Robin assured him.  
‘Ah,’ sighed Gold, smiling sadly, ‘but that is the trouble with magic; you cannot always choose who has to.’

Xxx

Henry had pulled a chair to Regina’s bedside, and rested his head on the mattress beside where their hands were joined. He drifted off into a light sleep, the weight of everything that had happened over the past twenty four hours dragging him down into slumber. He didn’t dream, not exactly, but he found himself remembering times from his childhood when it had just been him and Regina; his birthdays and Christmases, his first day at school. 

He had never been unhappy, not until he had found out that he was adopted and started to question why his birth mother had abandoned him. His anger had given him blinkered vision, and for a long time he had refused to see reality; that his life, cursed or otherwise, had been perfectly happy and he had been loved and cherished by his true mother.

Henry woke slowly as an unfamiliar sound intruded his dreams, and he blinked furiously as he lifted his head. Beeping. Loud beeping.   
‘Mom?’   
His brain took a while to catch up, and when he looked up at the flashing monitor his eyes widened in fear.  
‘MOM,’ he screamed, kicking back the chair. Doctor Whale ran into the room followed by Emma, David and Mary Margaret.  
‘What’s happening?’ Henry whimpered, as Emma pulled him back.  
‘It’s her heart,’ he muttered, ‘you shouldn’t all be in here.’  
‘We are not going anywhere,’ Mary Margaret insisted.  
‘Then stand back.’

They all moved away from the bed, giving the doctor some space to move around Regina. He checked her vital signs, noting her falling blood pressure and injected something into the back of her hand. The beeping slowed slightly, but Whale shook his head.   
‘It won’t work,’ he said, to himself as much as the others, ‘she’s too weak.’  
‘You have to do something,’ Henry shouted desperately, ‘you can’t just let her die.’

Whale looked to Henry apologetically, wishing he could offer more reassurance, but he was saved from false promises as Robin came crashing into the room followed by Mr. Gold.  
‘Gold?’ Emma said, surprised that of all people he had come to help.  
‘Miss Swan,’ he answered coolly, walking swiftly over to his former protégée and flicking his wrist. A soft purple light emanated from Regina for a few seconds before it dissipated, and the infernal beeping finally stopped.

‘What did you do?’ Henry asked his grandfather, unsure whether to be relieved or apprehensive.   
‘I preserved her in her current condition,’ Gold explained, ‘to stop…to keep her safe until we can work out what to do.’  
‘And can you do something?’ Mary Margaret pushed him.  
‘Perhaps,’ he replied vaguely. ‘I cannot heal her myself. Her magic was connected to her child’s and when it was lost, her powers were weakened. What remains is the only thing currently keeping her heart from failing entirely. If I tried to heal her my magic would clash with hers, and there would be nothing left to keep her stable.’  
‘That doesn’t sound like perhaps, that sounds like no,’ Emma hissed, trying to keep her patience.  
‘She has to heal herself; it has to be her own magic.’  
‘But that’s not going to happen,’ the saviour snapped frustratedly.   
‘It might,’ Gold argued. ‘If I try and ignite her magic, give it a boost of sorts, then it should give her enough time for her body to start repairing itself naturally. But there are no guarantees. She’s so weak that I’d have to do it in stages and it could still not be enough. And as I told Robin, it would come at a price and one I cannot foresee.’

Emma brought a hand to the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to take it all in. Mary Margaret turned into her husband, but Robin moved forward and put a hand on Henry’s shoulder.  
‘It’s your call,’ he said gently.   
‘We have to try,’ Henry sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes as he look up at his grandfather. ‘Please…we have to try.’  
‘Of course,’ Gold nodded, smiling weakly. ‘I’ll do my best. But I need to have some time alone.’ 

Henry went up to Regina and brushed her hair from her face, kissing her forehead once more.  
‘This isn’t goodbye,’ he whispered, before reluctantly following his family to wait outside. Robin lingered back, taking Regina’s hand and kissing it lightly.   
‘I don’t deserve a second chance,’ he breathed, ‘but I know that I will never be complete until I say the words. I love you, Regina, with all my heart, and I promise you that one day I will say it to you properly.’

With a heavy heart, Robin joined the Charmings on the other side of the glass and Rumplestiltskin was left with Regina.   
‘Oh dearie,’ he sighed, standing over the former queen. After everything they had been through together and every battle they had faced, it seemed like an injustice for her to be struck down by something so…human. She didn’t deserve this fate, and he refused to admit that this would be her end.

He placed his hand above her unconscious form and closed his eyes so that he could concentrate. Gold felt his magic reaching his fingertips, bubbling furiously, and he channelled it as gently as he could into Regina. He felt the connection as their magic collided. Regina’s had been wounded, torn almost, but a small smile passed across Gold’s lips; she was still fighting. 

‘So stubborn your majesty,’ he hissed through gritted teeth, as she refused to accept his help. He started to push, hoping that her magic would recede enough for him to manipulate it as he needed to. Then everything exploded.

Gold stumbled back, hit with the sudden force of the burst of magic between them. The connection was lost. He looked up, unsure as to what had happened, and for a moment his heart stopped.

Xxx

Regina gasped, her eyes flying open as she was pulled out from the darkness. She tried to breathe, but began to panic as the ventilation tube scratched at her throat. Her hands flew up, grabbing the rails around her bed.

As they realised what was happening, Whale was the first to respond running to Regina’s side.  
‘You have to calm down,’ he said firmly. She was fighting against the machine, hyperventilating and only doing herself more damage. Taking hold of the end of the breathing tube he disconnected it.   
‘I can take it out, but you have to help me. I’ll count to three, and on three you cough as hard as you can. Okay?’   
Though her eyes were wide, Regina gave an almost imperceptible nod and when he gave the word she coughed as he extracted the tube. When she was free of it, she gulped as much air as she could, her chest feeling constricted with fear as she tried to adjust to breathing normally. It was hard to take in everything that was going on, confusion fogging all of the other sensations her body was trying to give her. There was pain, there was panic, there was sadness, but to her it was all a blur.

‘MOM,’ Henry shouted as he ran to her side. Regina looked at him, almost as if she didn’t recognise him for a moment, but when he threw his arms around her she softened into his embrace. She looked over his shoulder and saw Robin, and it felt as if she had been hit squarely in the chest with every different emotion at once. She held Henry tighter, her hands grabbing desperately at his shirt and he noticed at once.  
‘Hey, Mom, it’s okay,’ he soothed, and his heart broke a little as a sob escaped her lips.   
‘I think you should let her rest a while,’ Whale whispered, and reluctantly Henry pulled away from his mother lowering her back against the pillows.   
‘I’m right here,’ Henry assured her, as he untangled from her grip. Whale injected something into the back of her hand and Regina’s eyelids began to droop involuntarily.

‘Is she going to be okay?’ Henry asked him, voice wavering.  
‘She’s alive kid,’ he smiled hopefully, ‘for today that might have to be enough.’


	14. Chapter 14

With Regina sleeping deeply, Whale called everyone back into the waiting room for a meeting.  
‘So is she okay now?’ Henry asked his grandfather, who sighed in response.  
‘I don’t know Henry,’ Gold answered honestly. ‘I believe that the methods I used must have helped in some way, but it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.’  
‘Is it a bad thing?’ Robin inquired tentatively.   
‘I couldn’t say,’ breathed Gold, ‘but it seems to have worked. Her magic was broken, torn almost and I wouldn’t trust it. I can use small doses of my own to try and keep it going, and hopefully it will repair itself enough to sustain the healing process.’  
‘Hopefully?’ Mary Margaret said quietly, picking up on the ambiguous word.  
‘That’s the best I can offer dearie.’

‘I think everyone should go home and get some rest,’ Whale suggested. ‘Regina will most likely be out of it for the rest of the day.’  
‘No,’ Henry protested at once, ‘I want to stay with her.’  
‘Henry, you have to listen to reason,’ Emma urged him, taking his hand. ‘You heard what Whale said. Regina is just going to sleep; you don’t have to be here for that.’  
‘I do,’ he insisted.  
‘She’s going to need you when she wakes up Henry,’ Mary Margaret reminded him. Henry looked up at Emma, biting his lip in a way so similar to how Regina did when she was scared or nervous.  
‘I don’t want her to be alone,’ he mumbled, so that only she could hear. Emma nodded in understanding.  
‘I’ll stay here,’ she offered.   
‘Emma-,’ Mary Margaret tried, but her daughter held a hand up to stop her.  
‘You and David need to get home to Neal, and you can make sure Henry gets some sleep.’  
‘I want to stay,’ Robin spoke up, but Emma shook her head.  
‘You look like hell Robin,’ she observed, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes. ‘When did you last get some sleep?’  
‘I couldn’t sleep now if I wanted to,’ he sighed. ‘I want to stay.’  
‘At least go and get some decent coffee from Granny’s,’ Emma bargained. ‘The fresh air might clear your head and you can bring me a muffin as well.’  
‘Fine,’ he mumbled. 

‘You’ll call if anything happens?’ Henry asked as he hugged Emma goodbye, a little tighter than usual.  
‘Of course, I’ll make sure everyone knows,’ she promised, kissing his forehead. Emma looked up at her parents. ‘Make sure he eats something and gets at least a few hours.’  
‘We will,’ Mary Margaret smiled uneasily, hugging her daughter before leading Henry out followed by her husband and Mr. Gold.

‘I haven’t got my phone,’ Robin remembered as he stood to follow the Charmings.  
‘Yeah, I know,’ Emma muttered.  
‘You know?’  
Emma sighed.  
‘I spoke to Marian when I was looking for you,’ she admitted, not quite able to meet his gaze. ‘She has it.’  
‘Why would she…’ His voice trailed off as realisation slowly dawned.  
‘I think you need to speak to her about it.’  
‘Don’t worry,’ he grumbled, ‘I will be.’

Xxx

Robin was glad that the walk to the woods from the hospital was a reasonable way. The morning sunshine and cool air were refreshing after a night spent waiting in a single room. It was an opportunity to stretch his legs, and to calm the anger that was bubbling beneath his calm exterior.

He wanted to know why Marian had his phone, and although there were a number of reasonable explanations only one seemed possible in his mind. Had he confronted her the minute he left the waiting room he knew that he would have shouted, said things he didn’t mean and ended up doing more damage than was necessary. Yes, he had definitely needed the walk.

As his boots crunched against the woodland floor, Robin’s only thoughts were for Regina. He knew the woman behind the mask, so much more vulnerable than the person the rest of the world saw. He had seen her as the Evil Queen, and as Regina, and he knew which one was real. 

Xxx

‘Your Majesty,’ Robin said as he gently approached the queen in her garden, ‘are you alright?’  
‘I’m fine,’ she answered shortly, refusing to look at him.   
‘Well it’s two o’clock in the morning and while the rest of the castle sleeps, I find you sitting beneath an apple tree. I don’t know about you, but that isn’t my definition of fine.’

Robin approached her reluctantly, somewhat intimidated by the black leather and feather trim coat she wore even when in private. It was known throughout the castle that the queen was not to be disturbed. She was rarely seen, only for important meetings of the council, and this was the first time he had seen her since their quest to rid the castle of her wicked sister.

‘What are you doing out here so late, thief?’ she snapped, though Robin noticed it lacked some of her usual zeal.  
‘I’m doing my job, patrolling the grounds.’  
‘Well you’ve covered this bit,’ she mumbled, still looking away from him, ‘it’s quite a big castle. You should get going.’  
‘Maybe I don’t want to.’

Regina sighed audibly, reaching a hand to her forehead.   
‘Please,’ she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper.  
‘Is this about your son?’ asked Robin, and he noticed her visibly tense.  
‘You don’t know anything about that.’  
‘No,’ he admitted, ‘but I can see that it’s hurting you. I’m a good listener.’  
‘Why would I talk to you?’  
‘Because I’m here,’ he reminded her gently, sitting beside her at the base of the tree.

Reaching out he touched her arm lightly, and was surprised when she didn’t pull away. Regina turned to face him, and Robin saw the face not of an evil sorceress but a broken woman. Her make-up was smudged where she had been crying, and her eyes held no anger, only pain.  
‘It’s his birthday,’ she whispered, her lower lip trembling.  
Robin reached his hand up and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. Their faces were inches apart and he wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them, but he knew that was not what she needed. He put his arms around her and held her as she cried, wondering how he seemed to be the only one who could see her for who she was.

Xxx

‘Marian?’ he called as he entered the camp. Most of the Merry Men were off working, and the place was quiet.  
‘Dada!’   
Robin couldn’t help but smile when he saw his son bounding towards him. He picked him up, swinging him round before holding him on his hip.  
‘Where you been Dada?’  
‘I’ve been with Regina,’ he said honestly.  
‘Is Gina at the hospital?’ Roland asked, his face a picture of concern. ‘Mama said you had to go to the hospital. Was it for Gina?’

Robin sighed, nodding slowly.  
‘Yes, it was for her.’  
‘Is she okay?’ Roland mumbled, his eyes filling with tears.  
‘She’s going to be fine,’ Robin assured him, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.   
‘Can we go visit her?’  
‘She needs to rest for a while, but when she’s better I’m sure she would love to see you.’ 

‘Robin?’  
He looked up to see Marian eyeing him nervously, playing with a loose thread on her cloak.   
‘Roland, can you give me and your mother a moment to talk?’  
‘Yep!’ he answered brightly, giving his father a winning smile.  
‘Just stay by that tree over there,’ Robin told him, pointing to an oak just beyond where Marian was standing.  
‘I can do that,’ grinned Roland, giving his father a quick kiss on the cheek before allowing himself to be put to the floor. 

Marian ruffled his hair as he passed her. She watched him go to sit beneath the tree, humming to himself as he picked at the plants around the base. Taking a deep breath, she walked towards Robin so that Roland wouldn’t hear the argument she knew was coming.

‘Emma…Emma told you what happened?’  
Marian nodded, her eyes filling with tears. ‘I’m so sorry Robin.’  
He made no acknowledgement of her apology, refusing to meet her eyes.  
‘Is…is she okay?’  
‘No,’ he answered quietly. ‘She almost died, Marian.’  
Robin looked up at her, and asked a question out of curiosity rather than anger.   
‘Would that have made you happy? If she had died?’

Marian almost choked on the gasp that came from his accusation.  
‘N-no,’ she stuttered, ‘no I…no, Robin, I never wanted…I was just afraid. I didn’t want her to take you away from me. But I would never wish her harm. And no-one…no-one deserves to lose a child.’  
He nodded slowly, her words slowly sinking in.   
‘Please,’ she begged, taking his hand and feeling her heart break as he pulled away from her. ‘Please look at me.’

Their eyes finally met, swimming brown and steely blue, and she saw…nothing. When he had looked at her before there had always been emotion there. In the past few weeks it had been more affection than love, but still she could see how he felt about her in his eyes. Now Marian could see only emptiness, and she knew that it was no-one’s fault but her own. 

‘Why,’ he whispered, shaking his head. ‘Why did you take it?’  
‘I don’t know,’ she answered honestly. ‘I knew you had been to see her again, and you wouldn’t talk to me…I saw that she had sent you a message and I panicked, I’m sorry.’  
‘When?’  
‘S-Sunday,’ she stammered, tears spilling down her cheeks, ‘before you l-left.’  
‘What gave you the right?’ Robin asked, anger creeping into his previously calm tone. ‘Do you decide who I get to speak to now?’  
‘No,’ Marian wept, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. I know it was stupid-‘  
‘Stupid?’ he hissed through gritted teeth. ‘Regina was dying, Marian. She had lost our child and she was dying and I wasn’t there; I didn’t even know. Emma had to find me and tell me she was asking for me, but I didn’t get there in time to see her before she went into surgery. She thought I had abandoned her, that I didn’t care, all because of you.’

A thought crossed his mind and he closed his eyes, his heart sinking in his chest.  
‘Did she call me?’  
‘Wh-what?’   
‘Before this…before she went to hospital, did she call?’  
Marian bit her lip, her heart thundering against her ribs as she nodded slowly.  
‘When?’ he snarled, trying his hardest not to shout in front of their son.  
‘M-Monday morning,’ she mumbled. 

Robin turned away, running his fingers through his hair.  
‘I’m sorry,’ Marian breathed, wrapping her arms around herself as guilt threatened to tear her apart. ‘I wish there were more I could say. I know what I did was childish, pathetic, and it had consequences I could never have foreseen. I wish it hadn’t happened but it did. I don’t expect you to forgive me-‘  
‘Good,’ Robin cut her off, ‘because I don’t know if I can. Do you have it?’

Marian reached into her pocket and pulled out his phone, which he took from her trembling hand.  
‘Roland can stay with you; I have to go back to the hospital.’  
‘Thank you,’ she sniffed, wiping at her eyes.  
‘I’m not doing it for you,’ Robin said honestly. ‘Roland can’t see Regina as she is, and I have to stay with her.’  
Marian nodded slowly in understanding. She caught Robin’s eyes again, and saw that his anger had receded to a gentle sadness which hurt her all the more.  
‘You’re not the person I thought you were,’ he whispered coldly, wondering where the innocent young maid had gone who had made him laugh and stolen his heart. 

Robin walked past her, leaving her sobbing quietly and went to where Roland was sitting, crouching to his level.  
‘Hey Roland,’ he said softly, ‘I have to go and see Regina now, but I’ll be back soon okay?’  
‘I picked these for her,’ Roland told him, holding up a fistful of wildflowers. ‘They’ll make her better, right?’  
‘I’m sure they will,’ Robin smiled, a little warmth touching his breaking heart. ‘I love you, son.’  
‘Love you too.’  
He hugged Roland tightly, not wanting to let go but knowing that he had to.   
As he walked towards the centre of town, he didn’t look back at his wife. 

Xxx

Granny’s was silent as Robin went up to the counter, not a soul in sight despite the fact that by now it was almost lunchtime.  
‘How is she?’ Granny asked, genuine concern apparent in her expression as she took his order.  
‘Not good,’ he answered honestly, ‘but so far she’s pulled through.’  
‘Was it that serious?’  
Robin nodded slowly, taking the cup of fresh coffee and relishing the burn of it sliding down his throat.  
‘Poor Henry,’ Ruby sighed, joining her grandmother, ‘he must be pretty shaken up. Regina always seemed like such a battle-axe, you know? Like nothing could ever hurt her because she was just…Regina.’  
‘She’s as human as the rest of us,’ Granny acknowledged sadly. ‘You need anything, anything at all, you let us know.’  
‘Thanks,’ Robin smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes and he took his coffee to a booth in the corner.

He retrieved his phone from his pocket and took a deep, shuddering breath. Part of him knew that whatever he saw or heard, it wouldn’t change anything and it certainly wouldn’t help Regina. But there was a part of him that knew he had to look. He wouldn’t be able to rest easily until he knew the truth.

Looking through his messages, he saw the offending words that had caused Marian to snatch the phone away from him. 

 

Robin,  
I need to see you. There’s something that I have to tell you, something important, and I feel it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t say it in person. I’m sorry for what I said at the diner. I’m sorry for everything.   
Call me and we can arrange a time.

Regina had been waiting for him to call her, and the thought that he had kept her waiting was almost as painful as knowing she had been meaning to tell him. She had planned to reveal to him that he was going to be a father to her child, and his heart ached with the knowledge that she had never managed to say those words. 

She had said she was sorry, and Robin wondered what on Earth she could ever be sorry for. But it was clear to him that when she had told him to go that she hadn’t meant it, not truthfully. In another universe, he would have called her back. They would have met, somewhere, and she would have told him the truth and he would have returned the favour as he confessed his feelings. In that universe, they had a chance to be happy. In this one, though, all that had been torn away.

Robin was struggling to comprehend the many meanings of the text when he realised that he had a voicemail message. Regina had tried to call him, early on Monday morning. He played the message and his heart stopped when he heard her voice in his ear as if she were sat beside him.

‘Robin please…I know that I said I couldn’t see you, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it. I was just scared when you told me you cared about me and I…I suppose I panicked. I need you, Robin. I really need you. I don’t want to have to pretend that I’m strong anymore, because I’m not. And I’m so scared.’

Robin threw the phone on the table and his head fell into his hands, tears falling from his eyes. He could hear the raw vulnerability in her voice; she had known that something was wrong by then, and she had reached out to him when she was scared. But he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t been there when she needed him. And no matter what he did, he knew that he could never make up for that.

‘Robin?’  
He looked up to see Tinker Bell slipping into the booth to sit opposite him.  
‘What do you want?’  
‘I just came in for a coffee and Granny told me that something happened to Regina,’ she breathed, praying that it wasn’t true. The look on Robin’s face was enough to confirm her worst fears.  
‘No…no she can’t have…’ Tink stuttered, her eyes widening. ‘Tell me I’m jumping to conclusions Robin please.’  
‘I wish I could,’ Robin choked, his face crumpling. ‘She…she lost the baby.’

Tinker Bell felt her heart breaking within her chest and marvelled at how much it hurt. After everything Regina had been through, this was not how it was supposed to end. This wasn’t meant to happen. It felt as if the fate of these two people once so beautifully aligned had become distorted, twisted beyond recognition and leaving havoc in its wake. They should have been happy.  
‘I’m so sorry,’ the fairy whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘How is she?’  
‘Not good,’ he answered bluntly. ‘Something went wrong. I don’t really understand the details of it but she needed surgery and went into some sort of shock, I don’t know. She almost didn’t make it, and wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Rumplestiltskin. I thought…I thought I was going to have to watch her die.’

The last few words hardly made it from his lips before he broke, the weight of what had happened finally bringing him crashing down. Tink moved next to him and put her arm around his shoulders, saying nothing as nothing needed to be said.   
‘Regina told me that we were soul mates, the day Marian came back’ Robin mumbled, when he had finally calmed. ‘I should have listened to her.’   
‘It was your wife, the mother of your child. It’s no wonder you were a little overwhelmed.’  
‘I knew in my heart that it was true, but I let everything else cloud my judgement. I don’t love Marian, not in the way that I used to. I’ve finally admitted it to myself and to her, though I suspect she has known for some time…but it’s too late.’  
‘It’s never too late,’ Tink assured him. ‘You and Regina are meant to be together, but more than that you deserve to be. It’s not about fate anymore it’s about how you feel; you do love her, don’t you?’  
‘More than anything,’ Robin answered at once.  
‘Then that’s all you need. You and I both know that Regina is not as strong as she likes everyone to think. Just be there for her. Don’t waste time here dwelling on what you should have done.’

‘You’re right,’ he sighed, lifting his head and wiping his bloodshot eyes. He drank the rest of his coffee in a single gulp and stood.  
‘Do you mind if I come with you?’ asked Tink. ‘I just…I need to see that she’s okay, or okay as she can be.’  
‘Of course, but while I remember…’  
Robin went up to the counter and ordered a coffee and muffin to go. 

Xxx

‘Robin,’ Regina cried, hoping that her voice would carry through the house, ‘Robin come quickly!’  
Almost at once she heard the sound of his footsteps thundering down the stairs and he burst through the door into the living room.  
‘What, what is it? Are you okay?’  
‘I’m fine,’ Regina chuckled beckoning him to come over, ‘but look, look what she can do.’

Robin breathed a sigh of relief. She could see that he was ready to scold her for scaring him, but as he walked over to the bassinet any residual grudge he held melted away and a fond smile captured his features. 

Rose giggled happily, holding one chubby fist in the air. Her hair was as dark as her mother’s, though her eyes were a piercing blue and they glistened when she laughed. The small teddy which always slept beside her was floating in mid-air, dancing above the cradle at the little girl’s command. The bear glowed with a soft white aura – light magic. Regina smiled, her chest feeling tight as it threatened to burst with pride.   
‘That’s amazing,’ Robin breathed, watching in awe. He stood behind Regina, wrapping his arms around her middle to hold her close and resting his chin on her shoulder.  
‘She’s perfect,’ whispered Regina, tears pooling in her eyes. She reached out and stroked her daughter’s cheek gently, smiling as the baby leaned into her touch.  
‘She’s not the only one,’ Robin said, the heat of his breath tingling against the nape of her neck. His lips were soft against her skin, and she closed her eyes allowing the blissful sensation to wash over her. She had never felt so happy, so complete. 

And in an instant it was gone. 

The pain ripped through her abdomen, causing her to cry out and double over. She reached out to grasp the bassinet, preventing herself from crumbling to the floor, and Robin’s hand fell away from their hold around her torso.  
‘Robin,’ she gasped, ‘please…help me…’  
No response.   
She forced her eyes open and looked around, but Robin was nowhere to be seen. Panicking she turned back to the cradle. Empty. Regina put her hands where her daughter had been and felt no warmth, no trace of her child, and her heart pummelled against her chest. The only remnant was a small teddy bear staring at her with blank, unfeeling eyes.

‘ROBIN’ she screamed, another flash of agony bringing her down to her knees on the hard wooden floor. She sobbed openly, tears running down her cheeks as she called for him desperately. They were gone. Regina could feel the emptiness they had left behind with every beat of her heart, and it was dragging her down…down…

Xxx

Emma was sat on a chair by Regina’s bedside, flicking through a magazine she had found in the waiting room but not seeing any of the pictures. She threw it aside with a sigh, and looked over at the mayor. She shook her head. She had promised Henry that she wouldn’t allow to Regina to be alone, but she hadn’t realised that it would be this difficult.

At first she had tried to talk to her, but the words hadn’t found their way to her lips. What was there to say anyway; sorry didn’t even begin to cover it. Emma had tried to occupy her mind with other things but mostly she just found herself watching the brunette, keeping guard as she had said she would until their son returned and making sure her chest continued to rise and fall as it should.

Her head snapped up when she heard Regina begin to whimper in her sleep, softly at first though it quickly grew louder and more panicked. Emma leapt to her feet but found herself frozen, paralysed as she watched the older woman begin to move and thrash against an invisible enemy.   
‘Regina,’ she shouted, trying to wake her up though it came to no avail. The monitors started beeping wildly and Emma’s body finally caught up with her mind, leading her to run from the room and down the corridor to Doctor Whale’s office.

She opened the door without knocking and didn’t need to say anything before Whale was on his feet and marching back towards Regina. Emma followed, but he stopped her from re-entering the room forcing her to wait outside.

Xxx

‘Regina’  
She heard someone calling her voice through the fog, and tried to reach out to it. There was pain, so much pain that it was a struggle to prevent her mind from slipping back into the darkened abyss. But knowing that would mean giving into the nightmares gave her the strength to push that little bit further and finally open her eyes.

The world came rushing back to her, and she found at once that the lights were far too bright. Regina brought a hand up to shield her eyes as she blinked, trying to readjust, but even the effort of lifting her arm was one she could not sustain for more than a few moments. 

‘Regina,’ Whale repeated. He was relieved when she finally acknowledged his presence by turning her head to meet his eyes. ‘I’m going to move the bed so that you can sit up, okay?’  
She ran her tongue of her cracked lips but said nothing in response. The doctor pressed a button on the side of the bed to slowly lift the half on which Regina’s upper body was lying so that she could see better without needing to crane her neck. 

‘There, is that better?’  
Regina scowled at him, and tried to say something but she found that her throat was too dry. Doctor Whale turned to one of the nurses and asked for some ice chips and water. He waited until she had returned before sending her away and drawing a curtain around Regina’s bed to give her some privacy.  
‘There was a tube in your throat to help you breathe,’ he explained, ‘so it might be difficult to talk for a while; the ice chips should help.’

Regina nodded almost imperceptibly and her trembling hand accepted a small cup. She took one of the chips and placed it in her mouth, feeling the soothing harshness of the cold water running down her throat.  
‘Do you know where you are?’ Whale asked, once she had calmed down and her vital signs had returned to a plateau.  
‘It’s rather obvious,’ Regina mumbled.  
‘And do you remember-‘  
‘Yes,’ she interrupted him quickly, lowering her eyes to where her hands were clasped around the cup in her lap. It was taking every ounce of energy she had to suppress the fire that was threatening to tear her apart. 

Doctor Whale felt his heart sinking a little as he watched her. He had seen broken people before, it was a given in his line of work, but to see someone so completely destroyed and yet still trying to hold on to some shred of self-respect was tragic. In the past he had held grudges against the brunette, ones that he wasn’t sure he would ever truly let go, but this wasn’t the woman who had cursed entire realms. Whale knew that she did not deserve this fate; no-one did.   
He took a deep breath. ‘I’m really sorry Regina.’

She looked up at him, her lip curling into a snarl as unshed tears glistened in her eyes.  
‘Don’t,’ she warned him, her tone as sharp as the Evil Queen’s had once been.   
‘We have to talk about what happened,’ he told her honestly.  
‘No,’ she insisted stubbornly. ‘I don’t need to talk; I need to get out of here.’  
‘Regina, you’ve been through major surgery. We had to-‘  
‘I don’t care, I just want to leave,’ she snapped. Her entire body was throbbing, and when a shot of pain crossed her abdomen she couldn’t hide the grimace that ghosted across her face; her body betrayed her.  
‘May I?’ Whale asked, motioning towards her. Regina let out a heavy sigh, but did not object as he moved closer and gently lifted her hospital gown to reveal the long dressing which covered the width of her body. It was spotted with flecks of deep red, and as Regina looked down at herself she felt the pain that no medication could fix squeezing her heart and threatening to crush it to dust. Seeing the physical evidence made it all too real. It made her feel sick.

‘I think you may have pulled at the stitches when you were dreaming, but it all seems to be okay. I’ll get a nurse to come and change the dressing,’ he explained, covering her stomach again. Whale looked up at Regina, who was staring vacantly at nothing in particular. If it were possible, he would have said she had lost whatever colour she had managed to cling onto and her skin was now a sickly grey.   
‘Regina?’   
She didn’t even blink in acknowledgement.  
‘I can give you some morphine for the pain, and then a sedative to help you sleep-‘  
‘No,’ she muttered, stopping him in his tracks.   
‘What?’  
‘I don’t want morphine,’ she repeated quietly, still looking off into the distance.   
‘Why?’  
‘Do I need to give you a reason?’  
‘N-no,’ Whale stuttered, ‘b-but-‘  
‘Then just do it,’ she retorted bluntly.  
‘Fine,’ he gave in, exhaling slowly, ‘but I’m setting up a PCA machine. It’ll give you something for the pain only if you press a button; I can’t just leave you with nothing. Is that agreed?’

Regina closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating on her breathing and trying to will away the tirade of emotions battling to take control. When she finally looked at Whale, he could see the hurt in her eyes as surely as he could see their colour.  
‘Thank you for bringing me back,’ Regina said, though her voice remained flat and almost mechanical as if her words were not her own.  
‘I could only do so much; it was Gold who kept you with us. You would have died if it wasn’t for him.’

Regina’s brow wrinkled for a moment, but she seemed to accept what he was saying.  
‘Henry,’ she croaked, cursing her ragged throat, ‘is he okay?’  
‘He was here all night,’ the doctor told her honestly, ‘but he’s gone home to get some rest. He’s worried about you though, everyone is.’  
‘Everyone?’  
‘The Charmings, Emma and Robin were all here too,’ Whale went on, and he noticed her tense at the sound of the outlaw’s name. 

‘I doubt they would worry if I was dead,’ she whispered sombrely, surprised by the darkness of her thoughts.  
‘Regina,’ he gasped, wondering what on Earth would elicit such a belief, ‘they were all worried sick about you. Emma’s still here, waiting for news until the others get back. They care, Regina, they really do.’   
‘I’m tired,’ she said, cutting him off to avoid continuing the line of conversation.   
‘Yes, it might be best if you get some rest. Henry will want to see you when he comes back.’  
‘No,’ Regina shook her head.  
‘Regina, he’s been desperate. He just wants to know if you’re okay.’  
‘No-one comes in here unless I say so,’ she ordered vehemently. ‘And keep the curtain closed.’

Before Whale could respond, Regina had turned onto her side away from him. The way she was acting unsettled him, one minute distant and the next so angry. He was unsure as to why after everything she would push Henry away, but when he had looked into her eyes he had seen a broken woman poorly veiled behind a mask of strength she no longer had. Now wasn’t the time to question her, not when everything was so raw. So he nodded slowly and left her to her thoughts.

Once Regina heard the doctor leave her in peace, she let out a deep shuddering breath and the tears she had refused to shed finally broke free to caress her cheeks. One hand hovered over her abdomen, tracing the borders of the bandage through the flimsy gown and the other was tangled in her hair. She was exhausted, but she would not sleep. The physical pain was nothing compared to the ache in her heart, so strong that it stole the breath from her lungs and choked her. Not even the thought of Henry could bring her out of the darkness which seemed to have swallowed her, and that only made her feel worse; he should have been enough. 

In that moment, she wished that Gold hadn’t bothered to save her. She wondered if there was anything left to save.


	15. Chapter 15

Robin and Tinker Bell were shown into the waiting room where Emma was waiting for him. He saw that she was distressed, her eyes red where she couldn’t hide the fact that she had been crying, and he felt his heart pounding in his chest.  
‘Did something happen?’  
‘I don’t know,’ Emma shook her head. ‘She just started crying out and thrashing and I didn’t know what to do.’   
‘I thought Whale said she was going to be asleep all day?’ Robin asked.  
Emma shrugged staring at the floor. ‘Apparently not.’

‘You can feel the magic in here,’ Tink said uneasily, taking a seat beside Emma as Robin paced before them. ‘It feels…off.’  
Robin’s brow wrinkled. ‘In what way?’   
‘There’s residual energy, the kind that lingers after a powerful spell, and it’s dark…’  
‘I thought Regina had light magic?’ Emma cut in.  
‘She does,’ the fairy agreed, ‘and although I believe she has the ability to yield both kinds, this doesn’t feel like her.’  
‘Maybe it’s to do with whatever Gold did to bring her back,’ suggested Emma.  
‘Maybe,’ she mumbled in reply, chewing her lip as she thought. 

When Doctor Whale came into the room the conversation was forgotten, and Emma and Tink both stood up and turned to him expectantly.  
‘She’s okay,’ Whale assured them quickly, ‘she was just dreaming.’  
‘It looked pretty rough,’ Emma added.  
‘I imagine she has a lot of bad memories that may manifest when she sleeps.’  
‘Is she awake?’ asked Robin, not even trying to hide the desperation in his tone.  
‘Yes,’ Whale answered quietly.  
‘Can we see her?’  
‘No,’ the doctor told Robin gently, preparing for the backlash.

‘Why not?’ shouted the outlaw, causing Doctor Whale to flinch at the sudden volume.   
‘I…I don’t think it would be best…’  
‘You can’t keep me away from her. I’ve waited too long to say what needs to be said and I will not have you pushing me back like everyone else has,’ thundered Robin.  
‘She doesn’t want to see you,’ Whale said, interrupting the tirade. He had hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, to the truth, but there was no other way of keeping him from marching in and he knew that Regina couldn’t cope with that right now.

‘What?’  
Robin’s face fell, and he felt as if an arrow had pierced his chest.  
‘Not just you,’ the doctor explained with a sigh, ‘she doesn’t want to see anyone.’  
‘But what about Henry?’ Emma queried.  
‘She was quite specific in that regard.’  
‘That’s not her,’ Emma said shaking her head, ‘she wouldn’t do that to him. It’ll kill the kid if he can’t see her; he’s desperate to make sure that she’s okay. What is it that you aren’t telling us?’

‘I…none of you are her family, so I cannot disclose every detail,’ Whale explained, ‘but I don’t think she is in the right frame of mind. As you can understand she has been through an awful lot, and Regina is not quite herself.’  
‘What does that mean?’ breathed Tinker Bell.  
‘It means that physically she is doing as well as can be expected, but she isn’t thinking straight.’  
‘I suppose I can understand,’ Emma sighed, ‘but how am I going to explain this to Henry?’  
‘I will try my best to persuade her to rethink this situation, but I’m not sure that she will listen to me. I agree that it would be better for her to let people in than to allow herself to become more isolated, but I have to respect her wishes.’

‘Well I’m staying,’ Robin insisted, taking a seat and folding his arms.   
‘Maybe you should just go home,’ Tink suggested. ‘Waiting here won’t do any good.’  
‘She is my home,’ he answered simply. ‘I will sit here for as long as it takes. She needs me here, even if she won’t let me in. Besides, I have nowhere else to go.’  
He opened his bag and carefully pulled out the bunch of wildflowers Roland had given him. He had been as gentle as he could, but they were still looking a little limp when he took them in his hand.  
‘Allow me,’ Tinker Bell offered gently, touching the vial of pixie dust she kept around her neck with one hand and waving the other over the flowers which instantly perked up to their freshly picked state.  
‘Thank you,’ he smiled weakly. ‘I made a promise to my son that they would be delivered, and I won’t let him down.’

‘Do you want me to stay with you?’ Emma asked, but the former thief shook his head.  
‘You need to go and take care of Henry, and I think I’d like some time alone if you both don’t mind.’  
‘Not at all.’ Tink reached down and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’ll go and speak to the other fairies see if there’s anything we can do to help.’  
‘Call if you need us,’ Emma offered, before turning to Whale. ‘Anything happens, anything at all-‘  
‘You’ll be the first to know,’ he finished with a weak smile.

Emma looked back at Robin, as his head fell into his hands. She hated leaving him on his own, but she had Henry to think of and he would need her when he found out what was going on. Regina was safe, she was alive and she was awake, but somehow Emma did not feel reassured. She could only imagine what was going through her former adversary’s mind, and every time she did her blood ran cold.

Xxx

‘Mommy, look!’ The little girl cried, and Regina came into the living room from the kitchen brushing her flour-covered hands on her apron. Rose looked up at her, her blue eyes sparkling as she waited for her mother’s approval. She was almost five years old, with dark hair running down her back almost reaching the hem of her skirt. 

Rose stood in the middle of the room, small flakes of snow falling from the white cloud that hovered over her. Regina chuckled fondly, leaning against the doorframe as she watched her daughter.  
‘That’s beautiful sweetheart,’ she smiled, ‘you’re a proper little snow queen. What else can you do?’   
Rose thought for a moment, before turning to the crackling fire. She held out her hand, palm facing up, and blew across it producing a white cloud which froze the flames in place. 

Regina clapped and Rose gave a small curtsy, beaming with pride.  
‘Now you,’ Rose asked, her eyes lighting up; as much as she loved using magic, watching her mother casting was entrancing. Regina obligingly vanished in a puff of purple smoke, reappearing behind her daughter and lifting her in the air as she squealed happily.   
‘Will you show me how to do that Mama?’  
‘Of course,’ Regina promised, settling the girl on her hip and kissing her nose. ‘Now I love the snow dear, but do you think it might be getting a bit chilly in here?’  
‘I don’t know how to make it stop,’ Rose said, biting her lip anxiously.

‘That’s okay,’ Regina reassured her, tilting Rose’s chin up to meet her eyes and giving her a warm smile. ‘You are a very powerful little girl, and very clever. When I was your age I couldn’t use my magic at all.’  
‘Really?’  
‘Really,’ she promised. ‘I didn’t start learning magic until I was nineteen, and I wasn’t very good to begin with.’  
‘I don’t believe you,’ Rose questioned.  
‘Cross my heart.’

The little girl eyed her closely, and when she was sure that her mother was telling the truth she relaxed.  
‘But you can teach me, can’t you Mama? You can help me control it.’  
‘I can’t think of anything I would rather do,’ Regina smiled, rubbing her nose with Rose’s in an Eskimo kiss and making her giggle. She waved her free hand, and the cloud above them slowly disappeared along with the snow beneath them. 

Regina conjured a fireball in her hand and looked at her daughter who was watching her with awe.  
‘Take it,’ she whispered, holding the fireball in her hand before them.  
‘I…I don’t know how,’ Rose admitted nervously.  
‘You know how to take objects from me using magic,’ Regina reminded her gently, ‘this is much the same, and as long as you don’t fear it then it cannot hurt you. Take control. I won’t let anything happen, I promise; do you trust me?’  
‘I trust you,’ Rose said at once. She held out her hand and set her expression in concentration, trying to channel her magic and take the fire from her mother. The first few times she tried it didn’t work, and she let out a sigh of frustration.  
‘Relax, sweetie, you can do this,’ Regina encouraged her. Rose tried again, and this time managed to pull a small amount of the fire away from the main source and take control of it. Her face split into a massive grin.

‘I did it!’  
‘I told you that you could,’ Regina said, vanquishing her own flames and wrapping both arms around her daughter to keep her on her hip. ‘Now, if you concentrate very hard, then you can use it. Aim it at the flames you froze and they will come back to life.’  
Rose took a deep breath and threw the fire towards the fireplace. Regina flicked her fingers ever so slightly to keep it on track, and Rose cried out in triumph when the fireplace roared back to life. She wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and they embraced.

When Rose pulled back, Regina saw her face fall.  
‘What’s wrong sweetheart?’  
‘Mama…why are you crying?’  
‘What?’   
Rose brought a little hand up to her face and brushed away a tear from her cheek, one Regina hadn’t realised she had shed.  
‘I…I don’t…’  
‘It’s okay Mama,’ Rose reassured her, though now there were tears in her own eyes, ‘it wasn’t your fault.’

Xxx

Regina woke with a start, cursing herself for having allowed her eyes to close. She had tried for so long to stay awake, but the weight of her exhaustion had finally won over her determination. Rolling onto her back was painful but necessary, and for a while she simply stared at the light hovering over her bed catching her breath.

‘Regina?’  
She turned her head to see a nurse entering through a gap in the curtain, and sighed. Although she wanted to tell the young woman that she wished to be left alone, her voice wouldn’t come. Regina looked at the water on her bedside table and went to reach for it, but found with frustration that the movement was beyond her.

The nurse saw what she was trying to do and moved swiftly, pouring a cup from the jug and handing it to Regina who accepted it begrudgingly. Taking a small sip, she could feel her throat begin to calm.  
‘I’m Nurse Merriweather,’ the woman said gently. ‘I’ve been asked to change your dressing, is that okay?’  
‘I suppose,’ Regina mumbled, putting her head back against the pillow and staring off into the distance. 

The nurse lifted her gown and began to remove the bandages, and although Regina was trying to block the rest of the world out the stinging pain kept bringing her back against her will. Despite every instinct telling her not to, she looked down at the scar that extended across her abdomen and bit back a cry. The skin was angry and red around where the stitches were sewn, and a little blood had seeped from the wound. 

Nurse Merriweather gently dabbed away the blood, and Regina could no longer prevent her pain from becoming vocal as she whimpered.  
‘I’m sorry,’ the nurse whispered, putting the bloody cloth to a side and taking another dressing from the tray.   
‘Don’t be,’ Regina muttered, her eyes fixed on the scar that seemed to smile cruelly up at her. It’s not your fault, her daughter had told her in the dream. But it was. This was all her fault. 

‘Ms. Mills?’   
‘I’m fine,’ she insisted, but her breathing was shallow and tears were pooling in her eyes.  
‘Regina,’ Nurse Merriweather whispered, putting a hand on the brunette’s arm Regina pulled away at once, grimacing as the burning agony shot across her abdomen. ‘It’s okay, you just need to relax.’  
‘Just do what you must and leave,’ Regina snapped, though her voice was trembling dangerously. She looked up at the ceiling and was relieved when she finally felt the bandage covering the ugly reminder of everything she had lost.

The nurse said something to her but she was no longer listening. Her heart was pounding in her ears so loudly that her words didn’t register. When she finally left, Regina allowed the tears to fall. She looked across at the button Whale had given her to deliver painkillers if she needed them, but she refused to give in. The pain kept her awake, and in a way she felt as if she deserved it.

Xxx

Emma opened the door to her apartment and found Mary Margaret sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.  
‘Hey,’ she sighed, shutting the door behind her.   
‘How is everything?’ Mary Margaret asked, getting up to pour her daughter a drink.  
‘Not the best,’ Emma said honestly, ‘where is everyone?’  
‘I sent David home with the baby I was going to swap over in a few hours if I didn’t hear from you. Henry’s in his room, but he woke up half an hour or so ago. He had some cereal after I badgered him but he just wants to go and see Regina.’  
‘That might be a problem,’ Emma muttered, but before Mary Margaret could open her mouth to ask why Henry came running down the stairs.

‘Mom? Is everything okay?’  
Emma forced a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and went over to him, finding herself almost at eye level with her son.  
‘Your Mom is…she woke up again about an hour ago.’  
Henry’s face fell. ‘I should have been there. I promised her I’d be there.’  
‘It’s not your fault kid, she was supposed to be asleep,’ Emma reassured him.  
‘We have to go,’ he insisted, turning to leave. Emma grabbed his wrist gently and pulled him back to look at her.  
‘I’m sorry Henry, but we can’t.’  
‘Why not?’   
His lower lip was trembling and Emma felt her heart shattering inside her chest.

‘Regina…she needs some time to adjust to everything,’ she tried to explain.  
‘What do you mean?’   
‘She’s been through a lot, you know? And she’s trying to come to terms with it.’  
Henry frowned at her. ‘But that’s why I need to talk to her, to make sure she’s okay. She shouldn’t be on her own.’  
‘I know, but-‘  
‘Is it Doctor Whale?’ he interrupted her. ‘Because he has no right to say that; I’m her next of kin I should be able to see her.’  
‘No, it wasn’t him,’ Emma mumbled, not quite meeting his eyes.  
‘Then what is it?’

Taking a deep breath, Emma decided that there was no more skirting around the facts; she had to tell him the truth.  
‘Your Mom said that she isn’t ready to see anyone just now, and I’m sorry Henry but that includes you.’  
Henry was silent for a moment, staring in disbelief as he tried to take in what Emma was telling him.  
‘She…she doesn’t want to see me?’ he whispered, unable to keep the tears from his eyes.  
‘No, it’s not like that,’ Emma stumbled over her words, trying to clarify it as best she could. ‘I think she’s not up to talking to people yet. When you go through something like this, people tend to be kind and sympathetic which is good…but sometimes you just don’t want to hear it. People being kind doesn’t help take the pain away, and you just need to be on your own for a little while until you learn how to cope with everything. Does that make sense?’  
‘I suppose,’ he mumbled, casting his eyes downward.  
‘I am sure that she wants to see you Henry, but she’s just trying to protect you.’  
‘I’m sick of being protected,’ Henry retorted angrily, ‘I was there when Mary Margaret found her. I know what happened so she can’t shield me from it. My Mom doesn’t do well when she’s by herself; she shouldn’t be alone right now.’  
‘I agree with you, I do, and Doctor Whale is going to try and speak to her and bring her round. But for now we just have to sit tight and wait. We can go over and try in the morning if you want. Mr. Gold has to go and see her to help with her magic and she can’t turn him away; maybe we can get him to talk to her.’  
‘Do you think she’ll listen to him?’ Henry sniffed, trying to keep back his tears.  
‘He has known your Mom for a very long time. If anyone can persuade her, he can,’ Emma assured him with a smile.

‘Is anyone at the hospital?’ he said after a while.  
‘Robin stayed,’ Emma told him, ‘so she’s not on her own, not really. We are all going to try and help her Henry I promise. If we wait and go tomorrow morning, maybe she’ll have had time to reconsider but for now we should all get some rest.’  
Henry nodded, but his eyes were fogged over and distant.   
‘I’m going to my room,’ he mumbled, pulling away from Emma and climbing the stairs almost dejectedly. Emma shook her head and took the cup Mary Margaret had poured for her.

‘Why would she say that? She must know how much Henry wants to see her.’  
‘I know,’ Emma exhaled loudly, ‘but she’s probably all over the place, maybe she just doesn’t have the energy to worry about anyone else right now. I can’t blame her for that.’  
‘No of course not,’ Mary Margaret said quickly. ‘But Henry was right; she shouldn’t be alone. It won’t help her deal with any of this.’  
‘You should go back to David and Neal, have a nap or something. I’m going to crash for a few hours if my mind can just do me a favour and shut down for a second,’ Emma suggested.  
‘Will you be okay?’ Mary Margaret asked, taking Emma’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.  
‘Yeah, it’s not me we should be worrying about. Henry will be in his room for a while, I think he needs some space. Do you want to meet at Granny’s for dinner later? I don’t want to just sit in the house and wait.’  
‘Of course, we’ll meet you there,’ Mary Margaret said as she stood and kissed her daughter on the cheek. 

Xxx

That night Henry had managed only a few hours of fitful sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her lying on the floor, and he heard her breathing his name as she shivered in his arms. It didn’t scare him, not after having lived through it, but it unsettled him. Until he saw her again, awake and talking rather than the deathly pale figure who had looked too close to the end, he wouldn’t be able to see her any other way.

For the rest of the night he sat on his bed with the book open in front of him, thumbing through the pages. Henry had read every story what felt like a hundred times, but reading them through now he realised how superficial they were. The woman in the drawings wasn’t his mother. It wasn’t the same person who had tucked him into bed at night, and told him stories of noble knights and princes when he couldn’t sleep. He knew what Regina had done in the past, but he still felt that the fairytales were as two dimensional as the pictures beside them.

It was just starting to become light when he made his way downstairs, pouring himself a bowl of cereal and drowning it in milk only to sit at the counter staring at it, pushing the sugar coated pieces around with the back of his spoon.  
‘You’re up early,’ Emma yawned, taking a seat next to him.  
‘Couldn’t sleep,’ he mumbled.  
Emma wasn’t sure what to say. Any reassurances she could give him were false, or at least over exaggerated, but she hated to see him so defeated. He didn’t deserve the weight of this on his shoulders.

‘She’s come through a lot kid,’ she started, choosing her words carefully. ‘Regina might not be herself right now but she’s here, right? What happened…it was awful, it really was, and she might be sad for a while but she still has you and Snow and all of us. We’ll help her through this.’  
‘How do we do that, if she won’t even see us?’ he argued.  
‘I think she needs to be on her own for a while, until she can start to deal with…with all of this. Losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to someone, and on top of that she’s had major surgery. When she’s ready, she will let us in and we will be there.’

Henry dropped his spoon and folded his arms on the counter before resting his chin on top. Emma put an arm around him and he didn’t push her away. He knew that everything she was saying was true, but it didn’t help. He just wanted his mother back. 

Xxx

Regina lifted a hand to her head to massage her aching temple, though it did little to alleviate the throb which had settled there. She had recovered enough strength to keep control of her arms although raising them too high, she had learned, pulled uncomfortably at her tender abdomen.

She hadn’t slept. She hadn’t even allowed her eyes to close, as she knew that as soon as she did she would be dragged back down into the dreams which plagued her every unconscious moment. Though sitting alone in the artificial light of the ward surrounded only by silence hadn’t felt much safer.

With nothing to do but wait, her thoughts were the only thing that kept her company. Cora’s voice taunted her:  
Love is weakness, Regina. Look at yourself – pathetic. This is where your love has led you. I hope it was worth it.  
She saw the faces of people she had killed, hissing at her that she deserved everything she got for what she had done to them. 

But when she heard her father’s consciousness echoing in her own mind, Regina feared that she would break entirely.  
I’m sorry my darling, I am, but this was your own doing. Your quest for vengeance has only served to take away the ones you love. I wish I could have helped you Regina. I should have stopped her, all those things she did to you so many years ago…I could have saved you, saved you from becoming your mother.  
‘Daddy…please…’ she mumbled, her eyes welling with tears.

‘Regina?’  
Her head snapped up and her mask was put firmly back into place as she saw Doctor Whale pulling the curtain closed behind him. He turned to her with a pitying smile that made her stomach roll.  
‘How are you feeling?’  
Regina folded her arms, raising an eyebrow.  
‘I’m not here to trick you,’ he assured her, walking to her side.  
‘Why don’t you say what you have come here to say, rather than asking pointless questions you already know the answer to? It might save us a lot of time.’

Whale brushed off the remark, feeling the pain hidden behind poorly feigned anger.   
‘You haven’t been using the morphine,’ he stated, nodding towards the button she had placed on the bedside table to her right.  
‘I told you I didn’t want it.’  
‘But why?’ he asked, unable to comprehend her stubbornness.   
‘Because I don’t,’ she snapped. ‘If that’s all you came to say then you have wasted your breath.’  
‘Actually I thought that we might have a chance to talk.’

Sighing, Regina closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. The headache was pounding stronger now, almost taking the edge over the pain which cocooned the rest of her body.  
‘Regina…’  
‘What?’ she spat, lifting her heavy head to shoot him a warning glance.   
‘We haven’t had a chance to discuss your…condition since you woke up yesterday.’

She pursed her lips, feeling a knot beginning to form in her chest. She wasn’t ready.  
‘I’m too tired-‘  
‘Regina, you can’t keep putting this off,’ Whale said softly. ‘It’s not just about the psychological implications of what has happened; your body has suffered extensive trauma.’  
‘I don’t care,’ she cut him off coldly, dropping her gaze to where her hands lay in her lap.  
‘You need to understand what you’ve been through. An ectopic miscarriage-‘

‘Am I pregnant?’

The question took Whale by surprise, and Regina found herself almost equally as taken aback by her own outburst. Her chest heaved with every shallow breath as she spoke the word that had once meant so much and now felt so empty. She wanted nothing more than to fall apart entirely but she refused to allow herself that weakness.  
‘No,’ he answered quietly.  
‘Then it doesn’t matter,’ she told him, her voice trembling with emotion. ‘None of it matters.’ 

A single tear betrayed her, hot and burning with the intensity of her grief, and she turned her head away so that she was staring off at nothing once again.  
‘Okay,’ Whale admitted defeatedly, ‘I’ll leave it for now Regina, but eventually-‘  
‘I know,’ she breathed, cutting him off. 

‘There’s something else.’  
Regina closed her eyes as if to brace herself, but she said nothing as she waited to hear what he had to say.  
‘You have visitors.’  
‘I’ve told you-‘  
‘I know,’ he acknowledged quickly, ‘and I have relayed your request, however there has to be an exception - Rumplestiltskin.’

Regina exhaled loudly, trying not to wince as her headache spiked before returning to its dull throb.  
‘His magic…well I don’t know what he did exactly, but it’s the only reason you’re still breathing.’  
‘So?’   
She said it as if that meant nothing, and Whale paused for a moment in surprise. It wasn’t the way Regina was supposed to be.  
‘He said that he had to continue to see you, to help you heal.’  
‘Or I’ll die?’   
‘Yes,’ the doctor confirmed, worried by how little the prospect seemed to faze her. The pause that followed felt far too much like contemplation.

‘Fine,’ she whispered eventually, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, ‘but only to do what he must. And no-one else.’  
Not Henry, she thought sadly. He didn’t deserve this.

Xxx

Emma had asked Gold to meet them at the hospital, and wasn’t surprised that he was already in the waiting room when they were shown in. She had told Mary Margaret and David to stay at home with the baby, as there was no use in them coming if they were only going to sit, but had promised to call with any news.

They found Gold and Robin Hood standing together, speaking to Doctor Whale in hushed voices which died down as soon as they saw Henry.  
‘Did you stay here all night?’ Emma asked, looking at the dark circles beneath Robin’s eyes and already knowing the answer.   
‘I said that I would,’ he shrugged as if it were nothing.  
‘Thanks,’ Henry muttered, still eyeing the outlaw with some suspicion.  
‘For what, Henry?’  
‘Not leaving her.’  
Robin nodded slowly.  
‘I did once,’ he admitted, ‘and I swore that I never would again.’

‘As touching as this is, can we get back to the matter at hand,’ Gold asked insistently.  
‘Yes,’ Emma agreed, ‘what is it you have to do?’  
‘I need to assess the strength of her magic,’ he explained, ‘and try and figure out what actually happened when I attempted to encourage her to heal herself.’  
‘You still don’t know?’ the saviour gasped.  
‘I will once I have seen her. Whatever transpired, the desired result was obtained and I think we might just have to be grateful of that.’

Henry looked to the doctor. ‘Has my Mom agreed to this?’  
‘She is allowing your grandfather in only to do what he must, those were her terms.’  
‘But she still won’t see me?’  
Gold felt something tug at his blackened heart when he saw Henry’s expression fall. He put a hand on his shoulder and offered a weak smile.  
‘I’ll talk to your mother,’ he promised.   
‘Will she listen to you?’  
Gold laughed. ‘She hasn’t always in the past, but I have known Regina for many years now and in the end she always bends to my way of thinking. This…this is all just for show, like the leather and velvet of the Evil Queen. She’s hiding.’  
‘From me?’ Henry asked.   
‘No,’ he answered with a sigh, ‘from the prospect of facing the truth.’

Henry nodded, sniffing back his tears. ‘You’ll make sure she’s okay?’  
‘I swear to it,’ Gold agreed.  
‘And if…if she won’t see me, will you tell her…tell her I love her?’  
There was a burning in Gold’s eyes he hadn’t felt for many years, and though he knew that it would not manifest it was enough that it was there.  
‘I will, Henry. I’ll tell her.’


	16. Chapter 16

Waiting for the man who had both made and ruined her life, Regina could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She hated that she was nervous, and knew that no matter what she couldn’t allow herself to slip up in front of him; she had to retain some sense of dignity. He wasn’t going to see the truth of her.

When Doctor Whale showed him in, Regina could already feel the piercing gaze he was so well known for locking onto her and she swallowed thickly before raising her head to meet it with her own. He was, as always, unreadable watching her with his hands clasped together before him.   
‘Hello dearie,’ Gold greeted her, though the smirk which always accompanied his favourite phrase was notably absent. He was solemn in a way Regina had not seen since the death of his son, genuine emotion flickering beneath his cold outer mask. Pity. He opened his mouth to speak again but she stopped him.  
‘Don’t,’ she warned, her chest constricting as she tried to keep everything in. ‘Please…just don’t say it.’

Gold nodded in agreement, but his eyes never left hers.  
‘Okay,’ he affirmed, speaking in a gentle tone he hardly recognised himself, ‘I won’t. But…but I am, Regina. Truly…’  
‘Stop,’ she shouted, wiping at her eyes. ‘Are you deaf or just stupid? I don’t want to hear it. The only reason I even let you in here was because apparently I’d be dead without you.’  
‘It would take far more than this to kill you,’ Gold said with a sad smile. ‘I know, I’ve tried.’  
‘Just do whatever it is you’re going to do and leave me alone, imp.’

Her words lacked the bite he had come to admire, and Rumple couldn’t even bring himself to counter her insults. As he walked closer to her bedside he saw neither the innocent young woman he had first met nor the grand Evil Queen, not even the mayor of Storybrooke. She had lost everything she had been, and what Gold could see was an empty shell of a woman trying to project someone she no longer was to push everyone away. 

It was frightening. Although he had always had the upper hand, he had always considered her a great sorceress and a worthy adversary. To see her struggling like this was more than a little disconcerting, and he didn’t quite know what to do other than what she had asked of him.

‘I cannot heal you myself,’ he started to explain. ‘Your magic is rather possessive. It is doing its best to keep you alive, and if I were to interfere with that it might turn its attentions to me-‘  
‘Rather than the small task of keeping me breathing,’ Regina finished, nodding in acknowledgment. Talking about something complex, that only they could really understand, helped her to keep her composure.  
‘Your powers have been weakened as I’m sure you can feel. They are acting to on instinct, to try and defend you, because you aren’t yet strong enough to regain control.’

Regina hated what he was saying, but knew that it was the truth. She looked down at her hands trying in vain to call her magic as she had always been able to do without issue. Nothing. She curled her hand into a fist and huffed frustratedly.

‘If you didn’t heal me, then what exactly did you do?’   
‘I tried to give your magic a bit of a kick, allowing you to do the work yourself.’  
‘Tried?’ Regina repeated, raising an unconvinced eyebrow.   
‘It didn’t exactly go to plan,’ he sighed.   
‘I appear to be alive,’ she pointed out with a hint of dark sarcasm, ‘unless this is all some horrible dream.’  
‘I’m afraid not. Whatever happened seemed to work, but not in the way I intended. There was quite a powerful exchange between us, and although the desired effect was achieved I have no way of knowing what the consequences may have been. All magic-‘  
‘Yes, yes, I know,’ Regina cut him off. ‘I am still here and that is enough. I don’t want to leave Henry; he shouldn’t have to go through more than he already has. So you can do what you must to keep that from happening.’  
‘Even if I can’t tell you what will come from this?’   
‘Nothing can hurt me more than I already have been,’ she said, with a sombre honesty. 

Looking up at Gold she saw an expression not of pity or even sympathy, but of understanding. She had never been able to hide her feelings from him, but in that moment Regina knew that he was not about to use it against her and that was at least a little reassuring. 

Despite their past, she felt as if she could trust him and she was sure she had done the right thing in letting him in. He wouldn’t cry or tell her how sorry he was, and he wouldn’t demand more of her than she could give because he could see everything in her eyes. She needed someone to treat her as she was rather than some broken thing, because if she had to be reminded of exactly how far she had fallen then she wasn’t sure she could keep the cracks in her heart from splintering. 

‘Do it,’ she whispered, settling herself and taking a deep breath in readiness.   
‘Okay Regina, try and relax,’ Gold told her, holding a hand up in the air above her and closing his eyes to concentrate. He could feel the desperate snap of her magic lashing out against his intrusion, but it was clear that she was still not even close to full strength; he doubted that she could cast even a simple spell without tiring herself. 

Regina tried to embrace the odd experience of having someone manipulate her magic. Every instinct told her to resist, to fight against him, but she knew that she had to give him control no matter how much it scared her to relinquish it. She concentrated on her breathing, letting go and feeling him channelling the strength of his magic into her own. For a moment she could feel it working; her power surged a little before resolving again in her chest. Then everything went wrong.

She felt magic flooding her body like radiation and heightening her sensitivity. Regina gasped at the sensation, and although Gold was talking to her she couldn’t hear what he was saying. The only sound that registered was the cry of a new-born, ringing so loudly in her ears that it hurt. For a moment that was all there was, the rest of the world fading away and leaving only the beautifully haunting melody of a child’s cries.

‘Regina?’  
Noticing that something was wrong Gold quickly retracted, releasing her magic and taking a step away. When he did, the terrible sound faded until Regina could only hear her own shuddering breaths.

‘Regina-‘  
‘I’m fine,’ she said quietly, bringing a hand to her throbbing temple and closing her eyes. ‘Did you do what you had to do?’  
‘I made a start,’ he explained, ‘but it will take time. What happened?’  
‘Nothing. If you’re finished for today, you can go.’  
‘Come on Regina,’ he reprimanded her. ‘It’s me, you can stop pretending. I can read you like a book, always could and always will.’  
‘It was just a bit of a shock,’ she lied, ‘I can handle it.’  
‘I doubt that,’ drawled Gold, ‘you’re still shaking, in case you hadn’t noticed.’  
Regina took one hand in the other and tried to will it to stop trembling, but it came to no avail. The baby’s cries still echoed faintly in her ears, as if to torment her. She worried it would drive her insane. She ran her fingers through her hair and opened her eyes as things began to normalise around her.

‘I just want to be left alone.’  
‘You always have been a hopeless liar,’ he said with a certain fondness. ‘Just like your mother.’  
‘Don’t you EVER compare me to her,’ Regina snapped, her eyes burning with anger. ‘I am not my mother.’  
‘No, you are not,’ Rumplestiltskin agreed, ‘for one very simple reason. Cora took her own heart, leaving her empty for a very long time. You, however, feel things so incredibly deeply that you wear your emotions like a veil and no matter how hard you try and cover them you can’t. And that is why you don’t want to be alone, and you shouldn’t be; because no-one should have to deal with that on their own. You need to let someone in.’  
‘Very poetic,’ mumbled Regina, casting her eyes down.  
‘You know that I’m right. Henry is sitting out there-‘  
‘No,’ she insisted, quickly interrupting him.  
‘What are you so afraid of?’   
‘I just…I can’t I…I can’t,’ she stuttered, shaking her head.  
‘Shut the rest of the world out by all means, keep everyone else away, but we both know that Henry deserves more than that. He begged me to ask you to see him.’

Regina felt her eyes searing as tears threatened to fall and she bit her lip hard to keep them at bay.  
‘I…I wouldn’t know what to say,’ she breathed.  
‘You don’t need to say anything just let him see that you’re alright; even if you aren’t,’ Gold reasoned. ‘It doesn’t bother me what you do, but I did make a promise to him that I would try and I don’t break my promises.’

She contemplated it, feeling so conflicted that it was as though her heart was being pulled in two different directions. She wanted nothing more than to hold Henry again. He was the reason she was still fighting against the darkness which had, for a while, seemed so inviting; but at the same time she feared it. He was her son but still Regina was scared of seeing him, of letting him in. She had to be strong for Henry, but she wasn’t sure that she was capable of it. 

‘Fine,’ she whispered after a while, sniffing back her tears and holding her head up with an air of regality. ‘Tell him he can come in.’  
Gold nodded, trying to resist the urge to smirk at the small victory. He turned to go.  
‘You’ll be back I assume?’   
‘Tomorrow,’ he answered her, ‘most likely every day until you can recover the control of your magic.’  
‘Right,’ she sighed, rubbing her temple again as the headache resumed its relentless pulsing.  
‘But you will get it back,’ he reassured her.   
‘Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better,’ she muttered, and although Gold wasn’t meant to hear it he did. He had never thought that he could feel sorry for Regina, but in that moment he was proved wrong.

Xxx

When Gold came back into the waiting room, Henry was the first to his feet and his expression was pleading for answers.  
‘Is she okay? Can I see her?’  
Gold smiled. ‘Regina is fine, Henry. And yes, she has said that you can go in.’  
‘Really?’ Henry’s eyes widened as his face broke into a smile.  
‘Really. Though I do advise proceeding with caution. Your mother is a strong woman, but she has been through a lot.’  
‘I know,’ Henry nodded solemnly. ‘I’ll be careful; I just want to talk to her.’  
‘Then go, kid,’ Emma encouraged him with a smile. ‘I’ll be waiting for you when you come back. Tell her we’re all thinking of her.’  
‘I will,’ he promised, before leaving the room and heading down the corridor.

Once he was gone, Robin looked up at Gold and studied his features.  
‘You were lying, weren’t you?’ he accused, though his tone was not malicious. ‘She’s not alright.’  
‘Can you expect her to be, after everything? No she is not alright, but I didn’t want to scare the boy.’  
‘Did whatever the hell you were doing not work?’ asked Emma.  
‘It did,’ he assured them, ‘but there was something…puzzling about her reaction. This method of healing has not been used before, and I believe there could be side effects of sorts.’  
Robin’s brow furrowed. ‘What kind of side effects?’  
‘I don’t know,’ admitted Gold, ‘that’s the problem. If Regina has felt them then she has not been forthcoming with that information.’  
‘Is it safe to keep doing this if we don’t know what it does?’ Robin questioned.  
‘We have no choice. She is very weak, both physically and magically, and if I stop she will die. And I cannot help her if she doesn’t tell me if there is something wrong.’

‘Too damn proud,’ Robin shook his head, though he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with her. Her forceful stubbornness was a hindrance, and yet without it she wouldn’t be the Regina he had fallen in love with.  
‘I can keep an eye on her, but other than that we may just have to trust that she knows what she is capable of dealing with,’ Gold stated, sighing heavily.

Xxx

Henry stood outside the curtain keeping his mother from the rest of the world and took a deep breath. He knew that it was ridiculous to be nervous, but it felt as if everything had changed since their weekend together. There was no way that he could understand how she was feeling, and he was worried that he would say something that would upset her. 

When he finally found the courage to go in, he saw Regina lying in the bed propped up by pillows. She looked almost as nervous as he was. Although she smiled, her expression softening at the sight of him, Henry could see that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Her skin was pale, and in her baggy hospital gown she looked so impossibly small that he could hardly recognise her.

‘Mom?’  
His voice cracked with emotion, and before he could think Henry ran up and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She held onto him almost desperately, realising how much she had missed the warmth of his embrace, but she couldn’t quite suppress a whimper as a spasm of pain ripped across her middle

‘I’m sorry,’ he gasped at once, pulling away, ‘did I hurt you?’  
‘It’s nothing,’ she dismissed at once, bringing a hand up to his face and cupping his cheek. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’  
‘I missed you too,’ he whispered, his lower lip trembling. ‘I thought…I thought you were…’  
‘Shh, it’s okay,’ Regina smiled, wiping a tear from his cheek gently with her thumb. ‘I’m sorry for scaring you, but I’m fine. Really I am.’

Bracing herself against the inevitable discomfort she shifted over to one side of the bed, and although she hated showing it she grimaced at the movement.   
‘Do you want me to get someone?’ he asked. She shook her head, taking a moment to steady her breathing before patting the bed beside her. Henry climbed up as carefully as he could.  
‘Are you sure? You look like you’re in pain.’  
‘Don’t worry about me sweetheart,’ Regina whispered, encircling him in her arms. His head nestled against her chest and she rested her chin on top, her fingers stroking through his thick brown hair. 

‘I’m so sorry Mom.’  
‘Don’t be,’ she whispered.  
‘No…I should never have gone to school and left you on your own. If I hadn’t…’  
Regina could feel Henry’s body shaking as he started to cry, and it broke her heart. Silent tears graced her cheeks, but she wouldn’t allow herself to break down. She held him closer, rubbing his back soothingly.  
‘Don’t say that,’ she told him strictly. ‘There’s nothing you could have done. I told you to go, didn’t I? I didn’t think…well I thought I was going to get better. I’m very lucky that you came to find me.’  
‘Are you going to be okay?’ he mumbled.   
‘It might take a while, but Mr. Gold is helping me. I’ll be fine.’  
‘Promise?’  
Regina kissed his forehead and pulled a blanket over them both.  
‘I promise,’ she breathed, closing her eyes. They hadn’t been this close since he was younger, and came into her room when he had bad dreams. She had always held him and lulled him back to sleep in her arms. To be able to feel that again, something she had missed so much in the past few years, was enough. For a moment, she could forget.

Xxx

Regina heard Robin stirring behind her, and wrapped her robe more tightly around herself.  
‘Regina?’ he whispered.  
‘Over here.’  
He groaned as he lifted himself out of their bed, rubbing the back of his neck.  
‘Did she wake up?’ he asked as he turned on the bedside lamp and walked over to where Regina was sitting in the rocking chair beside the crib.  
‘Not yet,’ she answered, her voice hushed, ‘she’s got another hour or so before she’s due a feed.’  
‘Then what are you doing?’   
Robin moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging them.  
‘That’s nice,’ she hummed, leaning back into his touch.  
‘You didn’t answer my question.’

Her smile faltered a little and she looked back down over her sleeping child. They had brought Rose home from the hospital a little over a week ago, and Regina still couldn’t quite believe it.  
‘I couldn’t sleep.’

Robin’s brow wrinkled and he moved to her side, kneeling so that their eyes were level.  
‘What’s wrong?’  
She shook her head, but there were unshed tears glistening in her eyes.   
‘Regina,’ he breathed, taking her hand between his own and kissing it softly, ‘it’s okay, you can tell me.’  
‘I just…I worry,’ she mumbled looking down at her lap.  
‘About what?’  
‘Her. I don’t want to wake up one morning and find she’s stopped breathing, or she’s taken ill or something and I wasn’t there. Sometimes I worry that one day I’ll look over and she won’t be there at all.’  
A tear slipped past her meagre defences and Robin reached up to wipe it away, gently stroking her cheek.

‘Hey, it’s okay to be scared. I feel it too,’ he said reassuringly. ‘But she’s fine, she’s perfect, and you’ve done every protection spell you can think of. If there was anything wrong, we would know about it.’  
‘I know,’ Regina acknowledged, ‘but I just can’t shake this fear. If I watch over her, then I feel like she’s safe.’  
‘Have you been doing this every night?’  
She bit her lip, nodding slowly.  
‘I always try and sleep, but I can’t. I have to get up to feed her anyway, so most of the time I just don’t go back to bed. Sometimes I rock her to sleep and keep her in my arms. I’m sorry, I must sound crazy.’  
‘Never,’ Robin shook his head, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘You sound like a mother who is worried for their child, it’s an understandable reaction. But you do know that you have to take care of yourself as well as her. You are doing a wonderful job Regina, you have to try and let yourself relax.’  
Regina sighed, sniffing back her tears. ‘I just can’t stand the thought of losing her.’

Rose chose that moment to wake up, gurgling before letting out a soft cry. Regina was on her feet in an instant, scooping the baby into her arms with a smile before sitting back down and adjusting herself into a comfortable position. Regina touched her nose with the tip of her finger, and although she knew it wasn’t possible yet she could have sworn the baby smiled at her. Rose reached up from her blanket and grabbed her finger, curling her tiny fist around it and holding on tightly.

Robin reached over and kissed Rose’s forehead, putting his arms around Regina and pressing his lips to her cheek.  
‘See,’ he whispered, ’she’s fine. Hungry perhaps, but perfectly healthy. But if you want to stay up once she’s fed I’ll go and make us some coffee and we can sit for as long as you want.’  
‘Thank you,’ Regina smiled, feeling the constant anxious flutter in her chest finally beginning to die down.

Xxx

Henry groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, realising that he had fallen asleep in her arms. He had no idea of how long he had been sleeping, or what had woken him, but there was a slight stiffness in his limbs that suggested it had not merely been a power nap.

He heard Regina whimper, and at once his heart started thumping.   
‘Mom?’ he untangled himself from her grip gently, sitting up to look at her and he saw that her expression was contorted as if she were in discomfort. She was asleep with her eyes closed though her eyelashes were flickering and her hands had balled into fists. He jumped down off the bed to give her some space.

Henry reached over and gently brushed the hair from her face.  
‘Mom, wake up,’ he whispered, trying to ease her out of her dream as cautiously as he could. But she didn’t stir, and curled in on herself as her soft cries only worsened. Henry held her shoulders and shook her as much as he dared.  
‘MOM!’

Her eyes flew open, and she looked up at her son’s worried face with confusion.  
‘Henry? Are you okay?’ She tried to sit herself up, but couldn’t find the strength to do much more than lift herself up onto the pillows.  
‘You’re crying,’ he noticed, and Regina touched a hand to her wet cheek as if she were noticing it for the first time.  
‘It was just a dream,’ she dismissed with a weak attempt at a smile, ‘I don’t even remember what it was about.’   
‘Mom it’s okay, you don’t need to protect me or anything. I want to help.’  
‘You already have,’ she told him honestly. 

‘Are you both alright?’ Doctor Whale asked as he entered, closing the curtain behind him.  
‘We’re fine,’ Regina assured him.  
‘I’m glad to hear it, though I think that might have to be enough for today. I have to run a few tests, and then I think you should get some rest.’  
‘Tests?’ Henry asked, his eyes widening.  
‘Just routine,’ Whale assured him, ‘nothing to worry about.’

He nodded slowly, but turned back to his mother.  
‘Can I come back?’  
‘Tomorrow,’ she smiled, taking his hand, ‘after school.’  
‘But-‘  
‘No buts,’ she interrupted him. ‘You can’t just sit around waiting for me, Henry. I’ll be fine, I promise, but it would help me to know that you’re getting on with things.’  
‘Maybe you can bring your mother a few things from home,’ the doctor suggested.   
‘No,’ Regina said quickly, her expression darkening, ‘no you shouldn’t go back there.’

She thought of her bedroom and the sea of red that had taken over and she felt nausea creeping up her throat. Henry squeezed her hand and brought her back to reality.  
‘It’s okay Mom, I won’t if you don’t want me to.’   
She nodded swiftly and took a deep breath.  
‘I’ll see you tomorrow Henry.’  
He hugged her carefully but tenderly. ‘I love you Mom.’  
‘I love you too sweetheart.’

When Henry was gone, Regina let out a small sigh of relief.   
‘Not as bad as you thought?’ asked Whale.  
‘No,’ she admitted, ‘I was wrong to keep him away.’  
‘They all care about you Regina, no matter what you might think.’  
‘Perhaps. What are these tests you have to do?’  
He noted her quick change of subject, but didn’t question it.

‘Just to check on your progress since the surgery,’ he explained. ‘I’ll draw some blood and take you for some scans this afternoon. Hopefully we should be able to take your stitches out in a few days, all being well. Are you hungry? The nurse said you left your breakfast this morning.’  
‘No,’ she answered simply.  
‘You have to eat.’  
‘I’m not hungry,’ she sighed.  
‘You have to take care of yourself Regina. This isn’t just going to go away,’ he warned her.  
‘I know that,’ she snapped in reply, thought she caught herself before she said something worse and exhaled loudly. ‘I’m sorry; I’ve never been a very good patient.’  
‘I can see,’ Whale smiled warmly. He hesitated for a moment, before bringing up what he knew would be a tetchy subject. 

‘You know Robin has hardly left the hospital since you came here. He’s been worried about you.’  
Regina noticeably stiffened. ‘I don’t want to see him.’  
‘Will you at least allow me to update him on how you are?’  
‘Tell him what you like, but I don’t want him near me,’ Regina insisted, her voice beginning to shake. She wrapped her arms around her middle protectively. ‘Get him out of here.’  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I don’t want him here, ask him to go.’

Of all the reactions he had anticipated, this had not been one of them.   
‘I…I’ll try and explain it to him, if that’s what you want.’  
‘It is,’ Regina muttered, turning away. She held her hand out when he asked so that he could take a blood sample, but refused to say any more on the matter. The thought of seeing Robin made her stomach flip. She hardly had the strength to see Henry, let alone the man who had broken her heart. 

He must know by now, she realised; that only made her feel worse. It had been cowardly to wait to tell him, she could see that, but there was no changing the past. Regina wondered whether he was angry with her. She could understand if he was. He would have learned about the child she was carrying, his child, just as it was taken away from him. 

No, she couldn’t deal with seeing him now. He would go back to his wife eventually, when the novelty of her illness wore off. Regina hated how that thought could still bring tears to her eyes. They had hurt each other enough; it was time to move on.

Xxx

‘Hey kid,’ Emma said as Henry came back, giving him a hug he looked like he needed, ‘you took your time. How was she?’  
‘Okay, I think. What you’d expect really. We both fell asleep for a bit, and she had a bad dream but she wouldn’t tell me about it.’  
‘Why don’t we get lunch at Granny’s and we can talk about it?’  
He agreed, but with far less enthusiasm than usual. Emma could see that his worry had not quite been abated by the visit.  
‘She just needs time,’ she reassured him, ‘it’s only been a few days.’  
‘I know,’ he sighed. ‘She was just distant, like she wasn’t really there the whole time, and she wouldn’t talk about what happened.’  
‘Did she say you could come back?’  
Henry nodded. ‘Tomorrow, but she said I have to go to school.’  
‘That sounds like your Mom,’ Emma smiled, trying to act as if everything he was saying didn’t scare her as much as it did him. ‘We can keep an eye on her, and if you’re still worried we can talk to Doctor Whale, okay?’  
‘Okay,’ Henry approved. ‘See you later Robin.’  
‘Bye Henry,’ Robin said, smiling briefly before letting out a long sigh. He was left alone in the waiting room once again with his thoughts, rolling the flowers between his fingers gently. After a short time the doctor came in and Robin got to his feet.

‘Everything is fine,’ he said at once noticing the concerned look on the outlaw’s face, ‘I just need to talk to you about something.’  
Robin’s brow furrowed. ‘Me? Why?’  
Whale sighed heavily, trying to find the right words.  
‘I was talking to Regina, and I told her that you had been waiting here for her. I’m afraid she was quite adamant that you leave.’  
‘What?’ he breathed, confusion and hurt mixing in his chest and making him feel nauseous.   
‘She doesn’t want to see you, and she said that I should tell you to go.’  
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he countered at once.   
‘I don’t have any wish to remove your forcefully, but Regina was insistent. She has given me permission to keep you informed of her condition, but she doesn’t want you here. Please.’  
‘Did she say why?’ Robin asked.  
‘No, but I can guess that she’s simply not ready. You have a connection to what has happened to her, more so than anyone else, and she has not yet been able to fully accept it. I tried to talk to her, but she refused to listen to reason. Perhaps in a few days she might come round, but for now I think it might be better if you go.’

Robin ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. He didn’t want to believe it, but at the same time he couldn’t blame her for wanting him gone. As much as it pained him, he wanted to respect her wishes. He looked up at the doctor.  
‘Okay,’ he started, ‘if you can look me in the eye and tell me she’s alright, then I’ll go.’  
‘Robin-‘  
‘No,’ the thief insisted. ‘Those are my terms. I’ll come in, every morning and every evening, and the first time I see you lying when you give your answer I’m going to find her and you won’t be able to stop me. I’m not going to stay if she doesn’t want me here, I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have, but I won’t leave her if she’s not at least as well as she can be.’

Whale hesitated, but nodded.   
‘Well she’s tired, understandably, but I think seeing Henry may have done her some good. Emotionally she is not entirely stable, but considering she has only been awake for a day she is doing as I would expect.’  
Robin searched his eyes for truth and found it, exhaling deeply.  
‘Will…will you at least get these to her?’ he asked, handing the doctor the flowers. ‘They’re from Roland; if you explain that then maybe she’ll take them. I promised him I’d give them to her.’  
‘I’ll make sure of it,’ the doctor answered sincerely.

Robin nodded slowly, and left as swiftly as he could. He started walking and he didn’t stop, not at Granny’s or his room or even by the camp at the woods. He wanted to get away, as far away as he could, but no matter where he went his pain only followed him. 

Xxx

‘Regina?’  
She huffed when she heard Whale coming in, having curled onto her side to try and convince everyone that she was going to rest and they should leave her be.  
‘What,’ she mumbled.  
‘He’s gone.’

Regina stayed quiet for a moment, not quite sure how she felt at the words. There was certainly a sense of relief in being afforded another day before they had to talk, but there was also a sense of sadness that no matter how hard she tried to shake she found that she couldn’t.  
‘Good,’ she muttered, though it felt far from it.

‘He asked me to give you something.’  
‘I don’t want it.’  
‘From Roland,’ Whale added, and at that Regina softened her stoicism. She pushed herself up into sitting position, ignoring her body’s protests, and turned to see the small bunch of flowers he was holding. They were a mixture of deep purples and blues, with a soft scent that reminded her of that first night she had found Robin in the woods and kissed him. It was such a wonderful memory, finally giving herself to someone after so long, and yet now it was tainted with melancholy.

‘Thank you.’  
Whale put them on the table to her side before leaving her, sensing that she needed some time alone. Once he was gone Regina picked up the bunch, and felt the warmth where a hand had held onto the stems – Robin. As soon as she touched them it was as though she could feel where his touch had been and it sent a shiver down her spine. 

Lying back against the pillows, she closed her eyes and brought the flowers up over her heart where their warmth met her chill. She wondered if she would ever be happy again.


	17. Chapter 17

That night Regina wouldn’t allow herself to sleep. What she saw when she closed her eyes was too difficult; the physical pain she refused to acknowledge was nothing compared to what she felt when she saw the life she might have had. So she refused to give into her dreams, even when her body ached with exhaustion, often resorting to digging her nails into her palms when her eyelids began to droop against her will.

But sitting alone in the dark, there were other torments that she could not escape. She replayed the altercation with Emma over and over in her mind, the headache which now seemed to plague her constantly a reminder of that which she had felt when she had used her magic so foolishly. 

Regina had convinced herself that was the moment when everything had gone wrong. She had not lost her child after trying to expel Emma from her house, but things had not been quite right afterwards. To her, it all came down to that; she used magic when she shouldn’t have, allowed her anger to take control, and there she was to blame for what had transpired. If only she had managed to control her temper, she thought, turned and walked away… Tears were not enough anymore to express the deep anguish and regret which she felt with each breath she took.   
The sun eventually insisted on rising, but with people moving in and out at least it broke the poisonous silence. When she finally looked up at the clock on the wall, Regina realised that it was already three in the afternoon and Henry would soon be on his way. 

With a newfound determination, she ripped the blankets away and turned herself so that her legs were dangling over the side of the bed and she was sitting up without support. That motion in itself was enough to make her feel dizzy, and she gripped the mattress as she forced herself to stay conscious.

‘Regina?’  
She groaned as she heard Doctor Whale coming in, having hoped that she could attempt at movement in private to avoid losing what little dignity she still retained.  
‘Go away.’  
‘You should still be lying down,’ he reminded her, though she scoffed at his condescension.  
‘I’m fine.’  
‘No,’ Whale said gently, ‘you’re not. What is this about?’

Regina sighed, shaking her head.  
‘I just want to get out of bed,’ she mumbled, ‘is that too much to ask?’  
‘Yes, it is,’ Whale told her honestly. ‘You are demanding too much of yourself.’  
‘Can you get me a chair or not?’ she snapped, avoiding the subject. Once he realised that she was adamant Whale asked the nurses to bring in an armchair from the waiting room, knowing that plastic chairs normally used by visitors would only cause her more discomfort.

Regina looked at the ugly green chair with disdain. It was only a few feet away from her, and yet it might as well have been a thousand miles. Whale moved the drip stand free, as she was still attached to it through the bag of fluid that hung there, and Regina took the cool metal pole in her hand.  
‘Will you at least let me help?’ he asked offering an arm, but she shook her head. ‘Regina-‘  
‘I can do it,’ she insisted, though there was little conviction in her tone. 

Slowly she lowered herself down until her feet touched the floor, clinging onto the stand with one hand and the mattress with the other. Her legs felt like jelly, and stretching her body after lying for so long was more than a little uncomfortable, but she refused to give in. 

The first step was difficult, and painfully slow, but it was a victory all the same. She took another, and a third until she had made enough progress to require her to let go of the bed in order to continue forwards. That was a mistake. 

Her legs alone could not support her meagre weight, too tired from lack of use and energy, and the moment her fingers loosened their grip on the hospital bed they failed her. Thankfully Doctor Whale had foreseen what was going to happen, and had closed the small space between them to grab her elbow and keep her upright.

‘That’s enough, Regina,’ he warned. ‘You need to go back to bed.’  
‘No,’ she argued, ‘no I can’t.’  
‘What does this achieve, other than throwing away what little strength you have managed to claw back?’  
‘Henry,’ she whispered, almost pleading as she struggled to keep her body from giving up completely. 

Whale helped her stumble the last few steps to the chair, taking the weight of her delicate frame. As soon as she was able, Regina collapsed into the velvet cushions and almost moaned in relief. Whale brought the drip stand to the side, ensuring that the tubes connecting to the back of her hand were not tangled, and gave her a blanket to cover her legs.

‘What does Henry have to do with this…this suicide mission?’  
Regina dropped her head back, closing her eyes as she tried to get her breathing back under control.  
‘Needed…out…bed…’  
His expression contorted in confusion, before realisation dawned and he sighed.  
‘You think if he sees you sitting here, he’ll think you’re getting better?’  
Regina gave a small nod, unwilling to waste her precious breath on a more detailed answer.  
‘He knows what has happened, he knows how serious it is and no matter what you do, he can see in your face when you’re not okay. You can’t protect him from this.’  
‘I…I can try…’ she breathed, forcing her eyes open and blinking as the brightness of the light stung her eyes.  
‘You need to think of yourself for now. You can’t worry about what Henry feels, especially when it’s beyond your control.’

‘I don’t care about me,’ she muttered darkly, but before the doctor had a chance to respond he heard Henry’s voice as he chatted to one of the nurses. Regina brushed the hair from her face nervously, and pushed back everything she didn’t want him to see before he appeared around the curtain.  
‘Mom, you’re up!’  
‘Yes I am’ she smiled, knowing at once when she saw the pure relief in his expression that it had been worth it. She shot Whale a warning glance as Henry was busy admiring her flowers, her eyes narrowing. He wasn’t going to ruin this for her son. 

‘Does that mean you’re getting better?’  
Regina took his hand as he came to sit beside her. ‘Yes, I feel much improved.’  
‘Regina-‘  
‘Could you give us a minute?’ she hissed, cutting Whale off. Though hesitant, he did not want to have a confrontation in front of Henry so reluctantly he obliged and left them alone.

‘I brought you some things,’ Henry said, bringing the bag he had been carrying up to sit on his lap. Regina felt as if the air was being pulled from her lungs, though she tried to keep her expression neutral.  
‘Henry…I asked you not to go back there.’  
‘I didn’t,’ he assured her quickly, ‘Grandma and Emma took me shopping. We got you some pyjamas, some books and things; I thought you must be bored.’   
Relaxing a little in relief, she reached up and touched his cheek.  
‘Thank you dear. Now tell me, how was school?’ 

Xxx

The next passed almost painfully slowly. Every morning Regina would make her way over to the armchair, to ensure that she was settled before Henry came to see her in the afternoon. Although by the weekend she could make it unaided, the journey never seemed to get any easier. 

Each morning Rumplestiltskin would come and sit with her, trying to coax her magic into remission. It was draining, emotionally and physically, and by the end of their sessions she was always exhausted. Every time their magic intertwined it was as if she was plunged back into the world of her dreams, a living nightmare until he finally pulled away from her. He asked her once what it was that bothered her, but when she had refused to answer him he had let the matter lie. If nothing else, Mr. Gold was a man to respect her word and she appreciated it. 

Once he left, Regina would allow herself some time to rest before Henry’s after school visits. She read the books he had brought her and sipped at water, refusing to allow herself to fall asleep when she could help it. As the days wore on it began taking more of a toll, to the extent where her bones ached with constant weariness and even closing her eyes for short periods of time didn’t seem to help.

Gold had told her that trying to practice using her magic would help her regain enough control to heal herself, so most of her time was spent in her chair concentrating hard and trying to produce a flame in her open palm. Frustratingly Regina experienced no success. It was as if she could feel her magic inside her but it would not come when she called, burning furiously and yet offering no heat. 

‘You have to let yourself feel,’ Gold reminded her. It was Sunday morning, just less than a week after everything had happened, and he had taken a chair beside where she sat in her armchair.   
‘I know,’ she snapped. He held his hands up in mock surrender.  
‘I’m only trying to help, dearie.’  
Regina sighed heavily, letting her head fall into her useless hand. ‘What if it doesn’t come back?’  
‘It will,’ he said with an air of confidence. 

Gold looked at the dark circles beneath her eyes and the way her collarbones stuck out so poignantly, as if straining against her skin, and his brow wrinkled. She wasn’t getting better; that much was clear. Her refusal to find a way of dealing with everything was eating away at her, and at this rate soon enough there would be nothing left. Although part of him said that it wasn’t his problem to deal with he knew that he couldn’t let it lie. 

‘I should go,’ he announced as he stood to leave, seeing that she didn’t even offer a response. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow. Keep trying, it will happen.’ She murmured something beneath her breath that he couldn’t quite make out, though Gold could guess that it was a choice word or two she wasn’t brave enough to say directly to his face. 

He left her there, and found Doctor Whale in his office.  
‘Mr. Gold? How can I-‘  
‘You need to do something about her,’ he interrupted the doctor.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘She looks worse than she did when she came in,’ Gold hissed. ‘Is there not something you can do?’  
Whale shook his head. ‘It’s a slow process. I can only do what she will allow me, I can’t force her hand. There is no cure for a broken heart, Mr. Gold.’  
‘So you’re going to sit back and watch her self-destruct? Because that’s what’s happening to her right now,’ he warned.   
‘I’ve tried talking to her, as I guess you have; even Henry has tried to no avail. I can ask Dr. Hopper, but I doubt she would be any more receptive to him. Regina has closed herself off completely; I don’t know if she will let anyone in.’

Rumple almost growled in frustration, taking a moment to think. He wished that he could take his usual stance of indifference, but no matter how hard he tried not to care he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave her to her fate. He had grown, in some ways, to care about her and this was no way for his greatest adversary to be defeated; by grief for an unborn child. Guilt weighed heavily within him, and he knew that to even begin to offset it he had to get her to open up.

That thought formed the beginnings of an idea.  
‘Does the outlaw still come?’  
‘Twice a day at least,’ Whale nodded. ‘Why?’  
‘What have you been telling him?’  
‘Very little,’ the doctor admitted. ‘If he thinks she isn’t any better then I fear what he might do; he has already proved to be hostile. Mostly I update him on her physical wellbeing. I don’t lie to him exactly, just-‘  
‘Neglect to reveal the whole truth,’ Gold finished. He pondered for a moment. ‘Tell him.’  
‘Why would I do that?’  
‘He’s the only other person with a chance to get through to her,’ reasoned the pawnbroker. ‘If you tell him the truth about how Regina is, then he will be spurred into action.’  
Whale shook his head. ‘I…I see your point, but the fact remains that she refuses to see him, and I am bound by law to obey her wishes on the matter.’  
The corner of Gold’s lip curled into a smirk.  
‘Just tell him when he comes in today. Trust me; you won’t have to worry about the rest.’

Xxx

Robin knew the walk to the hospital so well that he didn’t even have to think about it anymore. The routine was always the same. He would go into Whale’s office and ask the same question, only to be infuriated by a vague and clinical answer. Robin knew that Regina was having her stitches removed tomorrow, that she had managed to walk a little way and the strength was slowly returning to her muscles, but he didn’t know how she was. He needed to hear that she was okay, but whenever he pressed for more information Whale just said that she was ‘as you would expect’.

He had put up with it for long enough. When he wasn’t at the hospital Robin went to see Roland or took some jobs around the town to keep his mind occupied but all he could think of was Regina and how he was letting her down by not being there. Everything felt wrong, disjointed somehow without her presence even from a distance. 

Knocking briefly before inviting himself in, Robin knew that something was different at once. Whale was sitting at his desk as if he had been waiting for the outlaw’s arrival, when normally he would just continue his work while they talked.   
‘Robin,’ he greeted him without a smile, ‘take a seat.’  
‘What is it?’ Robin asked at once, sensing the shift in dynamic.  
‘I’ll explain everything, but it might be better if you sit.’

Robin did as he was asked, feeling his heart beginning to hammer his ribs and trying to prevent panic from rising in his throat.   
‘I know that I haven’t been exactly forthcoming with news,’ Whale started, with a nod of agreement from Robin, ‘so I think it might be time you heard the whole truth.’  
‘You’ve been lying to me?’   
The doctor could see anger flashing in his eyes, and shook his head vehemently. ‘No, everything I have told you has been true. But I thought that if I was entirely honest with you about everything, then you might act…irrationally.’  
‘Who are you to decide what I should know?’ shouted Robin, his hands curling into fists.  
‘I realise my error in judgement,’ Whale admitted, ‘but if you remain calm then I am willing to tell you everything. Though you must understand that she still refuses to see anyone but Henry; there really is little that you can do.’  
‘Tell me,’ the former thief breathed, desperation creeping into his otherwise angry tone.

Whale took a deep breath before starting.  
‘Like I said, what I have told you is true. Physically she is slowly building up her strength, but her condition is far more complicated than that. I had hoped that she might come out of it after the initial shock of everything wore off, but I have seen no improvement.’  
‘What do you mean?’ Robin asked, hardly able to speak as he felt his throat constricting.  
‘Regina is falling into a dangerous cycle,’ he explained. ‘She refused any pain medication, although she must still be in considerable discomfort, and I fear her ability to think logically may be compromised by her grief.’  
‘Why would she do that?’  
Whale shrugged. ‘I have seen the loss of something so dear do strange things to people. She refuses to talk about her physical condition; I haven’t even been able to explain the procedure she had done to her properly. Regina is shutting everyone out, even Henry in a way. He comes every day after school and stayed with her all day yesterday, but when he is there she simply pretends that everything is normal even when he knows that isn’t true. It isn’t good for either of them, but I would never stop them from seeing each other. I…I fear that she only lives for the sake of her son.’

Robin’s eyes widened. ‘What do you mean by that?’  
‘I spoke to the nurses, and they have seen that she hardly eats a thing. Normally I would have to consider putting in a feeding tube, but I have been putting that off for as long as I can; I know that she would protest, and I wouldn’t want to do alarm Henry by asking his permission. And I know that Regina doesn’t sleep. I think there is a distinct possibility she has recurring nightmares, but she denies anything wrong even when she wakes screaming.’  
Whale exhaled deeply and looked directly into Robin’s worried eyes. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he said honestly.  
‘This…this has been happening the entire time?’ Robin asked, and when the doctor nodded in reply he felt as if someone had slapped him around the face. He knew that he never should have let her send him away.

‘Let me see her,’ insisted Robin, ‘let me try and talk her round.’  
‘I can’t. Unless she was considered unable to make rational decisions for herself, I have to listen to her requests and I do not want it to come down to that.’  
‘Do you think it could?’  
‘If she continues as she is, then I don’t think I would have any other choice than to legally question her mental competency,’ Whale confessed.   
‘You can’t do that to her,’ Robin said at once. ‘Surely that would only isolate her more than she already is.’  
‘If she is a danger to herself, then my hands will be tied. This is why I am telling you now, Robin. I need your help.’   
‘But how am I supposed to do that if I can’t even see her?’ he argued.  
‘I don’t know,’ Whale sighed.

Robin clenched his fists, trying to resist the urge to hit something.   
‘Why don’t you go and get a coffee, and we can talk more about this?’ the doctor suggested.  
‘Yeah,’ Robin grumbled, knowing that if he didn’t take a moment to cool off then he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from destroying Whale’s office. 

He kicked the chair back, leaving the office without looking back and walking down the corridor towards the cafeteria. It was all that he could do not to fall apart. His mind raced with images of the woman he loved slowly fading away. He wanted to slam his knuckles into the wall again, but he knew that it had done no good the first time.

Realising that he had taken a wrong turn, Robin huffed and looked at where he was. The corridor to his left, he saw, would take him to her room. With a surge of impulsiveness he took it, half running until he reached the glass partition that kept them apart. The curtain was drawn around the bed so he couldn’t see her.

Robin waited until the nurse had left the room, pressing his body against the far wall to avoid being noticed and slipped behind her before the door closed fully, edging it open and then closing it as quietly as he could behind him. The door locked automatically, but he used a chair to jam it so that no-one could get in and then turned to face the thing he feared and yet wanted the most.

When he first opened the curtain she didn’t notice him straight away. Regina was sitting in the armchair, legs curled beneath her with a book on the arm that she was lazily thumbing through without really reading. 

Robin’s breath caught in his throat. Her pallor was verging on grey, and she was thinner than he had ever seen her almost swallowed by her blue silk nightdress and dressing gown. She looked as if she might snap if you held onto her too hard. Her hands had a subtle tremble, only just noticeable when she lifted them to turn the page; but she was still so beautiful. That was what truly stole the air from Robin’s lungs. Despite it all she was stunning in every way. 

‘What do you want?’ Regina asked, not bothering to look up from her novel.   
‘Only to see that you are alright.’  
She stiffened at the sound of his voice, her blood running cold in her veins. Part of her was desperate to raise her head, to look into his soft blue eyes again but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The subtle tremble in her hands grew stronger.  
‘What are you doing in here?’ Although she tried, the anger in her voice faded quickly.   
‘I had to see you,’ Robin explained, moving a step closer. At that moment Regina’s resolve broke and her head snapped towards him, warning him not to come any closer.  
‘I made it quite clear that I did not want the same.’

‘I know,’ he acknowledged, ‘and I left, I did, but when Doctor Whale told me how you were I couldn’t stay away any longer.’  
‘I’m fine,’ she stated with false assurance.  
‘He doesn’t seem to think so, and neither do I,’ Robin told her, trying to keep the threatening tears at bay. ‘I…I know that nothing I can say can take away the pain of what has happened-‘  
‘Stop,’ she whispered.  
‘-but I didn’t know what else to do. Let me be here for you, Regina. Our baby-‘  
‘STOP,’ she screamed, tears burning down her cheeks as they fell. She dropped her head and her fingers clawed at the arms of the chair as she tried to keep the sobs at bay.

‘I’m…I’m sorry,’ he stuttered, almost frightened by her reaction though more for her sake than his own, ‘I don’t want to upset you. I know you must be angry with me.’  
‘Angry?’ Regina smiled sombrely. ‘Why would I be angry? We both said things we shouldn’t have said. That…that night I was calling you to apologise, to try and put everything behind us. None of this is your fault.’   
‘Then why push me away?’

She shook her head, her breathing becoming shallow as every emotion toppled onto her at once. Slowly she got to her feet, feeling her legs wobble beneath her though she was grateful for the distraction.  
‘I can’t do this right now,’ she mumbled, putting one hand out to steady herself on the side table.   
‘Regina…please…’   
‘I didn’t want you here because you remind me of everything I’ve lost,’ she said suddenly, turning to face him. ‘I couldn’t see you, not because I don’t care or because I wanted to punish you but because I can’t handle it. Looking into your eyes I can see her, I can see you holding her and it kills me.’  
Sobs wracked her dangerously thin frame.   
‘It’s my fault,’ she wept, ‘it’s all my fault. I should have put my feelings aside and told you wh-when I had the chance, it wasn’t right to keep you in the dark.’  
‘I didn’t exactly make it easy for you to tell me. None of this is your fault. It’s just something that happened, and it is tragic and I hate that you’ve had to go through this, but it couldn’t have been prevented.’

‘You don’t understand,’ Regina insisted. ‘She…the b-b…she had magic, and it was connected to my own. I wasn’t supposed to use it but…but I did. Emma was trying to take Henry to New York and I snapped, I just snapped and I tried to push her away. I was thrown against the wall and after that nothing was quite right, and three days later…I did it. I k-killed our b-baby because I c-couldn’t let go of my anger.’  
Robin felt as if someone had squeezed his heart so tightly that he could see little black dots playing in his vision. She honestly believed that this was her fault. Regina’s entire body was shaking now, and she looked as if she was about to fall.

‘Regina, please,’ Robin croaked, feeling the wetness on his own cheeks, ‘don’t do this. Our child was not meant to be, that’s all. No-one is to blame for that.’  
‘No,’ she shook her head violently, ‘she was going to be beautiful. My hair, your eyes, and she was so powerful Robin, light magic stronger than any I have seen. She would have been happy, we would have been happy, and I took that away from her…from you…’  
Robin’s brow creased in confusion as she rambled on.  
‘I don’t understand-‘  
‘I see her,’ Regina choked, as her sobs became stronger, ‘whenever I close my eyes I see her, and you, and what was supposed to happen. So I can’t be here with you, I can’t let you in when I know everything that I took from you when I cast that spell.’

She started to turn away but Robin reached out and grabbed her wrist lightly. Regina felt fear and panic surging through her and brought her arms up, forcing him away from her with a bright purple haze. It was weak, barely enough to push him back a few paces, but it was enough. She looked down at her hands, stunned for a moment as she felt her magic beginning to twitch at her fingertips once more. 

Robin could sense what was about to happen before it did. Regina’s legs gave out beneath her and she started to fall gracefully to the floor. He managed to catch her before she hit the ground, dropping to his knees and gathering her into his arms. Her eyes were closed, but she groaned to prove that she was still conscious.   
‘I’ve got you,’ he whispered, holding her tightly and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.  
‘No,’ she murmured, her eyes fluttering open, ‘you have to leave.’  
‘I’m not going anywhere.’   
Regina brought a fist up and pounded weakly against his chest, her breath hitching as she started to sob again. ‘Let me go.’  
‘Not a chance,’ he breathed. ‘Doctor Whale said he never explained it to you properly. Did he say that the pregnancy was ectopic?’  
‘Stop,’ she pleaded, ‘just leave me alone.’  
‘I promise you that if you answer me this, then I will go. What did he tell you, Regina?’  
‘I haven’t talked to him about it,’ she admitted, in a voice so much smaller than usual. ‘I lost the…the baby, that was the only thing I needed to know.’  
‘He told us when you were in surgery that the baby wasn’t growing where it was supposed to. I don’t really know the details of it, but Whale said that it…she…was never going to survive.’  
‘What?’ Regina breathed, looking up at him with wide eyes.  
‘You could never have given birth to our child, Regina, she was not meant to live. There was nothing anyone could have done, so it’s not your fault. There is no blame to lay. But I am sorry. I’m so sorry.’

Regina’s face crumpled, and she wrapped her arms around Robin’s neck and allowed herself to be held. He kept her close, eyes brimming with tears; he never wanted to let go of her again.


	18. Chapter 18

He held her for what could have been minutes or hours as she cried softly, so grateful to feel her warmth pressed against him after what seemed like an eternity apart. He held back tears of his own, knowing that the least he could do after all of the times he had failed to be there for her was stay strong. He didn’t have the right to fall apart. 

As she finally began to quiet Robin lifted Regina gently into his arms. She didn’t protest, merely tightening her grip around his shoulders ever so slightly as her body left the ground. Though she weighed hardly anything, as light as a feather in his arms, he was more worried by her lack of resistance. Regina hated showing her vulnerability, never letting anyone take care of her. Although Robin was relieved that she was finally opening up, allowing herself to express her emotions, in a way it frightened him. He was scared for her, for what this whole ordeal had put her through, and he worried that he wasn’t going to be enough to help her through it; he didn’t want to let her down again. 

Robin perched on the edge of the bed in order to lay her down as gently as possible on the soft mattress. Her head fell against the pillow, her eyes open but fluttering with exhaustion. He pulled the blanket to cover her though when he moved to stand, she reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. Robin adjusted his position so that he was sitting beside her and wrapped his arm around her carefully. Regina nestled her head against his chest. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.  
‘You have nothing to be sorry for.’  
‘I should have told you when I first found out, when I had the chance. I wanted to, but I was worried.’  
‘About what?’  
Regina took a deep breath, wanting to be honest with him. ‘That you wouldn’t want us. I know it’s ridiculous, but I didn’t know whether you would be happy about it; we had only been together a few weeks and it all seemed to happen so fast. And then after Marian…I just couldn’t face it. I didn’t want to break up your family, and I was worried about being rejected again.’

Robin reached a hand across to stroke her hair.   
‘It’s okay, Regina, I understand completely. And I hate that I made you feel that way. I know that the way I treated you was unforgiveable, and I hate myself for what I did to you. If I had dealt with everything and just been honest from the start then…well, I suppose we’ll never know what would have happened.’  
‘Even so, I should have told you,’ Regina sighed, looking down at her hands. ‘You didn’t deserve to find out the way you had to. I was going to tell you-‘  
‘I know,’ Robin said. She looked up at him, wearing a puzzled expression.  
‘I heard your messages,’ he explained.  
‘Oh,’ she mumbled, dropping her gaze back to her hands. She started absentmindedly tugging at the skin on the back of her left hand with her right, a nervous tic she hadn’t repeated since before her marriage to the king. Her mother had told her it was unbecoming and ‘helped’ her to kick the habit; she almost flinched at the memory. But now Regina saw no point in complying with Cora’s controlling ways. If her mother could see her now, she was sure that would be the last thing she would criticise. 

Robin could hear the disappointment in her tone, and realised what he had said.  
‘No, I mean I didn’t…I only got them a few days ago, after…if I’d seen your messages then I would have come straight away, I swear to you. God if you knew how much I wanted to. When I heard your voice playing back to me it broke my heart, because I knew that I had let you down again.’   
Regina began to relax, knowing at once that he wasn’t lying to her. She shuffled a little but her hands fell still. ‘It’s okay.’  
‘It’s not,’ Robin shook his head. ‘I didn’t have my phone, Marian…well it’s a long story.’

Regina couldn’t prevent her heart from sinking again as he mentioned her name. Using the little strength she still retained in her arms she pushed herself up into sitting position, moving away from his embrace. He looked confused, but Regina couldn’t bear to meet his eye.   
‘You should probably get back to her,’ she mumbled, brushing her hair behind her ear nervously, ‘I am guessing that she doesn’t know you’re here.’   
Robin put a hand on her arm reassuringly and felt her muscles tense, and he thought he saw a spark ignite at the tip of one of her fingers though he couldn’t be sure.

‘Regina, Marian has no reason to know what I do, not anymore. We are no longer together.’  
For a second, just the most fleeting of moments, she had been overcome with happiness so strong it seemed to wipe away the darkness which had festered within her for what seemed like forever. He had left his wife for her, for them, before he even knew about the baby. And then she had realised that her hope, as always, was surely misguided. He felt sorry for her and out of some sense of duty he had decided to leave his family, for the meantime at least, to care for her. That second of happiness which had seemed so bright was lost as quickly as it had come.   
Her heart plummeted, coming to rest uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. Her head snapped to look at him, eyes burning with such a mixture of emotions that she couldn’t tell if she was angry, hurt, excited or all three at once.  
‘No,’ she stuttered, shaking her head, ‘no, you didn’t leave her.’  
‘I couldn’t live a lie any longer.’  
Regina pulled away from his touch.   
‘No, you shouldn’t have done that. Not because of this. I may only be a shadow of my former self but I don’t want to be responsible for breaking up another family because of what happened to me. I don’t need your pity, I don’t need anyone’s pity. I just want to be left to grieve on my own.’

She was shouting by the time she delivered the final words, trying to lash out to conceal the truth of how hurt she felt.   
‘No, no, no,’ Robin repeated, wondering how he continued to keep saying the wrong thing. ‘I didn’t leave Marian because I found out about this.’  
Regina remained silent, reaching up to wipe a tear from her eye.  
‘I tried to kid myself for a very long time, pretending that I could continue on with family life as if the past few years never happened. I convinced myself that you were better off without me, and that I was doing the right thing; but it was all a lie. We both knew that it was never going to be like it used to, but I don’t think she had quite accepted it. I loved her once, and she will always be a mother to Roland, but I do not love her now. I told her all of this a week ago, and I took a room at Granny’s. Marian…she took my phone before I left which is why I didn’t get any of your messages. I swear to you on my life, on Roland’s life. I wouldn’t lie to you.’

There was a period of quiet as Regina let the words sink in. She didn’t know how to feel anymore, and she didn’t know what to believe.  
‘Why?’ she whispered eventually, turning to look at him with glistening brown eyes.  
‘Because I love you,’ Robin answered at once, reaching up to cup her cheek and wipe away a tear just as it started to fall. ‘I should have told you the day that I met you because that was when I knew. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s the truth. I love you, so much, and I promised myself that as soon as I saw you again I would tell you.’

Regina fell into his powerful gaze, feeling warmth wash over her.   
‘I love you too,’ she smiled weakly, closing the small gap between them slowly and reaching to touch her lips to his. It was the lightest of kisses, and yet for both of them it was the most blissful. Their eyes closed as their lips met in a soft caress, Robin’s thumb gently grazing across her cheek. It should have been perfect.

As they parted, eyelids still shut, Robin rested his forehead against Regina’s and allowed himself a small smile. But when he opened his eyes he could see that she was still crying, her breath hitching as it caught in her throat.  
‘What’s wrong?’   
Regina put a hand on his shoulder and raised her head so she could look at him, her eyes running over his features as if she wanted to memorise every detail in case he vanished before her eyes.  
‘I have waited so long to feel like this again, to feel love,’ she explained, her voice sounding small. ‘I didn’t want it to happen like this.’

The words she had waited so long to hear, that she had dreamed he would say to her in his gorgeous sultry English tone, had finally been spoken. But they were tainted by the events they were surrounded by. In her dreams they had been snuggled by the fire, waking up in each other’s arms or even just having dinner at Granny’s – not sat together in a hospital bed with a cloud of grief hanging over them. Regina wanted to feel happy, she wished that she could, but it felt as if her heart was still too heavy with sorrow to allow more than a shimmer of light in. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I wish it could be different. I wish there was some way I could take away all of your pain, but I can’t. But I do love you. I love you so much that it feels like I can’t breathe, because loving you is the only thing that matters. It’s not going to be easy Regina, but you…no, we will get through this. I will do whatever you want me to do; if you want me to go then I won’t say another word, if you want me to stay I won’t leave for a moment. That night I thought I had lost you, and my entire world fell apart.’  
He took her hand and interlaced their fingers.   
‘I want for this nightmare to end,’ Regina mumbled, squeezing his hand.

Robin gathered her into his arms, and for a while they just lay there together. For Regina it was all so overwhelming, and she wasn’t sure exactly what she was feeling. But he was there. For now, that was more than enough. He was there and he wanted her, in spite of everything that she had done. She couldn’t be angry at him for how he had acted, for she had acted just as irrationally. All that mattered was that he was holding her, comforting her, a constant in a world that seemed to have changed so much in the past few weeks. 

She was starting to drift off when a soft thumping noise caused her to stir.  
‘What’s that?’  
‘Ah, yes, about that,’ Robin grinned sheepishly. ‘I probably should go and unlock the door.’  
‘You locked us in here?’  
‘Well they wouldn’t let me see you. And besides, what more would you expect from a thief.’  
Regina gave a small laugh, a pleasant surprise to both Robin and herself.  
‘Are you planning on stealing me away?’ she teased.  
‘We’ll see how it goes, shall we?’

He hugged her closer for a moment before gently unfurling himself from their tangle of arms, standing up beside the bed. Regina missed the warmth of his touch as soon as it was taken from her but she didn’t dwell on it because if she was certain of anything, it was that he would be coming back.

Regina couldn’t quite stifle the yawn that crawled up her throat and covered her hand with her mouth. Her entire body felt exhausted, though whether it was from the unfolding drama or the unexpected use of magic she wasn’t sure.   
‘You should get some rest,’ Robin told her gently, taking her hand. ‘I can come back later.’  
Regina shook her head. ‘Henry will be here by now,’ she noted, checking the clock on the wall.   
‘Do you want me to come back tomorrow?’

‘Can you come back this afternoon?’ she asked, biting the inside of her lip. ‘Henry leaves about three to get his homework done. I’m sure you’ve got far better things to do-‘  
‘If you want me here, then there is no place I would rather be,’ he cut her off, bending over and kissing her forehead softly. ‘But first I have to face the music. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t let me come back here at all and I had to sneak my way back in through an open window.’

Regina chuckled lightly shaking her head. ‘I’ll tell them to let you in this time.’   
Her smile faded. ‘I should have from the beginning.’  
‘No,’ Robin stopped her, ‘no more of that. You know I understand. I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel, I wouldn’t insult you by pretending that I can, but you’ve told me enough for me to see a glimpse of what you have been going through. I only want to help.’  
‘You already have, more than you know,’ Regina admitted honestly. Robin kissed her hand before reluctantly letting it go.

‘I’ll be back later, I promise.’  
‘I know you will,’ smiled Regina. ‘I love you.’  
‘I love you too.’

Tears stung her eyes as she watched him pass through the curtain, and she took a deep breath trying to pull herself together before Henry came in. She heard the door opening and voices ringing from the hallway.  
‘What on Earth did you think that you were doing?’  
‘Hey, I just wanted to-‘  
‘To break into a hospital room and lock everyone else out? What if there had been an emergency?’  
‘I wasn’t really thinking that far ahead. I didn’t hurt anyone, relax.’  
‘If it were up to me I’d have you in handcuffs.’  
‘I welcome the challenge; I always have been good at escaping the authorities.’

Regina found herself laughing again, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. It was a strange sound, one which felt almost foreign to her after all this time, but she liked it. He loved her. In a world where everything had fallen apart, where her son had been the only thing keeping her from leaving, she wouldn’t have thought it possible for light to return to her heart in this way.

She smiled. He loved her.


	19. Chapter 19

Robin felt as if he were walking on air as he made his way to Granny’s. Although he already missed the warmth he felt whenever he was in Regina’s presence, he had to acknowledge how far they had come. This time yesterday, even catching a glimpse of her had seemed impossible and now… he couldn’t stop smiling.

The bell on the door twinkled pleasantly as he opened it before taking a seat at the bar.  
‘You’re looking chipper,’ Granny noticed as she came over to take his order. This was the first time she hadn’t seen him looking as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders since long before what had happened to Regina, and no matter what had caused the change she was glad.  
‘I saw Regina today,’ he told her, smiling as he said it. Granny’s eyes widened in both surprise and excitement.   
‘How was she?’  
Robin shrugged his shoulders slightly. ‘I’m worried about her. She’s been to hell and back, and I wish there was more I could do to help.’  
‘Of course,’ Granny said, nodding in understanding. ‘But she let you in; that’s definitely a start. She just needs you to be there for her, and now that she’s allowing that to happen things will start moving forward. Give it time, you’ll see.’  
‘Thanks Granny.’

The older woman adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose as she searched Robin’s expression.  
‘Did you tell her?’ she whispered, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. Robin smiled, opening his mouth to answer and then closing it again as he decided against it. It was a moment for him and Regina alone to share, for now at least, though he could see that Granny could read more into his silence than if he had said anything at all. A wicked smile spread across her face and she winked at him, as she took his order of coffee and pancakes. 

‘Daddy!’ Roland squealed as he ran towards his father, leaving his mother lingering in the doorway. Robin turned and scooped him up, sitting him on his knee.   
‘Hey there little man,’ he beamed, giving his son a hug before turning to look at Marian who was trying to avoid his gaze. They hadn’t spoken much since their last encounter, only to organise when Robin could see Roland.  
‘He missed you,’ she half mumbled in explanation.   
‘I missed you too,’ Robin said softly, turning to his son, ‘and I promise that when I’ve got everything sorted, you can come and stay and we’ll see each other all the time, okay?’

‘Okay,’ nodded Roland. ‘But why do you have to live here? Why can’t you stay with us in the forest?’  
Robin took a deep breath, wondering where to start with such a complex explanation for a five year old to comprehend, but he was interrupted.  
‘I hate to think of you cooped away in the bed and breakfast,’ Marian said quietly. ‘You know there’s plenty of room-‘  
‘Roland, why don’t you go and find us somewhere to sit and I’ll bring you a chocolate milkshake, okay?’ Robin cut her off. The little boy slid to the floor from where he had been perching on his father’s lap and bounded off towards a booth in the corner. 

Robin looked up at his wife and sighed. ‘Marian, you know I can’t come back to the forest.’  
‘But it makes sense,’ she argued, folding her arms across her chest. ‘I don’t mean that you have to stay with us; you could have your own tent. It’s where you belong, Robin.’  
‘It was once,’ he lamented, more for himself than for her. Marian took a step towards him.  
‘Roland needs you. He misses having you around and he asks for you constantly.’  
‘Don’t try and use my son to get what you want,’ he warned her, trying to keep down the anger bubbling in his chest.  
‘I’m not, I-‘  
‘If I was still living with the Merry Men but not with you, don’t you think that would confuse him more? I miss him too, of course I do, but until I can find somewhere more permanent I’ll just have to make more time to see him. Once all of this is over I’ll sort it out I promise. This is only temporary.’  
‘And by all of this, you mean her?’

Marian tightened her grip on her elbows, taking deep breaths to try and control her temperament. She could see Robin was doing something similar.  
‘I mean that when Regina is out of hospital and getting better, then I can start thinking about what to do next. For now I need to focus on her.’  
‘Rather than our son?’  
‘Don’t make this out to be a choice, Marian, you’re better than that. I raised Roland, in case you have forgotten, I would never forget about him.’  
‘You’re right,’ she breathed, shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s been difficult, trying to adjust to everything and I shouldn’t take it out on you. I know you’re doing your best.’  
‘When I figure it all out, we can sit down and make proper arrangements. We can be adults about this, can’t we?’  
‘Yes,’ Marian said quietly. ‘I know I’ve been difficult, I am sorry I just…I never thought I’d have to watch my husband fall in love with someone else.’  
Robin’s anger began to melt away, slowly replaced with a feeling of pity.   
Although he knew he had done the right thing in leaving her, he still felt guilty. She had acted wrongly in taking his phone, but he could see now it had been desperation; he felt sorry for her. When they had reunited, for her it had been days since a time when they were happily married with a baby and a life in the Enchanted Forest. It wasn’t her fault that the world had moved on as she stood still.   
‘Things don’t always work out the way we expect them to,’ he agreed. 

His brunch arrived and he ordered a milkshake for Roland who had been waiting for them patiently, and when the frothy concoction was brought over to him his eyes gleamed with joy. They sat together in a civil silence as Robin ate and Roland slurped, until the young boy piped up.  
‘Daddy, are you looking after Gina?’  
He took a drink of coffee and nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I am. She’s still not very well, but she is starting to get better.’  
‘If she’s better can I go see her? Please Daddy,’ he asked excitedly, his big brown eyes so hopeful that Robin didn’t want to have to let him down. Marian shifted uncomfortably in her seat beside her son, but said nothing.  
‘I’m not sure Roland.’  
‘Does she not want to see me?’ Roland’s eyes filled with tears.  
‘Of course she does,’ Robin said at once, not wanting to hurt his feelings, ‘but she’s got to keep resting so that she can get out of the hospital. Regina is still poorly, and we don’t want her to have to stay in there any longer than she has to. Do you understand that?’  
‘I s’pose,’ he mumbled, pushing the half full glass of milkshake away and pouting. 

‘Hey,’ Robin said, reaching over and tilting his son’s chin up to meet his gaze with a finger. ‘You know I can’t stand the pout, so I’ll make you a deal. I will talk to Regina and ask her if she feels well enough for a visitor. I can’t make any promises, but if she says yes then you can come with me to the hospital tomorrow.’  
Roland’s pout disappeared at once and his eyes brightened.   
‘Yes, yes, thank you Daddy! Can I pick her more flowers?’  
‘I think she would like that,’ he smiled, ‘but let me ask her first. Okay?’  
‘Okay!’ he squeaked, pulling his milkshake back towards him and drinking it eagerly. 

Xxx

When Robin finally got back to the hospital, he met Emma in the corridor as she was getting a cup of coffee from the machine.  
‘Ugh,’ she sighed, seeing the outlaw’s takeaway cup from Granny’s, ‘I can’t say I’m not jealous. This stuff tastes like old rain water.’  
‘I can’t argue with you there,’ he admitted smiling. She straightened up and took a sip of her drink, grimacing slightly.  
‘I hear you caused quite the stir this morning.’  
‘I do my best,’ Robin smirked.   
‘Brave move,’ she said, leaning against the wall. ‘How did you know that she wouldn’t kick off and have you arrested or something?’  
‘I didn’t. I had made no plans to break into her room until I walked past the door, and I didn’t even stop to think how she would react.’  
‘Like I said, brave,’ Emma grinned.   
‘I talked to Whale this morning, and he said…just that she wasn’t doing too well. I don’t know what I expected, probably that I would break in there and solve everything in a heroic manner, but I just knew I had to go.’  
‘And did you? Solve everything heroically?’  
Robin smiled, though Emma could see it was a little sombre. ‘Not quite.’

‘I don’t think anything is that easy,’ she sighed, taking another drink. Suddenly the unpleasant taste didn’t seem to matter anymore.  
‘There were things I needed to say, things I’ve wanted to for a long time and not had the chance or the courage to do.’   
‘I understand that,’ Emma confessed. ‘I know that I’ve caused Regina a lot of pain and I need to say I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter whether I meant to or not, I need for her to know that I regret what happened. This sort of thing…it puts everything into perspective. I don’t want to fight with her anymore. Life has screwed her over enough.’

Robin nodded slowly, but before he had time to say anything Henry came around the corner.  
‘Hey kid, how’s your Mom?’ Emma asked, trying to sound cheerful.  
‘Okay I guess,’ he answered, looking at Robin rather than his birth mother. ‘She said she saw you this morning.’  
‘Yes, she did.’   
‘What did you say to her?’  
Robin was caught off guard by the question, and stuttered as he tried to come up with some sort of an answer; it was as if his mind had gone blank.   
‘I…I don’t…we talked about a lot of things. Why? Is something wrong?’  
‘When I went in I asked her if she was alright, like I always do,’ he explained, ‘and she said no.’  
‘What?’ Robin gasped, feeling panic flood his system. Had he said something to upset her? Or was had something happened after she had used her magic? All of these questions and so many more ran through his mind at a hundred miles an hour, and it seemed like an age before Henry spoke again.  
‘It’s nothing to worry about, she was just tired I think and she told me not to worry about her. But it’s the first time I think she’s been honest with me since before… well for a while. So whatever you said, it must have done her some good. Thank you.’

The relief was so strong that he exhaled deeply, even allowing himself to smile. Robin knew that for Regina to actually admit such a thing to her son was a massive step, and he could see that Henry thought the same.   
‘I didn’t do anything really,’ he said.  
‘You did,’ Henry dismissed. ‘I know that you are good for her, even if I don’t entirely forgive you for hurting her last time. But you know that if you do anything like that again-‘  
‘I’m dead, I’ve got it,’ Robin acknowledged. 

‘You ready to go kid?’ Emma asked, finishing her coffee and throwing the offending cup into the bin with a little more force than necessary.  
‘Yeah,’ said Henry. ‘She said to tell you to go in, by the way. Can I ask you something?’  
‘Of course.’  
‘It appears that she might actually listen to you. Can you try and persuade her to get some sleep? I’ve tried and she says that she’s fine, but she looks exhausted.’  
Robin could see the concern in Henry’s face, lines deep with worry across his brow. He looked far more mature than his thirteen years, and the outlaw could tell that he was someone who had had to grow up quickly.  
‘I’ll try my best.’

Henry nodded, walking towards the exit as Emma wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Xxx

Regina looked up to see Robin coming in and couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. She was still sitting up in the bed as, although she wouldn’t admit it, she was too tired to try and walk over to the chair. It had become apparent as the day had gone on that her earlier release of magic had drained her, to the point where sometimes even breathing seemed like an effort. 

She was sure that Henry had noticed. He had asked how she was and she had been honest, deciding that had more than earned the right to hear the truth by now. That, and she was tired of trying to hide behind flimsy excuses that fooled no-one. A table had been fixed to one side of the gurney and hovered over her legs, still bearing the weight of a lunch tray that had been brought in halfway through Henry’s visit and was still untouched. Regina was glad that he hadn’t asked when she said she wasn’t hungry; she wasn’t ready for that fight quite yet. 

‘Hello,’ she smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  
‘Hello.’ Robin walked towards her and leaned over, kissing her gently. Regina hummed contentedly, feeling contentment spreading through her.   
‘That’s nice,’ she whispered, biting her still tingling lower lip.   
‘Really?’ he teased, perching on the end of her bed. ‘I’ll have to do that again.’  
‘Is that coffee?’ asked Regina, taking in the enticingly bitter aroma coming from the cup he had in his hands.  
‘Yes,’ he answered with a smile. ‘I’d offer you some but I don’t think you’re supposed to have any.’  
‘Oh come on,’ she begged. ‘It’s hardly going to kill me, is it? I haven’t had a coffee in ages. Please?’  
Robin sighed, giving in at once to her wide brown eyes and handing it over. She moaned as she took a sip, wrapping her fingers around the cup and taking in its warmth. ‘I’ve missed this.’  
‘How was Henry’s visit?’   
‘Good.’  
Robin raised an eyebrow. ‘Just good?’

‘I love seeing him, I always do,’ Regina tried to explain before sighing heavily, putting the coffee aside. ‘I suppose I’m just starting to realise how much I’ve leaned on him in these past few months. He shouldn’t have had to deal with all of this; he’s still only thirteen.’  
‘I don’t think anything you could have said would have stopped him worrying or trying to take care of you,’ he reasoned.  
‘I know, but even before…I was such a mess. It’s like I haven’t been myself since that night at the diner. Whether I was ill from the magic turning against me or falling apart over what happened between us he was always there looking after me like I am supposed to do for him. And don’t you dare start with blaming yourself,’ she added as Robin looked to interrupt. ‘We’ve moved past that, but I’m just being honest. I’ve not been a very good mother.’  
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’  
‘It’s true,’ Regina argued, feeling tears prickling in her eyes. ‘At least in the sense that I let him take on responsibilities he shouldn’t have been burdened with.’  
Robin took Regina’s hand and rubbed his thumb gently over the soft skin on the back of her hand. There was a small red mark standing out against the pale white skin and he made a note to ask her about that later.

‘Henry assumed those responsibilities because he cares about you, not because he had to. And I bet once you’re out of here and back home he will look to do the same. It can’t be easy for him, seeing you unwell; you’re his mother, of course he wants to take care of you. That’s not your fault, and it certainly doesn’t make you a bad mother. It makes you a wonderful one for raising such a caring young man.’  
Regina felt a blush rising in her cheeks despite herself.  
‘He is caring, I’ll give you that. And you are right that he’ll want to help me when I do go home, but I won’t put that onto him again. He can keep visiting me but I think he should live with Emma until I’m a bit more together.’ 

It hurt her to say it, the old grievances with the saviour still not entirely settled in her mind, but she could see that it was for the best. Regina knew that having her magic back would help hasten her recovery, but at the same time she could feel its unpredictable nature as it fired in bursts within her veins without forming more than a few sparks here and there. She was doing her best to contain it, to try and maintain control, though she could sense it would be a while before she returned to a plateau. 

Once she was released from the hospital, and she had no idea when that would be, she knew that it would still take her time to heal emotionally as much as physically, and she didn’t want Henry to be dragged down by that.

‘I don’t think he’ll like that,’ Robin warned her.  
‘I know. He’s said before he doesn’t like leaving me alone in the house, and that was before I ended up in here.’  
‘Who says you would be alone?’  
Regina stopped dead in her line of thought, looking at him with a puzzled glance. She hated that her heart was starting to race in anticipation; the ever-dangerous hope was beginning to surface and she didn’t want to jump to conclusions.  
‘I…what do you mean?’  
‘Well, I could be there,’ he suggested, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.  
‘Being a little presumptuous aren’t we?’ Regina smiled.   
‘If you want me to that is. I mean just until you’re better I could, to stop Henry from worrying. Not that it’s the only reason…I’m not putting this very well, am I?’

Regina chuckled, loving how awkward he looked trying to cover himself in all directions.  
‘I’d like that.’  
‘Really?’ Robin felt his heart soar. Regina nodded, her cheeks beginning to ache from how much she was smiling.  
‘Yes.’

He kissed the back of her hand. ‘Me too.’  
Regina huffed frustratedly at the table forming a barrier between them, wanting to feel his arms around her.  
‘I told them to take it away but they wouldn’t listen,’ she grumbled, trying to work out how to unhook it from the bed. Robin looked at the tray, which held two simple pieces of toast, an apple and a glass of orange juice which hadn’t even been picked at.  
‘You didn’t eat anything,’ he observed.  
‘I wasn’t hungry.’  
‘Doctor Whale said-‘  
‘Oh please Robin, not you too,’ she sighed. ‘I haven’t got much of an appetite, that’s all.’  
‘Is it?’ he asked gently.  
‘They all seem to think I’m starving myself,’ Regina told him. ‘Why on Earth would I do that? If I wanted to kill myself there are far easier ways.’

Robin’s blood ran cold. She said the words so casually, flecked with dark humour and sarcasm in an imitation of her old self; yet part of him couldn’t dismiss it entirely. He wanted to beg her not to even consider such a thing, to tell her how the mere thought of losing her was enough to tear him apart, but he knew that wasn’t what she needed to hear. She was fragile, behind every smile and laugh he managed to coax from her, and he knew that he couldn’t afford to forget that. So he let it lie, for now, praying that it was nothing more than his own insecurities making a mountain from a mole hill.  
‘I don’t think that’s the case,’ he started, choosing his words carefully. ‘But I do think you’re not taking care of yourself. You’ve been through a hell of a lot, and you do need to build your strength up. The fact is they’re not going to let you out of here if you don’t eat, surely you can see that.’

Regina pursed her lips. She hadn’t thought about it that way, and she supposed that Robin was right. She wasn’t actively trying to avoid food, but when she thought about it she hadn’t been making an effort to keep up her strength either. Robin gave her a look which was not too dissimilar to one Pongo wore when begging for scraps and a smile worked its way back onto her face.  
‘Fine, if I eat a piece of toast will you let it go?’  
‘And the juice,’ he reasoned, ‘but yes, I will. And I have a surprise, so it’ll be worth it.’  
Regina picked up the bread and nibbled the edge. As she swallowed and it settled in her stomach, she could feel her body almost sighing with relief and wondered how she had managed to ignore its warnings for so long. She didn’t ponder for too long however, as the answers she came up with were more unsettling than not knowing.  
‘Oh really?’   
‘Yes,’ Robin grinned, putting his hand into his pocket and drawing out a pack of playing cards and placing them on the table. Regina snorted, almost choking on the juice.  
‘Cards? That’s your big surprise?’  
‘I admit that I may have slightly exaggerated the impact of this surprise,’ he chuckled, ‘but I thought you deserved a little fun. When was the last time you played?’  
Regina thought back as she took another bite. ‘Henry preferred board games,’ she recalled. ‘It was quite frustrating in a way. My favourite was chess, because I played it back in the Enchanted Forest. I hadn’t lost a match since I was five years old but whenever I beat him Henry had a tantrum, so I had to throw every game we played. In the end it was easier to keep the peace and play monopoly, which I never really got the hang of.’  
‘Sounds like fun.’   
Regina smiled fondly.  
‘It was. We played quite often until he found out he was adopted. I don’t think I’ve played chess with him since he went to find Emma,’ she remembered sadly, trying to keep the tears from her eyes. She pushed them back and smiled again. ‘So I haven’t played cards since I was a girl. My father taught me a fair few, but Rummy was my game of choice.’  
‘We used to play that back at camp,’ Robin said, dealing the cards. ‘I warn you, I’m not half bad.’  
‘At one time I was quite decent myself, but that was a long time ago. When my mother found out…well she didn’t exactly approve and we never played again. Cards are unladylike.’   
‘Your mother doesn’t sound like the most accommodating woman.’  
Regina laughed darkly, shaking her head and picking up her cards beginning to arrange them by suit. ‘You don’t know the half of it.’

Xxx

‘Rummy.’  
Regina threw her cards on the table with a frustrated sigh.   
‘You’re cheating,’ she pouted, folding her arms.  
‘I’m a thief, not a cheat,’ he grinned, picking up the cards and starting to shuffle. ‘And besides, I can tell when you’ve got a good hand so I play it safe.’  
‘How?’   
‘You bite your lip.’  
‘I do not,’ Regina argued, though she realised the corner of her lower lip was a little sore and figured he was probably right. She felt a yawn rising in her throat, and couldn’t stop it from surfacing. Covering her mouth she poorly tried to hide it but Robin shook his head.

‘You should sleep,’ he suggested, not for the first time that afternoon.   
‘I’m fine,’ she lied, picking up the coffee cup and frowning when she saw it was empty. It had kept her alert for the past hour or so, and she could feel the effects of its absence in her system.  
‘Henry said you looked tired this morning,’ he admitted, ‘and I would have to agree with him. I can always come back in the morning.’ She shook her head.  
‘Gold will be here. Besides Doctor Whale wants me to see Archie tomorrow morning, though God knows what he expects to happen,’ Regina mumbled.  
‘It might help,’ Robin suggested, but she just raised an eyebrow. ‘I love you, so don’t take this the wrong way, but you aren’t very good at talking about your feelings. With everything that’s happened, don’t you think it might be a good time to start?’  
‘I can talk to you,’ she reasoned.  
‘And I will always listen, but Archie knows how to try and move forwards. You said that you spoke to him before, when you were trying to stop using dark magic for Henry; did it not help?’  
‘I suppose,’ Regina admitted, ‘but this is a bit different. I don’t want to talk about it.’  
Robin caught the fear and apprehension glistening in her eyes, and smiled softly.  
‘Maybe that is why you have to.’

She exhaled frustratedly, running her hands through her hair. ‘It’s a good thing I’m too tired to argue with you. I’ll talk to the cricket, but I’m not promising anything. And I’m expecting you to bring me a coffee right afterwards.’  
‘Okay,’ Robin agreed. ‘But it’ll be a decaff.’  
‘Don’t you dare,’ she warned him playfully. ‘I know the difference, and I’m starting to get my magic back. That is a dangerous combination.’  
‘I’ll be wary,’ he laughed.

He remembered his promise to Roland, and decided to tentatively broach the subject. ‘I have something to ask you. You can say no, and you probably will, but I made a promise-‘  
Regina’s brow furrowed. ‘Robin, just say it you’re making me nervous,’ she cut him off.  
‘Roland has been asking to come and visit you.’  
‘Oh,’ Regina said, breathing a sigh of relief, ‘is that it? I thought it was something more serious. Of course he can come, I would love to see him.’  
‘Really?’  
She nodded, smiling. ‘Bring him tomorrow, along with my coffee. That will definitely make up for a morning with Archie.’  
‘He’ll be so happy, thank you.’  
‘You have nothing to thank me for,’ Regina said sincerely. ‘I should be thanking you. This is the first day I’ve felt even close to normal in such a long time.’  
‘Then I’m doing something right,’ he smiled, and as she lifted a hand to cover her mouth as she yawned again he tutted loudly. 

‘I’m fine,’ she protested, before he had a chance to say anything. Robin shook his head, his smile slowly fading.  
‘Is it because of the dreams?’  
Regina looked down at her hands, where they were folded in her lap. She opened her mouth to respond, but found that she had no words. He was right. Robin cleared the table, folding it away so the bed was clear. She watched him with a confused expression.  
‘What are you doing?’ she mumbled. He didn’t answer, but instead moved up the bed until he was sitting beside her. As he put an arm around her, she immediately melted into his embrace nestling against his chest and placed a hand around his torso. He kissed the top of her head.  
‘I’m right here,’ he whispered, holding her close to him. ‘I promise that you are safe, and if you have a nightmare then I’ll help you through it. But you have to get some rest, Regina. You can hardly keep your eyes open as it is. I’m sorry; I wish I could tell you I’m going to take it all away, make everything better…’

A tear rolled down her cheek, dissolving into the fabric of his shirt and forming a dark stain. She didn’t want to sleep, but by now it was almost painful to stay awake. Though she didn’t want him to see her at her weakest, she couldn’t deny that knowing he would be there to hold her was a great comfort. Maybe tonight, she could rest peacefully. Maybe.  
‘You’ll stay?’ she rasped, her voice heavy with bottled emotion.  
‘All night,’ he promised. ‘I’d like to see them try and get me out of here.’  
‘Okay. Okay, I’ll try,’ Regina gave in, finally allowing her tired eyes to close. The weight of her exhaustion was so great that this was already enough to pull her down towards the darkness she feared so greatly.  
‘They’re dreams.’  
‘Hmm?’  
‘Dreams,’ Regina repeated, her voice growing distant as she drifted off. ‘Not nightmares.’  
Robin wondered how it was possible that dreams could be worse than nightmares, but as he held Regina tightly he knew that hers were.

Xxx

‘Here we are, home sweet home,’ Robin said brightly as he opened the door to their home in Mifflin Street. He left it ajar as he went back to the car to pick up the rest of their things, and Regina slowly walked across the threshold into the house holding the precious bundle in her arms. 

Her footsteps echoed through the empty hallway, and she could almost hear the ghosts of the sounds that would follow in the years to come. The sounds of a child growing up: laughing as she ran down the stairs or crying if she fell, squealing with delight on Christmas morning and babbling with excitement on the first day of school. Regina had missed all of that, since Henry had grown up into such a respectable young man, and she couldn’t wait to experience it all again. 

She looked down at her sleeping daughter and smiled; all of that was still to come. Leaning forwards she kissed her forehead, relishing in the soft scent that is indescribable to anyone who has never held a new-born. This moment was perfect, and Regina knew that she wanted to remember it forever. 

But she was so tired that she wondered how on Earth she had the energy to stand. Ensuring that Rose was securely nestled in the crook of her right arm, Regina placed her other hand against the wall to steady herself and started taking deep breaths until Robin came back into the house.

‘Regina, are you okay?’ he asked, rushing to her side and placing a hand delicately on the small of her back.  
‘Fine,’ she breathed, ‘just tired. Is the bassinet set up in the living room?’  
‘Yes it is. One of the few things I managed to do before this little one decided to show up two weeks early!’   
‘Wasn’t that a fun surprise,’ Regina said sarcastically, though her mouth twitched into a smile. ‘I’ll put her down in there then.’  
‘I can do that. You need to go upstairs and get some sleep; the doctors said-‘  
‘I know what they said,’ she cut him off, ‘and I’m fine. Besides I can’t go to sleep, she’ll wake up in an hour for another feed.’  
‘You’re too stubborn for your own good, you know that?’

Regina grinned, but when Robin looped an arm around her waist and helped her walk slowly towards the living room she didn’t shy away from his help. She still felt as if she had been run over by a truck, more than once, though she wasn’t about to let him see that. 

When they reached the crib, Regina lay Rose down and ensured the blankets were not too loose or too tight around her sleeping form before finally allowing herself to sink down onto the couch cushions with a grimace. A sharp pain jolted up her back, but thankfully it didn’t linger and she let out a deep breath.  
‘You should have listened to Doctor Whale,’ Robin told her for what had to be the hundredth time that afternoon.  
‘I didn’t want to stay there any longer than I had to,’ she mumbled, running her fingers through her hair. ‘Rose is perfectly healthy, and I wanted her home as soon as possible.’  
Robin squatted in front of her so that their eyes were level and put his hands gently on her knees.  
‘I know, and I understand that, but you have to take care of yourself too. You scared me last night, you know. They said you were losing blood-‘  
‘Robin, I promise you I’m okay,’ she reassured him, patting one of his hands with her own. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

He leaned up and caught her lips in a gentle kiss, reaching up to stroke her cheek gently.  
‘You’re damn right’ he exhaled when they finally parted for air. Regina smiled sleepily, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his.  
‘I’m just…so tired…’  
‘Lie down,’ he whispered, and he helped her do so until she was horizontal across the sofa with her head propped against the arm. It wasn’t comfortable, but Regina didn’t care. Sleep was already pulling her down, so much so that everything Robin said had started to become hazy.  
‘Just an hour,’ she muttered, nuzzling her face into the fabric.  
‘Sleep well,’ she just about heard, feeling a hand squeeze her own before everything went black.

Xxx

Robin didn’t allow himself to sleep, watching over her like a guardian even after the lights had been turned out. Doctor Whale hadn’t argued with his wish to stay when he came to check on her, not wanting to wake Regina from a much needed sleep, but he had whispered a warning that as soon as morning came he had to be out which Robin had agreed to.

For a few hours now, she had been sleeping silently against him. Though she had twitched once or twice, he had so far seen no signs of distress and by the early hours of the morning Robin could feel his own eyes beginning to close. 

It was 2am when it all changed. Robin’s eyes flew open when he heard a soft whimper coming from beside him.  
‘Regina?’ he whispered, but she was still sleeping. Her entire body was trembling, and her breathing was shallow as she cried in her sleep. His heart drummed in his chest, not knowing what to do. He had promised that he would help her through this, but now that he was called upon to do so he didn’t know how to react.  
‘Regina?’ he called again, trying to wake her from her disturbed slumber. But she just continued to shake, crying out as if someone had hurt her. 

Xxx

Regina woke with a start, her arms flailing until they found the solid warmth of the man lying next to her. She grabbed his shirt with trembling hands, feeling cold sweat dripping down her forehead as she tried to calm her breathing. Blood rushed to her head, and she could hear her heart pounding so loudly in her ears that for a while Robin’s words of comfort were lost to her. 

‘It’s okay, it was just a dream,’ he soothed. But that only made it worse. 

It wasn’t that she was frightened of the things she saw when she closed her eyes; that would be far less complex of an emotional rollercoaster to explain. It was the fact that the moment her dreams ended, the force of reality crashing back around her was so strong and so painful that it was worse than a nightmare. 

Every time she slept it was like a break from the truth, and while she was immersed in the lies she could feign happiness. When she dreamt, she still had a daughter and during those dreams she knew no differently. But once the veil was lifted, in that moment just before waking, it was like she had to experience everything that had happened all over again. It felt as if she lost her baby every single night. 

Robin held onto her, wrapping both arms around her small frame. She wished that she would stop crying, but her breath hitched with every sob and the tears just kept on coming. Regina felt safe in Robin’s arms, she felt secure, but the images she had seen in her dreams played over and over again before her eyes as if to torture her; he couldn’t save her from that. 

It took twenty minutes for her to quieten, and Robin reached over and switched on the bedside lamp.  
‘Don’t look at me,’ Regina muttered, squinting as she adjusted to the light, ‘I’m a mess.’  
‘Do you want to talk about it?’  
She shook her head, sniffing as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. Sitting up straight, her head fell into her hands. ‘I can’t’.’  
‘You can tell me,’ he offered, rubbing her back gently in comfort. ‘Tell me what you saw. You don’t have to hold it all anymore. Let me in, Regina. Trust me.’

Regina took a deep shuddering breath that caused her thin body to shake dangerously.   
‘I was bringing her home,’ she croaked, her voice hoarse from crying out in her sleep. ‘We…we were bringing her home from the hospital. She was so small; I think she came early, but she was so perfect. You were worried because…because of something that happened I don’t know. I think I fell ill after I had her, we didn’t talk about it. It’s like I see flashes of our lives, but they’re never in the right order. But they’re so real. God…so, so real that I can hardly tell the difference even when I’m awake. I f-felt as if I were r-really holding h-her.’

She crumbled, surrendering herself as Robin pulled her gently back into his arms.   
‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I had no idea.’  
‘This is why I don’t sleep. I can see it so vividly, it as though I’m living that life; I can feel her weight in my arms and her breath against my skin. I can’t take it, Robin I can’t.’  
‘There has to be some way to stop these dreams,’ he reasoned. ‘Is there no potion or something to keep you from dreaming?’  
‘Not that I can think of,’ Regina sighed, trying to rack her brains. ‘I was better at curses than healing.’  
‘What about Rumplestiltskin?’  
‘I’ve asked him about this sort of thing before and he hasn’t been too helpful, but he might know something.’  
‘Do you want me to talk to him tomorrow?’ Robin offered. ‘I can go while you speak to Archie and if he has anything worthwhile he can bring it when he comes to visit.’  
‘Would you? I don’t think I can bear to explain it all again.’  
‘Of course.’

Robin held onto her and although she relaxed into his embrace, Regina refused to allow her eyes to close. She could almost feel the demons of her mind pushing against her barrier, trying to entice her back into slumber but she wouldn’t give in. Even if she was broken, she wasn’t about to give up the fight.


	20. Chapter 20

By the time Doctor Whale arrived at his office door, he was already having a bad day. He was running late with his rounds after his car had refused to start, which had also meant he had to be denied the fresh coffee and bagel he usually picked up from Granny’s on his way to work. Fortunately, there were few patients requiring his attention and he guessed that Regina might benefit from a little extra time with the outlaw before facing a day he knew would be difficult for her.

Victor had asked for Archie to come in that morning to speak to her, something that although she needed he could tell she wasn’t too keen to do. He could understand that. Any grudges he had once held against the former queen had all seemed to dissipate the moment he saw her being wheeled in from the ambulance. There were few serious cases of illness or trauma in Storybrooke, and seeing something so emotionally jarring had come as a shock. When things like this happened, it made you re-evaluate priorities and petty grievances didn’t matter in the big picture. They wouldn’t have helped either of them moving forwards, so Whale had let them go and he was glad of it.

When he went into his office, Whale groaned at the massive stack of paperwork which had been placed on his desk. He asked his secretary to go and fetch him a coffee and sat down to start slowly wading through the enormous pile.

As he came across a set of thin files bound together by an elastic band towards the bottom of the stack, he felt his heart leap. His hands fumbled as he moved to untie them, spreading their contents across the table and looking carefully over each document. 

The truth sank in slowly, and as it did he felt a churning in the pit of his stomach. Whale swiped his hand across the desk with a grunt, sending x-rays and chart sheets flying onto the floor before resting his elbows on the desk and allowing his head to fall into his hands. It didn’t look as though his day was going to get any better, and neither was Regina’s.

When he heard a knock at the door he looked up, trying to compose himself. He felt angry which surprised him, and he wondered if he was starting to care beyond what his job demanded. He murmured a signal for whoever it was to enter. Of course he cared. It was impossible not to after everything that had transpired. And this… It seemed cruel of fate to take such a turn, even he could appreciate that. 

‘Doctor Whale?’  
‘Come in Archie,’ he sighed, lifting his head now heavy with the burden of unwanted knowledge. The former cricket entered the room and closed the door behind him, hands clasped together on the handle of his umbrella. His expression was thoughtful, as ever, but Whale also noticed it was sombre.  
‘Thank you for agreeing to this,’ Whale said, gesturing to a seat which Archie accepted gratefully.  
‘No trouble at all,’ he insisted.   
‘I assume that you have heard by now what happened?’  
‘I have.’ Archie nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.   
‘I’ll fill you in on all of the details before you go in and the more recent developments. Regina has given her permission, though I am not sure how receptive she will be.’  
‘I’ve dealt with Regina before,’ Archie said, a fond smile ghosting across his face, ‘I think she’ll talk to me.’  
‘I wouldn’t be so sure. She’s in a dark place, as I’m sure you can imagine. I think seeing Robin yesterday helped a little; I don’t think she would have agreed to see you before his visit.’

Whale shook his head. He should have known that Rumplestiltskin had it all planned out. He had anticipated what Robin would do if he was told of the truth of Regina’s situation, and even though Victor despised deception he bore the sorcerer no ill will. Thankfully, it had worked out as planned and Regina had let Robin back into her life. He was a light amongst the darkness, and one she would need in the times to come.

‘You seem troubled yourself,’ Archie noticed, his words pulling Whale out from his contemplation.  
‘I’m not the one who needs your guidance,’ he answered. ‘I have seen many things that I would rather not have had to see.’  
The cricket raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you feel burdened by the problems of others?’  
‘Yes,’ Whale sighed, ‘it feels like a curse I cannot escape. And I am afraid I will have to burden you as well.’  
‘It’s my job to help people with their issues,’ Archie reminded him. Whale smiled sadly.  
‘I know, but even so.’  
Whale reached down and gathered the papers he had scattered, throwing them up onto the desk. He brought Regina’s files towards him and sighed again, looking solemnly to Archie. ‘Let’s get this over with.’

Xxx

Regina didn’t move from Robin’s arms for the rest of the night. Once or twice her eyes fluttered closed and she felt herself beginning to drift but each time she woke with a jolt before she had a chance to dream, breathing heavily. Robin held her when she did, stroking her hair and talking to her until she calmed down. 

The sun slowly rose, pulling them into the next day. For a long time they didn’t say anything, not needing to, just revelling in each other’s warmth. When Doctor Whale came in at half past nine he almost felt guilty as he intruded upon them.

Regina looked up and rolled her eyes.  
‘I’m sorry Robin, but-‘  
‘I know,’ the outlaw sighed. ‘Could you just give us a minute?’  
‘Of course,’ Whale nodded. ‘Regina, Dr. Hopper is here. Can I tell him to come in once you’re done?’  
‘Fine,’ she grumbled, sitting up and trying to stretch her aching body. It was more sleep than she had managed in a while, and yet somehow she felt less rested. The thought of seeing Archie, of talking about everything she wanted so much to forget and yet couldn’t bear to, made her stomach churn uncomfortably. 

Robin reached up and gently rubbed her back, and Regina felt her tight muscles slowly relaxing into his touch.   
‘Why do you have to go?’ she moaned, running her fingers through her hair.   
‘I don’t want to,’ he admitted, ‘but you have things to do this morning, and I need to go home and change. I’ll be back this afternoon with Roland.’  
‘A lot can happen before then,’ mumbled Regina darkly.  
‘Hey,’ Robin said, sitting up beside her and taking her hands, ‘it’s going to be fine.’

Regina smiled weakly, but it didn’t hide her insecurities. She lifted her head, trying to imitate a regality which had once come so easily to her.  
‘I’m sure you’re right.’  
‘If nothing else, think of the coffee,’ he said, trying to lighten the mood. When a genuine smile passed across her face it felt like victory. ‘Just don’t overthink it. If you don’t feel comfortable, then tell Archie that; he won’t push you if you don’t want him to.’

Regina nodded, and Robin gently cupped her face stealing her lips in a kiss before she could say anything more. In that moment she felt safe, secure, and almost believed him in saying everything would be fine. Almost.  
‘Don’t worry,’ he breathed as their lips parted. ‘It will be alright, I promise.’  
Don’t make promises you can’t keep, thought Regina, though she didn’t voice her concerns.   
‘I love you Robin,’ she whispered, her voice breaking slightly. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’  
‘You won’t have to find out, because I’m not going anywhere,’ he promised, kissing her again before standing up from the bed. 

Pulling back the duvet, Regina made to stand beside him and although her legs wobbled slightly beneath her she managed to remain standing of her own accord. Robin’s arms enveloped her in the warmest of embraces, and she wrapped her own around his middle resting her head against his chest.  
‘I’ll be back soon,’ he said.  
‘I know.’  
‘I love you.’

Doctor Whale came back in to hurry them along and after a final kiss, Robin turned and walked away. When he looked back, he saw Regina sinking into the armchair. She looked so small, wiping her eyes when she thought he wasn’t watching and he felt a pang of guilt at leaving her. It was only a few hours, they had been apart for longer than that before; then why did it feel like goodbye?

Xxx

Regina picked up a bag from the table beside her chair and sifted through it, pulling out a small ornate hand mirror that Henry had brought her on one of his visits. With a deep breath she brought it up to her eye-line to face the reflection she had avoided wherever possible. What she saw was exactly what she had expected – a broken woman. 

Her eyes were dark, rimmed red and shimmering with unshed tears. She reached up to touch her cheekbones which seemed to jut from hollow cheeks. Putting the mirror face down on the table, she tried to tidy her hair but it wouldn’t seem to lie flat. Frustrated she sighed and closed her eyes, calling her magic to her fingers. 

Bringing her hand over her face she channelled her power trying to return some brightness to her pale features, but it wasn’t long before the weight of the spell became too much to bear and she had to let go. Regina could feel the energy draining from her even after she had stopped casting. 

She took the handle of the mirror in a shaky hand and lifted it again. The redness beneath her eyes had faded, but she was angered to see that little else had changed. Balling her hands into fists she slammed them into the arms of the chair, crying out at her failure. The moment her hands collided with the fabric the bulb of the bedside lamp shattered, sending sparks up into the air.

‘Should I come back later?’  
Regina looked up to see Archie peering around the curtain that separated her from the rest of the world and felt shame washing over her.   
‘No, no I’m fine,’ she said as calmly as she could, slowly unfurling her fists.  
‘Do you mind if I sit?’ the psychiatrist asked. Regina shook her head, and Archie took a chair from across the room and stationed it across from the armchair a safe enough distance so that she didn’t feel uncomfortable.  
‘How are you doing?’

Regina chuckled, a dark smile spreading across her face.  
‘You can see me,’ she pointed out, ‘you know exactly how I am.’  
‘I know how you look, I don’t know how you feel,’ Archie said diplomatically.   
‘How do I look?’  
‘Tired,’ he replied honestly, ‘thin, uneasy, shaken…I could go on, but there isn’t need.’  
‘Not holding anything back then,’ mumbled Regina.  
‘Would you rather I did?’  
Regina leaned back in the chair, curling her legs beneath her body. ‘Fair point.’

Archie regarded the woman before him, and knew that he would have to tread carefully. Too little and he would fail to provide any useful help at all, but too much and he risked pushing an already vulnerable woman further than she was willing to go.  
‘I assume Doctor Whale has told you everything,’ Regina said.  
‘He has caught me up with your case in detail, yes.’   
‘And he thinks I’m going crazy, is that it? Or that I’m going to do something drastic, kill myself even?’  
‘Are you planning to?’ Archie asked coolly, trying to keep his rising sense of panic at bay. Regina looked up so that their eyes met, and he knew that she hadn’t expected to be asked so bluntly.  
‘No,’ she answered quietly. Archie knew it was the truth, and that gave him at least a small amount of relief. From the hurt that sparkled in her deep brown eyes though, part of him knew that she had thought about such dark, unspeakable things and he felt his heart constrict with that knowledge.  
‘Alright, then nothing more needs to be said on that. No-one thinks you’re crazy, Regina. There are a lot of people who are just worried about you and want to make sure that you’re okay.’

She snorted, shaking her head slowly. ‘Okay,’ she repeated, as if the word were ridiculous. ‘How am I supposed to be okay? You know everything that I have been through; do you think I’m okay?’  
‘No, I don’t. But it’s about getting you to a place where you can move on, where you know that someday you can be. It will take time; for now we can just talk.’  
‘About what?’ snapped Regina.  
‘About anything,’ Archie offered. ‘Just talk to me, that’s all I ask. Then I’ll be out of your hair; for now at least.’

Regina drew her hands into her lap and started drawing circles on the skin on the back of her left with the nails of her right. She kept her breathing slow, trying to hold back the anger that had started to well up dangerously inside her. She wanted nothing more than to ask him to leave, and she knew that he probably would. But if she did that, Regina knew that Whale would never let her out of the hospital. Both Robin and Henry would hear that she refused and worry more about her, and they didn’t deserve that. She was grateful that Archie spoke first to start their conversation.

‘I see from the small outburst this morning that you have your magic back. Whale mentioned that you had been having some trouble with it.’  
‘Yes,’ Regina said quietly, ‘but I haven’t yet fully regained control. If I try to cast a spell it does very little, but when I get angry…well you saw the result. Magic is emotion.’  
Archie swallowed, preparing to venture into one of the more sensitive topics. ‘Why do you think you had trouble accessing it after your miscarriage?’

Regina flinched at the word, but managed to keep her composure at least externally. The word felt hollow, as empty as the feeling she knew she would carry around for a very long time.  
‘I had issues with magic before,’ she started, ‘when I was…’  
‘Pregnant?’ Archie finished for her gently, and she nodded slowly. She pinched the skin on the back of her hand hard, enough to almost make herself grimace, but it was a distraction at least and it allowed her to keep going.  
‘The…the baby had magic, and it interfered with my own so I couldn’t cast. Because of that connection, it has taken a while for my abilities to return to normal.’  
‘And how does it feel, having them come back?’

‘I know I should be happy, but I’m not,’ confessed Regina. When Archie said nothing, she knew that he meant for her to continue with an explanation. ‘Magic used to seem so important to me, but now… With it returning to how it was it’s like things are going back to normal, to how they were before.’  
‘And that bothers you,’ Archie observed.  
‘It reminds me that one day, there’ll be no trace of her left bar the scar that came from her passing. I don’t want things to be normal.’ 

Regina didn’t know how to explain it beyond that. Her life had been about to change with the birth of another child. She had imagined a new future, one where she could be a mother again. It had never occurred to her that everything might be snatched away, leaving her back where she had started with nothing more than painful memories of what might have been. That was why the dreams made everything worse; it showed her what she could no longer have, and each morning she would have to crash back down to Earth as if falling back in time. It seemed like the whole thing had just been a nightmare, when once it had been a dream.  
‘That’s understandable,’ the cricket nodded. ‘You referred to the child as her?‘  
‘I knew she would be a girl,’ Regina sighed, ‘but that’s enough. I don’t want to talk about it, or her. Not yet.’  
‘Was there anything else you knew about her? One of the nurses mentioned a name that you would sometimes murmur before waking from your dreams. I think that it was Ro-‘  
‘STOP!’

Archie flinched as the pitcher of water on the side table cracked, the glass splintering and the contents rushing over the sides of the surface and spilling onto the floor.  
‘Don’t say it,’ Regina warned him, breathing heavily. ‘Don’t say her name.’  
‘I…I’m sorry,’ Archie stuttered. He moved to get up and clear away the mess, but with a wave of her hand Regina restored the jug and the water within it using the knot of anguish still present in her chest to fuel her magic.   
‘I shouldn’t have pushed you,’ he cursed, shaking his head.  
‘No,’ she agreed, the exhaustion brought about by both accidental and purposeful magic use preventing her from arguing further. Her anger dissipated as her head began to throb with an unsettling headache. ‘Talk about anything else, but not her. I know that I will have to, I understand that, but right now I just can’t. You said that one day I will be okay, do you believe that?’  
‘I do,’ Archie answered truthfully.  
‘Good. I think that, at some point, I just might be. Then and only then can we discuss my daughter.’

‘Alright then, what would you like to talk about?’  
Regina rolled her eyes. ‘I thought that you were the ‘doctor’ here? I’m too tired to come up with topics of conversation just so that you can feel as if you have done your job.’  
Archie watched the former queen breathing shakily, and knew that he had hit the sorest spot a little too soon. Her defences were back up, clear by her refusal to look him directly in the eye, so he decided to try something gentler.  
‘Tell me about Robin.’  
‘What about him?’ Regina sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose to will the headache into retreat without success. She was more willing to fill their time with talk of him than anything else, though, so she didn’t complain.   
‘Why did you choose now to let him back into your life?’  
‘I needed him,’ she admitted, ‘but I can’t say the choice was put into my hands, rather forced. He broke into my room because I refused to see him.’  
Regina couldn’t help but curl her lips into the briefest of smiles at the memory. 

‘But you didn’t send him away?’  
She shook her head. ‘I tried, at first, but he wouldn’t go and I can’t say that my resolve was too strong. It was nice, I suppose, feeling that someone wanted to see me that badly.’  
‘And do you think he has helped you?’ asked Archie.  
‘If you think I look bad now, you should have seen me two days ago,’ Regina smiled solemnly. ‘He told me what I have needed to hear for a long time now, and I feel safe with him. We’ve finally talked everything through, though we probably could have saved ourselves time by doing this two months ago.’  
‘I have known you for a long time, and I have always seen that what you need most of all is love,’ Archie said gently. ‘I’m glad that you have finally found it.’  
‘Yes,’ she agreed, relaxing the tension in her muscles a little, ‘I have.’

Archie allowed a moment of silence to pass before speaking again.   
‘You said that you’ve talked things through,’ he started slowly. ‘Do you feel comfortable talking to him?’  
‘Of course,’ Regina said at once.   
‘Have you discussed what happened?’  
She opened her mouth to answer the question, but stopped to think about it. ‘In part,’ she realised. ‘I have told him about how I feel now, about the dreams and even a little about what I know about her…but we haven’t talked much about that night, when everything actually happened.’  
‘Why not?’  
‘Even just thinking about it is terrible enough. There are no words to describe how it felt, and I don’t think I could ever find any. The moment that I accepted what had occurred…I’m pretty sure I lost my mind. Robin shouldn’t have to hear about that, and I don’t think I am ready to tell him either. But I know that if I ever wanted to, he would be there for me.’

Archie smiled. ‘I am glad you have finally managed to reconcile; it sounds as if Robin is exactly what you need right now. Perhaps some light has come from this tragedy after all.’  
‘Yes,’ Regina whispered, but her own smile had faded and her eyes were distant, as if lost in thought. She winced, looking down at her hands and noticing that she had drawn blood on the back of her left hand absentmindedly. A small but angry red mark had appeared, and a thin scratch was weeping careful droplets of blood. 

‘Did you notice that you were doing that?’ Archie asked, regarding her carefully.  
‘I…I thought…I haven’t done that since I was a child,’ Regina answered quietly. ‘My mother warned me against it, and…well you’ve met her, you know what she’s like. So I stopped. It’s just a little tic.’  
‘These types of things usually present when someone is anxious or unsettled. It’s understandable after everything you’ve been through that this old habit might resurface.’

Regina covered the offending mark with her other hand.   
‘It’s nothing,’ she insisted, ‘I didn’t realise.’  
‘Not until we talked about Robin, then you drew blood,’ Archie pointed out.  
‘What are you saying?’   
‘Is there something in particular about your relationship with Robin that makes you anxious?’  
‘No,’ she snapped defensively, responding almost too quickly. Regina bit her lip and felt tears welling in her eyes, hating how vulnerable she felt. 

Archie put a hand over where hers were crossed on her lap. ‘It’s alright, you can tell me. I won’t breathe a word.’  
‘I-‘ Regina started, but the words wouldn’t quite come. She swallowed thickly, the thoughts she would rather not admit even to herself bubbling up and threatening to surface. Until now she had denied the truth of how she felt, pushing it to the back of her mind whenever doubt took hold but now it was persistent.   
‘I love him,’ she said quietly, ‘and he loves me. It’s what I’ve wanted since I first met him back in the Enchanted Forest, so I should be happy. And I am…’  
‘But there’s something bothering you,’ the doctor probed gently. She nodded.   
‘It’s ruined.’

The words were hardly more than a breath, and once he realised what she had said Archie’s brow furrowed in confusion.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘Finally, we are both in a place where we are free to love each other and be together…but it’s ruined,’ she explained, a tear gently rolling down her cheek. ‘I know that after…after losing her, I’m not the same person I used to be. I’ve changed.’  
‘That’s perfectly normal,’ Archie reassured her.  
‘I feel broken, and I don’t know if that will ever go away,’ Regina breathed. ‘Even if it does, this will hang over us for the rest of our lives. It isn’t something that can be fixed or forgotten.’  
‘You may not feel like it now Regina, but things will get better. I promise you that.’  
‘And if they don’t? Every time I go to sleep I see the things I could have had. How can I form a life with someone when I’m haunted by the images of what was taken from us? When I have to live every day wondering why this happened? I have tainted this relationship before it has even begun.’

Regina shook her head, taking a shuddering breath as she cried. She wanted nothing more than to be with Robin until her dying days, but it there was a darkness overshadowing what they had and she feared it would never fade.

‘Regina, you can’t think like that,’ Archie told her calmly, taken aback by her sudden revelation. ‘I can’t begin to understand how you feel, we both know that, but you mustn’t let what has happened destroy your life. Yes, it was a terrible thing and it has taken something away from you that cannot be replaced. But that does not mean that you will never again find happiness, or that you will not have a bright future. For now you must concentrate on getting better, which is the most important thing. You are tired, weak, and still trying to come to terms with everything. Robin only wants to be there for you, if you will let him. Use that to comfort you rather than to fuel your worries about the future. No-one can predict what will happen, and now is not the time for speculation. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.’

Regina nodded slowly, trying to force a smile that wouldn’t quite comply. What Dr. Hopper was saying was true, she was intelligent enough to see that, but it didn’t take away the nagging doubt that pulsed with every beat of her heart. Perhaps she was allowing the darkness of the past to overshadow the future, but she couldn’t shake it. 

Archie was still talking, but her mind was beginning to drift. She lifted a finer to wipe away her tears before wrapping her arms around herself. Already she found herself missing Robin, something she would never have admitted to a few months before. Regina could feel that she had changed. The fire which had always burned so brightly within her, whether for darkness or passion, felt as though it had been extinguished. 

Breathing deeply, she assured herself that the worst was over. Soon Robin would be back, with Roland and a cup of coffee, and Archie would leave so that, for now, she could put her feelings back in the cage where they belonged and pretend that everything was alright. Yes, she thought, the worst was over. 

She didn’t know that the worst was yet to come.


	21. Chapter 21

After going back to his room at the bed and breakfast to change and freshen up, Robin made his way down Main Street to Mr. Gold’s shop. The bell on the door announced his entrance, and as the outlaw made his way further into the room he saw the sorcerer at the counter organising a rack of vials.  
‘I was just on my way out,’ he said without lifting his gaze from his work.  
‘I know,’ said Robin, ‘but there is something I need to discuss with you before you see Regina.’  
Rumplestiltskin looked at him and raised an eyebrow. ‘Does she know that you are here?’  
‘She does, yes. We both hope that you might be able to help her.’  
‘Isn’t that what I am already doing?’ Gold answered smartly. He was intrigued by Robin’s visit, even if he had predicted it was coming. He could feel that something was off, and he needed to know what it was.  
‘You and I both know she still isn’t doing well.’

Gold lowered his head, pushing the vials to one side and folding his hands on the counter.  
‘Yes,’ he said sombrely. ‘I thought that she might open up to you, and it seems I was right.’   
He knew that he could tell Robin that he had already enough, brush him off like an insect, but something stopped him. Gold had wanted to aid his former protégée when he had orchestrated for Robin to go to her, and perhaps he had the information Regina had refused to give him herself.   
‘What is it that you think I might be able to help with?’  
‘Dreams,’ Robin answered simply. Gold looked at him, confused.  
‘Dreams?’  
‘Yes,’ the outlaw acknowledged, wondering how to start the explanation. ‘She won’t sleep at all because of them, and when she does she wakes up crying and screaming; it’s awful. Even when she’s awake I think that what she sees when she closes her eyes haunts her.’  
‘Well I’m sure I can do something about that,’ Gold smirked, trying to hide the sense of relief flooding through him. ‘I had suspected that something was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me about it. However it does seem odd…’  
‘Odd?’ Robin asked.   
‘She has come to me before now to help her with dreams,’ Gold explained, recalling the dream catcher he had given her. ‘I don’t understand why now it would be any different.’

As he thought about it, Gold’s face began to fall and his usual calm composure vanished in an instant. He looked up at Robin, whose own heart was racing at the obvious change in the older man’s expression.  
‘What, what is it?’ asked the outlaw.  
‘Tell me about the dreams.’  
Robin stumbled over his words, confused. ‘They’re about what happened…well, more about what might have happened…but she only told me about one, I don’t know if they’re all the same-‘  
‘Tell me very specifically about that dream, in as much detail as you can,’ Rumplestiltskin demanded, a hint of urgency making itself apparent as he cut off Robin’s ramblings.  
‘Regina said it was like a window into what could have been,’ he began to explain. ‘She saw her life, our life together, as it could have been if she hadn’t lost the baby.’

Robin cleared his throat, trying not to dwell on the images which made his heart thump loudly in his chest. ‘The one she had last night, while I was there, was about her bringing home the baby after she had been born. She said it was so real that she could hardly tell the difference between that and reality, and when she was dreaming it was as though nothing had happened. I’m not surprised that she doesn’t want to sleep. It must be torture for her to see those sorts of things.’

Gold closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, his fears confirmed in Robin’s words. The relief vanished as quickly as it had come.  
‘What?’  
‘It is the price,’ he answered with a sigh, shaking his head as he reluctantly opened his eyes.  
‘What price?’ asked Robin, feeling his chest tighten in anticipation.  
‘The price of what was done to restore her,’ Rumple explained. ‘You know the saying as well as anyone. I warned you when I boosted her magic to bring her back that I could not foresee the consequences. It was complex magic, cheating death in a way-‘  
‘So this is her punishment?’ Robin shook his head, anger bubbling just below the surface at the injustice of it all. He started to pace, trying to keep himself calm. ‘Because she didn’t die, she has to suffer these awful dreams?’

Gold’s heart sank; he didn’t want to tell him. He had survived for so long without allowing himself to become emotionally involved in other people’s affairs, but since his marriage to Belle that was no longer an option. He could see that Robin felt the same way about Regina as he did about his wife, as he chewed on his thumbnail pacing the floor. His worry resonated from him like an aura, and Rumple didn’t want to add to his troubles. It was far more difficult to care than to remain impassive. 

‘They’re not dreams,’ Gold sighed. Robin stopped in his tracks and looked up, his eyes widening.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘They’re visions of sort,’ he explained. ‘When the child was lost, the life Regina would have had was also gone forever. But if things had worked out differently, she would have lived that life and that is what she is seeing; an alternative reality.’  
Robin couldn’t speak for a moment, trying to process what he was being told.   
‘So…when she says that she sees what our lives could have been like…’  
‘She’s right,’ Gold admitted heavily. ‘It’s not just an imagining of what could have happened. She sees events exactly as they would have occurred had she not lost the child. For all intents and purposes they could have been real, which is why they feel as such to her.’

Robin tangled his fingers in his hair, his anger dissipating and turning instead into horror. He swallowed, his eyes meeting Gold’s.  
‘Tell me there is something you can do,’ he breathed.   
‘I’m sorry.’  
Robin’s eyes closed, his heart plummeting within his chest. He felt sick, his stomach twisting in knots.   
‘This isn’t as simple as banishing bad dreams,’ Rumple confessed. ‘It would be too risky to try anything if this is the price for keeping her alive, but even then I wouldn’t know where to begin. This is more complicated magic than I have ever encountered. I wish I had better news. Regina doesn’t deserve this.’

‘No,’ Robin muttered, slowly opening his eyes and feeling as if the room had darkened around him. He thought for a moment, trying to gather the wasp’s nest of thoughts buzzing around in his head. He had let her down again. When he had left Regina that morning he had promised her that he would try to bring her answers, an end to what was holding her back from beginning the long healing process. Instead he would have to tell her not only that there was nothing that could be done, but that her nightmares were more than just ideas within her mind. Unless…  
‘You can’t tell her,’ Robin said slowly, lowering his hands from his head.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘Everything you’ve told me,’ he explained, ‘you can’t tell Regina. This…she’s already fragile, I fear that this might break her.’

Gold nodded slowly, but he didn’t seem convinced.   
‘But you told her that you would come to me?’  
‘I did,’ Robin admitted.  
‘Then won’t she expect some sort of response from me?’ Gold pointed out. ‘I can hardly ignore the subject if she knows that you have come here.’  
Robin pondered it for a moment. ‘You can say that you haven’t found anything, but that you’re still looking into it.’  
Gold raised an eyebrow. ‘You want me to lie?’

Robin swallowed thickly. He hated the thought of lying to the woman he loved, especially after she had forgiven him for everything he had done to her, but in his heart he knew that he was acting in her best interests. Taking a deep breath he nodded.  
‘If she thinks that there is no hope, then it will just push her further back into the dark place she is trying to come out of. And it’s not entirely untruthful; I am going to search for any way I can to help her, I’m not giving up. I’m only doing this to protect her, surely you can see that?’

Gold didn’t question it for a second, the genuine emotion in Robin’s eyes plain enough to see.  
‘I think perhaps you might be right,’ he conceded. ‘I will be as discrete as I can, but you and I both know how intelligent she is. You can’t pull the wool over her eyes for long.’  
‘Hopefully I won’t have to,’ Robin muttered. 

Xxx

By the time Archie finally left, Regina felt exhausted. In a way it had been a relief to get some of the things off her chest that had been weighing her down, but at the same time it brought up some of the darker things she would rather have stayed hidden in a fog of denial. 

She went to pour herself a glass of water before stopping herself. Flexing her fingers, she held out one hand and willed her magic to her fingertips. At first it was reluctant, lingering just beyond her reach. But as she thought back on what she and the cricket had discussed, allowing emotion to fill her chest and make her eyes burn with tears she refused to shed, the jug of water lifted from the table and water streamed slowly into the glass on her side table until it was filled. 

‘Well well dearie,’ a familiar voice called, ‘someone has their magic back.’  
Regina returned the jug to its original position, exhaling deeply as the weight of the exertion washed over her, before turning to look up at Gold who was closing the curtain that surrounded her bed behind him.  
‘Not entirely,’ she told him, ‘but I can access it in some form at least.’  
‘It’ll come,’ he encouraged her with a gentle smile that almost convinced her that he cared. ‘Does it tire you?’  
‘Yes,’ Regina admitted, taking a sip from the glass.   
Gold moved closer, until he was almost standing over her. ‘Your body has been through an awful lot, damaged physically and by magic. Once it has time to heal, you will be able to use it with ease.’

Nodding, Regina set the glass down. ‘Do you think that having my magic back will mean I can sustain my own recovery?’  
‘Trying to get rid of me?’ Gold smirked, and he was glad to see the corners of Regina’s mouth twitching too. ‘Soon, yes, but if pouring water exhausts you then you won’t get far in trying to heal yourself. For now it will certainly help in making you feel stronger faster.’  
‘Good,’ said Regina, ‘I feel like hell.’  
‘You look it,’ Gold quipped, but he felt a little sadness that there was truth in his words. Even after a week, she looked as if one touch could break her. Her wrists were so thin that they looked as if they might snap like twigs, and the darkness she hadn’t yet managed to shake was still present in her eyes. Robin had been right, Gold thought. She couldn’t know the truth.

‘Shall we get on?’  
‘I suppose,’ Regina sighed, adjusting herself in the chair so that she was comfortable. Her teeth caught the corner of her lip as she pondered whether to ask. ‘Did Robin come and see you?’  
Gold hesitated, but kept his composure. ‘He did.’  
‘And he told you…’  
‘About your dreams, yes.’  
Regina searched his expression, trying to gauge any sort of reaction and finding nothing. She couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad sign.  
‘And?’  
‘I am looking into it,’ he answered calmly, ‘but I have no news to bring you on the subject as of yet.’

Regina’s eyes narrowed.  
‘You’re lying,’ she said with certainty. His expression was a picture of calm, and yet somehow he just knew. She could feel it resonating from him like an energy, and as soon as the words left her lips she knew them to be true.  
‘Lying? Why would I lie?’  
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, ‘but you are. Tell me the truth, Rumple. For old time’s sake.’  
‘I don’t know what you-‘  
‘Please,’ Regina pleaded softly. ‘If Robin has told you not to, then I understand that. But you have no loyalty to him.’  
‘You think I have loyalty to you?’ scoffed Gold, trying to keep up his mask of indifference and knowing that she could already see past it  
Regina nodded. ‘I think we know each other well enough by now to hold at least some sense of respect for one another.’

Gold exhaled deeply, shaking his head.  
‘I’m not trying to hurt you,’ he explained gently. ‘If anything it is because I do have some sense of loyalty that I promised Robin I wouldn’t tell you.’  
Regina’s heart hammered inside her chest, fear threatening to strangle her with its vice-like grip. She swallowed, trying to keep her feelings from being mirrored in her expression.  
‘I won’t beg,’ she breathed, ‘but I will ask. I am not a child. I have spent my entire life being manipulated; by my mother, by you… Just tell me the truth. I won’t blame you, and I don’t blame Robin for trying to protect me.’  
‘The moment I tell you, you will wish I hadn’t,’ Gold warned her.  
Regina lifted her head regally, looking at him as she had done all those years ago in the Enchanted Forest.  
‘That’s my burden to bear.’

Gold took a seat beside her.   
‘I’m sorry, dearie,’ he mumbled, before telling her the truth she didn’t want to hear.

Xxx

‘Regina?’

She couldn’t breathe, let alone find the words to respond. It felt as if the air had been pulled from her lungs.  
‘Regina?’  
‘Go,’ she whispered, staring off into space unable to meet Gold’s gaze.  
‘I warned you-‘  
‘Go,’ Regina repeated, a single tear spilling down her cheek.  
‘We haven’t finished,’ he reminded her, regretting that he had ever let her words persuade him to betray his promise to Robin.  
‘Later,’ she managed to say, her hands trembling as she folded them in her lap, ‘I need to be alone for a while.’

Gold nodded, standing and starting to walk away. He stopped just before the curtain, looking back over his shoulder.   
‘I’ll try to find something,’ he swore.   
‘All magic comes with a price,’ she said darkly. ‘The first thing you taught me.’  
‘Not this,’ Gold sighed. ‘I won’t stand for it.’

Regina said nothing in reply, defeated. She waited until Gold was gone to let out the breath she realised she had been holding in and closed her eyes. Another blow. In reality, it made very little difference. Knowing what she saw when she closed her eyes wouldn’t make it go away but it didn’t make it worse, not really. Then why did she feel as if she’d been kicked in the gut?

She groaned aloud when Doctor Whale came in, her head falling into her hands.  
‘Not now, Victor,’ she mumbled.  
‘I’m sorry, Regina, but we have to talk.’  
‘I’m tired,’ she breathed. ‘I think I’ve had quite enough visitors for one morning.’  
‘I wish it could wait,’ the doctor sighed. 

Regina looked up at him, and noticed the sombre expression on his face. Her heart began to race. She felt weaker than she ever had in that moment, knowing that whatever the doctor was about to say it would be a step too far. She wondered if the cracks in her armour could be seen as clearly as if they marred her skin. 

Doctor Whale sat beside her, where Gold had been sitting a moment earlier, and she felt as if she had been paralysed. Somehow, Regina knew that what he was about to say was going to break her. She wasn’t wrong.

Xxx

Robin walked in through the hospital doors with one hand interlocked with Roland’s, and the other holding a miniature chess board; he hoped she wouldn’t beat him too harshly in front of his son. The young boy was rambling on about everything he was going to tell Regina when he saw her; he hadn’t stopped since Robin had picked him up half an hour go.

‘Do you think she’ll like the flowers Daddy?’ he asked, looking up at his father.  
‘She’ll love them,’ Robin assured her with a smile, his eyes flicking to the bouquet Roland was holding. Marian said that he had spent all morning picking through the fields for the best blooms, and the arrangement he had put together was an array of every colour imaginable all tied with a piece of red string.  
‘I’m going to give her a big hug when I see her.’  
‘Remember to be careful,’ Robin warned him gently as they turned the corner to bring them to Regina’s room.   
‘I will,’ Roland said seriously. ‘Is Gina going to be okay? Will she be able to come out soon?’  
Robin smiled comfortingly. ‘I hope so.’

A nurse ran past them, nearly knocking Robin over in the process. She was running from Regina’s room. A knot formed in Robin’s stomach; he knew that something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut.  
‘Daddy?’  
Robin picked Roland up and walked faster towards Regina’s bed, pulling back the curtain. Everything happened at once.

Doctor Whale was on the floor, a hand reaching to the bloodied spot where he had hit his head. The chair had been overturned, water spilled on the floor and the screens of the monitors were cracked and broken. People were shouting, running, trying to make sense of the situation but Robin didn’t realise what was happening until his son looked at him and said;

‘Daddy…where’s Gina?’


	22. Chapter 22

‘Daddy?’

Robin looked into the wide, innocent eyes of his son and wished he had an answer to his question. His mouth opened but there were no words that he could reach for. His mind was blank, almost painfully empty, and it felt as though the air had been sucked from his lungs. 

He didn’t need to ask the doctor to know that the many perfectly reasonable explanations for Regina’s absence were all untrue. She hadn’t been transferred or discharged, she wasn’t waiting for a scan; something had happened, something serious, and she was gone. Robin cursed himself for ever leaving her side. 

The doctor let out a low moan as he tried to get to his feet, stumbling in the process and finding himself back where he had started. Seeing his difficulty brought Robin crashing back to the real world. He placed Roland down on the bed and ran a hand through the boy’s floppy hair, offering a brief smile that he knew was needed reassurance. It said all that it needed to say - trust me, it’s all going to be okay. It was enough for him to stay silent as he watched his father offer Doctor Whale a hand which was gratefully accepted.

‘Thanks,’ he muttered, pulling himself up with Robin’s help and gripping on to the end of the bed to steady himself once he was upright. Whale looked down at the blood on his hand and shook his head. He hadn’t meant for it to end like this.

‘What happened here?’ asked Robin, looking around at the devastation. It was as if a tornado had hit the hospital bay, with everything scattered and broken. He stood between the doctor and Roland and spoke in a low tone, not wanting to worry his son more than he had already. Staring at the cut on Whale’s forehead, superficial but still bad enough to trickle blood down his cheek, Robin felt his chest tighten. Whatever the answer, Robin’s knew that it couldn’t be as bad as what he was imagining.

‘Regina,’ the doctor replied, sighing heavily. ‘We were having a meeting, of sorts, to discuss her condition before we went in to remove her stitches. She became… well, I don’t think upset quite begins to cover it; needless to say she was greatly distressed.’  
Robin felt his heart fall through his chest, but he bit his tongue and let the doctor continue.  
‘She completely lost control of her magic,’ he went on, ‘breaking lights, pushing back anyone who tried to help her without even seeming aware that she was doing it. It was like…like a sort of trance. When I tried to calm her down she threw me across the room and disappeared in her usual cloud of smoke. I’m sorry, but I have no idea where she is now.’

There were a few moments of silence before Robin even began to register what had been said. He lifted his head and searched the doctor’s expression, expecting to see anger or bitterness at being attacked by a former nemesis, but he saw none of that. Whale’s eyes were almost soft, far more sympathetic than he would have expected. There was no malice in his words; it almost sounded as if he were delivering bad news rather than recounting an attack. Robin started to wonder how much he was being told about what had happened.

‘When I saw her this morning she was fine,’ he reasoned. ‘A little shaken perhaps, from her dreams, but she wouldn’t have done this. She couldn’t have.’  
He remembered that both Gold and Archie had been to see her, and wondered if one of them had said or done something to bring this on; but then why would she direct her anger at the doctor? Robin wondered if Gold had reneged on his part of the bargain and told her the truth they had sworn to protect her from. Fear knotted in his gut and he felt an urge to be closer to her, to comfort her; it was almost as if he could feel her pain calling out to him for help.

‘A lot has happened since then,’ Whale told him gravely. ‘When I came to speak to her she already seemed a little unsettled and then-‘  
‘Then what?’  
Whale swallowed, shaking his head slowly. ‘I knew I should have waited, given her more time to process what she had already been through…but I’d been putting it off, and the matter couldn’t wait.’  
‘What did you say to her?’ Robin asked, his voice more forceful though still quiet enough for Roland not to notice.  
‘I can’t tell you.’  
‘Excuse me?’  
‘I’m sorry,’ the doctor repeated, shaking his head, ‘but it’s confidential.’  
‘But it could give us a clue to where she might have gone and what caused her to act out like this,’ Robin argued, but Whale would not be swayed.  
‘Regina has been faced with another new challenge, and in hindsight I misjudged the fragility of her mental state. She wasn’t ready to hear what I had to tell her, and it may have pushed her just a step too far. When Regina vanished she was practically glowing, as though her emotions were enhancing her magic in some way. I’ve never seen anything like that before.’

Robin turned away and ran his hands through his hair, trying to think straight. Whatever Whale had told her had caused her to run, to generate powerful magic she had not been capable of the previous day. It only made him worry for her more. 

‘We have to find her.’  
‘I agree,’ sighed Whale, ‘but I don’t know how we can if she doesn’t want to be found. She’s still recovering from the surgery, and there is no telling what affect using magic has on her.’  
‘She told me that it drains her,’ Robin recalled worriedly. ‘The first time she used it again she collapsed, and that was only trying to push me away.’  
The doctor bit his lip. ‘There’s no telling what could happen.’

The outlaw nodded, his heart thumping at an alarming rate now; it felt as if his chest might explode. He could feel the urgency coursing like poison through his veins, but he didn’t know where to begin. Regina was somewhere, scared and alone and quite possibly hurt. It made him feel useless that he hadn’t been there when she needed him.

‘I’ll call Emma, and get her to drive out to the mausoleum. She can tell Henry what’s happened; maybe he’ll have a few ideas,’ Robin decided quickly. ‘You stay here and make sure you’re ready for when she’s back, I’ll go to her house and see if she’s there.’  
‘Can I come with you Daddy?’ Roland asked timidly. Robin felt his heart melting as he turned to his son, crouching down so that they were eye to eye and smiling as convincingly as he could.  
‘I’m sorry Roland, but you have to stay here until your mother can pick you up.’  
‘I don’t want her, I want to help find Gina,’ he insisted, tears pooling in his eyes.   
‘I know you do,’ Robin assured him, wiping away a stray droplet as it fell from the boy’s eye, ‘but we don’t know where Regina is, and it’s important that we get to her. I need you to be strong and stay with Mama until we find out what’s happened okay? Then I promise you can see her.’  
‘Okay,’ Roland nodded slowly. ‘Daddy?’  
‘Yes?’  
‘Is Gina in trouble?’ 

Robin swallowed, trying to keep his expression neutral as he reassured his son despite everything swirling like a vortex in his skull.  
‘I hope not,’ he answered honestly, ‘but I have to make sure. So can you stay with the doctor until Mama can get here?’  
Roland nodded again, reaching out his arms to hug his father who obliged at once.  
‘My brave boy,’ he whispered. ‘It’ll be alright. She’ll be alright.’  
If only he knew.

Xxx

The first thing Regina felt when she woke up was the cold wood against her cheek. For a moment she lay there, feeling nothing but the coolness against her skin, until slowly the rest of her senses began to catch up. She became aware that she was lying on the floor, which as she opened her eyes was revealed to be that of her own hallway. A smile ghosted across her features as she realised that she had been successful in her attempt at teleporting herself across the town, something mere days ago she might have wondered if she would ever do again, but that smile soon faded.

Testing her strength Regina found that she could move her fingers and, with some difficulty, one of her arms. Her left was trapped underneath her body where she lay on her side, but slowly she lifted her right from the floor and brought it closer to her. Instinctively her hand moved to her abdomen, and her heart began to race as she felt the sensation of wet fabric beneath her fingers. Her vision was blurred, images of her surroundings shifting like pieces of an insolvable puzzle, but she forced herself to focus and looked down at her fingertips. They were covered in blood.

Trying not to panic was impossible, so she didn’t even try to calm herself. The metallic scent wafted up to meet her and almost made her gag, but she held it back knowing it would only make things worse. Running purely on adrenaline she pushed her left shoulder from the ground, using the arm beneath her as a lever and stopping once she had lifted her body from the floor to regain her composure, leaning heavily on her elbow.

At first the hallway seemed to be spinning around her, and for a moment black spots danced before her vision threatening to take over. But, with time, they subsided and everything stood still just long enough for her to comprehend the world around her. Regina looked back over her shoulder and was relieved to see that she had landed close to the wall.

As gently as she could, she used both of her hands to push herself back until she felt the sturdy surface against her back and with the very last of her energy she forced herself into a sitting position using the wall to prop herself up. Looking down she saw the pale blue silk of her nightdress was marred by a thin band of red that was slowly spreading like a virus across her abdomen  
Until that moment she had felt no pain, but when she saw the blood it was if it all became real and a burst of fire slashed across her abdomen causing a whimper to escape her lips. 

Regina curled her hands into fists, her nails digging deeply into her palms as she willed herself to hold on. The wound that covered her torso had been damaged, that much was clear, though whether it was from the magic or the landing she neither knew nor cared. The bottom line was that this was serious. Her head already felt light, and she couldn’t stop the tremble in her hands as the dark patch of red continued to spread. 

Lifting her right hand Regina tried in vain to conjure some form of magic, anything to try and save herself. None came. Her arm dropped limply to her side, and she let out a shuddering sigh. A single salty tear escaped and traced a path down her cheek like the gentle touch of a lover. She closed her eyes, resignation washing over her.

It would be easy to stay here, slumped against the wall, and allow the life to slowly drain from her body. Regina doubted anyone would find her in time. Her body had been weak even before she had attempted such complex magic and now it felt merely like a shell. It would be so easy to allow herself to slip away.

Her head fell back against the wall. She winced as the pain intensified, holding onto her with a vice like grip that felt as if it were about to squeeze the life from her there and then. But what she felt went far deeper than mere physical pain. Even with her eyes closed she could still see the things that would haunt her forever more; Robin running into Marian’s arms, the bed of blood, the flash of sadness in Doctor Whale’s eyes as he had shattered whatever had remained of her resolve…

It had been the last straw, the final blow she hadn’t been ready to take; it had broken her, and she knew it. Unusually, she didn’t blame the doctor. Whatever had happened between them in the past, he had taken no pleasure in the news he had had to deliver and she had appreciated the way he had, in his own way, tried to tell her gently; if there was a gentle way to say such a thing.

No, Regina didn’t blame Doctor Whale. But she knew that someone else was the reason she was lying helpless on the floor, a weakened shadow of her former self. The sorrow and heartbreak that swirled within her chest quickly became overwhelmed by a familiar bubbling anger that took its hold on her heart once more.

She decided as the fury built within her that she would not die, not today. He had to pay for what he had done, know the consequences of his actions, and she would not allow him to get away by giving in to the easiest path. Channelling her rage, she concentrated and called once more upon her magic.

It started as a dull throbbing, pulsing in her temples before slowly trickling down to engulf her entire body as though a wave were washing over her never to recede. She felt her warm, not unpleasantly at first until her skin began to tingle. 

Regina could feel the magic draining from her body like blood being sucked from her veins. It surrounded her in a suffocating embrace, the energy of it almost crackling in the air, and she realised how little control she had over it. She couldn’t manipulate it, couldn’t direct it; it simply was, and it was stronger than she had ever felt before. 

As she opened her eyes, she saw that a purple haze had settled around her. When she tried to lift her hand she found it paralysed at her side, yet Regina felt no fear. She could feel the strength slowly returning to her body, the ache receding from her muscles and the weakness that had plagued her for what felt like forever dissipating. Even if her magic was not strictly under her command it was doing what she required of it; it was healing her.

Her breathing slowed to normal as the glow began to fade, though her heart continued to pound nervously against her ribs. When she tried to lift her hand it responded, her fingers flexing at her command. It was strange, being without pain after having it as a near constant companion for months if not weeks. It almost felt lonely without it. Life had to move on, though Regina was sure it would never be the same again.

Reaching up with her arm she used the wall to pull herself up, and although her legs wobbled they did not buckle as she had expected them to. Keeping one hand against the hard surface for support she walked towards the staircase, gripping the bannister tightly as she began her ascent. Though slow at first, her confidence grew with every step and before she was quite ready she found herself in front of her bedroom door.

Her eyes lingered on the doorknob, her hand reaching out to grasp it before folding back into her palm as she retracted her arm. Regina closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to dispel the horrible sickening feeling resting uncomfortably in her stomach. It was only a room, nothing more nothing less. The demons that plagued her were not behind that door, they were only in her mind. Just a room.

Yet still she couldn’t help but hesitate. It was hard enough returning to the house, empty and echoing like a tomb, but going into the bedroom where she had lost everything…she was afraid. Regina had always hated feeling afraid, ever since the first time her mother had shouted at her for not doing as she was told. It made her feel pathetic, worthless, as if she had no control; much the way she had felt since the last night she had spent in this room. 

Swallowing thickly, Regina reached out again and took the doorknob in her hand. Closing her eyes, she turned it and the door swung open.  
It’s just a room she told herself.

When she opened her eyes that was all she saw. The same four walls she knew so well; the wardrobe that held her clothes, the armchair she often sat in to read, the bed… Walking forwards Regina reached out to touch the bare mattress. Someone had stripped the sheets, erasing all evidence of what had happened there, but as the tips of her fingers skimmed over the white fabric a chill ran down her spine. You could feel it in the air, the memories so vivid that it was as if it were all happening again. 

When she looked down at her hands, they were covered in blood. Staggering back until she collided roughly with the wall, Regina tried to scream but only a strangled gasp managed to escape. Though the blood wasn’t there, nor had it ever been, her hands shook violently and she just stared at them as though mesmerised. In her mind she was back there, back in the moment she realised that she had lost her child. She could hear her screams, the voices of Henry and Mary Margaret when they found her…she was trapped in a maze of memories she wanted to forget, with the walls closing in around her.

Xxx

Robin started off walking from the hospital but by the time he was within a few streets of Regina’s house he had broken into a run. He knew that there were quicker ways for people to get to her, but selfishly he had wanted to be the one to find her if that was indeed where she was. 

Somehow he knew that was where she would be. She had vanished to get away in the spur of the moment, not wanting to hide just to escape. It made sense to him that the first place she would think to go was home. But as he got closer Robin realised that was the worst place she could be. Regina hadn’t been back to the house since it had all happened and if, like Doctor Whale said, she was upset it could bring back everything she was trying so hard to work through. He quickened his pace.

When he saw Mifflin Street he breathed a sigh of relief, and as he approached number 108 he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.  
‘Yeah?’  
‘Robin? She’s not at the mausoleum,’ Emma’s voice said.  
‘I’m just coming up to her door,’ he told her.  
‘I’m driving over there now, just picked Henry up from school. I don’t know where else she would be.’  
Robin stepped up to the front door and felt his heart hammering against his chest.   
‘I think she’s here, Emma.’  
‘Have you found her?’  
‘Not yet…but I can just feel her. I know it; she’s here.’  
‘We’re on our way, good luck.’

Robin put the phone back into his pocket and took a deep breath, knocking on the door.

Xxx

Regina heard the sound echoing through the house, pulling her from the nightmare she had caught herself up in: a knock. For a moment she was paralysed, her entire body feeling numb as though she had been immersed in cold water, but when she heard the front door open and a familiar voice call to her she realised that she couldn’t stand idly by and walked across the room towards her wardrobe.

She opened it with a flick of her wrist and then closed her eyes, imagining herself in a simple red blouse and pencil skirt and allowing her magic to do the rest. When she looked into the mirror she saw a pale imitation of a woman she had once known; her hair and makeup were perfect as always, her outfit sharp and professional, but her eyes were dark, vacant, lacking in something she couldn’t quite place. Still, it was close enough.

Footsteps began to pad up the stairs, and for a moment Regina considered just allowing Robin to find her. She could fall into his arms quite easily, let go of it all and allow him to hold her. But she wouldn’t. The idea had come to her easily, so easily that she wondered why she hadn’t thought of it before; the perfect solution. 

Regina knew what she needed to do, and with people looking for her she didn’t have much time left. She couldn’t allow herself to be talked out of it. So she called her magic and vanished, hoping that Robin would find it within himself to forgive her. Hoping he knew how much she loved him.

Xxx

Mr. Gold was alone in the shop when he heard the bell of the door chime, and when he looked up he was genuinely surprised to see Regina walking towards him.  
‘Regina,’ he smiled half-amusedly, ‘I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, and looking so well-‘  
Regina lifted her hand and the force of her magic threw Gold across the room, where his body hit the wall hard before crumpling to the floor. 

He could feel the force of her power, and he knew it was stronger than it had ever been. She was running on pure emotion, and Gold was clever enough to know that meant she was dangerous. Looking up at her, he saw there were unshed tears glistening in her eyes but they sparkled as though a fire were burning there. It was rage like he had never seen, not even in her darkest days as she plotted against the King and Snow White.   
‘Regina, I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done, but-‘  
He was cut off as Regina clenched her fist, tightening an invisible noose around his neck to the point where he could hardly breathe. Normally he would simply use his own magic to free himself, but when he found that her hold on him was too strong he really started to worry.  
‘Reg-‘  
‘No,’ she said quietly, her voice seething with anger, ‘no you don’t get to speak, not until I tell you.’   
She raised her hand and lifted him up until he was dangling a few feet above the ground and gasping for breath.

‘I’m so sorry.’  
Gold raised an eyebrow to indicate his confusion, trying to hide how much he was struggling to breathe.  
‘Don’t you remember?’ asked Regina. ‘It’s the last thing you said to me when I came to speak to you about my pregnancy. I’ll understand if you don’t quite recall, it was some time ago. Just before I left, you said those words…I’m so sorry.’

Staying silent, Gold pursed his lips. He should have known that this was coming.  
‘Say it,’ Regina hissed, tears burning in her eyes and single droplet rolling down her cheek. When he stayed silent she moved a step towards him and tightened her magical grip around his throat.  
‘Say it, imp! You knew didn’t you? You knew it was going to happen? YOU KNEW THAT I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY CHILD FROM THE MOMENT YOU DISCOVERED I WAS PREGNANT!’

Her voice cracked, but she didn’t break eye contact with him. She could see the pity in his eyes but she didn’t care. She needed to know the truth, to have her suspicions confirmed. Even then when he spoke, the words were like a dagger to her heart.  
‘Yes,’ he croaked. ‘I knew.’


	23. Chapter 23

There was a moment, perhaps several, where the world seemed incredibly still. It was as if everything had fallen into place, every question that could ever be asked had been answered all at once. In that time, all of Regina’s emotions slipped away. She felt nothing. The sound of Gold calling her name fell on deaf ears; she didn’t even notice the movement of his lips. 

She was sure that her heart was no longer in her chest, for it couldn’t be beating. But slowly, as time started to move again, the gripping pain that took her breath away proved that her heart was still in its rightful place.   
‘Regina!’ Gold said, a little more softly. He tried to keep his voice steady, though the vice-like grip she had on his throat made it somewhat difficult. Regina didn’t even look at him, didn’t acknowledge his words. Silently she lowered her hand, her hold on him so suddenly gone that he slid to the floor unable to react quickly enough. 

He got to his feet at once, hands out ready to cast as a reflex, but before he could even think of what curse to throw at his former protégée he stopped. Regina had turned away from him, eyes closed and fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Gold thought about disabling her while her guard was down. He knew that it would be easy if he acted fast; she wouldn’t even see it coming, and he didn’t want to give her the chance to turn on him again. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

He looked at her, really looked, and saw that her entire body was shaking. In that moment she seemed more like a frightened child than a vengeful enemy. Gold lowered his hands, standing quietly and saying nothing waiting for her to make the first move. He didn’t know what to say. Nothing would make what he had told her any easier to hear.

‘Why?’ Regina whispered after a while.   
‘I see things,’ Gold explained gently. ‘With the magic being different here it isn’t quite the same, but every now and then I get a flash of things to come. When you walked into my shop to speak to me…well, I saw what would happen.’  
‘And you decided it would be best if I didn’t know?’ she asked him, her voice quivering. She curled her free hand into a fist, her nails digging into her palm as she tried to keep herself grounded. Regina could feel that she was on the brink, magic and emotion swirling beneath the surface and threatening to take control.   
‘I knew that no matter what I did, you would lose the child,’ Gold said honestly. ‘You were already in a dark enough place; I didn’t see the good it would do telling you when there was nothing you could do.’  
She turned to face him, and Gold was surprised when the tears in her eyes brought a lump to his throat. He wasn’t supposed to care. He had managed for all of these years to remain detached, to use her suffering to create the monster he needed to cast his curse, but now it was different. There was no victory in her pain, no reward, and she didn’t deserve it. She deserved better. And if even he could see it then there was something really wrong with the world. Regina tried to wipe her eyes before she spoke but it was little more than a futile attempt to keep a tattered veil in place.

‘I thought you’d changed when you saved me at the hospital. It was naive of me, of course, but I did. I thought perhaps we had finally put the past behind us. But you were just feeling guilty weren’t you? Or is there not even that much humanity in you?’ she spat, her eyes flashing with a façade of anger. ‘No the only reason I’m alive must be for Henry, of course. Wouldn’t want him upset by his mother dying, so you thought you’d do me a favour. Should I be grateful, Rumple? Should I be thanking you for saving my life when you’re the one who destroyed it?’

He wanted to be angry with her, take her by the throat as she had done to him and curse her accusations, but he couldn’t even bring himself to be drawn in. Her only fight was with herself and her inner demons, and it wasn’t fair to take her on as she was.  
‘It wasn’t like that,’ he told her calmly. ‘And I didn’t cause any of this to happen. I merely delayed knowledge of the inevitable.’  
Regina shook her head, battling to keep what was left of her composure. ‘You watched me every day knowing exactly what was going to happen. How could you do that? How do you live with yourself?’

Gold walked slowly towards her, being careful not to move too quickly in case she reacted and threw him back against the wall. He could feel her magic pulsing around her like ripples of a wave, barely held back by her strength. He was impressed she had that kind of self-control. In that moment, Regina was more powerful than he was and she knew it, but it was volatile magic fuelled by emotion. Gold could see that if he wanted to diffuse this situation he would have to use a tactic he wasn’t overly familiar with; being calm and honest.

‘If I had told you that you were going to lose your child, how would that have helped matters? I was doing you a favour. Not knowing is far better than anticipating what might happen and when. I am sorry for what you have been through, I am, but you can’t blame it on me. I’m not the reason you lost the baby. I did no harm in keeping it to myself.’

Regina surprised him when she laughed coldly, a single tear trickling down her cheek and glistening as it fell. Her smile was so empty that it sent a shiver down Gold’s spine, and his forehead crinkled in confusion.   
‘No harm,’ she repeated, laughing again. ‘No harm… Do you have any idea what you’ve done? It’s your fault Henry had to find me half dead on that bedroom floor. If you had told me I could have seen a doctor, caught it earlier – I should never have ended up in that hospital. And because of that I…’ She broke off, her voice catching in her throat.

‘I didn’t know that you would have to go through all of this,’ he answered sincerely. ‘I only knew that the child wasn’t going to live, and my thought was to spare you from that burden. If I had realised that it would cause you harm I would have told you, and that’s the truth.’   
Regina scoffed at his words. ‘And that makes it okay?’   
‘No,’ Gold agreed, slowly shaking his head, ‘but you can’t change the past. Your magic is returned to you, and you seem to be in good health now so what good will punishing me do? Move on with your life, Regina.’

‘You have ruined my life,’ she uttered darkly. ‘I would have lost her anyway, I accept that, but you gave me hope. You let me believe I was going to have another child, let me dream of her… She was never going to live. And of course I’m upset, I’m devastated, and I thought for a while there was no coming back from that but maybe eventually I could have come to terms with it. But your so-called benevolence has meant that can never happen.’

‘Regina,’ Gold said gently, ‘I don’t know…’   
His words died as the realisation set in; it felt as if ice water had been poured over his head.   
‘No…’  
‘Are you finally getting it?’ hissed Regina, her tears flowing freely now. ‘Do you see what you’ve done?’  
‘I’m never meant-‘  
‘IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH,’ she screamed, causing Gold to flinch at her outburst. She tried to breathe deeply, to hold it in as her magic burned her fingertips attempting to break free of her control.   
‘Because of this…of the fate you abandoned me to…I can never…’  
A sob caught in her throat and her last attempt to mask how she was falling apart became futile.  
‘I can never have another child.’

Hearing the words from her lips made it no easier to bear. Gold closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the unfamiliar weight of guilt on his shoulders.   
‘Regina-‘  
‘No,’ she stopped him, ‘no you don’t get to say anything. You have no right to say another word to me.’  
‘I’m-‘  
Her eyes blazing with fire Regina launched a ball of fire at Gold with such ferocity he had to dive across the room to escape it, feeling the heat of it against his cheek. He cast just as quickly, trying a containment spell to keep her at bay but without her even lifting a finger it rebounded, the force of the shockwave throwing him back against the counter. 

She stepped towards him breathing heavily, wanting nothing more than to crumple to the floor in a heap and cry but knowing that was going to get her nowhere. For the first time in her life Regina knew that she could beat Rumplestiltskin. She held all the cards, with enough power at her hand to end him; she had won. But it meant nothing.

From the moment Doctor Whale had told her what he had found from the latest scans that morning she had felt her life slipping away from her. She had thought that losing her child was the worst thing that had ever happened to her, but knowing that she would never be able to have another made it so much worse. She had dreamed of holding a baby in her arms, of watching a child grow – her child. A little girl with her eyes or a boy with jet black hair, it didn’t matter. She hadn’t realised how much she had wanted it until it was gone, and now there was no way to have it. Part of her had died along with her daughter, with Rose, and hole left in her heart could never be filled.

‘I came in here to kill you,’ Regina told him honestly, her voice dangerously quiet. ‘I could still do it; you and I both know it’s true. I want nothing more than to rip your throat out, slowly and painfully, to watch you bleed…but there is something I need to do and only you can help me. I don’t think you can deny that you owe me, more than you can ever repay. I want to make a deal.’  
Gold looked at her, puzzled. ‘What is it that you want?’  
‘Ingredients,’ she told him.  
‘Regina…I’m so sorry for what’s happened, truly I am, but you must know that there’s no way-‘  
‘Of course I know,’ she shouted, cutting him off. ‘Magic cannot be used to create life, not true life, and this…I…that’s not what I’m asking.’  
‘Then what?’  
‘The ingredients for the Tamin potion.’

‘Regina,’ Gold interrupted her as he realised what she was going to do, ‘please, don’t-‘  
‘I don’t need your opinion,’ she spat, ‘I need your word; a binding contract, with both of our signatures, saying that you will give me what I need and not try to stop me. You will not tell anyone what I plan to do or help them discover me. Understood?’  
‘Regina-‘  
‘Understood?’ she asked more forcefully.

He shook his head, but snapped his fingers nonetheless causing a long piece of parchment to appear on the counter beside him. Regina wiped the tears from her eyes, and produced a pen signing her name with a flourish at the bottom below the elegant hand of Rumplestiltskin. Once it was done he produced a wooden box filled with what she would need.  
‘I am sorry,’ Gold said truthfully. ‘If I had known what would happen, I would have told you the truth. I know that it hurts, I do, but this is too dangerous.’  
‘Goodbye, Rumple,’ she mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye and walking out with her head held high trying to preserve what dignity she had left.  
‘Your magic is too volatile, you could lose everything-‘ he called out, but she didn’t heed his warnings and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Xxx

‘Regina!’ Robin called as he opened her bedroom door, but his heart fell when he saw that the room was empty. He walked further in leaving the door ajar and it was as if he could still feel the echo of her presence; she had been here, of that he was certain, and he must just have missed her. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling tears burning his eyes. He wanted to know what had caused her to run, what Doctor Whale could possibly have said to upset her this much. No, even if he never found out what it was he didn’t care, just having the chance to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay, that they could face whatever it was together would be enough. 

Robin knew her well enough to know that being on her own was the last thing she needed. He had seen her at her worst, her most vulnerable, and he knew that she could be a danger to herself. He knew that if he had a chance to talk to her he could calm her down, but without knowing where she was or what she had planned awful things were running through his mind. 

His eye was caught by something on the floor on the other side of the room. Walking past the bed he realised that it was the blue silk nightdress she had been wearing at the hospital, but as he came closer he noticed that it was stained bright crimson and he felt his heart stop. Robin dropped to his knees, taking the fabric in his hands and letting a cry escape his lips. He didn’t hear the sounds of the front door opening or footsteps on the stairs, not even his own being called until Emma and Henry were in the room.

‘Robin? Is she here?’  
‘No,’ he said weakly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he stood up, ‘I think we just missed her.’  
Henry’s face paled. ‘Is that…’   
Emma saw that he was looking at the bloodied clothes in Robin’s hand and had to swallow her own fears and try to smile in reassurance.  
‘It’s going to be okay,’ she promised, standing between him and Robin and putting her hands on his shoulders. ‘We’re going to find her.’  
‘What if she’s hurt? We have to go now,’ he insisted.  
Emma sighed. ‘We’ve looked everywhere, I don’t know-‘  
‘Locator spell,’ Robin said at once, cutting Emma off. ‘We’ll take something of hers and go to Gold. It’s got to be faster than running around town after her.’  
‘Good idea,’ Emma agreed, ‘anything of hers would work, right?’  
Henry ran over to the desk and picked up a silver fountain pen. ‘It helps if it’s something important to her. I got her this pen for Christmas a few years ago, and even though it’s a bit broken she still uses it all the time. She never even fixed it with magic.’   
Robin smiled weakly, knowing Regina would have consciously decided against using magic to fix her son’s gift. It made him love her even more, if it were possible, and only fuelled the fire of determination to find her.  
‘Let’s go,’ he said, receiving no complaints, and they all half ran down the stairs heading towards Gold’s shop.

Xxx

Gold was trying to tidy the mess from his encounter with Regina when Robin, Emma and Henry burst through the door. His heart sank, knowing they had missed her by only a few minutes and that he wouldn’t be able to offer any help.  
‘My my, it has been busy in here today,’ he said in his usual drawl, hoping the hint would be dropped without breaking the deal.  
‘We need a locator spell for my Mom,’ Henry said, placing the pen on the counter, ‘she’s in trouble and we need to find her.’  
‘I’m sorry, Henry, but I can’t do that,’ sighed Gold apologetically. He saw Henry’s face fall.  
‘Why not? I’ll pay the price, whatever it is, just please…we have to find her.’  
‘It’s not that,’ he assured his grandson, ‘but I can’t give you the spell. Believe me I wish I could.’

Gold locked eyes with Robin, and the expression on the older man’s face told a thousand tales.   
‘Not you won’t, but you can’t?’ he asked, moving behind Henry and placing a hand on his shoulder.  
‘Exactly,’ Gold answered, his eyes flashing as he willed the outlaw to make sense of what was happening and quickly.  
‘She was here, wasn’t she? She made a deal?’   
‘I really can’t help you,’ Gold said, taking care to enunciate the right word.  
‘So she made that part of the deal, great,’ Robin sighed. 

An idea came to Henry and he looked up at his grandfather trying to read his expression.  
‘If she came here she made a deal for something, right? Something she didn’t have that she needed from you? So it must have been an object…’   
He waited for a moment, sensing no reaction.  
‘Or something magical…’  
A glint in Gold’s eye told him that he was right.   
‘A spell? Ingredients? Something like that?’ he tried. Gold knew that he couldn’t confirm Henry’s thoughts, but he hoped that being on the right track would be enough. Silently he willed the boy on.

Henry turned to Emma and Robin.  
‘If she needed something magical, she must have gone to her vault to use it.’  
‘She wasn’t there before I picked you up,’ Emma reminded him, ‘but she might have gone there since. You said you thought you’d just missed her at the house?’   
‘Yes,’ Robin agreed. ‘She can transport in the blink of an eye, so she could have gone from there to Gold’s shop and her vault in no time. If she is planning on casting a spell that’s where she would be, and it’s the only option we have.’  
‘Then let’s hope we’re not too late,’ Emma said forebodingly as they turned and ran back to the car.

Xxx

The potion hadn’t taken long to complete, and as she stirred it Regina stared into its misty depths. A tear rolled down her cheek; this was the only way. She had dismissed Gold’s warnings as a poor attempt to stop her from brewing the concoction, though a small part of her brain wondered whether he was right. 

She had always been adept at potion making, Rumplestiltskin had said so himself when she began her training. This was a simple mix, a simple solution. Surely nothing would go wrong. Whatever doubts Regina had were silenced by the overwhelming emotions that were still threatening to break her. If she did nothing then they would, and she couldn’t allow that to happen. Such dark thoughts had crossed her mind in these past few hours, even over the past week, she couldn’t trust herself to do nothing.

Dipping a goblet into the potion she closed her eyes and allowed her tears to spill freely.   
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered as she brought the cup to her lips and drank deeply. Her mind drifted to think of Robin, and she hoped that he would have it in his heart to forgive her. The love she had for him was the reason she had the energy to fight, and she owed him a debt that could never be repaid. She knew something was wrong when she felt her magic burning within her, the emotions driving her newfound power coming to force; it felt like an explosion in her head and she screamed in pain. By the time she realised what was going on it was too late. 

The cup fell to the floor.

Xxx

Robin cried Regina’s name as he ran into the mausoleum, pushing the coffin aside with strength he didn’t know he possessed and sprinting down the stairs.  
‘REGINA,’ he screamed, a sense of panic filling him. He knew she was there, he knew that he would find her he just feared from what Gold had said, or rather not said, that they would be too late. 

Henry and Emma were close behind but Robin was the first to find her in the deepest chasms of her vault. He turned a corner and there she was, lying on her side on the floor beside a bubbling cauldron with an empty cup beside her.   
‘No….Regina NO!’   
He fell to his knees beside her, gently touching her shoulder so that she rolled onto her back. Her skin was as pale as porcelain, but she was breathing at least and he felt a strong pulse when he brought his fingers to her neck.   
‘Regina please,’ he begged, gently brushing a lock of raven hair from her face and bending over to press a kiss to her forehead, ‘please come back to me.’

As if by his command her eyes fluttered open and he cried out in relief as a smile spread across his face. But he sensed there was something wrong in the cloudiness of her eyes.   
‘Regina?’  
‘Who are you?’ she breathed, without a hint of recognition in her expression. Robin’s smile faded.


	24. Chapter 24

Robin felt as if his world had come crashing down around him. He didn’t know how to answer her question, and even if he had known what to say in such an impossible situation his throat was as dry as a bone. The seconds before Henry and Emma caught up with him were some of the longest of his life as he stared at the woman he loved knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she had no clue who he was. 

‘Mom!’ Henry called out, rushing to kneel by her side. Robin got to his feet and backed slowly away, allowing Henry to take his place by Regina’s side. Her eyes followed him for a moment, confusion still clouding her vision, until Henry put his hand on her shoulder and she seemed to come to.  
‘I’m fine, Henry,’ she said at once, ‘though I have no idea what I’m doing here. Can you help me up?’  
‘You…you don’t remember?’ he asked as he offered her a hand which she took and used to help her into a sitting position.  
‘No, I-‘ started Regina, but a searing pain ripped through her skull and cut her off. She brought a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, gritting her teeth against it.  
‘Mom? Mom are you okay?’  
‘Fine just…I’ll be fine…’ she said as if trying to convince both her son and herself.   
‘We should get you back to the hospital,’ Henry suggested.  
‘Hospital? That seems a bit excessive,’ Regina dismissed as she started to recover herself. She opened her eyes and smiled reassuringly, tilting Henry’s chin up so their eyes met in her particular way. ‘It’s just a headache, I’m fine really.’  
‘But Doctor Whale-‘  
‘Ugh, Victor has caused me enough trouble over the years I’m hardly going to go running to him for help,’ Regina muttered bitterly. ‘I probably just hit my head when I fell, it’s nothing.’ 

She reached out, using the stone table to pull herself into a standing position, but once she was up on her legs she started to sway dangerously. Henry put a hand on her arm to help steady her, and although she wouldn’t admit it she was glad - she felt incredibly dizzy.  
‘What time is it?’ she asked groggily.   
‘Just after 1,’ answered Emma, looking at her watch.   
Regina looked sharply at Henry. ‘Wait, why aren’t you at school?’   
‘Erm…half day, we finished at lunchtime,’ he lied, less than convincingly though Regina was still feeling too light headed to notice and simply accepted his explanation.  
‘Oh…right, okay. Was I supposed to pick you up? Sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me today…’ she started rambling, shaking her head. Henry looked at Emma in a way that conveyed his worry, and she couldn’t deny she felt the same way. Regina seemed only partially coherent, and even gripping the table for support she was wobbly. Her voice sounded foggy, as though she couldn’t quite get a hold on her thoughts.  
‘Regina, I really think you need to sit down for a moment,’ Emma suggested, ‘you’re as white as a sheet.’

Regina shook her head, but when she tried to once more insist that she was fine the words wouldn’t come. The whole room was spinning, so fast that she was sure she would fall again if she let go of the table. She could feel the watchful eye of the man in the corner, the one who had been by her side when she woke, and even though she didn’t recognise him she had felt comforted that he was with her. She knew that she would have to thank him for finding her, just as soon as she figured out how to keep the world still. There were so many questions that she needed answers to, but she was so tired that she knew they would have to wait. Just so tired… She heard Henry calling her name but it was as if he were a million miles away. Her world dissolved into darkness once more, and she wondered if the unnamed man would be by her side when, if, she woke again.

Henry saw what was happening before it did. Regina lost her grip on the table and her legs buckled, and he managed to grab hold of her limp form by the shoulders before she toppled to the ground. 

Robin had been standing, dazed, watching the whole scene unfold with a slow tear trickling down his face. He felt numb. He didn’t want to accept what was happening, but the moment she had asked who he was he had known something was wrong. It wasn’t just the fall; she didn’t know him at all. He didn’t have time to process what that meant before he saw Henry catch her when she collapsed in his arms, and he snapped back into reality. 

Taking Regina’s slight weight from Henry, Robin easily scooped her into his arms and held her close. She was still breathing steadily, but showed no sign of stirring. Her head fell against his chest and he kissed the top of her head lightly.  
‘What do we do?’ Henry asked, hoping anyone had an answer. ‘Should we take her to hospital?’  
‘If magic did this, then maybe only magic can reverse it or at least explain what has happened,’ Emma reasoned. ‘Whatever this potion is, it’s knocked her out twice and while she’s resting maybe we can get some answers so we know what to do when she wakes up. I could take a vial to Gold, see if he can identify it.’  
‘He wouldn’t help us before, why would he now?’ Robin pointed out.  
‘He couldn’t help us find her, but maybe now she’s taken potion the deal is up. If he still won’t do anything I’ll take it to the fairies.’

‘There’s a room down here somewhere with a bed, we can lie her down there,’ Henry told Robin. He turned to Emma. ‘I want to stay with Mom, will you call us when you know anything?’  
‘Of course kid.’ Emma pulled Henry close to hug her, and by the way he clung to her she knew he was barely holding it together. He didn’t deserve this on top of everything else, and even if he acted the hero he was still just a kid. She was determined to find answers to put this right.

Xxx

When Emma came crashing through the shop doors for the second time that day, Gold felt a sinking feeling in his chest. He had been waiting, hoping that they had reached her in time and wouldn’t need to come back for his help and yet somehow knowing he would see them again.  
‘Well?’ he asked, knowing all too well what the answer would be.  
‘We were too late,’ she panted, out of breath from the run. ‘She took something, some potion, and…we need your help.’  
‘I know, I gave her the ingredients,’ Gold sighed. ‘I was hoping you would stop her.’  
‘Why did you make the deal if you didn’t want her to take it? And why are you so keen to help now when you were useless when it mattered?’ Emma asked, infuriated.  
‘I had no choice. Part of the deal was that I didn’t try and stop her, or aid anyone else in doing so. Now it is done, I have fulfilled that part. I couldn’t tell you what she planned to do but now it is done I can provide information.’  
Emma heard a touch of sadness in his tone which confused her for a moment, but the gravity of the situation brought her back to the matter at hand.

She placed a vial of the potion on the counter between them.  
‘What is it?’  
‘A memory potion,’ Gold explained wearily. ‘A very powerful one at that, not to be used lightly. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t listen to me. The person who brews the potion has the ability to define exactly what they forget, down to the smallest details, so I couldn’t tell you exactly what she’s done but I think I can guess. What can she remember?’

‘We don’t know exactly. Robin found her unconscious in her vault beside the cauldron. She was awake for a while but it was like she wasn’t all there... She had a headache and seemed confused and then she collapsed again, so I’ve come to figure out exactly what the hell is going on.’

Emma knew that something was wrong in Gold’s expression and she swallowed thickly. He picked up the vial and opened the lid, examining it closely.  
‘That shouldn’t happen, right? I mean that’s not just what happens with a memory potion?’  
‘You are correct, Miss Swan. Normally the drinker simply closes their eyes for a second and once they are reopened, they carry on as if everything is normal. I tried to warn her, I did….’  
He carefully put a drop on his finger, recorking the vial and placing it on the counter. He waved his free hand over the droplet, watching carefully as it slowly evaporated into a purple mist leaving a cloying scent of lavender in its wake.

Emma looked at him, trying and failing to read his expression. ‘Is there something wrong with it?’  
‘No,’ Gold admitted, ‘it has been made exactly as it should have been; I couldn’t have done it better myself.’  
‘Then what happened?’  
‘I have an idea, but I couldn’t say for sure without seeing her. You said she was in her vault?’  
Emma nodded, and barely registered Gold raising his hand before she felt the floor being tugged from underneath her and the leafy ground rushing up to replace it just as quickly. She almost lost her balance as they both reappeared outside the mausoleum, but there wasn’t time to falter as Gold was already making his way inside. 

Xxx

Robin cradled Regina close to his chest as he carried her, as though she were porcelain that could break if he held on too tightly. Henry walked in silence beside him, his eyes fixed on his sleeping mother. Robin wondered how he had the strength to hold it all together; he could see so much of Regina in him that sometimes he forgot that they shared no biology, not that it mattered.

As they moved further into the vault Henry took the lead, pushing open a door concealed by a mirror to reveal a private living room with an archway leading to an adjoining bedchamber. It was decorated similarly to her office with bold black and white wallpaper and ornate chairs, though there were displays of elaborately decorated dresses from Regina’s days as queen lining the walls making it feel more like a museum catching a glimpse into the past.

‘What is this place?’ asked Robin.  
‘Where my Mom goes to hide,’ Henry answered, recollection weighing heavily on his shoulder. ‘She told me this is where she went when everyone in town thought that she killed Archie.’  
‘Archie?’  
Henry nodded. ‘Cora, her mother, made it look like she had killed him so that everyone would turn against her. It wasn’t long after the curse broke, so people were still angry…and they believed it. I believed it.’

Henry felt a sense of shame wash over him at the memory. He had wanted to build an armoury to defend the town against her, even refused to call her Mom thinking she would do such terrible things after she had promised that she would change. He wondered how she must have felt, locked away in her vault knowing that everyone, even her own son, hated her. Now all Henry wanted was to be able to talk to her, to tell her he was sorry for ever pulling away, and that was the one thing he couldn’t do.

Robin could see that Henry was upset, trying desperately to hold back tears, and he felt his heart breaking. He took Regina over to the bed, lying her carefully down and placing her head on the pillows. She was deathly pale, her skin almost white against the black sheets beneath, and when he took her hand it was cold. But as he put a finger against her wrist he breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the strong steady rhythm of her pulse beating against his skin. Placing her hand back by her side and brushing a lock of hair away from her face, Robin straightened and turned to Henry.

‘Henry, you can’t dwell on things that happened in the past. You know as well as I that everyone has their demons, things they have done they would rather forget, and that includes your mother…and myself. You’ve been amazing these past few weeks, months even, and Regina told me how proud she is of you.’  
Henry looked up at him, eyes glistening. ‘She did?’  
‘Absolutely,’ Robin assured him with a small smile. ‘She’s so happy to have you in her life; after everything she has done she feared so many times that she would lose you. And when I wasn’t there for her after Marian came back, when I let her down, you were by her side; I can’t thank you enough for taking care of her.’

There was a moment of silence as everything Robin had said settled in.  
‘She’s going to be alright, isn’t she?’ Henry asked, feeling the almost childlike need for reassurance.  
‘Of course,’ Robin answered at once, wishing he had as much conviction in his heart as in his words. He put a hand on Henry’s arm and nodded, and was relieved to see that the boy had taken some comfort in what he had said. 

‘I don’t understand,’ Henry said after a while, sitting on the edge of his mother’s bed and watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as if to check that she was still alive.  
‘What don’t you understand?’  
‘Mom clearly took some sort of memory potion to try and forget about everything that happened to her, which I suppose I can understand. But why would she do it now, why not before? Did something happen this morning?’  
‘She was alright when I saw her,’ explained Robin. ‘We’d managed to talk through a lot of things, and when I left she was about to have a session with Archie and although she was reluctant, she seemed open to it. I brought Roland to see her and she was just…gone. Whale said they had talked about her condition, about some new challenge but he wouldn’t tell me anything more and still won’t. Gold had spoken to her…’  
Robin looked down at the woman he loved, tears burning in his eyes. She looked so fragile, unsettled even in sleep. He imagined her having to relive her darkest fears in a session with Archie, being told by Gold that her dreams were taunts of the life she couldn’t have, and then having Whale deliver another blow…no wonder her resolve had broken.   
‘It was all too much,’ he whispered, shaking his head. ‘I should have seen it, stayed with her…I could have stopped this from happening.’  
‘I don’t think anyone can stop my Mom when she has an idea in her head,’ Henry said wisely, and Robin couldn’t argue with that. ‘There was nothing anyone could have done. And everything’s going to be okay; Mr. Gold will fix what went wrong and everything will be alright again.’  
‘And how are you so sure something went wrong? Maybe this is just how that potion things works.’  
‘No,’ Henry said with certainty, ‘Mom would never choose to forget you. Something must have happened.’  
‘Maybe it was easier, to take away memories of everything that caused her pain,’ Robin thought aloud.   
‘She loves you,’ Henry reasoned. ‘Even when you were with Marian, she could never hide how strongly she felt about you. I’ve never seen my Mom as happy as when you were together…no. Trust me, she would never forget you. She’s already lost you once, she wouldn’t want to again.’

Robin wished he could be as sure as Henry was, but the seed of doubt was planted deep within his mind. He had left her when she needed him most, he hadn’t been there when she had called him asking for his help…he couldn’t blame her if she wanted to take him out of her life. If he thought about it too much, Robin knew that he would realise how much better her life would be without him in it. 

He was pulled from his thoughts as Gold burst through the door with Emma following closely behind. Henry jumped to his feet, looking expectantly from his grandfather to his birth mother.  
‘He’s here to help,’ Emma said.  
‘If he’d helped in the first place we wouldn’t be in this mess,’ mumbled Robin. Gold gave him a serious but non-threatening look.  
‘I can waste my time explaining to you the reasons for my actions earlier, or we can leave it and I can try and help Regina,’ he said frankly, ‘your choice.’  
Reluctantly, Robin stepped aside and bottled the anger welling in his chest. He wanted to confront Gold, to ask him what he had said to Regina that morning and why he had allowed her to do this. He wanted to see whether he realised how much he messed with people’s lives. But at the same time he was all too aware that he was the only one who could make things right, and Robin hated that he held that power. 

Gold stood by Regina’s bedside and shook his head slowly.   
‘Oh Regina,’ he sighed. He could feel the magic resonating from her with every breath she took, like poisonous radiation causing its damage in a deadly silence.   
‘What is it?’ Henry asked insistently. ‘Something went wrong with the potion, didn’t it?’  
Gold nodded. ‘Yes, Henry, I’m afraid it did. When Regina came to me earlier, I could sense that something was different with her power. She not only had her magic back but she was stronger, more dangerous; she even managed to overpower me.’  
‘But when I last saw her she could hardly use magic at all,’ Robin interjected.   
‘Regina’s magic is inherent,’ explained Gold,’ but it has always been influenced by her emotion. Something must have happened this morning to trigger what was lying dormant, enhancing it somehow. When I left her at the hospital she could hardly lift a water jug; it must have been after I left.’  
‘Whale,’ Robin cursed, fighting the will to punch the wall. ‘He said that they had talked but wouldn’t tell me about what.’  
‘It makes no difference now,’ he dismissed, ‘the damage is done.’  
Henry’s eyes widened and he took a step towards Gold. ‘What do you mean damage?’

Gold’s expression softened and he turned to his grandson with a more sympathetic tone.  
‘Your mother would have been in a heightened state of emotional distress as she drank the potion. The unpredictable nature of this kind of magic means that she couldn’t have prevented it from spiking as the potion began to take effect. It interfered with how it started to rewrite her memories. Did she say anything when she was awake, anything at all?’  
‘She didn’t recognise me,’ Robin admitted, his voice quiet as he recounted the memory. ‘Her eyes were glassy, distant; it was like she didn’t know me at all.’   
‘A side effect,’ explained Gold. ‘Chances are she was thinking of you when she took the potion and when everything escalated beyond her control she was powerless to stop it.’

Robin knew he should have been happy to hear that Regina hadn’t chosen to forget him; Henry had been right, as he so often was, it was just a mistake. Yet he still felt nothing, a numbness so complete it was as though the world around him was no longer real. He couldn’t think, or even begin to process everything that had happened. His one concern was for Regina, and as long as she was in danger everything else had to be pushed back.

‘Can you help her?’ Henry asked. Gold looked to him and then to his mother, before placing a gentle hand to her temple and closing his eyes. At once he could not only feel but see the chaos which had taken over inside Regina’s mind. Power surged through them both, crackling like electricity, and he could hear a faint sound which he hoped wasn’t screaming. When he opened his eyes again and pulled away he was aware that he was breathing heavily.   
Robin noticed. ‘Well?’   
Gold shook his head. He needed a second to compose himself, to try and put what was going on into words before he tried to explain it but he wasn’t afforded that opportunity. Robin grabbed a fistful of shirt in each hand and slammed Gold up against the wall hard, ignoring the startled cries of both Emma and Henry as they rushed to stop him.  
‘You did this,’ he snarled, finally allowing himself to feel everything and channel it into rage at the one person he could blame. ‘You knew it was a bad idea, the risks involved, and you let her do this to herself. Why? Do you hate her that much?’  
Gold refrained from using magic as a defence, knowing that it would serve no purpose.  
‘I owed her a debt, one she could have killed me for; I had no choice.’  
Robin moved closer so that their faces were inches apart.   
‘There is always a choice,’ he hissed.

‘Robin this won’t solve anything,’ Emma reminded him, putting a hand gently on his shoulder.  
‘She’s right you know,’ added Gold, though he was rewarded with a sharp shake from Robin for the trouble. ‘I can’t help anyone pressed against the wall.’  
Emma squeezed Robin’s shoulder, pulling at his arm until he eventually let go of Gold and turned away, unable to face him for another second.   
‘There is no point in laying blame,’ she said softly. ‘Fighting over what has happened isn’t going to help Regina get any better. Now Gold, is there anything you can do?’  
‘Regina’s mind has been overwhelmed by all of the magic trying to rewrite her memories,’ he explained. ‘I can quieten it down, and that should restore her health.’  
‘And what about her memories?’ asked Henry.   
Gold sighed. ‘I’m afraid they’ve already been altered. The potion is a powerful one; there is no antidote.’

‘No,’ Henry insisted, shaking his head as he pressed his grandfather, ‘no that’s not fair. There has to be something? True love’s kiss?’  
‘This isn’t a curse, Henry.’  
‘Then we’ll try something else. We can remind her of what happened, take her to the hospital and explain everything and then maybe-‘  
‘No,’ Gold interrupted sharply, causing Henry to stare for a moment confused. ‘Her mind has been damaged by what has happened, and even after I’ve done what I can it will be in a very fragile state. If she remembers even flashes of what she isn’t supposed to know without a proper cure, then it could be detrimental. Her mind wouldn’t be able to cope.’  
‘She…’ Henry started, his eyes filling with tears without even needing to say the words. Gold gave a swift nod.  
‘It’s not fair.’  
‘No,’ he agreed, ‘it’s not. Henry, I promise that I will try and look for a way to safely restore Regina’s memories. I can make no guarantees, and there certainly isn’t much to go on, but I will do what I can. But at least in the meantime, she won’t know anything is wrong. Physically she seems to have restored herself, and she won’t be plagued by the demons which caused her to do this in the first place. I know it isn’t ideal, but for now…’  
‘It could be worse,’ Emma finished, ‘it’ll do until we can sort everything out.’  
She turned to Robin, who had stayed quiet throughout this whole ordeal.   
‘I know this won’t be easy, and by God it isn’t fair,’ she started, but Robin held up a hand to stop her.  
‘I just want her to be happy,’ he said honestly. ‘She won’t know any different, and if this is what it takes to bring her back we have to do it. I’ll be fine, it doesn’t matter about me.’

Although Emma appreciated the sincerity of his words they still troubled her. She remembered what it was like when her parents didn’t know who she was, and even for a brief few days how horrible that had been. Regina had confided in her once about how painful it had been when Henry had forgotten her; she had described it like having a knife plunged in her chest every time he looked right through her. This was going to be rough on Robin, perhaps more so than he realised yet, and she was going to make sure that he wasn’t alone until they could give Regina back what she had lost.

‘We’re going to have to warn people,’ Gold thought aloud, ‘make sure that everyone knows about this to avoid anything going wrong. The nature of the potion allows her mind to correct itself, to fill in the gaps of things that she now doesn’t remember so we’ll just have to listen and play it by ear but as long as no-one mentions anything too directly it should sort itself out.’  
He knelt beside Regina, placing a hand to her temple once again.   
‘Here we go,’ he muttered, closing his eyes.

Xxx

When Regina opened her eyes a few moments later, she moaned and put a hand to her throbbing forehead.   
‘What happened this time?’  
‘Mom!’ Henry cried out with relief. ‘You really have to stop doing that.’  
‘Did I fall again? I swear I was fine this morning,’ she mumbled, beginning to feel better as she sat up. As she looked around, seeing Emma, Gold, Henry and Robin around her, her brow crinkled in confusion.  
‘What is everyone staring at?’  
‘You,’ Henry answered bluntly, pulling her into a hug which, after the initial surprise, she accepted warmly.  
‘I see that,’ she chuckled, ‘is there something I should know?’

‘We called Gold when you wouldn’t wake up,’ Henry explained vaguely, pulling away to watch her expression carefully, ‘but he said you were fine.’  
Regina looked up at her formed mentor and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.  
‘Your magic was fluctuating which probably caused you to faint,’ he said smoothly, his eyes unreadable, ‘but I set it right. I couldn’t find any cause in particular; it was probably just a one off.’  
She didn’t question him, but Gold could tell that she wasn’t convinced. Still, as long as she let the matter rest for now it wouldn’t cause them any problems. He could come up with a better excuse if it was needed if the need arose.  
‘I suppose I have been feeling a little under the weather this week,’ she admitted, ‘I haven’t been into the office much.’  
‘But you’re feeling better now?’ quizzed Henry, worry etched across his face in a manner that should have been well beyond his years. Regina smiled, her doubtful expression softening as she reassured her son.  
‘Much better,’ she promised, ‘though I could use some lunch, I’m starving. Have you eaten?’   
Henry shook his head, feeling more relieved by the minute that his mother was back to normal.  
‘Granny’s?’ she suggested, standing up from the bed and being relieved to find that her legs weren’t about to fail on her again. ‘Anyone is welcome to come along.’  
‘I’ll catch you up,’ Emma said, watching Regina put her arm around her son and walk out of the room as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Once she was out of earshot, she turned to the others.  
‘She seems okay…is she?’  
‘As far as it is possible yes, it worked,’ Gold assured her. ‘I’ll get back to the shop and start reading around, but I’ll be honest. I can try and put together some way to counteract this potion, but it’s unlikely that it’ll work. I didn’t want to dash Henry’s hopes any further.’  
‘If you keep your promise and try then he’ll be grateful,’ Emma assured him, before turning to Robin. ‘There’s still a chance, Robin. We won’t let this lie, not if we can help it.’

He nodded, smiling though it didn’t quit reach his eyes.   
‘I know I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later, I think I just need some time to think.’   
Emma was reluctant to leave him, but she knew that she had to call her parents and make sure Henry was okay. She decided to respect his decision.  
‘Call if you need anything?’ she offered, knowing how unlikely he was to ever do so. As she left the building with Gold, she couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that had settled in the pit of her stomach.

Robin lingered in the vault for a moment after Emma and Gold had gone after Regina and Henry, left alone with his thoughts. She hadn’t even looked at him. When her eyes had opened he had struggled not to audibly sigh as relief washed over him. Seeing her smile again, laugh with her son in a way that wasn’t tainted by sadness and loss had been a joy he couldn’t describe. It was as if she had awoken from a greater slumber, one plagued with nightmares and darkness, but had come through the other side more radiant than ever. But still it hurt. It hurt to know that she seemed happier than he had seen her in months despite not knowing who he was, even possibly because of that fact. 

As he finally forced his legs to move, walking slowly through the vault and up to the outside world the voice in the back of his head echoed what he most deeply feared, that she was better off without him.


	25. Chapter 25

Mary Margaret couldn’t quite find the words to convey what she wanted to express. Her mouth remained open in a perfect ‘O’, and it wasn’t until David took her hand that she seemed to come back to reality and start breathing again.  
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she admitted quietly.   
‘Neither do I,’ agreed Emma. She sat across from her parents in a corner booth at Granny’s, having called them on the way back from the mausoleum to fill them in on the frantic events of the morning.   
‘How much does she know? I mean, if whatever potion she took went wrong and made her forget Robin could it have affected her other memories?’  
Emma paused for a moment. It wasn’t something she had considered, but Mary Margaret was right; they had no idea what they were dealing with. She looked over to where Regina and Henry were ordering lunch just out of earshot and frowned. There was no telling how complicated this could get.

‘I don’t know,’ she sighed after a while, ‘but she knew me and Henry and hasn’t seemed to be acting strangely so far. Gold said that her memories of Robin were altered because she was thinking about him when the spell took hold, so maybe it’s just that. Time will tell I suppose.’  
‘So she has no idea what’s happened over the past few weeks?’ asked David. Emma shook her head slowly.   
‘We’ll have to keep an eye on her to see if there’s anything else in her memory that’s been tampered with, but that seems to be the reason for all of this. She seemed so much more like her old self, before Marian and any of…of this. We can’t be sure without asking her directly but I think it’s safe to say she has no idea there was ever a child.’  
‘I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse,’ David mumbled. Mary Margaret looked to him with an eyebrow raised in confusion.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘For now Regina has no idea of anything that she went through, and she’s…well she’s happy again. How is it going to feel when Gold finds an antidote and she has to relive everything she’s tried so hard to forget?’  
‘We don’t even know if it’s possible yet,’ Emma interjected. ‘Gold said it was a long shot at best that he could find a safe way to bring her memories back.’  
‘You said we couldn’t remind her of anything,’ remembered Mary Margaret, ‘so we can’t tell her what happened. It doesn’t seem right, keeping her in the dark.’  
‘It may be the only way to save her life,’ Emma said.  
‘We’ll call an unofficial town meeting once Regina leaves,’ David suggested, ‘just a few of us who can spread the word and make sure no-one mentions anything they shouldn’t.’

Emma nodded, her gaze wandering again to where Regina sat. Her eyes shone brightly as she talked to Henry, her smile far more relaxed than Emma had seen it in a long time. In theory it was the perfect solution, to simply forget every trouble that had caused her pain, but it had backfired and Emma couldn’t help but feel that however this was destined to end it wouldn’t be easy. 

Xxx

Regina smiled to herself as Ruby delivered their orders to the table. She could see that Henry was watching her again, making sure that she was truly fine as she claimed, and she had to admit that it touched her heart to know that he cared for her so deeply. She took her fork and started on her bowl of pasta, pretending not to notice.  
‘I’m sorry that I didn’t get to spend much time with you this weekend,’ she apologised. ‘I wasn’t feeling too well and I’ve let work get on top of me. It’s going to be a busy week sorting everything out.’  
‘Mom, don’t worry about it,’ Henry said quickly, ‘I understand. But…maybe I could stay with you tonight?’  
Regina looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. ‘Henry,’ she said in a warning tone, ‘you have school.’  
‘I’ll still go tomorrow I just…I want to…’  
She smiled again and covered his hand with hers reassuringly.  
‘You just want to make sure I’m okay,’ she finished quietly. He nodded, the concern shimmering in his deep brown eyes. ‘Henry, I know what you must be thinking but honestly I feel fine. There’s no reason for you to disrupt your schedule just to watch over me. I can take care of myself.’  
Henry sighed frustratedly. ‘I know, but I just don’t want you to be on your own tonight. Look I can go back to Emma’s after school tomorrow, it won’t be a big deal. Please, for me?’

Regina rolled her eyes and shook her head, knowing that he had played the trump card she wouldn’t be able to refuse.   
‘Fine, you win,’ she conceded, holding up her hands in defeat and returning to her food, ‘but only tonight.’  
He nodded fervently, seeming to settle a little. They talked of only superficial things as they ate, and the mood remained light as they finished their meal. Regina had noticed Emma and her parents talking separately in the corner, but hadn’t brought it up with Henry. They seemed to be talking about something serious, brows were furrowed and tones were low so that she couldn’t catch any word of what they were saying. She hated the thoughts that were circling around her mind, the paranoid feeling that they were talking about her, and yet to her it was a certainty. She caught them looking at her more than once.

‘I’m still hungry,’ she announced once their plates had been taken away, ‘how about some ice cream?’  
‘Sure,’ Henry smiled brightly, ‘I’ll just grab my coat.’   
He ran over to Emma to retrieve his things and tell her what was going on as Regina went to the counter to pay. As she took out her purse, her mind wandered and she thought of all of the things that didn’t add up. Gold’s meagre explanation of why she had collapsed had been lazy, poorly thought out as if he were being asked to lie on the spot. 

She remembered waking up in the vault with another man by her side whose name she couldn’t quite place, talking to Henry before everything went dark again. But when she tried to remember how she had come to be there everything went fuzzy. She could recall vague memories of eating breakfast in the kitchen, walking towards her office but anything more detailed was lost in the fog of her mind. Her head started to throb and she reached a hand to her temple to try and ease the growing ache. 

‘Mom are you coming? Are you okay?’  
‘Fine,’ Regina responded instantly, a smile automatically coming into place as her hand dropped to her bag, ‘I’m fine, yes, let’s go.’   
As they walked towards the door and the ache began to recede, Regina decided that some questions would have to wait to be answered. Henry was already worried for her, and he didn’t need to be put through anything more. For now she was just going to enjoy the time with her son; right now she knew that was the most important thing.

Xxx

It took a while for Henry to stop watching her. Regina noticed, of course, but chose to play along knowing that no matter how many times she insisted that she was okay he wouldn’t be satisfied until he saw it for himself. And eventually, as the day wore on, he seemed to accept it. 

After going for ice cream they went home and had a quiet night in watching television and chatting about nothing important. By the second film Henry seemed far more relaxed. He was slouched back in the chair, texting occasionally and not even trying to stifle his yawns. Regina smiled. She felt pride well in her chest, an almost unexplainable relief at just being able to see him sitting there doing nothing in particular. Although she was fighting exhaustion, she held off going to bed until the end credits rolled just enjoying the peace and quiet that had settled between them.  
‘I think that’s me done,’ she said, getting up slowly and stretching her arms.  
‘Me too. Want me to do the dishes?’ offered Henry. Regina sighed heavily, looking down at the bowls from dinner.   
‘We can cheat this once.’  
She raised her hand and flicked her index finger lazily, causing the mess to disappear in the blink of an eye. When she turned back to Henry he seemed to be watching her again, as though he was waiting for something to happen, but it was only for a moment before his gaze softened and he picked up his jacket.   
‘Night Mom,’ he said, hugging her tightly.  
‘Goodnight Henry.’   
He trudged slowly and sleepily up the stairs, and Regina wasn’t far behind him after she had turned off the lights. She walked to her room and her hand went for the doorknob, but once her fingers wrapped around the cold metal she froze for a moment. She felt cold. It was as though the dark was suffocating her, closing in from every corner of the hallway and reaching its icy fingers along her arms until her hand felt numb. Tired, she told herself, she was just tired. 

It was harder than it should have been to open that door, but once she stepped through into her bedroom it was as though the darkness had lifted. It was her room, just her room. What more she had expected there to be there she didn’t quite know, but nonetheless it was a relief. Changing quickly for bed, it didn’t take her long to fall into a very deep sleep.

Xxx

Regina woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in her bed as the sheets slipped from her body. She looked around for what had woken her, breathing heavily, but found nothing out of place. She reached a hand to her forehead, feeling the perspiration that was dripping down the side of her face, and tried to remember the dream she had been having. It wouldn’t come.

She knew that she had been dreaming, somehow she was certain, but the memory was irretrievable. As Regina tried to force herself to try and recall it her head began to ache, a low dull throbbing in her temple. It was like trying to catch the smoke from a dying fire, her fingers curling around the wisps only for them to dissipate at once. Her breathing slowed, her heart settling down and she eventually gave up. Whatever had haunted her during the night was gone, and she hoped that it wasn’t about to return. Pushing the crumpled sheets aside, she headed for the shower and tried to push it to the back of her mind.

Xxx

‘Hey Mom,’ Henry said as he bounded down the stairs, bag already slung across his shoulder, ‘you okay?’  
‘Fine, thank you,’ Regina answered as convincingly as she could, pushing a bowl of cereal across the kitchen counter as he sat down.   
‘Are you sure? Because I don’t have to go to school…’  
‘Nice try,’ she grinned, taking a drink from her mug of coffee. ‘I have a lot of work to be getting on with anyway; the office is in a mess. I don’t know how I managed to get so behind. But when you come back on Friday I’ll have caught up and I’ll cook something for dinner.’  
‘Lasagne?’  
‘Of course,’ she said, her smile widening. She finished her coffee, needing the caffeine boost, and looked up at the clock.  
‘You’re going to be late,’ she pointed out.  
‘Will you walk with me?’  
Regina raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you not too cool to be walked to the bus stop by your mother?’  
‘Never,’ he grinned, wolfing down the rest of his cereal. ‘Ready!’

Grabbing her coat, Regina followed Henry as he rushed out of the door and they walked to the bus stop outside of Granny’s. They arrived just as the bus pulled in and she gave her son a quick but close hug.  
‘Call me later, okay?’ he asked, the protectiveness he felt towards her coming through in his tone.  
‘Tonight, I will,’ she promised, releasing him from her arms, ‘have a good day.’  
‘See you!’

Regina waited until the bus was out of sight, before turning on her heel and walking, but not towards her office.

Xxx

Gold was in the back office when he heard the bell on the shop door ring. It was early, before nine, and he had only just started the arduous task of reviewing the old spell books in hope of some reference to Regina’s ailment; he hadn’t expected anyone to come in. As he walked through to the shop he wondered whether Emma, Mary Margaret or Robin would be the first to hound him for answers. His money was on Robin. When he saw Regina standing waiting for him, arms crossed and a familiar look of annoyance on her face he was surprised. 

She looked almost her old self again, wearing a formal grey dress beneath her black trench coat and a pair of regal black heels. Her make-up was flawless, and only her eyes betrayed her. They shined with a darkness that lay buried deep within, with secrets that would go unspoken. Though whether these were new secrets or old, Gold couldn’t yet tell.

‘Regina,’ he said carefully, knowing that he would need to think through everything he said before the words escaped him, ‘how are you feeling.’  
‘Well enough.’  
The phrasing of her answer was not lost to Gold, and he felt an uncomfortable stab of sympathy that few managed to draw from him.   
‘What can I do for you today?’  
‘You can cut the crap,’ she snapped.  
‘I don’t know what you mean.’

Regina laughed without a trace of humour.  
‘We both know that magic doesn’t fluctuate for no reason,’ she challenged, ‘and that doesn’t cause someone to faint. You made that up, you lied to me. I don’t know why and I don’t care, I just want to know the truth.’   
Gold paused for a moment, trying to think. They were playing a dangerous game, though she couldn’t understand the stakes, and he held all of the cards.  
‘Well?’  
‘You’re right,’ he admitted slowly, ‘that isn’t what happened.’  
‘Then what did?’ she pressed impatiently, unfolding her arms.   
‘You don’t want to know.’

She stared at him, confused. His expression was unreadable as she searched for an explanation for his vague answer, and she felt a familiar anger beginning to rise within her as well as something else; fear of what it was that she supposedly didn’t want to know.   
‘Who are you to decide that?’ asked Regina, uncrossing her arms and placing them on her hips. ‘I don’t need coddling, not from you and not from anyone. I need to know what happened.’  
‘And if I refuse to tell you?’   
Regina’s face darkened, her eyes flashing dangerously and narrowing as she took a step towards the counter that separated them.  
‘Then I will make you tell me,’ she breathed.  
Gold laughed, practically begging her to challenge him, and she squared her shoulders in response. Regina lifted her hand ready to cast, but she stopped. Gold saw something change within her, and she seemed to lose her way for a moment. She winced, her hand reflexively moving towards her temple before she caught herself almost self-consciously.   
‘Headache?’ he asked  
‘It’s nothing,’ she muttered, lowering her hand to her side.   
‘Have you had many?’  
‘Just since yesterday,’ sighed Regina, ‘it’ll go in a second, they don’t last long.’   
She looked up at him, her anger fading in favour of a more tired resignation. ‘I take it you know why?’  
‘I have a theory,’ he admitted. After a moment, he decided it would be best to elaborate. ‘It’s a side effect.’  
‘Side effect?’ she questioned.   
‘Of a curse.’

Regina’s brow creased in confusion. ‘A curse?’  
‘A failed one,’ Gold continued. ‘The headaches are…an aftershock of sorts. They’ll recede eventually, in the mean time I can only advise aspirin.’   
‘I don’t even know where to begin,’ she said, shaking her head. She turned and walked away from him, slowly beginning to pace. When her eyes found his again they were full of questions.  
‘What curse…who cursed me? Is Henry in danger?’  
‘As to what, I’m not certain but it doesn’t matter it didn’t work. Henry is in no danger, I can assure you of that.’  
Regina eyed him suspiciously. ‘You didn’t answer who.’  
‘I’m still looking for the perpetrator,’ Gold said smoothly.  
‘Liar,’ she hissed, moving back towards him. ‘How would you know for certain that Henry was safe if you didn’t know who cursed me? Was it you?’  
‘No,’ he said at once.  
‘Then who?’

Gold sighed. He had been backed into a corner, one he wasn’t likely to escape without giving something away. He considered his response for a moment before answering.  
‘By you.’  
It took her a while for the words to sink in, and once they did everything seemed to slow down.   
‘I… I don’t…why? Was it-‘  
‘Purposeful? Yes. I told you that you didn’t want to know.’  
‘Do you know why I did it?’ she asked, hating how vulnerable she felt looking to Gold for answers.   
‘No,’ he lied subtly, ‘and I gather that you yourself don’t remember.’  
‘I…’ she started, but simply shook her head lowering her gaze.   
‘Then perhaps it is best left that way,’ offered Gold gently. ‘Everything is seemingly back to normal, as far as I can tell. Leave it buried in the past where it belongs.’  
Her head snapped up as another thought crossed her mind. ‘Does Henry know?’  
‘No,’ he lied again, hoping to spare them both that burden. Regina seemed willing enough to accept his word, her expression stricken and her mind clearly trying to process what she had just learned. 

She straightened up, not sure what else to say and turned to leave the shop. Before she reached the door, she paused.  
‘It didn’t work?’  
‘It did not,’ he confirmed.   
‘And…no-one else…’  
‘Your secret is safe,’ he assured her, feeling somewhat guilty knowing the falseness of that promise.   
‘Then maybe the past should stay where it belongs,’ mumbled Regina, to herself as much as Gold, before she walked out into the bright morning sunshine. 

Gold returned to the office, thumbing through a book of ancient spells and hoping that he could find something to put this right. He knew that what he had told her would be enough for now, a lie hidden behind a veil of half-truths, but if she started to dig deeper then surely she would find the truth. Now more than ever, he felt the weight of his willingness to help on his shoulders. He wished that he didn’t care, yet knew that it was never that simple.


	26. Chapter 26

After speaking with Gold, Regina went to her office and asked not to be disturbed. She sat at her desk, moaning at the sight of the stacks of paperwork which covered every inch of it. But as she tried to sort them out into useful piles, her mind couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand. So many questions were running through her head, trying to make connections that she couldn’t quite grasp. Gold said that she had cursed herself, but how was it that only he knew? And how could she not remember?

Her heart began to race as she wondered how much of what he had told her was the truth. There were definitely parts that didn’t fit together, and as she puzzled over it more her headache only worsened. She wondered if Gold himself had cursed her and tried to cover it up when it had gone awry, but somehow that didn’t feel right. He had assured her that Henry didn’t know, yet part of her wondered whether his over-protectiveness after her fall had been rooted in something else.

Part of her just wanted to take Gold’s advice and forget the whole thing. Unless she looked into it further then she wasn’t going to find out anymore, and she had no particular desire to do so; it was already becoming exhausting trying to piece together what she had been told against what she remembered. Regina knew that she would need to keep an eye on him, but as much as she was suspicious that she wasn’t being told the whole truth she was also aware that dwelling on it wasn’t going to help her much either. She had a job to do.

Deciding that she needed to clear her mind before beginning to wade through the mountain of work which would surely take up the rest of the day, Regina grabbed her bag and headed to Granny’s for a coffee.

Xxx

Robin sat on a bar stool with his head cast down, staring into his cup of tea and yet not quite seeing it. He had spent the last day thinking everything over, but that had brought no great epiphany as he had hoped. Roland, as ever, had been a light amongst the darkness and had definitely lifted his spirits the night before. But he was with Marian and the Merry Men today, and Robin was left to contemplate what exactly he was going to do. He had no sense of permanence, no home and no job in particular. Part of him thought about leaving Storybrooke for good, though he knew that he couldn’t leave Roland. Sighing, he picked up his spoon and started absentmindedly stirring the cooling liquid. When he heard the bell ring and someone else enter the diner, somehow he knew it was her.

Xxx

She spotted him as she walked up to the counter and ordered a coffee to go, and felt a flutter in her stomach that she wasn’t quite accustomed to. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, a man she hardly recognised caught up in a situation she didn’t fully understand; she was embarrassed, cautious, that had to be it. She took the seat beside him and smiled.

‘Hi,’ she said brightly, feeling a slight blush rise in her cheek when he looked up at her. There was definitely something in his eyes, a cautiousness that seemed to hold him back before he answered.  
‘Hello Regina,’ he answered eventually, his words slow as though they were carefully thought out.  
‘I’m sorry to interrupt,’ she apologised quickly, ‘I just wanted to thank you for what you did the other day.’  
‘It’s nothing,’ he assured her, ‘I was just in the right place at the right time.’  
‘Still, I’m glad that you were for Henry’s sake as well as my own. I’m not sure if I know exactly what happened, but I seem to be fine now.’  
‘Well that’s good to hear,’ he smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.   
‘I…I’m sorry, but I don’t quite remember your name,’ she admitted, searching through her memory and coming up with only a brief flash of his face and the smell of pine trees.

The smile fell slowly but surely from his face, and though he tried to hide it Regina could see that he was disappointed and she felt guilty for it.  
‘Robin,’ he said gently, ‘Robin of Locksley.’  
‘Robin, of course,’ Regina said at once, her memories starting to slide back into place as though they had been suddenly unlocked to her. ‘You helped us back in the Enchanted Forest, with my sister Zelena I remember now.’  
‘I was only glad to be of service.’  
She let the scenes play over in her head like a movie, reliving each with an unusual clarity. Robin was there with her as they trekked through the forest, though always in the background. He walked beside his so-called ‘Merry Men’ with a little boy on his shoulders.  
‘You have a son,’ she recalled aloud, and Robin allowed himself to relax a little.  
‘Roland,’ he reminded her, to which she nodded in acknowledgement. ‘He’s very fond of you, ever since you saved him from that flying monkey.’  
Regina’s brow furrowed slightly as she struggled to remember, but eventually the image came of the young boy standing frightened in the path of the creature.   
‘It was nothing,’ Regina dismissed, ‘nothing at all. But I would like to thank you properly some time, for everything. Can I buy you a drink some time?’

She noticed his posture stiffen slightly at the invitation. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her properly for the first time since their conversation began, and the depth of his gaze struck her more than she had expected. Her breath caught in her throat, her heart beginning to pound. His eyes were a well of emotions she couldn’t place, so warm and kind and yet undeniably touched by sadness. Neither of them spoke, both lost in the moment and not willing to tear themselves away. But all too soon, the spell was broken. Regina saw his bright blue eyes darken, and he couldn’t hide the slight falter in his expression.   
‘Sure, maybe,’ he answered vaguely. She knew that it was the best she was going to get, and accepted it with a nod as Granny passed her the coffee cup and she paid for it.   
‘I’ll see you around,’ she offered with a smile before turning on her heel and walking out, silently cursing herself for the way she had handled the situation. She hadn’t felt so nervous over a conversation since her mother was alive; no-one made her feel like that. Shaking her head, she stepped out into the warm morning air and sipped her coffee. It was going to be a long day.

Xxx

Robin shook his head, pushing his tepid tea to one side.   
‘Are you alright?’ asked Granny, looking at him with a sympathetic gaze.  
‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘I just want her to be okay and she seems to be better now, she seems happy. That’s all that matters really.’   
‘She’s only happy because she doesn’t know what she’s missing,’ Granny pointed out.   
‘Even oblivious happiness is better than the alternative,’ Robin argued. ‘It’s not easy for me, I won’t deny that, but as long as she’s safe it doesn’t matter how I feel.’   
Granny took his cup and put her hand over his. ‘You’re a good man. I’ll get you a fresh one.’  
‘Thanks.’

There was only a moment of silence before another shrill voice stirred Robin from his reverie.  
‘What was that?’  
He looked to see Tinker Bell taking the place Regina had held beside him, looking utterly confused.  
‘What was what?’  
‘That!’ she repeated. ‘How do you expect to get anywhere by being all sad and sullen?’  
‘Expect…what do you mean?’  
Tink sighed dramatically and shook her head. ‘I know what’s happened, and I can see why you’re upset but you’re not going to win her back by speaking to her like a moody teenager.’  
‘Win her back? No, Tink, this isn’t about that. I can’t.’  
‘Why not?’

It was a simple question, yet when Robin searched for what he thought was the simple answer it was far more muddied than he had originally anticipated. He let out a deep breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding.   
‘If you were watching, then you know that she has no idea of who I am anymore,’ he said.  
‘No,’ Tink admitted, ‘but that’s just a setback.’  
‘Do you think I can just turn on the charm and she’ll fall back into my arms?’ he asked sarcastically. The young fairy raised an eyebrow at him, as though to say why not?   
‘It’s not that easy.’  
‘It can be.’  
‘No,’ Robin said a little louder, becoming frustrated with Tinker Bell’s brazen attitude. ‘For a start, she’s just been through hell.’  
‘But she doesn’t remember all of that,’ she reminded him. ‘To her it’s just another day of the week, and yesterday was just a fall. She doesn’t see herself as ill or vulnerable.’  
‘And that’s part of it,’ explained Robin. ‘She has no idea of everything that’s happened but I do. I know what she’s been through. I know things about her, deeply personal things, that she can’t remember. I feel like I’m taking advantage by pretending that nothing has happened. She doesn’t know that we were ever together, and I can’t tell her, so I would have to lie to her every day. That’s no way to start a relationship.’

Tinker Bell sighed, understanding the complexity of the problem but not willing to be defeated by it. She decided to proceed a little more tactfully, lowering her voice to a hushed tone.  
‘Look, from what I’ve heard Regina wanted to forget the awful things that she’s been through. I can’t blame her for that; I wouldn’t wish her last few weeks on my worst enemy. So you shouldn’t feel guilty for keeping them from her. She wanted those memories gone.’  
She allowed Robin a moment to consider this before gently continuing.  
‘But she didn’t choose to forget you. She didn’t want you to be in this position, and she didn’t want to be without you. From what I saw between you she clearly still has feelings for you, even if she can’t rationalise them herself yet. All I’m saying is don’t count yourself out just yet. If she wants to be with you it’s still her choice.’  
‘What if Gold finds a way to bring her memories back safely?’ asked Robin.  
‘It’s unlikely,’ Tink said regrettably. ‘From what I know of the magic involved it’s terribly complex and after everything went so wrong trying to correct it is impossible, or only with a high degree of risk. And even if she did remember, she would know that none of this was your fault. You’re not to blame here, Robin. Not at all.’

Robin ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think but finding it impossible to order his thoughts. He saw Regina lying in her vault, cradled in his arms. He saw her in the hospital bed and he saw her walking alongside him and Roland in the moonlight. He had let Regina down that night, when Marian had returned to him. The road for them had not been easy, and that had been in part his fault. He didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise her happiness further, even if that meant losing her forever. Yet a small part of him wondered if Tinker Bell was right. It was enough to make him stop for a moment and consider things.

‘She can’t remember on her own,’ Robin thought aloud, ‘Gold said that would be dangerous.’  
‘Very,’ Tink agreed at once, her expression becoming more serious. ‘It would put her life at risk.’  
‘Then surely I should stay as far away from her as possible,’ he reasoned. ‘She can’t remember what happened between us, and nothing about…about the baby or what happened with Marian. I’m involved in all of that. It seems like a recipe for disaster.’  
‘The potion she took is strong,’ Tink said, ‘it is designed to be tested and to compensate for what the taker should know when put in these types of situation. In Regina’s case perhaps it is better to tread a little carefully, just for the next few days, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to her and eventually get close to her again. As long as you keep the past where it belongs and don’t purposefully provoke the last few months of her memory, then there shouldn’t be a problem.’

Robin shook his head. ‘I don’t know, this all seems like a very big risk.’  
‘Isn’t it worth it?’ whispered Tink, her eyes sparkling with an optimism Robin envied.  
‘If I could be sure of the outcome, of course,’ he said at once. ‘But I don’t want to risk Regina’s happiness, and certainly not her life. She’s happy now, isn’t she? The weight of everything she’s been through has been lifted from her shoulders and she deserves to be able to live a safe, happy life. She’s…she’s better off without me.’  
Tink could see that she was fighting a losing battle. This was something Robin needed to puzzle over by himself.   
‘Then you have to decide if it’s more painful to let her go and live life never knowing what could have been, or to take a leap of faith and trust that it will be okay.’  
She got up from the seat and put a gentle hand on his arm.  
‘The universe has been fighting to keep you apart for so long. Don’t let it win.’

Xxx

It was Monday morning and after a normal weekend with Henry, Regina was less than eager to drag herself back into the office. She had worked late every night last week, sometimes dropping off amongst the stacks of papers and waking suddenly with an uncomfortable ache in her neck. Although she had managed to sort all of the open accounts, budget reports and planning documents that had been littering her desk a new week brought a number of new challenges and it was beginning to feel like handing the mayor’s job over to literally anybody else. 

She wouldn’t, of course. She loved her job, even when it was just paperwork and approvals. It meant that the town was safe from any great threat, which wasn’t usually the case, and if this was the price she had to pay for peace then she was more than willing.

Deciding that a burst of caffeine was needed before she went into her office, she stopped off at Granny’s. Gold had been right and the headaches which had plagued her in the early days of the previous weeks had abated, for which she was grateful. Sometimes she still woke in the early hours, not quite frightened but perhaps perturbed by whatever she had seen while deep in slumber though she could never remember what it was. Regina had woken that morning with that same unusual feeling, that she had lived a life within her dreams that she couldn’t even start to remember. As usual she ignored it; after all, it was doing her no harm.

She saw Robin sat at the counter, where he had been when she had spoken to him last week. They hadn’t seen each other since then, and Regina wondered whether that was because she had been busy or if he had been avoiding her. Either way, she didn’t dwell on it but went up to order her coffee.  
‘Good morning,’ she smiled.  
‘Morning,’ he replied, finishing his breakfast of eggs and bacon and laying the cutlery down on the plate. ‘How are you?’  
‘I’m fine, yourself?’  
‘Not bad. I’m just about to pick up my son for the morning.’  
‘Roland?’   
He nodded.   
‘Well I hope you two have a good time,’ she said as she picked up her coffee. ‘They’re so precious when they’re young.’

‘Regina?’  
She had been walking towards the door but stopped when she heard him call her name, turning back to him.  
‘Yes?’  
‘That…that drink,’ Robin said nervously. Her smile was almost reward enough for his bravery. ‘Tonight?’  
‘I’d love to,’ she answered genuinely.   
‘Is here at 8 alright?’  
‘Of course,’ she agreed. ‘I’ll see you then.’

As she left Granny’s diner she was practically glowing. Her fall, her dreams, they were all forgotten. Somehow, it felt as if the world was being put right. She couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.


	27. Chapter 27

Regina looked at herself in the mirror for the thousandth and final time. She had chosen a knee-length black dress tight enough to show off her figure, but simple enough that she didn’t look as though she were making more effort than the occasion called for. Her hair and make-up were immaculate, but as she picked up a handbag and leather jacket and headed towards the front door she found that she was still unsure of herself. 

This was the first time she had been out with a man since Graham, and that was only on the rare occasion that they dared to venture out to a quiet bar on the other side of town. There had been nothing to prove, no reason to doubt what Graham thought about her and no particular reason to care. Their relationship and how she had treated him was still something which made her feel guilty, even years later and after she had changed so much. She shook her head and locked the door behind her; this was not time to dwell on the past. Regina Mills had a date, her first in a very long time, and she was determined to enjoy it.

Xxx

Robin sat on a stool at the bar in the place where he had agreed to meet Regina, nursing a pint of beer and every minute or so contemplating getting up and leaving. His rational brain was screaming at him that this was wrong, that it was never going to work and that he was only endangering Regina by being here. He knew that he would never forgive himself if something bad happened to her because of his foolishness, yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to let her go entirely. He decided, after standing up and sitting back down a number of times, that he would stay; one night, one last night together, just to check that she was okay. Then, he would let her go. 

When she walked in the door she took his breath away. Her dress moulded perfectly to her body, showing off her slender curves, but it was the shy smile that she wore as she spotted him which lit up the room. It was a carefree smile, the smile of someone who was no longer weighed down by terrible burdens no person should have to bear alone. She was radiant, and as she sat down next to him Robin could feel the warmth of her heart and it made him relax a little.   
‘You look beautiful,’ he breathed, loving how she smiled and looked down at the counter, brushing her hair behind her ear before cautiously looking back up at him.  
‘Thank you,’ she beamed. ‘You don’t look so bad yourself.’  
He looked to her as the bartender came over.  
‘What would you like?’  
‘A dry martini, please.’  
Robin paid the man before Regina could reach for her purse and she crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.  
‘I thought I was supposed to be buying you the drink?’  
‘I may be a thief, but I’m still a gentleman.’  
She chuckled, and the sound made his heart somersault. He realised then that this was a mistake. He was in love with her and yet he was a stranger to her, and seeing her like this was only going to make it so much harder to walk away. 

They were quiet for a moment as Regina sipped her martini. She placed her hands on the bar, and without thinking started picking at the skin on the back of her left hand with her right thumb and forefinger. Robin recognised the gesture, and smiled sadly.   
‘Nervous?’ he asked. She looked up at him, puzzled. He nodded to her hands and she realised what he had noticed, curling her hands into fists to stop herself.   
‘A little,’ she admitted, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. ‘It’s been a while since I did this kind of thing.’   
‘Me too,’ said Robin. ‘I never really dated Marian, Roland’s mother, back in the Enchanted Forest. It wasn’t exactly the done thing back then.’  
‘No,’ Regina agreed. ‘Were you married to her?’  
‘Yes, I was, but things…it was complicated. For a long time I thought I had lost her. She came back into my life recently, but I had already said my goodbyes long ago and we didn’t fit together anymore.’  
Regina’s eyes softened as she listened carefully.   
‘I’m sorry,’ she said genuinely.   
‘Don’t be. I’m glad she’s back, so that she can be in Roland’s life again, but we both needed to move on.’

Regina nodded thoughtfully, taking another sip of her drink.   
‘Have you always done that, with your hand? It’s a dead giveaway.’  
‘I haven’t in a long time,’ she remembered, thinking back to her childhood. ‘My mother always told me off for doing it. She said it was unbecoming of a future Queen or something like that, which only made me more nervous around her and therefore more likely to do it without realising.’  
‘She sounds like a…difficult woman,’ Robin said carefully.   
‘You can say that again,’ mumbled Regina. ‘You weren’t here, when she came to Storybrooke?’  
Robin shook his head.   
‘I was still in the Enchanted Forest back then.’  
‘She came and tried to take over the town, not that it should have been a surprise to me. She was very demanding when I was younger. She never let me think for myself, and wouldn’t let me be who I wanted to be.’   
‘Who did you want to be?’ asked Robin.  
Regina smiled wistfully, trying to think of the person she had once imagined, dreamed she would become.   
‘I wanted to marry the stable boy, Daniel. I wanted to raise horses on a small farm, somewhere in the countryside. And raise a family. I wanted to run away with him, but I never got the chance. I always blamed Snow White for telling my mother about our plans, when really I should have blamed her. She killed him when she found out, crushed his heart in front of me.’  
‘I’m sorry,’ Robin whispered, shaking his head. He had heard the story before, but it never failed to pull on his heart strings, and for Regina it was as if she were telling him for the first time and he could feel the raw emotion in her voice not quite enough for it to crack. He could feel the trust she was imparting with her words, and it meant more to him than he ever thought was possible. 

‘Cora had a hold on me, something I didn’t realise the extent of until after she died. Even when I banished her to Wonderland not long before I was married, I never really blamed her for Daniel’s death. I always put that onto Snow, because it was easier than acknowledging that my own mother would do that to someone I loved just to keep me in line,’ Regina explained, feeling the depth of old wounds not completely healed reopening.   
‘When I was younger she…she wasn’t kind to me, and she would punish me for not being the daughter she wanted and needed. I tried to fight back, but I wasn’t strong enough. I swore I would never become like her, but that’s exactly how I ended up.’  
‘Hey,’ Robin stopped her gently, putting his hand instinctively over her own, ‘don’t say that. We all make mistakes, I know I have, but it doesn’t define who we are. You are not your mother, Regina, you have to believe that.’  
‘The Evil Queen took hearts just as she did; in fact, I was probably worse,’ said Regina.   
‘But you did something that Cora never could,’ Robin reminded her. ‘You changed, for the better, and came through the other side. And now you’re a stronger person for it. You don’t live under her shadow anymore.’

Regina reached up and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, shaking her head and starting to laugh.  
‘What is it?’ asked Robin, his tone heavy with concern.  
‘You can tell I haven’t done this in a long time,’ she laughed. ‘It’s not exactly the best way to start a nice evening, crying over my evil mother and blurting out half of my backstory.’  
Robin smiled.  
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he pondered, ‘I can think of worse things. I remember in the Enchanted Forest we were being attacked by flying monkeys sent by your wicked half-sister; that was an interesting way for our first meeting to go.’  
‘Very true,’ chuckled Regina. She looked over at their hands. He had started to gently stroke the back of her hand with his thumb, and the feeling of it was so warm and natural that it just felt right.  
‘You’re very easy to talk to,’ she said, her smile remaining but her eyes growing more serious. ‘Most people know me as the Evil Queen, and I spend half of my time trying to keep that image out of their heads. There are a lot of things that I…I haven’t really talked about.’   
‘Well, I don’t see you as that figure,’ Robin assured her. ‘I never knew the Evil Queen, and I certainly don’t see her in you. And as for everything else…we’ve got drinks, peace and quiet, and nowhere else to be. So, whatever you want to talk about, I’m here to listen.’

Regina smiled, feeling something stirring inside her that she had thought long since lost. Part of it scared her, the thought of opening herself up to something new, but somehow it felt right, as though it were meant to be. 

They talked for hours, about anything and everything, and Regina found herself telling this man she hardly knew things that she hadn’t ever spoken aloud before. She told him about growing up with Cora, about her marriage to the King and how lonely her days had been. She finally admitted how she had allowed the darkness to consume her through Rumplestiltskin’s teachings because for her there was nothing else in her life; it was easy to let dark magic take control when the only alternative was for her to wither away and die. He listened attentively, keeping his hand permanently over her own which kept her grounded as she reached deep into her soul. 

Robin, too, found himself going back to his childhood. Though happy, he had lived in poverty and seen others without families to support them suffer in the shadow of those who had everything. He had vowed from then on to never forget where he came from, and used his hunting skills to steal from the rich to give to the poor. Although he became a folk hero for his work, to him it was just keeping a promise to himself and his family. 

Their conversation eventually closed the bar, and Robin offered to walk Regina the few streets back to her house. The night was cool but still, the moon a glowing half crescent lighting their path. At some point, and neither could remember when, their hands became intertwined. 

When they reached Regina’s front door, she turned to him and didn’t know quite what to say.   
‘I had a wonderful time tonight,’ she said, smiling.  
‘As did I,’ replied Robin.  
‘Maybe we could do it again sometime?’  
Robin hesitated. It was the question he had hoped wouldn’t come up so he could remain living in the blissful bubble tonight had provided. He had sworn to himself that this was it, this was the end, but now that he was faced with it he couldn’t find the words.   
Even knowing all he did about Regina from their shared past, tonight had felt like the most natural thing in the world to him. It felt as though they had been given the chance to start afresh, to do things properly without all of the impossible challenges life had thrown at them the first time around. Somehow, he felt like this was how things were meant to be. And even though he knew he was playing with fire, risking everything so soon after almost losing it all, he wasn’t strong enough to give this, her, away. Not again. 

Regina felt her heart sinking as the seconds stretched on and he offered no response. Her heart started thundering in her chest; had she read things so differently than he had? Had he not felt the same spark when their hands touched? Of course, she was the Evil Queen, why would he want to be with her. She was angry when she felt the threat of tears in her eyes and straightened up, closing off her feelings and bringing up the walls she kept around her heart.   
‘I mean, if you don’t want to that’s-‘  
‘Regina,’ he whispered, the depth of his tone so startling that it stopped her in her tracks. Her eyes became lost in his, and she was paralysed as he reached up and gently cupped her cheek, caressing the soft skin with his thumb. 

Before he could stop himself, Robin leaned in and his lips met hers in a gentle kiss. Their eyes closed as fireworks exploded, the chemistry between them sizzling as though they were bonded by some sort of ethereal connection. For one perfect moment, there was no-one and nothing else but them in the world. 

As they parted, Robin opened his eyes and saw Regina’s deep brown pools shining back at him, wet with unshed emotion. His chest tightened, as he wondered whether Gold could have been wrong. That kiss was powerful, even he could feel that; was it enough? Was their connection enough to overcome the dark magic that had threatened to destroy everything they had worked so hard to build?

‘That was…’ breathed Regina, not quite able to find the words.  
‘Magical,’ Robin finished for her, smiling. ‘Are you alright?’  
‘Yes, yes I’m fine,’ she answered. ‘It’s just…it’s been a long time since anyone kissed me like that.’  
Robin tried his hardest not to let his disappointment show. Of course it was never going to be that easy.   
‘Will I see you-‘  
‘Tomorrow,’ Robin cut in, ‘yes, lunch at Granny’s?’   
‘I look forward to it,’ beamed Regina. ‘Until then, goodnight.’  
Robin took her hand and kissed it lightly.   
‘Goodnight, your majesty.’

It took all of the strength Robin had to turn and walk away from her. He had to remind himself that what was keeping them apart was also keeping Regina safe, and if tonight had proved anything it was that there could be a way for them to be together without risking her life in the process. He knew that he had to make sure, before he let himself get drawn in and before he dragged Regina down with him, and he knew who he had to ask. 

Xxx

Mr. Gold sighed when the bell on his door rang far too early that morning, knowing that it could only mean trouble. Coming out from the back room and up to the counter, he wasn’t surprised to see Robin stalking through the door looking as though he hadn’t slept a wink.   
‘I haven’t found a way to bring back her memories yet, if that’s what you’re after,’ he said in an exasperated tone. ‘If I had, I would have told you.’  
‘I know,’ Robin nodded, ‘it’s not about that.’  
Gold didn’t try and hide his surprise, and waited for the outlaw to elaborate.   
‘I…Look, we both know that you finding some magical solution is a long shot, right?’  
‘I would have to say that it is looking very unlikely,’ Gold agreed.  
‘So, the most likely outcome is that Regina will stay as she is, not remembering what happened and not remembering me, correct?’  
‘You are right, yes,’ Gold acknowledged. ‘Where are you going with this?’

Robin let out a deep breath, trying to work out how to ask what he wanted to know.   
‘Regina and I… if we were to get together, without her remembering things from before, would that…I mean, would she…’  
‘Would it put her in danger?’ Gold finished for him, sensing his inner struggle. Robin nodded.  
‘Well, there’s no way of knowing for certain,’ he started diplomatically, ‘but I don’t think that it would.’  
‘You don’t think that being with me might bring up some of her memories?’  
‘I think that if that were the case then it would probably have happened already,’ Gold reasoned. ‘We have all been involved, in some way, over the past few weeks; seeing and talking to any one of us theoretically could bring up those old memories. But the potion she took to rewrite those memories is powerful enough to stop that from happening. Unless there is something specific that triggers a memory she is supposed to have forgotten, then you are no more likely to cause her harm than any one of us.’

Robin thought about that for a moment and contemplated what it meant. He hadn’t thought of it in that way. He wasn’t sure whether he was convinced, and Gold could tell that he was still caught between what he wanted and what he was most afraid of.   
‘Look, Regina is clearly still drawn to you because of the feelings you have for each other; that isn’t going to go away. There’s every chance that you not being with her would be as dangerous as you being together.’  
‘What do you mean?’ asked Robin.  
‘Well, writing you out of her life by accident has left a gap that she won’t have been able to fill with fake memories or feelings. It could be that without you, she starts to question why she’s feeling that way and that leads her on the exact path you want to avoid.’  
‘So…I should try and make it work? I have to?’ Robin questioned anxiously, suddenly feeling the weight of this confusion bearing down on him.  
‘I’m saying that it isn’t clear either way,’ Gold said, trying to simplify it for him. ‘If you are constantly worrying about what to do and what to say then you’re never going to get anywhere. If I fail, Regina has to form a future from here on and the rest of us have to work with that. You have to decide whether you want to be a part of that future, it’s as simple as that.’ 

Xxx 

From Gold’s shop, Robin had made his way to Granny’s with his head buzzing. He found Emma, Henry, Mary Margaret and David all having breakfast. As soon as they saw him, they could see that he was troubled and he found himself sitting with them and explaining everything that had happened, including his conversation with Gold. 

‘I don’t know what to do,’ he admitted, resisting the urge to slump in his chair and give up entirely.   
‘Really?’ Henry asked. ‘It seems pretty obvious to me.’  
Everyone looked at him with expressions conveying varying levels of intrigue and confusion. Henry sighed and shook his head.   
‘You love my Mom, right?’  
‘Right,’ Robin mumbled.   
‘And if Gold is telling the truth, then she probably won’t be able to remember you on her own.’  
‘Also right,’ Robin agreed.  
‘So the only way you’re going to both get your happy ending is if you start again, like you did last night,’ Henry said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.   
‘Henry, I don’t think it’s that simple,’ started Emma.  
‘But it is,’ Henry argued. ‘Think about it. If we all spend every minute tiptoeing around Mom and choosing our words, then she’ll know something is off and we could make things worse. The best thing we can do is just go on as if everything is normal, because she thinks it is. Robin, you and Mom are meant to be together. She forgot you, and it sucks, but if two people are meant to be together then they always find each other.’ Henry looked over at his grandparents. ‘Right?’  
‘Right,’ smiled David and Mary Margaret, taking each other’s’ hands.   
‘So, if my Mom hadn’t met you properly before, then it would be happening now; this is what would be normal. Sure there’s a chance it could all go wrong, but that chance is still there whether you try and make a go of it or not. You might as well take a shot at happiness while you have it.’

Robin wondered how Henry could see through all of the mess, after everything he had been through, and come up with words so simple and yet so perfect. Robin smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in ages.   
‘You really are amazing, Henry, you know that?’  
‘I’ve been told,’ Henry grinned proudly. 

Xxx

As soon as the clock struck half past twelve, Regina made her way into the diner with her heart fluttering in her chest. She half expected him not to be there, for everything she thought she had felt last night to be nothing more than a dream. But her eyes soon came to rest on the man she seemed to be falling hard and fast for, sitting in a booth with two cups of coffee waiting for them. Her heart soared and a smile spread across her face without her even having to think about it. As she walked over to join him, she wondered if this was it; the start of her happy ever after.


	28. Chapter 28

The next few weeks were some of the happiest of Regina’s life. She and Robin continued to see each other most days, and she could feel the connection between them deepening with every moment they spent together. She hadn’t felt this way since Daniel, and maybe not even then. This was different, a new kind of feeling entirely, and she wasn’t the same person she was all those years ago. She had suffered, she had hurt people, and she had changed and grown and all of that had made its mark. And for someone to care about her in spite of all of that, to still want to be with her after everything she had done, that created something profound and unique. Sometimes she dared to call it love.

Henry seemed to have taken well to the idea of her and Robin being together, and Emma and the Charmings seemed to welcome him into the fold with open arms. They often had dinner together, and Wednesday nights at Granny’s had become a bit of a family event. Thinking of Emma, David and Mary Margaret as family was not something Regina would have envisioned mere months ago, but as winter thawed into Spring it seemed as though she had finally found her place among them and everything seemed to be coming together. She knew that it was down in part to Henry, and his selfless ability to forgive her past and unite them all around him, but it also felt partly down to Robin. Regina felt a happiness, a contentment within herself that she had never had before. He calmed her, he made her feel special, and that had allowed her to finally make peace with herself and her former adversaries. 

It was a Friday in late March when Regina invited Robin over to have dinner with her and Henry. He had been reluctant at first to infringe on her precious time with her son, but Regina had insisted and had also cleared it with Henry who had eagerly said yes. Regina made a casserole, having decided to try and add some variation to her limited repertoire, and it had turned out better than she had anticipated. Henry came home from school and, as his mother was cooking, half dragged Robin into the garden. Robin had been teaching Henry how to shoot arrows, and they had set up a few targets on the tree trunks out there. Henry was a promising student, as long as the target wasn’t more than ten metres away, but he was eager to learn and Regina watched proudly through the window.

‘Keep your feet firmly planted, that’s it,’ Robin coached, tilting Henry’s upper body so that he was more side on.  
‘Now look straight down the shaft at the target, and keep it tense until you’re confident – don’t let it loose too soon.’  
Henry took a deep breath in, and when he could see the bullseye in his sights he let go of the arrow which flew through the air and embedded itself into the tree, half an inch above the centre of the target he had been trying to hit.  
‘That’s good! Well done! You’re getting better every time.’  
‘I’d be worried if I were getting worse,’ Henry pointed out, going over to retrieve his arrow. ‘I’m glad Mom asked you over.’  
‘Me too,’ Robin smiled. ‘Next time I’ll bring Roland, I’m sure he would love to play in this garden.’

Roland had been a source of difficulty when it came to Regina. He was too young to understand why Regina wouldn’t remember being in hospital or the times they had spent together before, and although Robin had tried to explain it as best he could he was always nervous when Regina and Roland were together. So far they had avoided any major disasters, but he knew that it was something he had to keep an eye on. 

‘How do you think she’s doing?’ asked Henry, sensing Robin’s thoughts shifting.   
‘I think she’s been fine, as far as I can tell,’ Robin thought aloud. ‘There have been times when I’ve been worried about something I’ve said or that we’ve done, but I’ve never noticed anything too concerning. How about you?’  
‘I keep worrying about it, but I think you’re right; she’s been fine. Sometimes I wonder if we might just be able to move on and forget about it, but I don’t know if it’s safe yet. Maybe it won’t ever be safe,’ Henry mused, voicing the fears he often kept to himself. ‘It feels like there’s a bomb, and it could go off at any time.’  
‘Or it might not go off at all,’ Robin added, ‘but I know what you mean. We might just have to learn to live with that uncertainty.’  
‘Are you two finished?’ Regina called from the back door, pulling them out of their conversation. ‘Dinner is ready.’  
‘Coming Mom,’ Henry answered, leaving his new bow and arrow by the target and walking back inside with Robin. 

‘How was archery?’ Regina asked as they ate together.  
‘Good,’ Henry answered.   
‘He’s getting better with every arrow,’ added Robin, smiling at Henry. ‘He’ll be better than me soon enough.’  
‘What were you two talking about? It looked serious.’  
Robin felt his chest tighten, but he didn’t let it show in his expression. He could almost feel the worry radiating from Henry and attempted to swerve the conversation to safer pastures.   
‘Arrow technique is deadly serious,’ Robin assured her. ‘I was thinking, once you’re good enough, we could try shooting from horseback; that’s where the real action is.’  
‘Really?’ beamed Henry. ‘That would be awesome.’

‘Oh Henry, I was meaning to ask you,’ Regina remembered, ‘did Emma mention something to you about New York?’  
Henry felt his smile fade again.   
‘Er, New York? I don’t…I don’t think so, why?’  
‘I thought she was going to take you for a few days in the holidays?’  
Henry swallowed the last mouthful and tried to tread carefully. He didn’t know if Emma had brought this up again since that night weeks ago or if it was something bleeding through.   
‘I…maybe, I didn’t know if it was happening or not,’ Henry mumbled.   
‘Well, I think it might be nice to get out of Storybrooke for a bit,’ Regina said, unaware of the affect she was having on her guests. ‘I thought we might go somewhere too, once you’re back from New York. We could go anywhere you’d like, maybe even Disney World?’  
Henry couldn’t help but snort with laughter.   
‘Now that, I would like to see,’ he grinned. ‘Would you go around correcting all of the characters on their portrayals?’  
‘If they were doing it wrong, then yes! It might be a bit strange but I bet Roland would love it.’

Robin caught Regina’s eyes and felt his heart leap as he realised what she was asking for. She wanted the four of them to go away together, to bond as a family. Even though he had a hundred questions, including what exactly Disney World was, the thought of them all together was one that he couldn’t help but treasure.   
‘I think that sounds like a lovely idea,’ said Robin, and seeing how happy Regina was to hear him say that was more than enough. 

After washing up and having cherry pie for dessert, a new addition to the recipe drawer Regina had started, they watched a film and Henry was soon ready for bed. Once he had hugged his mother and wished them both goodnight, he went upstairs leaving Regina and Robin alone.  
‘I should get going,’ Robin yawned, noticing how much the time had flown. Regina moved closer to him, placing her hands on his sides and breathing in his woody scent.   
‘You don’t have to go,’ she whispered, looking up at him with wicked eyes which danced in the firelight.   
‘You want me to stay?’  
She answered him by reaching up to kiss him, their lips meeting deeply and passionately. He wrapped his arms around her, unable to resist as she pulled him closer and ignited a fire within him that couldn’t be quashed. When they broke apart he rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily and noticing how the top button of her blouse had already come undone in their heated embrace.   
‘Well if her majesty commands it-‘

Xxx

The next morning, Robin woke to find Regina sleeping nestled against his bare chest. He could hardly believe the beautiful sight before him. He lay perfectly still, watching her sleeping as the light streamed in through partly open curtains and lit her radiant and peaceful face. It wasn’t the first time they had been together, but it was the first time he had stayed the night and they had fallen asleep tangled in each other’s arms; it felt perfect.

He stroked her hair, gently playing with the dark strands and thinking about their trip. He would have to talk to Henry and work out whether he thought it was safe; it was clear that they were both not completely at ease around Regina yet, and with Roland added into the mix there were a lot of things which could go wrong. But, perhaps if they delayed it until the summer, Robin liked to think that there would be a time when it would be possible for them all to go away together without worrying about the repercussions.

After an hour or so, he felt Regina’s grip on his torso tighten. Her nose scrunched in her sleep, and her expression became troubled.  
‘Regina?’ he said softly, wondering if he should try and wake her. He didn’t have to, as moments later her eyes flew open and she woke with a sharp intake of breath which scared the life out of him. For a moment she looked dazed, looking around in confusion, but she seemed to almost snap out of it and she smiled when she saw Robin, nestling back into his embrace.  
‘Morning,’ she said, stretching her limbs.   
‘Morning,’ he answered. ‘Did you have a bad dream?’  
‘Hmm? Oh, that, no. At least I don’t think so. I never remember my dreams anymore, sometimes I just wake up suddenly. It hasn’t happened in a while, I think it has to do with what position I’m in.’  
Robin nodded, making a note to ask Gold about it later if he found the time.   
‘Did you sleep well?’ she asked.   
‘Very,’ he grinned, kissing the top of her forehead. ‘Last night was…’  
‘Perfect,’ Regina finished. ‘We should do it more often.’  
‘I second that,’ agreed Robin with a boyish grin. ‘I like waking up with you.’  
‘You know, there’s a way you could wake up with me all the time.’  
Robin didn’t have time to hide his startled look. Regina took his hand in hers and kissed it with delicate, featherlike kisses.   
‘If you want to,’ she added.   
‘You mean…you mean move in here?’  
Nodding, Regina waited with baited breath for him to answer. Part of her cursed herself for acting too soon; it had just felt so right. She just hoped that she hadn’t ruined things. Relief washed over her as his face broke into a massive smile.   
‘Regina…I would love to, are you sure?’  
‘I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘And I have plenty of spare rooms; Roland can stay over any time.’

Robin kissed Regina, feeling happiness coursing like a drug through his veins invigorating him. Seeing how happy she was at his answer made him throw caution to the wind, and before he knew what was happening he had said it.  
‘I love you, Regina.’  
The words hung between them for a while, as though suspended in thin air and waiting to soar or crash to the ground. Tears welled in Regina’s eyes, and for a moment Robin thought he had upset her, but it didn’t take him long to recognise them as tears of happiness. She kissed him back, her lips trembling as they met his, and when they parted she whispered it back.   
‘I love you too.’  
It seemed to be the most perfect moment, one they had been starved of the first time around. Robin remembered what Regina had said about not wanting to say I love you as they had, in her hospital bed, and he had not wanted to ruin the moment a second time. He had waited, initially hating that he had to hide the fact that he already loved Regina but eventually realising that what they were developing was so much more than they had before. It felt as if everything was new, and after a few weeks Robin had realised that it didn’t matter to him what he had lost before – what he had gained since that faithful day was so much more important. 

Xxx

By the time Regina and Robin eventually came downstairs, Henry was already in the kitchen eating breakfast. He smiled knowingly as he chewed on his cereal.   
‘Good morning you two,’ he smirked. ‘Eventually.’  
Regina blushed and tapped Henry lightly on the arm with the back of her hand.  
‘I’ve had to turf you out of bed much later than this on my fair share of Sundays,’ she reminded him, kissing his forehead. ‘Good morning, sweetheart.’

‘Shall I make some eggs?’ suggested Robin, looking in the fridge for inspiration. ‘I seem to be almost getting the hang of this cooking without a campfire.’  
Regina smiled as she poured herself a cup of coffee.   
‘You can make whatever you’d like, if you clean up afterwards,’ she said, taking a seat beside Henry, ‘but I’m fine, I’m not that hungry.’  
‘You always told me it’s the most important meal of the day,’ Henry chimed.  
‘I did,’ she agreed, sipping her coffee, ‘and it is, I’ll have something later. I’m fine.’   
She added the last part poignantly, pre-empting his next question.   
‘Have you got any plans today?’ Regina asked him.  
‘Nothing I need to get done,’ he said, thinking aloud. ‘I might head down to the stables and practice some riding. You could come with me? I haven’t seen you riding before.’  
‘It’s been a while,’ Regina admitted, thinking back to what must have been the missing year and riding back towards her castle alongside Snow. She had a feeling that it had been just after she had met Robin, but she couldn’t remember whether he had been there or not. She tried not to think about it. That time without Henry had been some of the saddest of her life, and Snow had been there at every turn getting in the way. Sometimes Regina wondered if she hadn’t, whether she would still be here today.  
‘I would love to, but I can’t today. I have to go to my vault and sort a few things out. But how about tomorrow we all go on a ride, take a picnic or something?’   
Regina glanced over to where Robin was trying to figure out which end of a whisk he was supposed to use and chuckled.  
‘I’ll make the food.’

‘That sounds great,’ Henry agreed.   
‘And tonight let’s go out somewhere nice,’ suggested Regina, taking her cup and Henry’s bowl and putting them into the dishwasher. ‘I do love Granny’s, but I think I’ve sampled everything on the menu at least three times over.’  
‘How about the new Italian place in town? I hear it has good pizza,’ said Henry.  
‘It’s a date,’ Regina decided, taking the bowl of eggs from Robin and whisking them properly. As she found a pan and began to cook the scrambled eggs, he shook his head.  
‘I don’t care what anyone says, that’s real magic,’ he joked. 

Xxx

Regina left Henry and Robin and chose to walk across town to her vault rather than drive, needing to feel the cool fresh air on her face. She couldn’t stop smiling. Everything seemed to be falling into place, after all of these years. Part of her was waiting for it all to fall apart, and sometimes she felt as if she were building her happiness on shaky ground ready to crumble at any moment, but she knew that was only her own insecurities talking. She had been at war with herself and anyone who stood in her way for so long that it was taking some time to adjust to being at peace.

As she reached the outskirts of town she was beginning to regret wearing boots with heels, and was debating transporting herself to save the last few minutes of walking when she heard a voice behind her.  
‘Gina!’  
Her sore legs were instantly forgotten as she turned around to see Roland trotting towards her, arms outstretched and waiting for a hug. She scooped him up at once and held him tightly, settling him on her hip.   
‘Hi there Roland, what are you doing out here?’  
‘Mamma is taking us to see Daddy and then we’re going to the playground,’ he babbled excitedly. ‘Can you come too Gina?’  
‘Roland, what have I told you?’ Marian panted as she ran over to where her son had wandered off to, and Regina noticed a change in her expression as she realised who he had found.  
‘Oh…hi there.’  
‘Hi,’ smiled Regina, making a special effort not to look as apprehensive as she was, ‘I don’t know if we’ve met properly, I’m Regina.’  
‘Yes…yes I know who you are,’ stammered Marian, seeming to want to avoid any eye contact with the former Queen. Regina wondered if that was how she still thought of her, having lived most of her life in the Enchanted Forest seeing her as only the Evil Queen.   
‘You’re off to see Robin?’ she asked, trying to make polite conversation.  
‘Yes, I just needed to check our schedule for the next few weeks. Do you know where he is?’  
‘I left him at my house, but I think he said he was heading back to Granny’s to pick up some of his things.’  
Regina didn’t miss how Marian’s expression darkened slightly when she spoke of Robin staying with her.   
‘Gina can’t you come?’ Roland asked again, placing his tiny hands on her shoulders.   
‘I’m afraid I have some work to do, little bean,’ she said, hating how Roland’s face fell and he began to pout. ‘But hey, me and Henry and your Dad are going on a picnic tomorrow. Would you like to come with us?’  
His face brightened at once and he nodded eagerly.  
‘Your mother is welcome to come too, if she’d like?’ Regina offered, looking towards Marian who seemed more than taken aback by the suggestion.   
‘I…no, thank you, but you’re welcome to take Roland. He misses you.’

Regina bounced Roland on her hip and revelled in his giggling laugh.   
‘What would you like me to make for the picnic, any requests?’  
Roland’s face became suddenly serious, as only a child’s can when considering something of great importance. After a while his eyes widened as he made his decision.   
‘Cupcakes!’ He squealed brightly. ‘The ones like we made with the wings and jam.’  
‘Fairy cakes?’   
‘Yeah! With extra jam. And can you make them fly again? Like real fairies?’  
Regina was caught off guard by the unusual request. She tried to think whether she had done that before for him, but they had only met a few times in the last six weeks or so and on those few occasions Robin had usually kept him close. She understood that, especially after Robin had told her about how he had always worried for Roland growing up as part of the Merry Men and how there had been a few too many close calls for his liking. He knew that any of his men would die to keep Roland safe, but he hadn’t always been happy that it had to be necessary for them to think that way.   
Roland seemed to like her, and was always really happy to see her which was a great relief for Regina. She wanted Roland to be a part of their family, and part of that was also trying to keep Marian on side.   
‘I’m sure that could be arranged,’ she grinned, rubbing her nose against Roland’s in an eskimo kiss. 

‘We should be on our way,’ Marian cut in, her voice wavering with clear nerves. Regina smiled as pleasantly as she could.  
‘Of course, don’t let me keep you.’ She turned back to Roland. ‘And I’ll see you tomorrow?’  
‘Yes!’ he wrapped his arms around her neck and she nestled her chin into the crook of his tiny shoulder.   
‘I’m so glad you’re better now.’  
Marian’s expression froze, her eyes wide. Regina didn’t notice, too preoccupied with keeping Roland on her hip.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘Roland, come on sweetie we should go-‘ Marian tried to interrupt him.  
‘Daddy said you’re better now, do you feel better?’  
Regina freed one of her hands to brush his hair away from his face as his eyes became glassy with the desperate concern only a child can show.  
‘I’m fine,’ she said honestly, kissing him on the forehead which made him smile.   
‘Good!’ he grinned, and Regina put him down. ‘I was really worried. Was it scary in the hospital?’  
‘Roland, we’re going to be late,’ Marian insisted, taking his hand. ‘Sorry, I think he’s getting mixed up.’  
‘Am not! Oh, I forgot Daddy said not to say. Did I do something wrong?’  
‘No, dear nothing wrong, we’re just going to be late. We have to go,’ said Marian shakily, flashing the fakest of smiles at Regina. ‘I’ll see you later.’  
Roland turned and waved at her as they walked away, look unperturbed by the whole encounter. Regina waved back feeling more than a little confused. 

She decided to walk the last part of the path to her vault in the end, feeling the beginnings of a headache brewing in the back of her skull. She knew that having ingested only caffeine that morning wasn’t going to help matters, but she still didn’t have the appetite for any food. Pushing the coffin aside and descending into her crypt, she tried to remember the last time she had been down there. There were books and boxes stacked high around her and her shelves were looking dusty; it needed a spring clean more than a sort out. 

She found her cauldron sitting empty on top of her brewing altar with a goblet beside it and cursed herself for not putting it away properly the last time she had used it. She picked up the chalice but gasped and dropped it as a painful spark passed between the cup and her fingers. Regina looked at her hand, seeing no evidence of what had happened and no residual effects of the spark, and then looked down at the cup. She touched it with the toe of her boot, eliciting nothing, and carefully bent down to pick it up; nothing happened. 

Regina put the goblet back in the trunk where she kept her ingredients, packing up her cauldron and tidying it away. The air in the vault felt thick, cloying almost, as though something wasn’t quite right. Regina wondered whether it could just be down to the dust that had gathered, mixing with the bad memories she had of this place; her mother coming back into her life, Pan pretending to be Henry and stealing the curse. It needed a spring clean for more than just the mess. 

Her head was now beginning to pound, the slow drum-like thud pulsing with every beat of her heart. She tried to carry a heavy box of old books but could hardly lift it from the surface. Using her magic to make it lighter she managed to lift it up, but as she did the world began to spin. She let go of the box which fell to the floor, books spilling out around her. Closing her eyes, it felt as though the room was whirling and she became more and more dizzy until eventually she fell to her knees, breathing heavily. Her hand found the wall beside her and she used that to steady herself, but she couldn’t force her eyes to open. As the horrible sensation began to pass, Regina allow herself to sit down amongst the scattered books and braced herself by planting her arms firmly on the floor and taking big deep breaths. 

Opening her eyes, she opened her hand and tried to conjure a glass of water but it wouldn’t come. Her forehead wrinkled as she tried again, going back to basics and imagining the glass in her hand and calling on her magic to force it to materialise but again, it didn’t work. Growing angry with herself, she growled and curled her hand into a fist. The box which had been holding her books burst into flames and Regina groaned, wanting nothing more than to bang her head against the wall. 

She sighed, counting to ten in her head and then pulling herself up from the floor. She brushed the dust from her once black trousers and tutted, extending her arms and breathing out slowly to regain control. With a wave of her hand the fire died to nothing, the books beneath remaining undamaged. She flicked a finger to get rid of the ruined box, and then held out her hand where the long-awaited glass of water appeared. 

Walking over to her shelves she opened a small chest in the corner and pulled out a stashed supply of aspirin, taking two and putting the rest in her back pocket before draining the glass of water which she vanished just to prove that she could. Her head was still thumping, but she was starting to feel a bit better. Now, more than anything, she just felt tired. Abandoning the books, she made her way to the secret room where she had been to hide and decided to lie down for a while.

Xxx

Robin was waiting for Marian in Granny’s, poring over a crossword puzzle with a cup of tea when Roland burst through the doors and ran up to him.  
‘Daddy!’   
Robin held out his arms and lifted Roland onto his lap.   
‘Hey, how’s my little man?’   
‘Great!’ he exclaimed. ‘We saw ‘Gina.’  
Robin’s face fell and his head snapped up to see Marian rushing in after him, looking frantic.   
‘What happened?’  
‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t – I tried to stop him but he was so excited when he saw her,’ she babbled, wringing her hands. ‘I’m sorry Robin, I haven’t seen her since…and she thought we hadn’t met and I didn’t know what to say.’ 

Robin lifted Roland and stood up, placing him on the chair where he had been sitting and turning to Marian, putting a comforting hand on her arm.  
‘It’s okay, keep calm,’ he said reassuringly. ‘Did she seem okay when you left?’  
‘Erm, yeah I think so,’ Marian mumbled. ‘She was walking towards the cemetery and she kept going that way. I think she was a bit confused but she seemed okay.’  
‘Good,’ Robin breathed a sigh of relief, ‘that’s good, it’s probably fine. She might just have dismissed what Roland said off hand; Gold said the curse could do that, it can correct for this type of thing.’  
Marian nodded, seeming to settle a bit on his reassurance, and even though Robin was worried he knew that it could have been a lot worse. He put his hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him tearfully.  
‘I know I haven’t been the best at coping with all of this,’ she said quietly, ‘but I do want to make this work with Roland, with you both. I don’t hold any grudge against her, not anymore and especially not after-‘  
Marian shook her head.  
‘She didn’t deserve this,’ she whispered, ‘and neither did you. It shouldn’t have taken all of this to make me see that she’s no worse than the rest of us, and that you two are meant to be together; I see that now. I’m sorry if I made it worse, I really am. If there’s anything I can do…’  
Robin smiled at her and pulled her into a gentle hug, which he sensed she needed; both after the fraught morning she’d had, and as a token of his forgiveness.  
‘It’s not your fault,’ he assured her as they pulled apart. ‘None of this is your fault. I’ll go over and check on Regina.’  
Turning to Roland he planted a quick kiss on the boy’s head and tried not to run out of the door. He tried to tell himself that she was fine, over and over again, and he was almost convinced. But he knew that his mind would not rest until he saw her again.

Xxx

Regina let out a deep sigh and closed the door to her secret room, moving back into the main part of the vault. She had tried to lie down and sleep for a while, but whenever she closed her eyes she hadn’t been able to quieten her mind enough to rest and had eventually given in. She had made herself a cup of strong coffee and it was helping to wake her up, and thankfully her headache was now more of an unpleasant hum than the scream it had been. 

She was surprised to hear someone coming down the stairs, and although she was happy to see Robin she was more than a little confused by his presence.   
‘Hi,’ he breathed, his chest heaving as though he had been exerting himself.   
‘Hi there,’ she answered, quirking an eyebrow. ‘Is everything alright?’   
‘Yes, yes, fine,’ he said a little too quickly. ‘How are you?’  
‘Fine,’ she answered simply, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. ‘What brings you all the way out here? I thought you were moving some things into my…into our house.’  
‘Hmm? Oh, yes, I was,’ Robin remembered, realising now how ridiculous his urgency must seem to her and also being grateful beyond words that he hadn’t had to run down those stairs and see her lying on the floor again. ‘I just…I wanted to see you, that’s all.’  
‘Couldn’t wait to finish what we started this morning?’ asked Regina, a sly grin spreading across her face. Robin relaxed a little and felt a stirring of desire within him from just the deep, sultry look she was giving him.   
‘You’ve caught me out,’ he whispered, leaning his body close to hers and stealing her lips in a passionate kiss. 

Their kiss deepened, the intensity between them causing both of their hearts to race as the room became suddenly unbearably warm. Regina freed one hand to roam Robin’s chest, picking the buttons of his shirt undone as he did the same with her blouse. The coffee in her hand was in danger of spilling and it was getting in the way, so she tried to vanish it. But, as before, her magic wasn’t playing ball. Frustrated, she tried again, but this time the cup shattered in her hand and Robin jumped back as the coffee fell to the floor. 

Regina stared at the mess for a moment, trying to clear it up but failing to do so. She cried out in frustration and extended her fingers violently and the cup and its contents vanished, but at the same time she felt the energy draining from her body. Her legs wobbled and she lost her balance, but Robin was beside her in a second and put a hand around her waist to hold her up.   
‘I’m fine,’ she said automatically, even as she clung to Robin to try and keep her legs from failing her completely. The fog which had descended over her brain was starting to lift, though her headache was making itself known once more. Robin guided her over to a chair and knelt down before her, putting his hands on her knees and waiting until she was ready to say something. She opened her eyes and smiled at him, covering his hands with her own.   
‘I am now,’ she corrected herself, ‘I feel much better.’  
‘You still look as white as a ghost,’ he said seriously, noticing how her skin looked as fragile as porcelain in the firelight. ‘What happened?’  
Regina shook her head.  
‘I don’t know,’ she answered honestly.   
‘Has it happened before?’

She debated not telling him, even opening her mouth to lie, but his expression was lined with concern and she knew that it would do neither of them any good for her to lie.   
‘The same thing happened about an hour ago,’ she admitted, ‘but this one wasn’t as bad. It’s when I try and use magic, I think; I don’t know, I was fine yesterday.’  
Robin could hear alarm bells screeching inside his head, and Regina could see how worried he was.  
‘Hey,’ she said, squeezing his fingers lightly, ‘I’m fine. It’s nothing. You don’t have to look as though the world has ended.’  
Robin tried to smile, but even he knew he was doing a poor job of masking his feelings.  
‘I’m sorry. I’ve always been a worrier. Do you think you should go down to the hospital –‘  
‘What? No,’ Regina dismissed at once, shaking her head, ‘for a dizzy spell? I’m alright, really I am. I feel much better already, and I’ve taken some aspirin for the headache it just hasn’t fully kicked in yet.’  
‘Headache?’  
Regina rolled her eyes at him despairingly.  
‘What will it take for me to convince you?’  
‘A doctor giving you the all clear?’ suggested Robin, for which he received a playful slap on the wrist. Regina stood up without difficulty and raised her hands as if this were proof enough. Robin reached to his full height and put his arms around her waist, bringing her close.   
‘I would feel much better if you got checked out,’ he said with a serious tone, kissing her on the forehead.   
‘How about I make you a deal,’ she reasoned, putting her arms around his neck and bringing them closer. ‘I honestly feel fine, in perfect health, but if it happens again I’ll go to the doctor. If it doesn’t then you drop it, alright?’  
Robin scrunched his mouth into an unconvinced expression, but seeing the stubbornness in her eyes he sensed that, without drawing too much undue attention to the matter, he was always going to lose this fight magic or no magic.  
‘Fine,’ he agreed, ‘but I’m not happy.’  
‘Is there anything I can do that might make you happy?’ she purred, grinning wickedly.   
‘Promise you’re feeling better?’   
She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes from his.   
‘Then…I might be able to think of something.’

Xxx

After they had made use of Regina’s secret bedroom, Robin insisted on hanging around and helping her to tidy the vault to keep an eye on her. It was something she was less than pleased about at first, though as the day wore on she found that she was glad of the company and before long they had made a dent and it was almost time to meet Henry for dinner.

They walked back to Mifflin Street hand in hand as the sun started to set over Storybrooke, and Regina wasn’t even thinking about the unpleasantness of earlier in the day. Robin, however well he tried to hide it, still had a thousand questions running through his mind. He wondered whether he should contact Gold and find out what to do. He wasn’t sure how worried he should be, and even though Regina had recovered from her earlier spell and seemed as fine as she claimed to be, he couldn’t tell whether that was in fact the truth. 

When they reached the front door they found it open, and Henry was waiting in the living room watching TV when they walked in. Henry shot up and ran up to hug his mother, still smelling faintly of horses.   
‘How was your day at the stables?’ she asked, kissing his forehead.  
‘Great,’ he beamed. ‘I got some practice in for tomorrow; I should be able to keep up with the best of them.’  
‘That reminds me, I need to get up early in the morning to bake,’ remembered Regina. ‘I invited Roland along when I saw him, I hope that’s okay?’  
‘Yeah, sure, that should be fun,’ Henry said, with a forced smile, but his gaze flicked over to Robin where it was met with an expression that simply said we need to talk. ‘How was your day, Mom?’  
‘Fine sweetheart, nothing special,’ she lied far too easily, shrugging off her coat and hanging it up. ‘I’m going to get changed, and then we’ll go out, yes? Henry, you might want to spray some deodorant; I can still smell a whiff of the horses.’  
‘Will do,’ he nodded, watching her as she walked upstairs and waiting until she was out of earshot before turning back to Robin. ‘Is Roland coming a good idea? He doesn’t really understand what he’s not supposed to say.’  
‘We’ve got bigger problems than that,’ muttered Robin darkly, casting a glance at the stairs to make sure they weren’t going to be overheard. He guided Henry into the living room and put another closed door between them and Regina before sitting him down and telling him the story.

‘So...Roland said something, when he met her this morning?’  
‘I think so,’ Robin mulled it over. ‘Marian seemed worried that he’d said too much, but I didn’t want to ask Regina exactly what he’d said because that might draw attention to it and I thought it best to let it be. But I don’t know if that’s what caused her to collapse, or if it’s something else. She had a dream last night that she said she couldn’t remember, do you think that might have something to do with it?’  
‘I don’t know,’ said Henry, shaking his head. ‘The headache, the effect on her magic, this all sounds familiar.’  
‘I’ve been thinking about it,’ Robin started. ‘What if this is what happens when the curse has to compensate for something? If Roland brought up something she wasn’t supposed to remember, maybe it was trying to, I don’t know, fill in the gaps and that made her feel weak? If it uses her magic to correct her memories, then maybe when she tried to use it she couldn’t properly.’  
‘It makes sense,’ Henry agreed, ‘but I just don’t know. I think we should check with Mr. Gold.’  
‘So do I,’ Robin sighed, ‘but we might have to do it after this dinner. She says she’s fine now, and she does seem to be, but somehow I feel like if we draw attention to something that’s out of place it might only make things worse.’

Henry nodded, resting his head in his hands. Robin took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, leaning back into the armchair he had taken residence in.  
‘I knew Roland was always going to be a risk,’ Robin mused, shaking his head, ‘I should have done something.’  
‘What could you have done?’ asked Henry. ‘She was always going to see Roland, this was always going to be something she had to face at one time or another. And we don’t know that anything bad is happening; it might just be a blip. At least, I hope it is.’  
‘Me too,’ Robin murmured. ‘Maybe it’s me. I should have just stayed away.’  
‘When my Mom gets an idea, there’s nothing that can stand in her way,’ reasoned Henry. ‘You couldn’t have stayed away if you’d wanted to.’   
The thought tugged at the corner of Robin’s mouth and he found himself flashing a fond smile.   
‘That’s true enough.’  
‘If Gold can’t find a cure, then we’re going to have to deal with this kind of stuff every now and again,’ said Henry. ‘It sucks, but it’s our job to keep her safe. Right?’  
‘Right,’ Robin nodded.   
‘I hate lying to her. I know we’re doing it to protect her, but that’s what it feels like – lying. But we haven’t got a choice.’

Robin leaned forward and gently patted Henry on the back.  
‘You are the wisest thirteen-year-old I have ever met,’ he said genuinely. ‘Your mother is lucky to have you.’  
‘Nah,’ said Henry, ‘I’m lucky to have her. And I don’t want to let her down.’  
‘You haven’t, Henry, and you won’t. It’s going to be okay.’

Henry looked up as he heard the sound of heels on the stairs and stood up at once, coming out into the hallway. Regina had changed into a deep violet dress with a thin black belt and a black blazer covering her shoulders. Even in such simple attire she looked stunning, walking with the regal nature of a Queen and putting both Henry and Robin to shame as they realised how shabby they looked in comparison.  
‘Ready to go?’ she asked, picking up her purse.  
‘I just need to change my shirt,’ Henry said, running up the stairs, ‘I think that’s the horse smell.’  
‘You look amazing, m’lady.’  
Robin took her hand and bowed low, kissing her knuckles gently.   
‘You’ll make me blush,’ she scolded him, already feeling the heat rising in her cheeks. Robin reached up and cupped her cheek gently, looking at her with adoring eyes.  
‘I love you,’ he whispered. Regina smiled.  
‘I love you too.’  
‘Ready!’ Henry called, bounding down the stairs, and they all walked out of the house together.

Xxx

‘I can’t believe you ordered lasagne,’ said Henry, shaking his head as the waiter delivered their food.  
‘What? Sometimes I like to eat things that I haven’t had to cook,’ Regina defended herself, reaching across the table for the pepper. ‘I can’t believe after all of that talk about pizza you ordered spaghetti.’  
‘Nothing can beat New York style pizza, so why even try?’  
‘Well, I’ve never had anything on the menu so whatever this is it is new to me,’ said Robin. ‘What was it again?’  
‘Carbonara,’ Regina reminded him, ‘it looks delicious.’ 

The restaurant was quiet, and the three of them had a table in the corner by the window which gave them a good amount of privacy. Outside the window a peaceful Storybrooke glistened, the clock tower watching over them and chiming every so often. It was an almost perfect scene.   
‘What are you making for the picnic tomorrow?’ asked Henry.  
‘Are you onto your next meal already? We’ve barely started this one,’ joked Regina. ‘I’m not sure. Roland asked for fairy cakes, do you have any requests?’  
‘Potato salad,’ Henry chirped at once, and Regina chuckled.   
‘Of course, it wouldn’t be a picnic without potato salad.’ She turned to Robin, her eyes glistening with old memories. ‘On his sixth birthday Henry had a party with some of the kids from school, and I made every possible dish I could think of. He had a massive cake, sandwiches, burgers, the lot; but for the entirety of the meal, Henry sat at the end of the buffet table with the pot of potato salad and polished off the whole thing. He didn’t even have any cake.’  
‘I couldn’t,’ Henry remembered, ‘I was so stuffed.’  
‘You had to take the next day off because you had stomach ache,’ Regina reminded him, ‘all induced by potato salad.’  
‘I think it was banned from the next few birthday parties.’  
‘Rightly so, by the sound of it,’ Robin laughed.   
‘I think we can have a revival tomorrow,’ Regina decided, ‘though I probably shouldn’t have left it all for the morning.’  
‘We can help,’ Henry said at once, looking over to Robin with a knowing grin. ‘If Robin stays the night again, of course.’

Regina looked over at Robin and their hands found each other’s on the table. He nodded almost imperceptibly, answering the question she was asking without words.  
‘Well, Henry, how would you feel if Robin stayed over more often? Or, if he stayed over all of the time?’  
‘Like, moving in?’ asked Henry. Regina nodded, feeling as though the second before his response lasted a hundred years.   
‘That’s great!’ he cried, his face breaking out into a massive smile. ‘I’m so happy for both of you.’  
Robin gave Regina’s hand a squeeze as she let out a breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding.   
‘I’m glad you’re okay with this,’ she said, the relief apparent as her features softened.  
‘I’m more than okay,’ Henry assured her. ‘Robin is part of the family now. Though, by this point I’m pretty sure we’re related to everyone in Storybrooke by one way or another.’  
‘That is true,’ Regina agreed, chuckling, ‘our family tree has more branches than we know how to deal with.’

They finished their meal chatting happily, though Henry frowned when he saw how little his mother had eaten of hers.   
‘Mom, you didn’t finish your lasagne,’ he pointed out as the waiter took their plates away.  
‘Hmm? Oh, well it was a massive portion; I’m more than full.’  
‘And you didn’t eat breakfast,’ he reminded her. Regina started to defend herself before her eyes narrowed and she looked accusingly at Robin.  
‘Did you tell him?’  
Robin opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t find an excuse at hand.  
‘I was just worried,’ he said eventually. Regina sighed exasperatedly.   
‘There’s really no need for fussing. Henry, I am fine I promise.’  
Henry crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, mirroring the death stare his mother had perfected with him over the years, and Regina couldn’t help but smile.   
‘I am,’ she insisted. ‘You know what I think it is, magical flu.’  
‘Really? You just made that up,’ said Henry.   
‘I did not!’ defended Regina. ‘Honestly, it’s real. It’s similar to the flu, only it makes your magic act erratically. My mother had it once and she was setting fire to the curtains and shouting the castle down for days.’  
Regina shuddered at the memory.  
‘Magical flu,’ Henry repeated, shaking his head still less than convinced.   
‘You know what, when we get home I’m looking it up,’ Regina countered. ‘And if I’m right, then I get to allocate the potato salad rations tomorrow.’

Henry began to rethink his position as Regina signed the bill that the waiter had brought over, and they were almost ready to leave when he pulled a single red rose from his belt.  
‘A rose, for the lady,’ he offered, handing it to Regina who accepted it without thinking. The waiter walked away but Regina kept staring at the crimson petals, unable to tear her eyes away from the flower. Robin didn’t notice straight away as he put his coat on, but Henry sensed the change in her at once.  
‘Mom?’  
It was as though she didn’t hear him, her eyes never leaving the flower. A tear rolled down her cheek and she wrinkled her brow, confused as to why she felt this horrible weight of sadness bearing down on her.  
‘Mom? You’re crying,’ said Henry, feeling a sense of panic begin to rise within him.   
‘I…I don’t know why…’ she whispered, her voice barely audible and her voice shaking as another tear betrayed her. Robin looked from mother to son and back again, wondering what he had missed and finding himself staring at the flower too.  
‘Regina, what is it?’ he asked.  
‘I…I have no idea…’   
‘It’s only a flower,’ Robin reasoned, ‘it’s just a rose.’

Hearing the word aloud fractured her heart in two. Her hands began to tremble.  
‘Rose,’ she breathed. Henry caught on in that moment and he felt his heart thundering in his chest.  
‘Robin, we have to go,’ he said quickly. ‘This is bad.’  
‘Regina,’ Robin said, reaching out and touching her wrist gently. As soon as their skin made contact Regina gasped. She closed her eyes and saw flashes of things she didn’t understand; a hospital bed, a crib, a stack of playing cards. Her eyes flew open and she dropped the flower, stumbling over the chair as she stood up and tried to get away. Robin stood too and put his hands up, keeping his distance so as not to frighten her. Her eyes were glazed over, glassy, and when he spoke to her it was as though she wasn’t even registering his words.  
‘Regina it’s okay, we’re here, Henry is here, everything is alright,’ he soothed, but he knew that he wasn’t getting through.

Regina felt as though her head was about to explode, and the only thing that she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. Through it all she felt the smallest scratch of pain and looked down at her hands. On the tip of her middle fingers there was the smallest cut; the thorn of the rose had been just enough to break the skin and draw a tiny droplet of blood. But then, in her mind, she saw blood everywhere. Her hands were covered in it, her dress was soaked through, her bed….

Pain like she had never felt lanced through her head and she screamed, closing her eyes and bringing her hands to her head. Somewhere in the distance she felt strong hands take hold of her arms, but the real world was starting to slip away; she knew nothing but the pain. It came again, somehow worse this time, and she whimpered as it took control. She couldn’t bear it. She felt herself slipping away, and vaguely heard a voice calling her name. Henry?   
Her last thought before everything went black was:  
I’m sorry Henry, I wasn’t strong enough


	29. Chapter 29

After she screamed and Robin took hold of Regina as best he could, her body went limp and he gently laid her on the ground keeping her head supported in his lap.  
‘Mom? Oh God, what do I do?’ Henry asked, starting to panic.  
‘Call Gold, if you have his number,’ Robin suggested. He checked her pulse and found it beating strongly beneath his fingers. Her breathing had slowed to normal and her colour returned once she had lost consciousness, and although she seemed cold in his arms she looked peaceful.   
‘She’s okay, she’s breathing fine,’ Robin said as Henry frantically dialled the number, coming around to kneel at his mother’s other side to see for himself. He was relieved to see that her expression was settled, the horrible contortion of pain which had marred her features moments before lost in sleep; at least he hoped it was sleep. 

‘Henry?’  
‘Yes, Mr. Gold, it’s me,’ Henry said eagerly. ‘It’s my Mom.’  
‘What happened?’  
‘She wasn’t well today, she had a headache and she went dizzy a few times and now…it looked like she was remembering stuff, and she collapsed. I don’t know. What should we do?’

Instead of a response, Henry looked to his left and saw his grandfather standing there as he appeared by magic. Gold knelt beside Henry and placed once hand over Regina, closing his eyes to sense what had happened. His expression darkened, which Henry picked up on, and when he opened his eyes he was openly frowning.  
‘We need to get her back to the mansion, now,’ he said darkly. ‘Hold on.’  
He transported them all into Regina’s house, and instructed Robin to carry her up to the bedroom and lay her on the bed. He perched beside her and put a gentle finger to her temple, trying to make sense of the chaos that was exuding from her aura. That simple connection was enough for him gain access, as though he were looking through a window into her soul. He pushed deeper, seeing how far he could go, and he was worried when she didn’t stop him. He had tried before, during their training, to access her mind and her magic in such a way and even before she had properly learned the craft she had been able to push him back. Now, the innate magic she had always possessed and held so closely was exploding within her, fighting itself by trying both to cause harm and repair it. He could hear the echoes of the memories she was trying to repress, feel the emotions whirling in her battered heart and the spit of her powers as they lashed out like a wounded animal backed into a corner. It felt wrong to see the things she couldn’t stop him from seeing so he withdrew, but kept the connection between them knowing that he could use it to help her.

‘What’s happened? Is she okay?’ asked Henry frantically.   
‘I had hoped this wouldn’t happen so soon,’ Gold sighed.  
‘What? Did you know this would happen?’ pressed Robin, feeling a familiar anger boiling inside him.  
‘I knew that it could,’ he clarified, ‘we all did. We knew there would come a time when the power of the curse and its resilience would be tested.’  
‘Tested,’ Robin repeated, ‘but…but nothing much happened. I think Roland might have said something to her this morning, before she had her spells, but before this…it was just when she picked up that rose.’

Gold’s head snapped up at the mention of the name Regina had chosen for her daughter, and he instantly caught Henry’s eye which told him all he needed to know.  
‘What? What am I missing?’ asked Robin. Gold sighed heavily, not wanting to be the one to have to say it but also not wishing the burden upon Henry.  
‘Regina was going to call her child Rose,’ he explained. ‘My guess is the curse was just about coping with whatever curveball your son threw at her this morning, but that little reminder pushed her over the edge.’  
Robin felt his heart drop into his boots. Rose. A beautiful name, and one he knew would have fit their child perfectly. She had never had the chance to tell him, not before they were ripped apart and her memories scattered, and now he almost wished he didn’t know.   
‘I…I don’t know what to say,’ he whispered, pulling himself from his lamentations when he thought over Gold’s words one more time. ‘Over the edge; what does that mean?’  
‘It means that she was starting to remember.’

‘You said that if she remembered she would die,’ Henry cut in, feeling tears burning in his eyes. ‘Is she going to die? Mom, no…no you can’t die.’ He sat on her other side and took her cold hand in his own, holding it close to his chest.  
‘No, Henry, she isn’t dying,’ Gold assured him.  
‘She isn’t?’  
Gold shook his head and offered a hopeful smile. ‘I have always told you that your mother is one of the strongest people I know. She’s not going down without a fight.’  
Henry smiled at that, holding tightly onto Regina’s hand.  
‘So…if she’s not dying, then what happened?’ asked Robin, battling his way through a sea of emotions from relief to fear and back again.  
‘When she started to remember, her body shut down to stop what was happening from making things worse,’ Gold explained. ‘Her magic is trying to heal the damage. I can help it along a bit, but she needs rest and a few days to recover. When she wakes up, she won’t remember a thing.’  
‘Damage?’ Robin repeated, the word resonating darkly through him.  
‘Nothing that can’t be healed,’ Gold assured them both. He closed his eyes and felt Regina’s magic already working towards what he had spoken of. He leant some of his own power to coax it along, and once he was convinced that it was safe to leave her only then did he release his hold.

‘She’ll sleep for a while, at least through the night,’ he said, getting to his feet and looking down on his former protégée. Even fallen there was no denying her elegance, her beauty, and he conjured a blanket to cover her sleeping form.  
‘So, when she wakes up she’ll be fine, right? Back to normal?’ asked Henry optimistically.   
‘Yes,’ Gold agreed, but his tone suggested that he had reservations which Robin picked up on at once.  
‘What more aren’t you saying?’   
Gold pondered how to answer his question, and decided that really there was only one way forward before turning to Henry.  
‘I think it might be best if we called your other mother, and your grandparents; I don’t fancy explaining myself four times, and there is a great deal to discuss.’  
‘Why?’ he asked stubbornly, showing the influence of his adoptive mother. ‘What can’t you tell me now?’  
‘Henry, I assure you that Regina is safe for now. She will only be sleeping. There are a few things to consider going forwards, and I think it would be best to discuss them with everyone present. Don’t you agree?’  
Reluctantly, Henry nodded. He kissed Regina on the forehead, as she had done for him so many times before.  
‘I’ll be back soon,’ he promised, letting go of her hand and leaving with Gold and Robin.

Xxx

An hour later, they were all sat together in Regina’s living room. Emma, Tinker Bell, David and Mary Margaret joined Gold, Robin and Henry who had told them the story so far, and now that everything had been said they all sat in stunned silence for a moment as they began to process it.   
‘I suppose, we knew something like this was going to happen sometime,’ Emma sighed, shaking her head.   
‘Did we?’ asked Mary Margaret. ‘I was just starting to think that maybe, just maybe, this was Regina’s chance for a fresh start. It was awful, her forgetting you Robin, but now you’re together again…I suppose I was naïve in thinking that perhaps we could all move forwards.’  
David took her hand and interlocked their fingers in solidarity, giving her a reassuring squeeze.   
‘Whilst it may have been…optimistic,’ said Gold, ‘even I didn’t think we would be facing this so soon. I thought that the spell was stronger, but faced with a few simple challenges it weakened enough for this to happen.’  
‘You said it’s trying to correct itself, right?’ questioned Emma.   
‘Yes,’ Gold confirmed. ‘Her magic recognised that the curse was in danger of being broken by spiralling out of control, which would as I have said be fatal, and shut her body down to prevent it getting worse. It’s resetting the spell now, so that she won’t remember what happened and will be back to her usual oblivious self.’

‘Don’t talk about her like that,’ snapped Henry. He stood up and started to walk around the room, just to give himself something to do as his growing concern made him increasingly restless. He started pacing behind a free armchair, trying to gather his scattered thoughts.  
‘I’m sorry, kid, I wish there was something I could do to make this easier,’ Emma sighed, hating the weight Henry was having to bear. Henry turned back and looked at Gold directly, wanting answers.  
‘Is this going to happen again?’ he asked frankly.  
Gold looked at his grandson, battling between the desire to spare him any further pain and knowing that what Henry really wanted was for him to tell the truth.  
‘It isn’t a certainty,’ he said carefully, ‘but as this has happened once then it is likely to, yes. The spell is too weak, too volatile to sustain itself. It can be corrected for now, but at some point-‘  
‘It will fail,’ finished Robin, feeling his heart sinking into a dark ocean of despair.  
‘I’m afraid so.’

‘I don’t accept that,’ Mary Margaret said confidently. ‘This can’t be it, there has to be more that we can do than just…just wait around for the worst to happen.’  
‘I should go,’ Robin mumbled, curling his hands into fists. Everyone looked at him, confused.  
‘What?’ Henry exclaimed.  
‘This is my fault,’ reasoned Robin. ‘I knew that Roland was a risk around her and I couldn’t protect her, and then I only made things worse. While I’m around, there are just constant reminders and it’s too dangerous. This is exactly what I worried would happen.’  
‘I told you to go for it,’ Tink reminded him solemnly, ‘I’m as much to blame for all of this as you are.’  
‘You wouldn’t have had to stay away if Gold hadn’t sold her the potion,’ Emma hissed, her eyes shooting daggers at Rumplestiltskin from the sofa opposite.  
‘Careful, dearie,’ he snarled. ‘If we trace it back far enough, you brought Marian here and started this whole mess.’

‘Stop it,’ said Henry, hitting the back of the armchair with his fist and commanding the attention of the room once more. ‘I’m sure if we thought hard enough then we could all find some way of blaming ourselves. But that isn’t going to help my Mom now, is it?’   
Emma looked down at the hands she had clasped in her lap, feeling guilty.  
‘You’re right Henry, this isn’t about us. And Mary Margaret is right too – there has to be something we can do, there’s always something.’  
‘I can speak to the fairies,’ Tink suggested, though her tone was less than enthusiastic, ‘but I’ve asked them before. Mother Superior said she was happy to offer pixie dust if she thought it would help, but this isn’t really a problem we can just throw magic it. We need a plan.’

Mary Margaret looked over to Gold who seemed to have been a little bit too quiet, noticing how his eyes were avoiding looking in Henry’s direction.  
‘Mr. Gold,’ she said pleasantly, ‘what do you think we should do?’  
Gold looked up at Snow White and narrowed his eyes in displeasure. He had wanted to bide his time and think before he suggested what she was trying to draw out of him; there was too much emotion in this room for any rational conversation to be had. But he also knew that this group of so-called heroes were not going to accept his silence. They didn’t have the patience to watch and wait, and with what was at stake he could almost understand that. Sighing, he decided to show them his hand.  
‘There are two ways forward from here,’ he started to explain, ‘but you’re not going to like either of them.’  
‘Whatever they are, I want to know,’ Henry insisted, coming around and perching on the arm of the chair to be closer. Emma, sitting on the edge of the sofa beside him, reached out and patted his knee, letting him know that she was there. 

‘Well the first option is what we know,’ Gold continued. ‘We let her wake up, forgetting this unpleasant day, and let her go on with her life knowing that at any moment she could relapse again. There is a chance that, over time, the spell may become more resilient as the memories fade into the background; but the risk of this happening again will always be there, and in all likelihood next time the consequences will be more severe.’  
‘So we continue lying to her and waiting for her to get ill again, or even die?’ Henry scoffed, shaking his head. ‘That’s not an option.’  
‘What’s the alternative?’ Mary Margaret cut in, hoping almost painfully so that Gold’s other suggestion was something better.  
‘I was working on an elixir,’ he explained, ‘to try and bring her memories of the outlaw back and undo what went wrong with the original curse.’  
Henry’s eyes lit up hopefully.   
‘You did it? Have you got it here?’  
‘No, and no,’ sighed Gold, watching sadly as the light faded from Henry’s expression. ‘But I have something, and it might just save your mother’s life.’  
‘What’s different about this way?’ asked Emma. ‘If it doesn’t fix what went wrong with the curse, then what does it do?’  
‘All magic comes with a price,’ Gold reminded them. ‘To create a simple fix was impossible. The only way to counteract the damaging effects this spell can have is to undo it entirely.’

Robin was the first to catch on to what that meant, and he took a deep shuddering breath, shaking his head.  
‘That can’t be the only way,’ he breathed.  
‘I assure you, it is,’ Gold answered. ‘Even then, I haven’t had time to perfect it. I can’t be sure that it will work.’  
‘Wait, I’m confused,’ David piped up. ‘What are we trying to do here?’  
‘The only way to get Regina out of danger is to counteract all of the magic involved,’ Emma reasoned. ‘Which would mean bringing back all of her memories. Right?’  
‘Right, Miss Swan,’ Gold confirmed with a solemn nod.  
There was a moment of contemplative silence. Tinker Bell was the first to voice what they were all thinking.  
‘So she would be back to square one. Left with all of that pain and misery that caused her to run and hide in the first place?’  
‘Maybe, after having these past few weeks of relief from it all, then she’ll be in a better place to deal with what she felt she couldn’t beforehand,’ suggested Mary Margaret.  
‘I don’t know,’ said Emma, chewing her lip. ‘She was so fragile before, she had been through so much. I can’t imagine being hit with all that again out of the blue. She almost died trying to take away those memories in the first place, and she was willing to take that chance.’  
‘She didn’t know that all of this would happen,’ Mary Margaret argued. ‘If we don’t give her the memories back and she remembers on her own then she could die. Maybe it’s time that she deals with what she thought she was better off forgetting; maybe it’s time to confront that pain head on.’

‘I hate this,’ mumbled Henry. ‘We’re making decision about my Mom’s life without including her in them. How can we know what’s best for her, or what she would want? We can’t exactly ask her.’  
Emma stood up and put an arm around Henry who accepted the gesture, not wanting to admit how much he needed the comfort.   
‘You’re right kid, this sucks. And we can’t know what your Mom would want; there’s no point in guessing. We just have to do what we think is best, and hope that she understands. Okay?’  
Henry nodded.   
‘I just want my Mom back,’ he sniffed. ‘I don’t want her to be sad again, I don’t want her to have to remember all of the horrible things that happened. But I also don’t want her to die.’  
‘She wouldn’t want to risk losing you, Henry, and she wouldn’t want you to have to worry constantly about losing her,’ Mary Margaret said wisely. ‘I think she would understand why we had to give her those memories back. And this time, we can help her through it; all of us together.’

Henry was clearly trying to keep everything together, but Emma could feel his resolve crumbling and wrapped her arms around him pulling him in close for a hug.   
‘So, that’s it then,’ Robin swallowed thickly.   
‘The fairy has given me an idea,’ Gold added. ‘I have the elixir with me, but it could be enhanced by a touch of pixie dust. I think a source of hope is exactly what is needed right now.’  
‘I’ll head over to the mother house right away,’ Tink said, rising at once and flexing her wings.   
‘When should we do it?’ asked Mary Margaret.   
‘Once she has recovered from her slumber, then it would be wise to do it as soon as possible,’ Gold reasoned. ‘It might take some…persuading to get her to take it, and we should all be prepared for when she does. The last time I saw Regina she was not in a good way; she’ll be scared and confused.’   
‘We’ll be there,’ Henry said defiantly, wiping his eyes. ‘Whatever it takes.’

Xxx

Regina felt as though she were drowning. She couldn’t breathe. Her chest was tight, painful, and when she opened her mouth to scream no sound came out. Everything around her was black, and yet she was blinded; wherever she was, nothing made sense here. She could hear things, voices and sounds, but even though she knew that she was hearing them her mind couldn’t process what they were. 

She was terrified. That was the only thing she could be certain of. And although she had no idea what she was scared of, that fear was all she knew. It was as though the feeling had seeped into her bones, becoming a part of who she was. The sensation of imminent dread surrounded her, suffocated her; perhaps that was what was drowning her, pulling her down and consuming her with every beat of her heart. Was her heart beating? She couldn’t feel it in her chest, she couldn’t feel anything much. 

There was power where she was, that was something else of which she was sure. It was crackling in the air like electricity, spiking and flaring in a dangerous dance. Whether it was her own or another force she didn’t know. She couldn’t see it, she could only sense it, and when it came too close she felt it burn. 

Henry. Robin. Anyone. She wanted to call their names but her open mouth yielded only silence. Were they here too? Was she dreaming? This was like no dream she had ever had, though her dreams had been such a mystery to her lately that perhaps this was where she went. She hoped that when she woke up she could forget this place, and be with her son and her true love again. 

Wake up, she told herself as though thinking it would make it happen Wake up! She was furious. Fear had always brought out the anger in her, that was how the Evil Queen had been born. She shouted at the top of her silent lungs: wake up, wake up, wake up! She couldn’t bear it any longer, the soul-crushing fear and the blinding darkness and the voices that she couldn’t hear speaking. It felt as close to dying as she had ever been, and she knew that she couldn’t die. She wouldn’t. So, instead, she would have to wake up.

So she did.

Xxx

Gold felt it the moment it happened. His head pricked up, his heart hammering as he felt a shift in the balance of magic in the house. Something wasn’t right. David had been about to hand him a cup of coffee when he noticed the change in his former rival.  
‘What is it?’ he asked.  
‘I…I don’t know,’ he answered, uncertainly. ‘Something changed. Hold on.’  
He vanished, reappearing inside Regina’s room and watching as she began to stir. He could feel magic radiating from her, just as it had that day in his shop when she had thrown him across the room, and he had the same feeling of foreboding now as he had then. Knowing that time was short he transported himself back into the living room before she had a chance to see him, and was confronted with several confused-looking faces.  
‘Regina is waking up,’ he said.   
‘What?’ Robin exclaimed. ‘But you said she would sleep until tomorrow?’  
‘She should have.’  
‘Is that bad, that she woke up?’ asked Henry, worriedly.   
‘It is...unexpected,’ Gold answered, choosing his words carefully. ‘I am going to go and find the fairy and try and get this elixir ready in case it is needed. Someone needs to try and persuade Regina to rest, keep an eye on her until I get back.’  
‘I’ll go,’ said Robin at once.  
‘Me too,’ added Henry. Robin looked at him, ready to say something, but Henry cut in before he had the chance to dismiss him. ‘It might take us both to convince her to rest; she has to listen to one of us.’  
Robin seemed unconvinced, knowing how much Henry had already been through and that Regina wouldn’t want him put at further risk.  
‘I just need to know that she’s okay,’ pleaded Henry. ‘I want to help.’

The outlaw sighed but nodded his agreement.   
‘I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ Gold repeated. ‘Be very careful; her memories and her magic are both very volatile. The best thing you can do is try and get her to go back to sleep.’  
‘Regina had some poppy dust in her vault,’ Emma remembered, ‘could we use that?’  
‘It wouldn’t hurt,’ Gold agreed.  
‘I’ve got my car, I’ll drive over and get some,’ suggested David. ‘Do you remember where it was?’  
‘I think so; it’ll be quicker if I come with you.’  
‘I’ll stay down here in case you need anything,’ added Mary Margaret. ‘I don’t want to crowd her, but you call me if there’s anything I can do.’

In agreement, they went their separate ways. Gold vanished, David and Emma went out the front door and Robin and Henry ran up the stairs. Mary Margaret sat on the bottom step, feeling utterly useless, and wondering whether she had let Regina down one too many times. 

Xxx

Regina opened her eyes very, very slowly. Her entire body ached, and she felt weak; so much so that it took more effort than she would care to admit just to raise her arm to her forehead. Her head was throbbing painfully, and even moving her head on the pillow caused her to wince. She needed painkillers and she needed them now. 

With a great deal of effort, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and forced herself into a sitting position. She groaned, closing her eyes and gripping the sheets. Moving had made her feel increasingly nauseous and she tried to keep her head and neck completely still, breathing slowly. She could feel an odd buzz in the air, something not quite right, but she couldn’t tell where it was coming from. 

She heard the door to her bedroom opening and opened her eyes but when someone turned on the light she flinched and lowered her head, allowing her hair to fall in front of her eyes.   
‘Henry,’ she rasped, sensing his presence in the room.   
‘Mom?’   
Henry sat beside her on the bed.  
‘Are you alright?’  
‘Yes, just…a little…’  
‘Don’t you think you should go back to bed? You don’t look so good,’ he said, not untruthfully. The pallor of her skin was a dangerous grey, and her knuckles where white from how desperately she held onto the side of the bed. She was trying to hide it, but she was trembling.   
‘Regina,’ Robin breathed, coming into the room and kneeling beside her, ‘I’m here. And Henry is right, you should rest.’  
‘I’m…I’ll be fine I…I just need…a moment.’   
‘Is there anything we can do?’ asked Henry. He put a hand on his mother’s back but pulled away when he felt something; not pain but a rush of energy that caught him by surprise and caused his heart to race in the few seconds they were physically connected. Henry looked to Robin, enough for him to say without words that something wasn’t right.  
‘Water,’ Regina whispered, ‘please, and something…something for the headache. There were pills in my…in my bag.’  
‘I’m on it,’ Henry said at once, jumping up and going first into the bathroom to fill a glass with water. He handed it to his mother who accepted gratefully, offering a weak smile, before going to her wardrobe to find her bag. 

Regina drank deeply, the water bringing some relief and starting to settle her stomach. She sighed, and let Robin take the glass from her and put it on the bedside table.   
‘Is it too bright?’  
Regina nodded gently, very carefully moving her head. Robin stood and turned on a lamp before going over and turning off the main light.   
‘That’s better,’ Regina sighed, blinking a few times before opening her eyes fully. Robin came back over and crouched down, so that he was at her eye level. ‘I feel awful.’   
‘You need sleep,’ Robin coaxed, ‘you’ll feel better in the morning.’  
‘I fell asleep in my clothes,’ she realised, looking down at her dress, ‘why did I do that? I don’t remember going to bed.’  
‘We went out to eat and you weren’t feeling well, we came back so you could rest,’ he said vaguely, choosing his words carefully. ‘Do you want more water?’  
‘No, thank you.’ 

Robin could see in Regina’s expression that she was confused, conflicted; her eyes were frightened, and he hated to see her this way.   
‘Hey,’ he whispered, taking one of her hands in both of his. He felt what he imagined Henry had when he had put his hand on his mother, the rush of energy passing into him at their touch was exhilarating and almost overwhelming; but he could see that the contact calmed her, and that was more important. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking.’  
Regina smiled, relaxing a little.   
‘I can’t explain it,’ she began, her voice wavering slightly. ‘It just feels like something is wrong. Not just the headache, that I can deal with. It feels like there’s a fog I can’t get through. Every way I turn I see the same grey nothingness, and I can’t get out of it. I’m lost. I try and think back, even just to what I did last night and I can’t… It’s as though I know something is wrong but I can’t even figure out what it is.’

Regina shook her head, closing her eyes and taking a breath. She hated feeling so out of control.   
‘I’m sorry,’ Robin sighed, stroking his thumb across the back of her hand reassuringly. ‘I know this can’t be easy, and I hate that you’re feeling this way, but I promise you it will be alright.’  
‘You think so?’ Regina asked sceptically.   
‘I do,’ he said sincerely. ‘I just need you to trust me.’   
‘It’ll look better in the morning, right?’  
Robin grinned and nodded. ‘Exactly.’

Henry came back into the main room looking disappointed.  
‘I couldn’t find your bag,’ he explained.  
‘It might be downstairs,’ Regina said, trying to remember where she had put it. ‘You don’t have to-‘  
‘No, it’s fine, I’ll look. Do you want anything else while I’m down there?’ he asked.  
‘I’m fine, thank you sweetheart,’ she smiled. 

Once Henry had left, Regina turned back to Robin.   
‘You know I’m feeling better already,’ she remarked. ‘The water helped, and you of course.’  
Robin could see that she was telling the truth. She had stopped shaking, and though she looked exhausted some of the colour had returned to her cheeks.   
‘But I will take your advice and head to bed.’ Regina took the plunge and gently pushed herself to her feet. Though wobbly at first, she managed to find her footing and didn’t feel as unsteady as she had anticipated.   
‘You okay?’  
‘Fine,’ she said honestly, ‘I’m just tired. Do you mind grabbing me something to wear to bed? I don’t fancy sleeping in this dress again, the belt has probably left a permanent impression.’  
‘Anything,’ Robin promised, kissing her cheek and, once he was sure she wasn’t going to fall, going over to her drawers and searching for her nightclothes.

Regina walked over to her bathroom, rubbing her forehead. She couldn’t deny that she was tired; the fog that she had described to Robin was weighing her down and she couldn’t really think straight. He was probably right that what she needed was rest. 

Although her headache had faded into the background, she knew that she would sleep better with some painkillers. She remembered that she kept some in the cabinet above the sink in her bathroom and walked in, running the water and splashing some on her face to cool her down. She took off her make-up and opened the cupboard, searching for the medication, but her clumsy hands knocked the bottles from the shelf into the sink.   
‘Shit,’ she cursed under her breath, seeing the pills scatter and circle towards the drain. She couldn’t be bothered to try and gather them all up so looked back into the cabinet at what had been behind to see if she had secreted something else in there. Without thinking her hand drifted towards a box which she pulled out. Her heart was thundering inside her chest. Regina could sense a battle being waged within herself as she decided whether or not she should open that box, but her curiosity won. 

The test slipped out into her hand, and the small pink plus was undeniably there. It didn’t make sense, none of it did, yet somehow she knew it was true.  
And then, her entire world fell apart.


	30. Chapter 30

Everything stopped. The air stood still, completely still, without even sound pervading the air. She stopped breathing, stopped thinking; all she could do was stare at the object in her hands. Regina felt as though she were standing at the precipice of a vast and all-consuming darkness with no way to pull back from it.

‘Are they grey ones okay?’ asked Robin, bringing them to her. ‘I can’t find-‘  
He stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, and for a moment he couldn’t work out what it was that he was seeing. When he realised, the pyjamas fell to the floor forming a silky grey pool by his feet.  
‘Regina,’ he said quietly. She didn’t move, giving no signs that she had heard him. ‘Regina?’  
‘I don’t…’ she whispered, her voice hardly audible. ‘I don’t understand.’  
‘Regina, you know when I said I need you to trust me?’ he tried. ‘I really need you to trust me now, okay? Can you do that?’  
‘It’s impossible,’ she breathed.  
‘Regina, look at me. Regina!’ Robin said more forcefully, trying to break her out of the trance she seemed to be stuck in. She jumped a little, and turned her head. Her eyes were glistening like the reflection of stars in clear water. He could see that she was searching for truth; he could see in her expression that her mind was searching for something, an explanation that it couldn’t get its hands around. Robin prayed that she didn’t find it.   
‘It’s going to be alright,’ he assured her gently.  
‘It’s not,’ she answered with a certainty she didn’t understand, shaking her head as a solitary tear fell down her cheek. ‘I don’t know why, but it’s not. Why am I crying?’  
‘Regina, please-‘  
‘I’m not sad,’ she reasoned, trying to make sense of the chaos in her mind. ‘But I am. I am sad. Why am I-‘

A pain ripped through her body like a lightning bolt, causing her to cry out and double over instinctively to protect herself. Her nerves were on fire. Every touch, even the clothes against her skin, was unbearable. She could feel everything with an intensity she had never experienced. All of her senses were alive, and her mind having been lost in the fog was suddenly flooded with information that she couldn’t make sense of.  
‘REGINA!’ Robin screamed moving forwards to help her. He stopped and put his arms up as she backed away slowly until she was pressed against the far wall. ‘I only want to check you’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll stay here if you want me to, just…just talk to me.’  
‘I…I don’t know…you should go, I’m not safe.’ Regina looked down at her hands and she could see the swirls of energy dancing around her fingertips. She could feel its volatility, like a raging storm inside her. ‘You have to get out of here.’  
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he insisted, daring to take another step towards her. Without warning he was thrown back with great force through the open door back into the bedroom where he crumpled to the ground.   
‘Robin?’ called Regina, her voice trembling as she realised what she had done. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she slowly slid to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. That fear, the same feeling she remembered from when she had been asleep, was threatening to crush her. She felt like a little girl again, cowering behind the curtain and waiting for her mother to punish her for breaking a vase or playing in the mud. It was pure, unbridled fear, and it was tearing her apart. 

Worse than the fear were the flashes of memories she didn’t remember experiencing, images that had no place in her mind were forcing their way to the forefront of her consciousness and taking over. It was as though she were watching moments from someone else’s life, but she knew it was her. She could see herself, everything she was doing and what was happening to her, but she felt entirely detached from it. 

Regina tried to push these things away, somehow knowing that she shouldn’t be seeing them, but they were powerful memories. Every time she was bombarded with more information she could feel them more strongly, but as she felt them more deeply the more they seemed to hurt.  
‘NO!’ she cried, her hands curling into fists which she smashed into the floor. As she did so, a wave of energy burst from her as her volatile magic broke free. The bathroom mirror broke, the lights flared and the entire house seemed to rumble. 

Robin got up and went back into the bathroom. He could feel the magic swirling around Regina even if he couldn’t see it, the power she usually kept so well-controlled beginning to spiral.  
‘I’m right here, okay?’ he said gently, crouching down to her level but keeping a safe distance for her safety more than his own. At that moment, Henry and Mary Margaret burst into the bedroom, having felt the surge of energy shake the house.   
‘Mom?’ Henry asked, seeing her from across the room and trying not to panic.  
‘It’s alright,’ Robin said, ‘we’re all okay here. Snow, could you call Gold? We need that elixir now.’  
‘Of course,’ she answered, running back out of the room to find a phone.   
‘Elixir…what is that? What does it mean?’ Regina wavered, looking up at Robin with eyes which begged for answers. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her lower lip trembling. He could see that she was terrified, as could Henry, and neither knew what to do.  
‘Nothing makes sense,’ she moaned, ‘it’s all…I don’t…’

Regina’s mind was racing. She could see herself holding a child, a baby girl, but in the next moment she was in the hospital feeling a deep emptiness that seemed to bear deep into her soul. Everything seemed to come in bursts, out of order and brimming with emotions that didn’t make sense. It was exhausting, out of control, and as she tried to put everything together a sharp pain split her head in two. 

She cried out, closing her eyes and bringing a hand up to her head and grasping a fistful of her hair. Robin tried to reach out to her but he felt Regina’s magic pushing him away and fell backwards.   
‘Mom? Robin, what’s happening?’   
Robin got to his feet and turned back to Henry.  
‘She found the pregnancy test in the cabinet,’ Robin said in a hushed tone. ‘I think…I think she’s remembering.’  
‘No!’ Henry exclaimed, looking over to his mother and feeling his heart racing. ‘No, she can’t! We have to do something.’  
‘If Gold can bring the elixir then maybe we can get her to remember the right way, I don’t know. Her magic is all over the place and it’s hurting her and I don’t know what to do, I can’t get close enough to help her.’

Henry went into the bathroom and knelt beside Regina, trying to remain strong on her behalf.  
‘Mom? Mom, it’s me, it’s Henry,’ he said gently. ‘It’s going to be alright Mom, I promise.’   
‘Henry,’ Regina breathed, his voice cutting through the pain clouding her brain and giving her something to hold onto. She forced her eyes to open and looked up at him, a weak smile flitting across her features at the site of him.   
‘It’s going to be okay, Mom, Mr. Gold is coming. He’ll know what to do.’   
Regina gave a small nod, but as she listened to Henry she could remember another time with him holding her hand, reassuring her, and everything became fuzzy again. Her brow furrowed as she tried to shake it off, trying to ground herself with Henry but feeling herself falling.   
‘Mom?’

Gold materialised in the room beside Robin, having received the message from Snow who came and joined them. He hadn’t needed Snow to explain anything on the phone, he had been able to sense the shift in magic from all of the way across town. Now that he was here, his heart sank; he didn’t need to be connected to Regina’s mind to know that it was in free fall. Her magic was linked to her emotion and it was emanating from her in waves; he could read it like a book, and it told a tragic story. He knew how this was going to end, and hated that he was going to have to be the one to break the news. 

‘Have you got it?’ asked Robin, not able to hide the desperation in his tone.  
‘Yes,’ Gold sighed, pulling the small vial from his jacket, ‘but I don’t think-‘  
Robin took it from him and handed it to Henry.   
‘Robin, if she’s started to remember on her own then I don’t know what-‘  
‘No, this will work,’ Robin insisted. ‘It’ll be fine. It will, Henry?’

Henry reached out and gently touched his mother’s arm, feeling that rush of power when they connected.  
‘Mom? I need you to take this,’ he said, holding the vial out to her. ‘It’ll make you feel better.’  
‘It hurts,’ Regina mumbled, the confusion and the pain swirling around in her mind. She couldn’t think straight, could hardly make sense of her own surroundings let alone her muddled memories.   
‘I know, Mom, I’m sorry. You just have to trust me, okay? You…you took a potion, and it went wrong. This will make it all okay, I promise. Just drink it for me, please?’

Regina saw Henry’s outstretched hand and heard the pleading in her son’s voice, knowing that she had to pull herself together for him. She took the vial and drank it down, feeling a rush in her blood from the moment the liquid touched her lips. Though she could hear Henry and others talking to her she couldn’t hear what they were saying, as her mind went dark. Everything was gone. Her thoughts all left as her and for a moment, there was nothing.

Her mind was entirely clear, and as everything started to come back it all started to align all tinged with an air of overwhelming sadness. Within a few minutes, Regina felt her surroundings coming back to her. The fear that had felt as though it was suffocating her dissipated as it all started to make sense. For the first time in a long while, she understood what was going on and exactly what had to be done.

Regina opened her eyes, letting out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding.   
‘Mom?’   
‘I’m okay,’ she said with as much strength as she could muster, smiling at Henry.   
‘Do…do you…’  
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘I remember. I remember everything. It didn’t make sense before, it was coming in flashes and…and it was all in the wrong order. I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t know what was going on.’  
‘I’m just glad you’re okay,’ Henry beamed, wrapping his arms around his mother. Regina accepted his hug, but over Henry’s shoulder she caught the eye of Mr. Gold. Without the need for words, a message passed between them and they each knew what the other was thinking. In that look, Regina’s own thoughts were confirmed.

She felt a surge of energy and tried to contain it, but knew that Henry had felt it as he suddenly pulled away. He looked at her, confused.  
‘Mom? What was that?’  
‘Nothing,’ she said quickly, ‘it’s just the potion working, I’m –‘  
She couldn’t finish her sentence as another surge overpowered her, pain exploding behind her eyes and even though she wanted to spare Henry she couldn’t hide it from her expression.   
‘Mom? Mom, are you okay?’ Henry turned to the others with wide eyes, searching for answers. ‘What do I do?’  
‘I don’t know,’ said Snow, ‘Mr. Gold?’  
‘I’m sorry, Henry,’ he sighed.  
‘Sorry?’ Henry cried angrily. ‘What are you sorry for? Sorry doesn’t mean anything, sorry doesn’t help my Mom.’

Regina felt her magic thrash out like a whip cracking in her skull and she couldn’t hold back a whimper of pain. Her entire aura was buzzing with it; it felt as though she was on fire. She could control it a bit better now that her mind wasn’t quite so chaotic, but it was only a matter of time. She could feel its power slowly self-imploding, drawing her life-force into its whirl of destruction. Her body was weakening as it consumed the energy she had. It felt like dying. 

Robin had been watching, feeling helpless, and couldn’t bear it anymore. He could see as much in Gold’s eyes as Regina’s that everything was not right and he felt panic bubbling inside of him. He turned to Gold.  
‘Do something,’ he seethed.  
‘There’s nothing I can do,’ Gold said solemnly. ‘I told you that it was too late.’  
‘Too late for what?’ shouted Henry. ‘She took the potion, she remembered – why is this still happening?’  
‘She had already started to remember,’ Gold explained. ‘The spell was just too unstable, and her magic is out of control.’  
‘What does that mean?’ asked Snow. Gold didn’t need to respond; his eyes said it all.   
‘No,’ said Henry, shaking his head, ‘no I don’t accept that. Mom?’

She couldn’t keep control of the magic building up inside of her. Regina tried to warn them but before she could a wave of energy erupted from her hands. Gold, sensing this, acted quickly and put out his hands to contain the outburst. He reflected the energy back to prevent it from reaching Henry, though the surge was enough to cause Regina to slump to the floor as she lost consciousness. 

‘What did you do?’ shouted Robin, grabbing Gold by the shoulders and slammed him back against the wall.  
‘I just saved Henry, and all of us, from a dangerous level of out of control magic. You’re welcome.’  
Henry put his hand on his mother’s shoulder and shook her gently, and was relieved as she started to stir. Regina groaned, but as Henry helped to sit her back up she felt a little more coherent.  
‘I’m okay,’ she mumbled, brushing her hair behind her ears and resting her head back against the wall.   
‘I think we’re a bit past okay by now, don’t you?’ said Henry.  
Regina smiled sadly, unable to hold back the tears brimming in her eyes.  
‘I’m so sorry, Henry.’  
‘What do you mean, you’re sorry?’ he asked. ‘You haven’t got anything to be sorry for.’   
‘Oh, I have plenty,’ Regina lamented. ‘I’m sorry that I put you through all of this, that I leaned so heavily on you and didn’t open up to you when I should have. I’m sorry that I took that stupid potion and caused all of this. I was scared, I can admit that now. I was terrified and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t cope, so I tried to get it all to stop… I wasn’t thinking about you, Henry, or anyone else and that was selfish of me.’  
‘No, Mom, it’s okay I understand,’ Henry assured her. ‘You did what you needed to do. I could see how much pain you were in. It’s all going to be okay now.’

Regina let out a deep breath, a solitary tear falling down her cheek.  
‘I should have been stronger for you,’ she agonised, ‘and I’m sorry that I haven’t been. I wish I could make things right but I can’t. I thought that I couldn’t live in that much pain, and I didn’t want to. The only way I could carry on was to block it out, to forget everything…to forget about Rose. I know now that was wrong. But I have to pay the price for that mistake.’  
‘No,’ Henry protested, tears forming in his eyes, ‘no, you don’t. We can find a way, we can stop it we always find a way.’   
Regina cupped Henry’s face in her hands and brushed away his tears with her thumbs. She smiled, feeling a sense of enormous pride in her son.   
‘I love you,’ she stammered, her voice cracking with emotion.   
‘I love you too,’ Henry wept, ‘but don’t say it like that, like it’s goodbye.’  
Regina kissed Henry on the forehead, tears spilling down both of their cheeks.   
‘I am so proud of you. So proud. And I will always love you, no matter what happens. But it’s not safe for you here.’  
‘I’m not leaving you Mom,’ Henry said defiantly.   
‘You have to,’ Regina insisted. ‘I can’t control my magic for much longer, and I won’t allow you to get hurt.’  
‘But I can help,’ tried Henry desperately, ‘please, Mom, there has to be something I can do.’

Regina could feel the magic rising within her again and looked over at Gold, who nodded.   
‘You have to go,’ she said with what little strength she had left, ‘I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. You have to be safe.’  
‘No, Mom-‘   
‘Snow, will you take care of him for me?’ she called over his shoulder as Gold pulled him away from his mother.  
‘Of course,’ she promised.  
‘Mom! Mom no, I’m not-‘  
‘I love you, Henry,’ Regina whispered, as Gold took hold of Henry and Snow and disappeared. 

Xxx

Henry pulled away from Gold as soon as his feet were back on solid ground and swung around, trying to establish where they were. He immediately recognised his mother’s vault, all the way across town, and turned angrily back to this grandfather.  
‘Take me back,’ he snapped, wiping the tears from his eyes only to find them stubbornly replaced with new ones.  
‘I can’t do that, Henry, I’m sorry,’ Gold answered.  
‘Take me BACK!’  
‘Regina wanted you to be safe,’ Mary Margaret intervened, coming closer to try and comfort Henry but feeling the sting of rejection as he pulled away. Her heart melted as she saw the pain in his eyes, and it mixed so tragically well with her own emotions that it was all she could do to keep herself together for his sake.   
‘We can’t just leave her,’ Henry insisted, ‘so take me back. I mean it. I’ll make a deal, whatever it takes-‘  
‘Henry, if I thought that it would make a difference I would take you,’ Gold explained candidly. ‘I already have a deal, one I made with your mother a long time ago just before the curse broke. I swore to her that no matter what I did, or what happened between us, that I would never let you be put in harm’s way. My part of the deal was to protect you if and when she could not, if magic ever threatened your life.’  
‘And what did she have to pay for your loyalty to me?’ asked Henry.  
‘She offered me anything and everything,’ Gold remembered with a smile. ‘But in the end I took one of her tears. She knew I could use it against her, if I needed to, but she didn’t care. The moment I found out that you were my grandson, I got rid of it. I don’t need that deal to want to protect you, Henry, but its foundations still mean a lot to me. I can’t take you back to the house knowing it will put you in danger.’

Henry felt some of his anger begin to fade at his grandfather’s honest words, but in the wake of anger came the crushing sadness he didn’t think he was ready to deal with.  
‘I…I can’t just leave her to…’ he couldn’t say the words, and brought a hand up to his face as his tears flowed freely. He accepted Mary Margaret’s embrace when she came to him again, needing the comfort.   
‘Your mother is the strongest woman I have ever known,’ Mary Margaret said honestly as she stroked his hair and held him tightly.   
‘I don’t want her to be alone,’ Henry cried, burying his face into her shoulder.  
‘She won’t be,’ his grandmother reminded him, ‘Robin is still there, and I bet he’s putting up the same fight that you did to make sure he’s by her side.’ 

Xxx

Robin hesitated for a moment after Henry, Gold and Mary Margaret disappeared. He didn’t know what to do. The entire thing felt like a nightmare playing out before his eyes, and it wasn’t until he was left alone with Regina that it all started to sink in. Regina had said goodbye to her son, a last goodbye, because she thought she was going to die and he was left with no idea how to stop that from happening. He didn’t know if even could. He had no magic, no answers, and no time. He had failed.  
‘Robin?’  
Her pained voice brought him back to reality, and Robin went immediately to sit by her side and took her cold hands in his own. She looked exhausted, as though her head were too heavy to hold up and her breathing was feeble and shallow.   
‘It’s okay, I’m here,’ he said soothingly.   
‘You have to go,’ Regina told him, ‘you’re in danger too. I can’t control this for much longer.’  
Robin brought their joined hands up to his lips and kissed hers gently.   
‘There’s nothing you can say that’s going to convince me to leave,’ he smiled sadly. ‘I’m staying here, with you, no matter what happens. I let you go once before and I’m not going to make that mistake again.’

Regina let out a sigh of exasperation, shaking her head.   
‘I can’t let you do this,’ she breathed.  
‘And I can’t leave you,’ Robin countered, ‘so I guess we’re at a stalemate.’   
Regina couldn’t argue anymore. Her head was pounding, and her body was weak as she tried to contain the raging magic within. Robin’s smile faded. He could feel the energy pulsing through their joined hands, and he could also sense the pain she was trying to hide.   
‘I’m so sorry, Regina,’ he confessed. ‘I tried to do the right thing and stop this from happening, but I failed you.’  
‘No, you didn’t. This is my fault. I should never have run away from everything, I just…I couldn’t face it,’ Regina explained, her eyes brimming with tears. It was finally time to let everything go, and be honest while she still could. ‘Dr Whale told me that because of what happened, I can’t have another child.’

Robin didn’t know what to say; there was nothing he could, not that wasn’t already passing between them as he looked deeply into her pained and soulful eyes. He squeezed her hand, hoping that said everything that he knew words wouldn’t portray.   
‘I was already struggling,’ Regina admitted, ‘and I couldn’t ask for help. Part of me just didn’t want to live, but I knew that it would only hurt Henry more if I died and I wasn’t willing to do that. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and finding that out…it felt like I had lost her all over again, and lost any future where I could be happy. I know now that isn’t true. I’ve seen happiness with you, even when I didn’t know who you were. Oh God I’m so sorry for that, I never meant-‘  
‘I know you didn’t,’ Robin assured her. ‘It wasn’t your fault, none of this was. I only wish I could have helped you before it came to this.’  
Regina shook her head, her expression one of resignation.  
‘No-one could have helped me. I was lost, entirely lost, and I felt it so deeply that it took over. I wish that I had the time now to make it all okay again, to have the life we almost began these past few weeks, but that is the price I have to pay.’ 

‘It can’t end like this,’ Robin cursed, ‘not now I’ve finally got you back. We could be so happy, Regina.’  
‘We were,’ she agreed. ‘Even after I almost messed things up, these past few weeks have been the happiest of my life; you gave that to me, and I am so grateful. But you will be happy again. You can’t leave Roland and everyone else behind because of my mistake. You have to go.’

Robin silenced her with a kiss, and if it was going to be their last he was going to make it a good one. As his lips met hers it felt like fireworks, and he poured every conflicted emotion he had ever felt into their kiss. It was more than just to people coming together, it was an expression of their love and longing and everything that should have been able to overcome the adversities that had stood in their path. It was true love, it was complete and total commitment, and emotion in its purest form. It was powerful. 

And as their lips danced together, Robin could feel more than just Regina’s power coursing through his own veins. He could see flashes of what she must have seen, feel emotions that weren’t his own, and although they frightened him at first he did not back away. Her pain was what staggered him most, and as he started to feel it pulsing in his own skull the connection was suddenly broken when she pulled away.

‘No,’ she breathed, her eyes wide with panic, ‘no this is why you have to go. I don’t have much time, I can’t stop it.’  
‘Regina-‘  
She put up her hands and tried to push him away with magic but let out a cry as it backfired, causing her to recoil as pain shot up her arms and the lights above them shattered showering them with glass.   
‘I can’t control it,’ she cried, as the glass in the shower cracked and the windows began to rattle. ‘I’m not strong enough, I’m sorry.’

Robin took her hand, at once feeling the rush that passed between them and it gave him an idea.  
‘Maybe you don’t have to be.’  
‘What?’   
‘What is it, exactly, that’s hurting you? Your magic?’  
Regina took a deep breath, closing her eyes as the overwhelming fatigue threatened to pull her down. Her body slumped for a second before Robin put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her back. The window blew outwards as her magic reached out to whatever it could find.  
‘Regina,’ Robin said, a little more forcefully. ‘What is it?’  
‘The magic of the spell,’ she explained wearily, ‘is provoking my own magic and I’ve lost control of it. It’s…it’s trying to tear me apart, to release itself from me, and it’s using all of the energy I have to keep it from doing that. But I don’t have much energy left.’  
‘When I take your hand, I can feel it.’  
‘Yes,’ she breathed, fighting to stay awake. ‘You’re not magical, but we have a connection, a deep connection, and it will use that to hurt you.’  
‘But if it hurts me, then it can’t hurt you.’

Regina suddenly felt more awake then she ever had before, and her eyes sought confirmation of her fears in his own deep determined gaze.  
‘No,’ she shook her head, ‘we don’t know that.’  
‘Why not?’ he reasoned. ‘If you channel some of that magic into me then maybe, together, we can overcome it.’  
‘Or we both die,’ Regina suggested, ‘which is the far more likely option.’  
‘Maybe,’ he agreed, ‘but maybe this is the only chance we have.’  
‘Your best chance is to get out of here,’ Regina reminded him. ‘I won’t risk your life for mine, that is selfish.’  
‘That’s not your decision to make, it’s mine,’ Robin asserted. He cupped her cheek in his hand and gently brushed away her tears. ‘We have something more powerful than true love, and we are finally together. That has to count for something. Love is the most powerful magic, you’ve said it yourself – it breaks any curse.’  
‘This isn’t a curse,’ she reminded him, and Robin couldn’t help but smile.   
‘When has life ever made it easy for us?’  
Robin could feel how weak she was. Somehow as the aura of magic around her grew stronger he could sense through their joined hands how her own light became weaker. He knew this was now or never, and if it didn’t work then at least he could say that he tried. 

‘This magic, it’s linked to your memories, right?’  
Regina nodded in confused agreement.  
‘So just share them with me, that’s all. Show me everything.’   
‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ she breathed.   
‘I want you to,’ said Robin at once. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ears and gently kissed her lips, taking her hands and resting his forehead against hers. ‘I love you, Regina. Let me in.’

Regina let out a slow breath, and clasped Robin’s hands tightly. She wasn’t strong enough to resist anymore. Closing her eyes and leaning into their connection, she truly let him into her heart.

‘Marian? I thought you were dead! I thought I’d never see you again!’  
It began there, with that fateful night of Marian’s return. The pain of watching Robin and Roland reunite with their long lost wife and mother right before Regina’s eyes was raw, fresh after the happiness of the night they had spent together.   
‘Mom? Are you okay?’  
Regina felt it all as if she were experiencing it for the first time. The joy of the child growing inside together was coloured with the pain of having her hopes of a family ripped away, the loneliness that echoed in the empty house when no-one came to find her only serving to deepen her feeling of loss. Robin watched every scene unfold with regret like he had never known. He knew now why Henry had been so mad at him, and he realised that no apology was ever going to be enough for what Regina had gone through as she battled her demons while pushing everyone else away; all because he hadn’t been able to admit how he felt and do what was right.

They watched everything from the past few months unfold in what could have been minutes or hours, every second replayed before them with unfiltered honesty and emotion.   
‘Rose…’ she repeated slowly, enjoying the way it sounded. ‘I like it.’  
Henrys face broke into a winning smile.  
‘Really?’   
Amongst the darkness, there were spots of light – moments with Henry, discussing the future as in naivety of what was to come. That only made it harder to watch when the inevitable came.  
‘I…I can’t…’ mumbled Regina, her thoughts becoming more difficult to put together as confusion took hold.  
‘What?’  
‘I came so close,’ she rambled, more to herself than Mary Margaret.   
‘Close? Close to what?’  
‘Happiness..’  
The blood, Henry’s screams and Mary Margaret pleading for her to stay awake; each memory felt worse than the last. Robin thought that nothing could feel as bad as Regina waking up to realise what had happened, having her hopes ripped away just as she was starting to dream again, but when he saw the dreams that had haunted her he knew that things had been much worse than he ever could have imagined.

‘She’s perfect,’ whispered Regina, tears pooling in her eyes. She reached out and stroked her daughter’s cheek gently, smiling as the baby leaned into her touch.  
‘She’s not the only one.’

It was like a mockery, being forced to watch everything that could have been and yet never would have; their family, paraded before her so soon after everything they had lost. And then, the final blow. 

Doctor Whale sat beside her, where Gold had been sitting a moment earlier, and she felt as if she had been paralysed. Somehow, Regina knew that what he was about to say was going to break her. She wasn’t wrong.  
‘Regina, I’ve got the results of your latest tests,’ Whale sighed sombrely.   
‘I take it from your tone that it isn’t good news,’ said Regina, her sarcasm only thinly veiling the panic rising within. Her heart was racing so fast that she could hardly hear his words as he spoke.  
‘When we had to operate, it was an emergency; a lot of damage had been done, and you lost a lot of blood.’  
‘I remember,’ snapped Regina, ‘cut to the point.’  
‘There’s an extensive amount of scar tissue still remaining, and the area hasn’t healed quite as well as we would have liked.’  
‘So?’ she asked, trying as hard as she could to sound disinterested while her heart hammered on.  
‘I’m afraid that some of the extensive damage is going to be permanent,’ he explained. ‘That means that you won’t be able to conceive again in the future.’  
She didn’t say anything. Her walls weren’t strong enough to hide how her entire world had suddenly fallen apart. It wasn’t that she knew that she wanted another child, she hadn’t even thought about it, but being told that she was never going to have the option… It felt as though all of the darkness she had tried so hard to repress over the years had come up to swallow her. She felt powerless, vulnerable, and from that vulnerability came the familiar anger of her former self.   
‘Get out,’ she whispered.  
‘Regina, I think you might need to talk to someone about this. I know it’s difficult news-‘  
‘GET OUT!’ she screamed, hot angry tears spilling down her cheeks. Whale looked at her, stunned for a moment, and couldn’t move fast enough. Regina stood, knowing that she needed to get away and when he tried to reach out to stop her the call of her magic came easily. Whale was thrown to the ground, and the surge of energy swirled like a tornado encircling her and pushing anyone and everything out of her way. She disappeared in a puff of smoke wanting to get away, get anywhere but here. 

As the tension in the memories began to rise, Robin could feel the heat of magic at their source. Somewhere, in between the haze of what had been, he could sense her presence alongside him though it was weaker than his own. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t communicate with her in her own mind, but he tried to let her know how sorry he was and how much he loved her. As they watched Regina take the potion and fall, the magic intensified and everything went black until it was all that remained crackling like a dangerous fire ready to explode. Robin tried to reach out to it, stretching his mind to try and shield her from it but as it flared he didn’t know what to do. He felt Regina’s presence fade, and before he dared to guess what this could mean the darkness suddenly become blindingly bright and then, he knew nothing.


	31. Chapter 31

Robin opened his eyes and found himself on the floor, across the room from where he had been. His muscles ached, and he felt weak and reaching up he felt a lump on the back of his head where he had collided with the wall. Broken glass covered the floor around him, though he could only see a few inches in any direction as his vision was blurred. Regina. Thinking of her forced his battered body into action. Not caring about the glass, he placed his hands firmly on the floor and pushed himself into a sitting position.  
‘Regina?’ he called, to no response. He blinked to try and clear his foggy eyesight, trying to remember everything he could about what had happened. He knew that something was different without being able to see. There was a stillness in the air where before there had been a sense of chaos, and everything felt calmer somehow, yet sombre. That thought turned his stomach and he reached a hand up to rub his eyes and force them to clear.

As the world around him shifted back into focus, he saw Regina across the room, lying as she was on the floor. He tried to stand, but wasn’t strong enough to get to his feet and instead crawled the distance separating them to be by her side.   
‘Regina?’  
She had a nasty cut to her forehead and a single droplet of blood framed her pale face as it trailed down her cheek. He took her hand and found it cold.  
‘Oh no,’ he said, ‘no you don’t. You don’t get to do this to me, not now.’  
He felt for a pulse with one hand and wiped the insistent tears from his eyes with the back of the other.  
‘No, Regina, I told you,’ he rambled, moving his fingers around her wrist in desperation, ‘I said I wasn’t going to let you die.’  
He reached down and kissed her forehead tenderly, feeling whatever hope he had tried to maintain crumbling to nothing as he wept.

‘She’s not dead.’  
Robin’s head whipped around as fast as he was able, and though it made him dizzy he felt some semblance of relief when he saw Gold coming towards them.  
‘She…she’s not?’  
‘Your plan, however ridiculous, may just have worked,’ Gold explained, kneeling beside Regina and putting a hand on her head. He reached into her chest and pulled out her heart, a dappled picture of black and red, and though it was feeble it still emanated a subtle glow.  
‘She’s alive!’ Robin laughed, hysteria overtaking him.  
‘Just,’ Gold added. He held the heart and waved his other hand over it, trying to ignite the glow to fill her heart as it should do and frowning when it didn’t do much. ‘Hold this.’  
Robin took Regina’s heart in his hands as though it were the most delicate object in existence. Within a few seconds, he felt it begin to beat, slowly but surely, and he could have sworn it was glowing a little brighter.  
‘What-‘  
‘I don’t have time to explain,’ Gold cut him off. ‘Keep a very gentle hold of that, and I’ll see what I can do.’

He lifted Regina into his arms, carrying her limp body into the bedroom and lying her down on the bed. Robin followed slowly, desperate to be by her side but feeling the weight of exhaustion bringing him down and not wanting to risk her precious heart.   
‘Sit,’ Gold ordered, pointing Robin to the chair next to the bed, ‘you’re still weak.’  
Robin did as he was told and slumped into the chair, watching intently as Gold stood with his hands over Regina. There was a tense and loaded silence between them for a while as he worked, and Robin hardly felt able to breathe.  
‘Henry,’ he said after a while, ‘he doesn’t know.’  
‘He’s at the vault,’ Gold explained. ‘I can go and get him once Regina is stable. Give me her heart.’  
Robin handed the heart back to him and watched with baited breath as he plunged it back into her chest. He half expected her to gasp back into life in front of him, as he had seen done before, and felt disappointed when nothing obvious happened.   
‘Is she-‘  
‘She’s weak, and her power has been massively depleted as well as her strength. Her heart is struggling to keep itself going, but she is alive and for now that’s a miracle in itself. We just have to see if she has the will to fight and carry on. She’ll sleep, probably for a few days, and if her heart is strong enough she’ll pull through.’

Robin nodded, clasping his hands together and resting his chin on top of them.  
‘Thank you,’ he said sincerely. ‘I’m sorry if I ever doubted your intentions.’  
‘You have every right to, I’m not known to be a trustworthy person. But I bear Regina no ill will, not at this time, and I will do whatever I can to help.’  
Gold looked at his watch and turned to Robin.  
‘Henry should know,’ he said, ‘but it might be better coming from you. I need to stay close for now, in case anything happens, and Henry could use some time to process this. Shall I send you over?’  
‘Yes,’ Robin responded at once, ‘yes, I can do that.’  
He got unsteadily to his feet and took Regina’s hand, kissing it lightly. Though still pale, it held a warmth that it had not before and he couldn’t help but take that as a good sign and smiled.  
‘I’ll be back,’ he promised, before placing her hand back down and disappearing as Gold transported him across town.

Xxx

Mary Margaret held Henry as his crying slowed to sniffles, resting her chin on top of his head and rocking him slowly back and forth allowing her own tears to cascade down her cheeks. She didn’t want to think about what had or hadn’t been happening in the house, she couldn’t bear to. She hated to have had to leave, but at the same time she knew that Regina above all wanted to keep Henry safe and that she needed to be here for him. 

It had been her idea to send Gold back to check on her; Henry kept insisting on going back himself and that had been the only idea that had placated him. Mary Margaret had expected him to come back at once with news, but as the minutes ticked by at a glacial pace it only deepened her anxiety and she felt the same in Henry’s tense muscles. 

When Robin materialised before them, they both jumped. He looked like hell, thought Mary Margaret, and the transport seemed to have dazed him. Before he could speak he stumbled, looking unsteady on his feet, and Snow leapt up to take his arm and prevent him from falling.  
‘I’m alright,’ he insisted, though gratefully accepted a chair Henry pulled over for him. Mary Margaret noticed the broken glass and dust on his jacket, and almost couldn’t wait for him to recover himself before asking.  
‘What happened?’  
‘She’s alive,’ Robin breathed, looking straight at Henry and smiling reassuringly to let him know that it was true.   
‘She is!’ Henry exclaimed. ‘What happened? Is she alright? Are you?’  
‘I’m fine, I just had the wind knocked out of me a bit,’ said Robin. ‘We both got hit pretty hard by your mother’s magic, and it’s a long story, but I tried to take some of the brunt of it so it wouldn’t overwhelm her. I don’t know exactly what happened, but when I woke up Gold was there and he helped.’  
‘Henry sent him over,’ Mary Margaret piped up, putting a hand on Henry’s shoulder and beaming.  
‘You saved her life, Henry,’ Robin told him, smiling as he saw a hint of pride in Henry’s worried eyes. ‘Whatever happened when her magic discharged was intense; it knocked both of us out, but she was already weak and Gold being there once it was over meant he could help her in ways I couldn’t. He said her heart was struggling because she’s lost a lot of her strength, but he did something and she’s stable now.’  
‘Wait, her heart?’ Henry repeated. ‘Is it serious?’  
Robin’s smile faded slightly, and as Henry noticed he felt his heart pummelling faster.  
‘Your Mom is still very frail,’ Robin answered seriously, ‘but honestly, I thought…I thought we’d lost her when I woke up and found her. Gold said he’s doing everything he can, and that if she hangs on then she just needs to rest for a few days and get some strength back and she’ll pull through.’

Henry wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or concerned. Mary Margaret could feel the conflict in him and put her hands gently on his shoulders.  
‘You know what I said, about your Mom,’ she reminded him, ‘I meant it. Henry, she’s alive, and we both know that she thought she wouldn’t be. That means that she’s been fighting this, and if she’s come through the other side then she’s still fighting.’  
Henry nodded slowly, but she could see he was still unconvinced.  
‘Why don’t I call Emma and David, and they can take us there and you can see her?’ Mary Margaret suggested. She looked over at Robin. ‘I don’t think you’re in any fit state to walk across town.’  
‘I’ll be fine,’ Robin insisted, knowing that if nothing else pure adrenaline would get him back to Regina. 

Xxx

Henry ran through the front doors and up the stairs as fast as his legs would carry him. When he reached the door to his mother’s bedroom he paused for a second, breathing heavily. As much as he wanted to see her, he was afraid of what he would find when he opened the door. As he put his hand on the brass doorknob he said a silent prayer, and slowly pushed it open. 

Gold was sitting in the chair beside Regina’s bedside. He had covered her with a blanket to keep her warm, and as Henry came in it looked almost as though she were sleeping.   
‘H-how is she?’ he asked, needing to know and yet worried about what the answer could hold.  
‘Better,’ Gold smiled, feeling the weight of the relief in Henry’s sigh as he heard the word.  
‘Really?’ Henry pressed. ‘Robin said her heart-‘  
‘Is weak, yes,’ Gold confirmed, ‘but it’s getting stronger. She’s been through a lot, and it will take a few days, but I think she’ll pull through just fine.’ 

He was surprised when Henry came up and hugged him, thanking him profusely, and put his arm around him comfortingly.   
‘Your mother never fails to surprise me,’ Gold grinned, as Henry perched on the side of the bed and held his mother’s hand. ‘I feel better now for all of the times I tried to defeat her in the past; she has shown me more than once that she can get through anything she puts her mind to.’

Robin and the others came up and joined them, and he recognised as soon as he saw Henry’s smile that it was good news. Somehow, he knew the worst was over.

Xxx

It was forty-eight hours later before Regina finally stirred. Henry was sitting by her side, as he had been for most of the time, when he felt her hand twitch in his own.   
‘Mom?’  
Her brow furrowed, and Henry worried as she let out a small groan that she was in pain. He wanted to call for Mr. Gold, who had put a protection spell over the house that allowed him to hear if anyone called his name, but before he could his grandfather appeared on the other side of his bed.   
‘Is she okay?’   
‘She, is fine,’ Regina croaked, her voice scratchy from misuse. Her eyes opened and went straight to Henry, smiling when she caught his eye. Henry couldn’t prevent himself from throwing his arms around her, and felt a warmth within his chest as he felt hers wrap around him and squeeze him gently. He remembered her expression from earlier and pulled back, worried he was hurting her.  
‘How do you feel?’  
‘Tired,’ she admitted, ‘but okay.’  
He raised an eyebrow to show his disbelief and she smiled, reaching up to kiss his forehead. 

‘Don’t do that to me again, Mom,’ he said, trying to smile though they both know he was at least half serious.  
‘I promise,’ she whispered. She lifted up her arm and he lay down beside her, draping an arm across her torso as she held him close. Gold looked at them both and decided to leave them in peace. He knew that being close to those she loved was as good as any magic he could provide, and he could already feel her growing in strength as time passed. He had been right in what he had said to Henry; she never failed to surprise him.

‘If you need anything, just say my name,’ he offered, preparing to depart. Robin came into the doorway, having heard the commotion from the next room, and Regina looked over and smiled when she saw him standing there.   
‘I think I have everything I need.’


	32. Epilogue

‘Mom? Are you sitting down? You know what Mr. Gold said.’  
Regina rolled her eyes as Henry called out to her from inside the house.  
‘Would you believe me if I said yes?’  
‘No,’ he responded. ‘I’ll be right out.’

Regina smiled. She had never been a very good patient, but Henry seemed to be in his element and after fighting for so long she was happy to let him fuss over her. It made her feel wanted. She brushed the soil from her hands and stood back, admiring her handiwork. Looking over her shoulder to check that Henry wasn’t coming, she took a deep breath and steadied herself. She held her hands out over the bush she had planted and closed her eyes. 

She had only tried a few simple spells before now, nothing this complex, but now that it was in the ground she wanted it finished and she knew that she was capable. When she opened her eyes Regina saw the flowers blooming and growing before her and she smiled, feeling a contentment that had been lost to her for so long.

‘Mom? What are you doing?’  
Regina retracted her hands quickly and turned to her son, who had come out carrying a tray of lemonade that he put on the table.  
‘Nothing,’ she said innocently. Henry looked over at the bush which was considerably larger and more flowery than when he had seen it minutes earlier and crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.   
‘I just wanted it to look nice,’ she confessed. ‘I’m fine.’  
‘You’re not supposed to use magic for at least another week,’ Henry reminded her. ‘And you’re supposed to be taking it easy.’

‘I know,’ she sighed, ‘but look.’  
She stood behind her son and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on top of his head as they both look on at what she had planted.   
‘It’s beautiful, Mom,’ said Henry, ‘really.’   
The rose bush was blooming, the dew on the petals glistening in the sunlight. A symbol of life, of beauty, of new hope in the wake of darkness.   
‘They’re enchanted, so they’ll never stop blooming,’ Regina explained, feeling tears stinging in her eyes. But they weren’t tears of sadness, not any more. 

‘Even though I agree with Henry, and suggest that you take a seat,’ Robin interjected as he came out into the garden, ‘I have to admit it’s really beautiful.’   
He put a hand on Regina’s back and she turned her head to kiss him.   
‘Are you sure you feel okay?’ he asked.  
‘Yes, yes I’m fine,’ she insisted. She heard the doorbell ringing in the distance. ‘That’ll be the Charmings.’  
‘I’ll get it!’ Henry called, breaking free from his mother and heading back inside the house. 

Robin took Regina’s hands and kissed her again. He could tell that she was struggling with her feelings, and understood why. It had only been two weeks since she had woken up, and everything that had happened was still fresh. They had talked, and though there was still a lot more to talk about Robin knew that she was trying her best to open up to him even though it went against everything she knew. Planting the bush had been her idea, and he supported her fully, but he had worried that it was too soon.   
‘Are you alright?’ he asked, not trying to hide his concern.  
‘Yes,’ Regina answered honestly, ‘I am, I really am. Thank you for asking.’  
‘Okay,’ Robin said, trusting her to know when she needed his help. He was so proud of how far they had come, how far she had come, and even though he knew it would be difficult somehow he knew they were going to get through it. 

‘I love you, Regina.’  
Regina smiled, swaying their joined hands between them.  
‘I love you too.’  
‘I never want to be apart from you again,’ he whispered.   
‘Neither do I,’ Regina agreed.  
‘So let’s not be.’

Regina’s brow crinkled in puzzlement.   
‘What are you saying?’  
‘What do you think I’m saying?’  
She felt her chest tighten, her heart beginning to race. Part of her brain refused to even acknowledge what he had said, and what it could possibly mean, but her eyes began to fill regardless. She shook her head.  
‘You don’t mean-‘  
‘Yes, I do,’ he assured her. ‘I know the last few months have been…well not easy, to put it mildly. And I know it’s probably too soon. I debated whether I should wait, I thought about it long and hard, but in the end I said screw it.’  
He pulled reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a square diamond on a band of rose gold, and Regina’s free hand shot up to cover her mouth as her tears spilled freely.  
‘I don’t want to wait until something else tries to get in our way,’ he explained. ‘Whatever else comes along, I want to face it side by side. And I know I don’t deserve you, I know that, but I want to spend every minute of every day trying to be worthy of you. Because I love you, Regina. So much. And I want to make you happy.’  
‘You do,’ Regina breathed, ‘you do make me happy.’  
Robin smiled, blinking away his own tears as he tried to keep his composure.  
‘So, how about it your majesty? Will you marry me?’  
‘Of course,’ Regina said. She let Robin place the ring on her finger before kissing him deeply as their tears mixed and fell together into the grass. 

‘Did she say yes?’   
Regina broke their kiss and looked to the open doorway, where Henry was watching with eager anticipation.  
‘I did,’ she beamed, and he ran up to hug her close. ‘You knew?’  
‘I had to ask his permission,’ Robin grinned, wiping his eyes.   
‘GINA!’   
Roland came running out with arms outstretched, and Henry stepped aside to allow his mother to pick him up and swing him round before sitting him comfortably on her hip.  
‘How’s my little man?’  
‘Great!’ he giggled. ‘Did you make the cakes this time?’  
‘I did,’ she grinned, ‘do you want to see?’  
He nodded profusely, and she carried him over to the table where the picnic buffet had been set up. With a wave of her hand the fairy cakes began to fly, and Roland gasped in wonderment as he watched them dance around the treetops. 

‘Did we miss anything?’ asked Emma, as she and her parents came out into the garden.   
‘Oh, not much,’ Regina laughed.   
‘Has he done it yet?’ asked Tinker Bell as resisted the urge to push past Emma. ‘Can I see the ring?’  
Mary Margaret gasped and her face lit up.  
‘You’re engaged!’  
‘We are,’ Regina beamed, showing off the newly glistening rock on her finger. She put Roland down and let him chase after the cakes that were now touring the garden, smiling as she watched them.   
‘I’m so happy for you,’ Emma smiled.  
‘Thank you, Miss Swan,’ Regina grinned. ‘Now who wants lemonade? It’s the nicest day we’ve had all year.’

Xxx

Regina went back into the house once the party died down to fetch a bottle of wine and Robin followed her, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her hips.  
‘Are you happy?’ he asked as he kissed the top of her head.   
‘More than I ever thought I could be,’ she answered, turning around and putting her arms around his neck. They swayed for a moment, to a tune only the two of them could hear.   
‘What are you thinking?’ asked Robin, trying to read the complex expression on her face.   
‘You broke the curse,’ she said thoughtfully.  
‘And what curse is that?’

Regina smiled and kissed him as they swayed together.   
‘My curse,’ she whispered, resting her forehead against his. She didn’t need to say anymore; he knew exactly what she meant. She was finally ready to allow herself to be happy, to put her own demons to rest. She was ready to love and be loved in return. And they were going to be happy, together. No matter what the future held.


End file.
